This week, The Real Housewives of New York City went from a guilty pleasure to a gross-out bonanza thanks to the intrepid work of one dog's tongue and one woman's nostril. Yes, the closeup of Jill's dog licking her nose clean was an instant classic — one of the most searing images to ever emerge from reality TV, let alone television as a whole. Not even There's Something About Mary dared show the sort of dog-on-nasal-cavity action that Bravo aired tonight, but here's the most shocking part: it wasn't even the grossest part of the entire episode. No, that special honor goes to Simon and Alex, who managed to instantly turn my stomach with their egregious open-mouthed kissing. AND THEY DID IT ON A YACHT. I swear, a few hundred fish probably went belly up at that precise moment (and I wouldn't have been surprised if Lady Liberty briefly gouged her eyes out with her torch). Hmmm... I'm sensing a theme: tongues + housewives = disgusting. And yet, amazing.
Anyway, as per some people's request, I've decided to give a stab at photocapping the latest episode, much as I do to Big Brother. Pictures from Bravo after the jump...
"Oh my gawd. I just broke up with my boyfriend. He just was so talkative. I couldn't get a word in edgewise!"
"So Simon and I are seriously considering naming our next child Marcel Marceau."
"Avery, your mom is so cool. I love the way she has no self-awareness!"
"I'm gonna name you Dawg-Bawbby. That's funny. I should tell Bawbby that. Hey Bawbby. I named the dawg after you. BAWBBY!!!"
"Hey girls, I'm a cool mom, right? Right? Girls, why aren't you talking to me? Is that your way of saying you want me to hang out more? Because I'm free after school pretty much every day. Girls? Girls?"
"You know, Bethenny, now that I'm sober, I'm realizing how much more fulfilling my life is compared to yours."
"I thought it was Martha Stewart on the phone, but it wasn't, but I still was like 'Hellow? Martha?' and the person was like 'What the hell are you tawkin' about?' and I said, 'OH! I thawt you were Martha!' And the person was like 'No! Why would I be Martha?' And I said, 'I don't know! I just thawt you were!' It was hilarious! I can't believe that happened! What are the odds? I WANT A BABY."
"Here, let me show you some moves so you and your friends can ruin breakdancing forever."
"Stupid Rosanna. I can't even believe I have to light this candle. And didn't I tell her to knock down that wall so we could have some more goddamn room? ROSANNA!!! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!!!! NOW!!!"
"Oooh, where am I? The opera? St. Bart's? A sophisticated boulangerie?"
"My head just got caught in a vice clamp. WOW!"
"Nnnom nnom nnom nnomm BONJOUR nnom nnom nnom."
"Father, I will not participate in your tacky company. It's beneath my social station in life."
"Here's to you, Bethenny, and your old, stale eggs."
"Let me tell you something, Ramona. One of these days, this Freaky Friday curse will end, and then you'll be GROUNDED."
"You can't tell me what to feed my dawg. Who do you think you are? Bawbby?"
"LuAnn, get a load of this. He thinks he's Bawbby."
"There's gotta be some sperm somewhere in this ocean."
And for an added bonus...
I was so grossed out at Alex and Simon kissing. Yuck! Just thinking about it makes me sick.
Ramona trying to hang with the 12 year olds reminds me of the mom in Mean Girls.
I cracked up with the "Rosanna Get your Ass in here now!" I'm sure that's what she was thinking
Loved the photo recap.
Thanks for fitting this photocap into your busy schedule B-Side :)
"Stupid Rosanna. I can't even believe I have to light this candle."
I love that! Rosanna is definitely the sleeper of the show. We need to get her in on those breakdancing lessons-woohoo!
They need to cut down Bethenny's air time. Her desperation to have a kid and move in with the mute is too much. And oh yeah, she's NOT a housewife! Am I the only one that has a problem with a woman in her late 30's(with stale eggs) who wears a little frilly skirt for a bathing suit bottom? I live in FL and that is not stylish for anyone over the age of 5.
Why is Ramona dressed like a call girl when she's spending time with her daughter and the other kids? Too bad they didn't show her chaperoning the dance. I'm sure she was showing off her best moon walk and cabbage patch. I was cracking up when Avery told her mom she used to want to be a trpile threat. After explaining it to her mom, Avery was like "I don't know, that's what the kids are cawling it these days". FREAKY FRIDAY is right!
Poor little Alex. Tamra gets a $40,000 Rolex for her b-day, and all you get are ugly earrings under $2000? You and Simon CLEARLY have a lot more social climbing to do. You have not arrived!
Did anyone else catch the commercial that said there are only 2 episodes left???
where is your bb photocap for last night's episode??? i look forward to those more than i do the show itself now!!!!
I loved this episode. It showed these ladies in all their awfulness and I couldn't get enough.
What cracked me up the most was how Ramona was gloating about taking the girls for a day of splurging and pampering. Then, the camera zoomed in on the salon window, which displayed its prices (low brow) and showed that haircuts were just $26. Some splurge! Next time, they'll go all out and stop by Mastercuts. The Count would not approve.
Anonymous -- CBS hasn't posted the screen shots yet. They tend to be slow about it on live eviction shows.
Loved the photorecap! The bonus sadly is "unfortunately this video is not currently available in your country or region" for me.
i hate cbs. i feel like all the forces of evil are working against me! Yew know wut? Yew don't owe me screen shots, but ya kinda dew.
B- In case you want to fix the typo. In the first sentence of this recap, you call the show by the location of the other Housewives show. I do what I can.
Ooh thanks for the heads up. It's all fixed now!
The nose licking is probably the only thing Jill gets. Who would even want BAWWBY near her? I don't care how much money he has, he is....gross. Maybe Jill should redirect the dog to other areas, and lend the dawg to Bethanny, now that her silent Bald Boyfriend has gotten canned from his job. LuAnne needs a new hairdo, and an architect, Ramona, is just.........hopeless. And Simon and Whats her name, are so ugly and gross, that I am happy at home living with my family and being normal rich New Yawkers.
Anyone who is in "society" in the Hamptons will have to stay miles away from this crew of social outcasts. Rumour has it, that the Southampton Bath and Tennis club will not allow any of the bizarre groupo onto their sacred ground of "social higher eschelons". Also heard that the Simon Wacko and his wife never applied to Claremont School, as they spent so much on the ugly Cavalli shit in St. Barts they cannot afford the tuition. Poor Johannes and Francois...ecole publique it will be, c'est n'est pas chic!
These social non x rays make Tom Wolfs characters appealing. Where is The Great Gatsby when we need him?
What were these women thinking when Bravo approached them? Did they speak to an attorney? Publicist? Psycho Analyst? They are just embarrassing, but make for great gossip at the gym! We have laughed our way on the treadmill losing weight thinking of Jills huge breasts and Romanas buldging eyes.
I have a friend whose mom is basically Jill. My friend's dad is even named Bobby. It's almost eerie.
I'm glad you are going to recap this show in some capacity. It needed to be done.
My favorite is the caption for Bethenny and her iPhone. You've captured the essence of her there, B-side. She's definitely one of those people who tells you how funny things are rather than, you know, actually being funny.
Totally unrelated, but I think she looks like Karen Allen sometimes.
Alex and Simon frenching on the yatch was gratuitous. Not cool, Bravo, not cool.