Just because.

Via Yahoo.

I didn't get around to watching this week's House until this morning (the DVR had the black screen of death, thus necessitating that I head to BitTorrent), but let me just say this: OH MY F*CKING GOD.

I thought last week's Gossip Girl twist was great. This episode had my jaw full-on dropped for like two minutes. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. And I couldn't believe how emotional I was getting. Far and away, this goes down as one of the best episodes ever. The structure of the story alone was better than most Hollywood movies, but then add great acting, great dialogue, and great direction, and you have an episode that deserves some serious, serious Emmy consideration. Wow. Just wow. I'm only sad that I got around to watching it now.

Did anyone else see this? Was I the only who was blown away?

Raise your hand if you were a little underwhelmed by last night's penultimate performance show of American Idol. Yeah, me too. If anything, this final trio of singers underscored what we've feared for some weeks now: this season's crop, while overall more talented than last year's bunch, has absolutely no personality whatsoever. Syesha has tried her darndest to inject some life into the proceedings, and I'm sure if you ask her, she'd be shocked to learn she's anything less than magnetic, but no matter how many times she tells herself in the mirror "I'm a STAR!" even she can't spice up this increasingly bland go-around.

Maybe Fox has given up on these kids. That would explain why the producers didn't even bother showing more than three or four seconds of each Idol's homecoming (either that or they're saving the bits for tonight's results show). From what we could tell, David Archuleta had a swell time meeting the Salt Lake City mayor and carnie-esque mustache (seriously? You're an elected official? Are you trying to make SLC look even crazier?). David Cook meanwhile spent his time hangin' with the anchors of his local Fox affiliate. Amusingly, during their broadcast he got a text from Simon regarding the song he'd be singing. I personally loved how after Cook announced it, the female anchor just sat back and said, "REALLY." For a moment I thought she'd cross her arms and snap, "We'll see about THAT, Cowell." Of course, had it been Sue Simmons, she'd probably just have grabbed David's cell phone, thrown it off the stage, and yelled "What the FUCK are you doing?"

Then there was poor Syesha, who, as far as we could tell, spent all her time trapped in a limo. That's where she was when Randy's song selection came through. That's right: David Archuleta was at a pep rally in front of thousands of people, David Cook was broadcasting to millions, and Syesha... was alone in a dark car. Perhaps the producers were sending her a message.

Of course, while last night's episode may have been on the forgettable side, it still might have all been worth it to watch David Archuleta try (and fail) to harness Chris Brown's urban soul with the vanilla-tastic rendition of "With You." That's what Idol is all about: amazing flame-outs. Too bad it won't eject him from the comp...

"I should have made scallops..."

Ladies and gentlemen, The Hills season three has come to an end. For reals this time. No more of this "continuation" crap. Yes, it is done and over, and now we have to wait three long months for August when season four pops up on MTV. Judging by the sneak preview, it looks like we'll be in store for a lot of drama — at least more than what we got on last night's somewhat dull finale. I say "dull" because not much happened by way of story. Sure, Audrina and Lauren had a confrontation, but it didn't really solve anything, and it didn't lead to any definitive action (ie. Audrina moving out). It just kind of happened, and that was it. As for the Speidi storyline, that plot finally came to a much-needed end. Having to watch the former lovebirds go through episode after episode of "fighting" when we all know they are happily together in real life was just short of painful. I'm glad we can finally put this charade to rest and get back to the normal petty endeavors that make this show so great. And speaking of petty endeavors, let's talk about the giant elephant, or rather, CRAB in the room. That's right. I'm talking about the Great Crab Scandal of 2008, an event so momentous, it precipitated the aforementioned confrontation between Lauren and Audrina. I always knew that when the bottom fell out of this friendship, it would be because of crabs. It was only a matter of time...

Local NBC anchor Sue Simmons is a near legend in New York City. And hopefully now this clip will be too. FANTASTIC.

When all is said and done, tonight's episode of Gossip Girl will be remembered for one thing: sound effects. And a random Lisa Loeb cameo. But mostly the sound effects. Just watch the clip.

Now that Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites is over, I can get started with my favorite semiannual tradition: ranking the seasons. It's a task that seems to get more difficult every year. So many special moments, so many blindsides, so many colorful characters. How to prioritize them all? I can try to explain my thinking, but ultimately, it just comes down to that gut feeling you get when you look back and reminisce. And with that in mind, let's get this bad boy going.

We've seen a lot of crazy, deranged, unhinged, emotional, and flat-out bizarre moments at the final Survivor jury, but never one like this. Scratch that: never two like these. The first, which I've clipped above, is Natalie's mildly seductive, completely random question about Parvati's sex life. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was watching the beginning of some softcore porn on Cinemax. You could practically hear the cheap, public domain music come filtering in. Aside from the fact that the question seemed totally transplanted from some other show in some other genre, it also didn't make sense. Why would Parvati's bedroom manner be relevant to anything?

