I wrote this a few nights ago, but I didn't have the internet access to post it until now...
Prague may offer many exciting nightlife options, but I'm more content to sit in my hotel room and watch TV. That's right. I don't need beer or fun or good times. I just need multi-lingual televised offerings, and thankfully, my hotel offers just that. (Actually, truth be told, I would be perfectly happy to go to a pub right now, but as I'm here with my parents, I don't have too many options drinking-buddy-wise).
Anyway, here's some good TV.
11:20 PM
A quick survey of the television landscape reveals that the English speaking channels are few and far between. That's not necessarily a bad thing though. I've been watching my share of fascinating entertainment offerings. For instance, there are two — count 'em, two — Bruce Willis movies playing on back to back channels, both dubbed over in foreign languages (Die Hard With A Vengeance in Czech, and that generic hostage movie he did a few years ago is in German). Meanwhile, the Italian channel (Rai Uno) seems to have some sort of American Idol knock-off, but it features adolescents, and quite honestly, I don't get it. I just watched two girls screech out a duet so awfully, I'm surprised all the glass in the Sisteen Chapel didn't shatter at that very moment. Now some tall, old lady with a prominent face lift, an orange perm, and a full-body purple culotte suit (with accompanying red belt) is singing. She kinds of looks like the bizarre love child of Gumby, Mrs. Roper, and an eggplant. Everyone seems to love her. Maybe she's a legend. I think her name is Orella Vanoni. Whoever she is, she's making this night AWESOME.
Meanwhile, on the fake VH1 channel, there's a pop trio of girls singing a song so silly, I can't help but feeling like it's going to be in my head all day tomorrow. The chorus goes "It's gonna be a hot summer. A hot, hot summer. Hot summer. A hot, hot summer..." (repeat ad nauseam) And in the background, some of the girls sing, "It's the air." So I guess they're literally discussing the weather? I can't wait for their next hit, "The barometer is going to drop, drop. Drop all night. (Because the air pressure is falling.)" For those interested in learning more about this song, feel free to do some Googling of the band, Monrose. They're the next big thing.
12:04 AM
Oooh! Family Guy dubbed over in German. Somehow, it's funnier.
12:05 AM
There's some German show with a guy named "Todd" wielding a chainsaw and going crazy. His eyes just turned red, and his mother — who looks not unlike Annette Bening — is bawling now. Oh wait, this isn't a German show. It features Ed O'Neil (a.k.a. Al Bundy), and it's all dubbed over. I'm so confused. All I know is that these people are crying, and it sounds crazy in German.
12:08 AM
Boobies! These German commercials are insane. Imagine a 900 commercial, and then imagine it with a whole lot of pixellation and suggestive gestures. Color me scandalized!
12:09 AM
Okay, these sex-line commercials are ridiculous. They all last about five seconds, and it's one after another. And fear not people, there's something for everyone. Straights, gays — it all appears to be here. Oh -- and chubby chasers too! What makes this all sort of amazing is that each commercial comes with seductive German barking. "YOU BE AROUSED NOW!"
12:11 AM
GROSS! I have now seen an old hausfrau naked and rubbing her chestal region. It was like the awful love child of Eva Braun and PORN.
12:15 AM
Ever wonder whatever happened to '90s up and comer Patrick Muldoon? Well, he's here! On Czech TV! Fear not though, Mully-heads. He hasn't been hired by Nova (Prague TV). His work has simply been dubbed over for this Eastern European country. Still, airtime is airtime! Well done!
12:17 AM
Hmmm... HBO seems to be showing Hostel, a movie I've vowed never to watch. From what I know, it follows some horny youths who wind up getting abducted in... PRAGUE. Well, I'm definitely not watching now.
12:19 AM
As usual, the Italian channel has a bunch of older men in blazers talking about something or another in front of a huge audience. I don't really get Italian TV. Every program looks like an awards show. I wonder what they're talking about. Probably their national MALAISE.
12:22 AM
WELL... if it isn't Eva Longoria being a badass cop on that Ed O'Neil show. Maybe this is Dragnet. All I have to say is that if there was ever a way to make Eva Longoria seem even pissier, it would be by dubbing her voice with whiny German.
12:30 AM
Now I'm watching a German review of Mario Kart Wii. I don't understand it, but I'm loving it. I'm totally gonna buy it when I get back.
12:32 AM
Okay, I just have to take photos of the craziness I'm watching:
I believe this is an Italian talent show. As you can see, this dance of the bees and the flowers is highly engaging.
It's really a searing commentary on the delicate balance of nature and mankind.
Here's the Italian version of Mrs. Roper. Wait until you see her in all her culotte glory...
Behold!
Four of Germany's biggest teen idols.
Okay, I've seen enough. I gotta go to sleep. Hopefully more to come...
B-Side, while Italian TV seems amusing in small doses you are missing some great stuff here in america. I hope your Tivo is recording all of it so you can have a TV marathon when you get home.
