What A Sad and Pathetic Swan

I just stumbled upon this article in Yahoo's "Oddly Enough" news department, and while I'm sure it's supposed to be amusing and heartwarming, I just found it troubling and sad. Okay, and amusing too. Basically, in 2006, a black swan named Petra fell in love with a paddleboat that resembles — you guessed it — a giant swan (a white one, to be specific). The two have been inseparable ever since. Well, almost inseparable. You see, Petra and her hunky boyfriend / boat were relocated to a local zoo where they've lived a storybook romance... until last week when a real life white swan entered the picture. This new suitor introduced Petra to the pleasures of the flesh, and soon, the old boat was given the heave-ho. At last, it seemed like Petra would be moving on from her awkward Lars and the Real Girl phase.

But in an inevitable twist, Petra's handsome new paramour up and left her to seek out the company of other black swans. When asked for a comment, the white swan merely stated, "Crazy bitch told me she spent the past two years dating a boat. A boat. That's just fucked up. I don't want my cygnets being dumb as rocks. Peace out, swan bitch."

Anyway, since being left at the proverbial altar, Petra has been visibly agitated, to the point where zookeepers fret that she's experiencing intense loneliness. Personally, I think she's just coming to the realization that she's a batshit loco swan who'll never live up to her mother's unreasonable expectations. The good news for her though was that on Friday, she was reunited with her inanimate boat lover, and thus her long-standing romance could resume. I guess it's sort of sweet and cute — until you realize how sadly delusional this bird is. [me whispering: psycho!]

For more on this kind of pathetic bird, click here.