Unfortunately for Ozzy, Natalie completely stole his thunder because had it not been for her, the Internets would have been buzzing about his sudden declaration of love for Amanda. I couldn't decide if I hated his sanctimoniousness or loved his Hollywood-style speech, which seemed torn straight out of the latest summer romance. Ultimately, I decided it was a nice moment; although, I really disliked his whole bit about chastising Parvati for putting a price tag on their friendship. I mean, had he gone to the finals, would he have taken her over Amanda? Don't think so. Nevertheless, this was another great finale — even if my favorite, Cirie, fell victim to a wayward marble. I literally had no idea who would win, right up to the very last moment. Good times. What did you think?

As if anyone who's been following this suddenly awesome season would overlook this, but tonight marks the season finale of Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites. That's right: the end is here. Kind of snuck up on me. It's actually too bad. This season started off slowly as I found myself caring more about the Favorites than anything that was going on with the Fans (this despite the Fans pulling off several early season blindsides in their own right). But once Probst mixed up the teams, things started to heat up, and then once everyone dropped their buffs and started battling for individual immunity, this Fans vs. Favorites turned white hot. Dalton Ross at Entertainment Weekly proclaimed that this season has been the best since the first. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but I will concede that the past five episodes have been without a doubt the strongest five-episode run in the series' history.

Nevertheless, tonight promises to be a fascinating finale as none of the women seem to have a leg up on any of the others. They've all equally schemed, backstabbed, and fought their way to the top. How the cards will fall is anyone's guess, which leads me to wonder who's gonna win it all? Parvati, the conniving flirt? Cirie, the strategic mastermind? Amanda, the dangerous nice-girl? Or Natalie, the previously anonymous Fan who spent most of the season lurking in the background doing absolutely nothing? I'm rooting for Cirie, but part of me would like to reward Natalie for becoming such a wonderful late-season bitch and a half. Who are you rooting for?

Is it me, or does Prince Caspian look like his proper title might actually be Countess? And maybe instead of Caspian, his name might be, oh, I don't know, LUANN? I can't help but feel that when this high-cheekboned, cleft-chinned hero isn't slaying dragons and other mythical foes, he's spending his free time playing tennis with Jill and praying he doesn't do anything to upset THE COUNT. At the very least, we know he's certainly not having dinner with his son Noel (as if he would ever DEIGN to participate in Taco Night).

I wish I had a better picture of LuAnn to compare with, but for those who are familiar with her face, don't tell me you don't see her all over Prince Caspian (a.k.a. Ben Barnes). Am I plumb loco?

Video of the year?

"ARRGH!!! All my unrealized dreams will continue through you, my son! THROUGH YOU!!!!"

It's official: Jeff Archuleta (a.k.a. the crazy psycho stage dad of overly earnest American Idol contestant David Archuleta) has been banned from rehearsals at the venerable Fox reality behemoth. This comes after weeks of speculation that the man is a total control freak who previously required a security detail during similarly awful behavior on CBS's Star Search. Apparently the straw that broke the camel's back was when Archuleta Sr. insisted that his son include a lyric of Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls" during last week's performance of "Stand By Me." While the move was a nice touch on stage, it only meant grief for Fox, which then had to dole out increased royalties for the song. Oops. The plus side is that the Fox people don't have to stare at Jeff Archuletta's stupid hats all day long. The down side, however, is that poor David is now probably receiving twice the number of lashings — verbal and otherwise. It's okay though. Michael Jackson turned out pretty well, right?

For more information, check out the article here.

P.S. Could the photo above be any more perfect to sum up the bizarre Archuleta relationship? One word to the photographer: Pulitzer.

I just discovered I can make clips from The CW on RedLasso. In honor of this feat, I've decided to immortalize this little interaction, which was one of many on this week's show that made me say "Holy shit!" (which of course was followed by "I LOVE THIS SHOW.")

It's very fashionable to hate McDonald's. To some, the fast food chain represents the simplification and destruction of American culture by corporate giants. To others, they are sly enablers and profiteers of this country's growing obesity epidemic. But me? I LOVE THEM. That's why I was only too happy to march down to the local outpost and try the company's newest offering: iced coffee.

To be fair, McDonald's has been offering this beverage for a few weeks now, but today was the first time I actually felt motivated to take on the caffeinated beast. My thoughts after the jump...

For a season that started off on the dull side, things have been out of control the past few weeks. Last night definitely marked the dumbest move ever, ever, EVER on the show's sixteen season history. To see what happened, watch the clip above...