There are tons of very scary movies out there, and when you're someone like me — prone to jumping, shaking, and mild paranoia — even the most innocuous films can be a bit harrowing at times. However, nothing is quite as frightening as some of the more mundane things that can happen in an apartment. I know what you're saying: how can the guy who got scared (a little) during Monster House be the authority on what things are truly scary. Point well taken. Still, I know what gets the heart racing, and these terrifying incidents — which have happened to nearly everyone, I'm sure — can hardly be refuted. Read on... IF YOU DARE (insert Vincent Price laughter here).
1. Light bulbs
The granddaddy of them all. Nothing is quite as viscerally startling as a light bulb burning out. We've all been there. The room is dark, you reach for the lamp, you turn the switch, and BAM! There's a flash of light so bright it's like having your own personal lightning bolt in your hands. It's so intense, random, and oddly violent that you can't help but to recoil swiftly from your self-destructing bulb, lest it make you the next target of its blinding wrath. Afterwards, you find your heart beating a little too fast as adrenaline courses through your veins. It's a perfectly normal fight or flight response, but the fact that it was spurred by a light bulb has you feeling all sorts of shame. In the end, you can't help but to wonder: "Why do light bulbs have to be so damn startling? WHY CAN'T THEY JUST STOP WORKING WITHOUT THE THEATRICS?" Oh well. It's part of the design, I know, but that doesn't make it right.
2. Faucets
Turning on a faucet seems perfectly harmless. That is, unless there's been some plumbing done in your building. Then it's like the Wild Wild West. Yes, if there's a dreaded air bubble in the pipes, you're in for a very unpleasant surprise. I can't tell you how many times I've turned on my sink only to hear that ominous groaning sound — the kind which in every action movie always seems to precede a massive explosion. Of course, in the movies, the hero always manages to yell "DUCK!" at the last second while in real life, the chump (a.k.a. me) just stands there and thinks, "Waaaaiiit a second..." And that's all the time it takes for my gentle stream of water to suddenly erupt into a violent geyser of evil. Yes, thanks to built up pressure in the pipes, the water sprays everywhere, and by the time I'm able to switch the faucet off, it's already gone through two or three spastic belches. The good news is that this unfortunate scenario only plays out once in a while; so living in constant fear of aquatic explosions is more the exception than the rule. However, it does happen, and when it does, it's HORRIFYING.
3. Keyboards
This one isn't really startling, but it's deeply disturbing. The best analogy would be if the first two examples were Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, this would be like The Shining: cerebral, haunting, but not necessarily rattling. What I'm talking about is the occasional moment when your fingers are misaligned with your keyboard. Everything seems fine and normal, but then you begin to type, and all that appears on screen is gibberish. Next thing you know, the walls are closing in on you, a bead of sweat appears on your brow, and suddenly you're thinking that maybe, just maybe, you can't even read anymore. It's like your entire world view has been turned on its head. Your computer might as well start humming the Twilight Zone theme. Thankfully, when the initial "What the?" moment passes, a general sense of amusement follows, and that's always nice.
There are other scary things that I encounter, but I can't remember them right now. When I get a few more in my head, I will release volume II.
This is the greatest new feature ever.
Earlier in the week, our fan/ceiling light managed to burn out ALL FOUR of its lightbulbs at once. Maybe they were all brand new and added at the same time (and therefore extremely well-made, seeing as they all had the exact same life expectancy), or maybe it was just an eerie coincidence. But we damn near called a priest to exorcise the place. But now we've got those 9-year lightbulbs in, so THAT won't be happening any time soon.
T-Bag, I too just purchased one of those super eco-friendly bulbs after being startled one time too many by my bedroom lamp. Since they're basically fluorescent, when they eventually burn out, I don't think it'll be startling. Just sort of quiet and sad.
I bet that senior citizens don't buy 9-year lightbulbs.
I'll agree with you on the plumbing thing B. That startles me every time.
did you know that those uber-hyped coil bulbs are full of mercury and if broken can release their toxicity???? SCREAM.
hb
And yet you continue to live in this house of horrors. I truly admire your courage, B-Side. I just hope you never get PTSD from the trauma of dropping a kitchen knife and having it land very near your bare foot.
HB is right. Those 'eco friendly' bulbs contain mercury. I would also caution against using a bulb, like the cfl's described above, in a lighting application that has a natural tendency to vibrate (i.e. ceiling fans). The vibration may prematurely end the life of the bulb. However, there are bulbs that are constructed to withstand those stresses....they cost more, of course.
The other thing to realize with the cfl's, some of the ballasts will emit a radio frequency that may interfere with other electronic devices nearby. For example, you might experience a 'hum' in your cordless phone conversation if you are in close proximity to the bulb, while it is on.
Otherwise, they [cfl's] save a lot of energy.
Also - the cfl still casts a greenish light, no matter how much the manufacturers try to tell us they have improved the quality. And the flickering of the bulb can trigger migraines. So picture this scary scene - you've spent all day clutching your migraine stricken head. You lurch to the bathroom for some more painkillers only to confront in the mirror a GREEN FACED STRIKE HAIRED MONSTER!!!!!
B, I worry about you. Have you considered medication?
It's good to be aware that the low energy bulbs contain mercury, but it's only released if they break. You should dispose of them properly as well.
I use some of them, but the weird colored light they set off is bad and they aren't very bright for reading. I did not know about the radio frequency thing.
I think the scarest thing in the house is the light that burns out when you turn it on in a dark room. It aways makes my heart miss a beat. I hate it.
The amount of mercury in the low energy bulbs isn't more than what can be found in a fluorescent bulb. But mark my words: if that shit breaks, I'm calling in a hazmat team.
None of what you mentioned, has ever scared me. But, what does is when I walk thru the house getting a shock when I touch something. The cat doesn't like it when it's him I'm touching.
I imagine you have hazmat on speed dial, what with the recent dead bird catastrophe and all.
For me it's when the power unexpectedly goes out. There's that noise similar to the burned out lightbulb, only way more intense cause it's happening to EVERYTHING in your house. Equally as freaky when it comes back on and you haven't bothered to switch anything to the off position in the interim.