While I was out the other night, I came across that most exciting of encounters: a cougar trapping some young, innocent prey into her dangerous clutches. Of course, I did what any good samaritan would do in that situation: I busted out my camera.
Now for those of you who don't know what a "cougar" is, rest assured that I'm not talking about an actual cougar cat. No, "cougar" is slang for women of a certain age who aggressively target younger men to be their, er, paramour for the evening. It's a mesmerizing phenomenon, and witnessing the dance of the COUGAR (best said with a deep, low, Will Arnett voice) is an event unto itself.
That being said, no brush with a cougar has ever been as ill-advised as the one I witnessed the other night. I didn't get many pics, but I got enough. I guarantee you'll be recoiling. Photos after the jump.
Here's the cougar, making out with her prey in classic cougar style.
Note the claw: long nails, gaudy jewelry, a cigarette perched just so. The poise is impeccable, expressing the assured confidence that can only come from years of experience. She's an old pro at this, and if she knows anything, it's that this boy isn't getting away.
Meanwhile, a subtle but forceful hand keeps the cougar's bounty in place, assuring that no one will be fleeing her hungry jaws.
And then there's the plunging décolletage, coated with glitter to distract from years of unrelenting sun-damage. To some men, this screams "DANGER!" but to those already caught in the cougar's grasp, it's simply says "Sure thing."
Eventually, the cougar pulls back, and we see just how far this poor man has fallen:
BEHOLD, THE COUGAR!
Victory is hers.
Hey, everyone's entitled to get whatever they can get, and if they succeed, all the power to them. So congratulations, mighty cougar. You have represented your kind well.
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EW!!!! It kind of looks like a tranny. Are you sure that isn't a man? And a bigger question is, how were you able to get so close to the horrific encounter?
I only wish I could see what her "prey" looks like. (sigh)
The glitter cleavage said it all, but the face was priceless! Didn't she wonder why you were taking her picture?
I'd be YOUR cougar B. rawr! :)
All that money for nails, jewelry, dress, etc. but not one dime for a veil. Or a mask. Or a paper bag.
That's a shame.
hb
Really, for half a second, I thought that could be my mother-in-law. That poor unsuspecting boy...or desperate fool. Take your pick. My vote is for paper bag, hb. Please.
I am with kiki on this one. That looks like a He-Cougar. Note the square jaw line, the manhands and adams apple.
Recoil achieved!! EWWWW! Her boobs are about 6 inches apart. What concerns me, though, Ben, is that her prey's face is obscured. Are you sure his name doesn't rhyme with "D Slide"?
Man, Rex Kwon Do is gonna kick that dude's ass when he sees Rexella fooling around!
Mom!?!?!?!
I was having this debate with coworkers tonight. What is the actual age cutoff for a cougar? Our young and rambunctious staff assistant said "28" which made me smack him, cuz I'm that important. I was pegging it around 38 through 60, taking into account that the woman in question must be hitting on someone at least 5 years younger.
Any thoughts?
Well Ed,
The youngest a woman can date is 1/2 her age plus 7. So that means if a woman chases a man below her cut-off point, she is a Cougar.
The More You Know...
I don't think a five year age difference makes someone a cougar. If that's the case I was a cougar at 24. I think that if the woman is old enough that she could have given birth to the younger man, then she's in cougar territory.
Didn't blue eye shadow go out in the 60's?
If I weren't married, I'd be a cougar!
Hi B-Side. Not sure that sufficient warning was given. Pushed my chair back in shock and nearly upset the filing cabinet. Ugh! That's one scary lady?
Please announce
The Cougar Nationals
Chattanooga, TN
National Cougar Day
03/07/09
Thank You