Big Brother powered on last night with a relatively low-key episode. I thought we'd see Libra and Jerry fighting after the food competition, but maybe the producers are merely holding that off for Tuesday's show. In any case, there were still plenty of amusing moments, particularly coming from Jesse, who added new cocky dimensions to his douchiness. The producers must absolutely hate him because it's obvious they're giving him a terrible "edit," as they say, but nevertheless, he really does seem like a jerk. He talks down to people (particularly Angie and Renny), he rolls his eyes, and he says stupid things. All the more fodder for this blog.
Photocap after the jump...
"I'm just saying, Jerry, you gawtta be careful with that military oath because — MARY! ST. JOSEPH!! We're outta dip!!!"
"Everybody touch Jessie's penis!"
Michelle: "I'll tell yous what I want: a big bowl of chowdah. But nothin' that's gonna make me crap my undahwears."
"Jessie's photos were kind of gross. I like a man with more... cushion. And if possible, I like that cushion to be inside me."
"If you think my muscles are amazing now — and I know you do — you should have seen them when I took this photo. They were absolutely fantastic. So yeah, you should probably thank me now for telling you about that."
"It's funny. You all are always saying I'm just muscle — beautiful, symmetrical, well-proportioned muscle. But I just showed you I'm more than that. I'm a brain, too. Now who knows how to turn that lamp on over there?"
"My name's April, and I'm not sure I can handle this ego."
"Hellll no I won't get out of your HOH bed! This is MINE now."
"Can I say something real quick? I promise it'll be short and sweet... and by that, I mean long and boring."
"Listen, I know you think I'm just all huge, perfectly defined muscle, but I've got brains too. I say we nominate the houseplant. This way we ALL get to stay!"
"Wow... Ollie and I are both wearing stripes, and soon we'll be wearing berets. Tonight we're gonna DO it like two horny mimes!"
"My name's April, and I can handle French culture!"
"MARY! ST. JOSEPH! It's a food competition! Good thing I dressed like Esther Williams!"
"MARY! ST. JOSEPH! That's a lot of woine! What's goin' awn heeyah??"
"MARY! ST. JOSEPH!! The teams are neck and neck. We're locked in competition! WE'RE LOCKED!!!
"It's wicked cold out here. You can see my nipples through my undahwears."
"SHIT! I left my dog in the back seat of my car!"
"Well, I don't know what's up with this motherfuckin' shit, but we just fuckin' lost the fuckin' food competition because of y'all lazy asses."
"Everyone keeps saying I'm all massive, stunning muscle, but I've got brains too. And that's why I know that this big iPod turns on the TV."
"Why do I have no emotion? Well, my dad died, and my girlfriend broke my heart. Plus, I'm just amazingly bland."
"TELL US MORE. WE THRIVE ON HARDSHIP."
"Well, let's see. I've got a new girlfriend, who I'm totally infatuated with. I love her. I love spending time with her. She's great. I wish she could be here right now..."
"...and then this one time, we got sushi, and she was like 'I don't like salmon' and so I had to eat the salmon, and it was really funny. Did I ever tell you my story about salmon? Well, this one time..."
"...and I was thinking that salmon aren't supposed to do that. That's when I realized it was an old sneaker that I had found. Funny story about old sneakers..."
"...and that's why I never wear sneakers and ride tricycles. Pretty cool story, huh?"
"I'll just put it out there: I'm a sidekick without a Master. Please take me! I HAVE NO ONE!!!"
"MARY! ST. JOSEPH! Nominations today!!!"
"I'm gonna have sex with that key box."
"Jerry, you ah wicked safe."
"I've nominated you, Steven, because you didn't come up to my HOH room and look at all the awesome pictures of me. So I think we all know who the immature one is now, right Renny?"
What did you think about this episode?
11 Glorious Comments
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Best Photo Recap. I nearly crapped my undahwears.
Two things: 1) I hope and pray that Jesse has slop next week. I CANNOT wait to watch him turn into the Human Cramp. 2) Dan - QUIT SHOUTING AT ME WHEN YOU'RE IN THE DIARY ROOM! I'M RIGHT HERE!
Two hot horny mimes, seriously laugh out loud funny. I love it!
I find it hilarious that Angie is dumber than Jessie.
"i only backstabbed our alliance for a couple of minutes"
And even funnier is that Steven is the dumbest of them all. He didn't think he was even in jeopardy. At least Dan & Angie knew it and tried. Brokeback is a moron.
hb
Maybe it doesn't make for a great photocap insert, but how could you miss Ollie getting all worried about becoming an alcoholic if a drop of wine splashed into his mouth during the food comp? What a moron. Heaven forbid you take a drink; it'll pit you against the will of God, I guess. As opposed to his in-house sexcapades, which must solely be going on for the purposes of procreation.
Your caps are THE BEST. I'm so glad you picked up on BB's opinion and editing of Jesse - I'm glad he's not getting away with being in love with himself and noone taking note. Wonder what agreement he's made regarding slop. Since he eats every 2 hours - do you think he'll ever be on a losing food comp team?
Keep up the witty, always 'on' work. I look forward to checking your blog daily.
good point mikey- especially since (in the right context) wine IS the blood of Christ.
Tha fact that BB is starting the hypocrisy so early in the season makes me happy!
You are so right about Dan shouting in the DR, HicksPub! It's like he thinks he's at confession and has to be loud enough for the elderly priest on the other side of the screen to hear him.
Plus, it probably wasn't real wine anyway.
You know who Jessie looks like: what was the name of that monkey-boy character that Chris Kattan used to play on SNL? "Jeepers?" Just give the guy an apple to munch on - it'll keep him quiet for a few seconds, anyway!
Sorry ... it was "Mr. Peepers!"
sh-yeah if that real wine, it musta been made by the Neon Magenta Winery over in Hoboken.
But still WHAT a bonehead comment by Ollie...geez get over yourself. He won't drink wine but he'll have sex all over the place. Uhhh huh.
Jesse needs to go, go, go. And OMG he does look like Mr. Peepers! Give that boy an apple.
I can't WAIT until Renny gets HOH, and let's see if he goes up to her HOH room! But what competition could she possibly win? Who can eat dip with their finger the fastest???
Dan....yes you are right he does SHOUT in the confessional!
I reallllly liked Keesha in this episode. Hope she sticks around for a while.