Here's a quick recap of what you'll get to enjoy upon your glorious return:
Gossip Girl
It's come back with 2 great new episodes thereby avoiding the now infamous mid first season OC flameout. Here's some minor spoilers: Dan is still a douche, Chuck is still awesome, and Jenny throws yogurt in Blair's hair.
Sadly the show finished 5th in it's timeslot with its lowest ratings ever so it might end up cancelled even though its been getting tones of publicity.
http://nymag.com/arts/tv/features/46225/
Survivor
Hidden Imunity Idol + small brain = voted off the island
American Idol
Neil Diamond night was a fantastic mess. They decided to do 2 songs each (10 total) in 1 hour. Instead of being judged after each song they decided that the judges should take notes and just judge them all at once at the end of the first round and then in the second round they would be judged individualy after each song. It was confusing and Paula only made it worse. After Jason had only sung one song she somehow judged both of his performances.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nlYfOY6rg2I
How I met your mother and Lost were great as well but I'm not sure if you watch either of these shows. If you don't you should.
The Office and 30 Rock are just getting funnier by the week. Maybe NBC doesn't need Friends or Seinfeld they just need to give Friends and Seinfeld size advertising pushes to The Office and 30 Rock.
Holy cow! Are you SURE that isn't actually Mrs. Roper. The resemblance is simply uncanny!
What odd stuff they show on television over there. I would imagine you are going through "American TV Withdrawl" by this point. I mean, you can only watch so many people dressed like bees before you go a bit looney.
Hopefully you will post another update soon. We SOOO look forward to them!
Maybe I'll tease you with a quote from The Office
Pam: "There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "what if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?" He said, "if I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks.""
Oh and btw a Dartmouth prof is suing her students for making fun of her. http://gawker.com/385255/ivy-league-prof-sues-students-for-being-mean-to-her
Firstly, hope you're enjoying your holiday in Prague.
Secondly (@ D-Lo), I read about the whole Paula Abdul situation...very strange. I'm not very familiar with the woman but is she generally as confused as this?
Italian TV is generally entertaining and highly annoying at the same time. I receive Rai Uno at home and when/if I stumble upon it whilst flipping through the channels I've only seen A) a game show, B) a cooking show, C) an Italian "hausfrau" (as you would call it) show or D) a combo of all of the above. Though watching dubbed television (whether in German or French or other languages) can be entertaining at times (especially if you've seen the original episode in English and/or are simply used to the actors "original" voice) I'm glad that over here programs are given Dutch subtitles and are not dubbed.
Can't wait to see more of your recaps/photocaps!
Isn't it the Sistine chapel? Or is there one named Sisteen?
I am not a well traveled as you B.
I loved Helen Roeper - all she wanted to do was have sex! Unfortunately she was married to Stanley. Poor Mrs. Roeper.
hb
Yes jetJames, Paula is always confused. It's part of the charm of the show. Each judge has his or her own problems: Simon is an ass yet he's also effeminate in a british sort of way, Randy is a geek who's trying to be cool (he says "Dawg" alot), and Paula is so flighty that she always accused of being either drunk or stoned.
B-side, I would love nothing more than to come have a beer or 12 in Prague with you! We could talk old school LB and you could make fun of me for asking for a trip to Laguna Beach for my college graduation (judge not).
Or we could get sappy and talk about how much we missed the boring Stephen and Lauren fake-relationship, and how we wished they would have shot to Pomodoro's during this weeks ep of The Hills (I apologize...I tent to get nostalgic during graduation season).
Speaking of The Hills, have you heard about the new drama with The Hills sex tape scandal? Yes, you read that right...NEW DRAMA! Oh, please come back to the US! The Hills fans crave you during this time of need!
Have a fun vaca with the rents (I love abbrevs).
Oh how I love foreign tv. The Italian shows and commercials are just too funny. All the men are old, bald and fat, and a lot of the women are younger, and pretty.
That woman really looked like Mrs. Roeper. Love her outfit.
Enjoy your trip!!!
Oh my God . . . I didn't think it was possible, but you're even FUNNIER abroad!!! Love it!
And Pange - WHAT Hills sex tape scandal???? I missed that!
Well, I'm comign back tomorrow. I plan to spend Saturday catching up on shows (ie. BIG BROTHER FINALE). I'll see what I can throw together by way of a hills recap, but don't get too excited. I have real work I have to get back to also. Nevertheless, I'll see what I can do. I feel so disconnected from pop culture...
Yessss B-side is returning to the US.
I can finally sleep and eat now!
And real work schmeal work!
Ohh so now I know why there are no Hills recaps. Just because I don't have a life doesn't mean you don't too! lol. I hope you had a good time in Prague and, thanks so much for doing Hills recaps, because you really don't have to yet you do.
Hey, what's your real work? =D
btw, hb, you're right about the sistine chapel, but I'm too lazy to fix it. Besides, I wanted to summon the spirit of EdHill.
B-Side... did I see you on an episode of Moonlight driving a golf cart and talking about curses'??????