There are Big Brother episodes and then there are BIG BROTHER episodes, and Tuesday's installment was the latter. Ranking as one of the best ever in the series' ten season history, the latest show featured one of the most ridiculous (yet ridiculously wonderful) fights of all time. It was all so petty, and yet that's what made it so spectacular. Everything stemmed from Libra having a bruised ego over basically nothing at all. When April got nervous that her nominations might not stay the same after the veto comp, Libra took that as a personal attack on her character and ability. Why? Well, she's a bit of drama queen. From there, everything just got out of control. Libra bitched to Keesha, and Keesha, never one to be second-fiddle in the drama department, took the opportunity to go off on April. Soon everyone was yelling at everyone (including Renny, whose "It's INAPPROPRIATE!!" line has become an instant classic), and in one of the most surreal, memorable, and absolutely hilarious interludes in reality TV history, the entire drama came to a total standstill as everyone paused to sing "Happy Birthday" to Keesha. I've never seen anything like it.
This actually constituted the third time I'd seen the big fight, as I'd watched it twice before on Big Brother: After Dark. I gotta say hearing a censored Keesha sort of neutered the fun a bit, but what the telecast lacked in F-Bombs, it more than made up for with the sort of fun editing that made the whole thing feel fresh again. Unfortunately, the editors omitted one of Libra's best lines of the night — a rant about how Jessie's tactics had failed on seasons one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight... AND NINE TOO! (I'll post a video later, perhaps) — and there were some hilarious Renny noises ("WHO? WHO?") that also didn't make the cut, but again, there was so much action in this episode, I understand that the editors couldn't keep everything.
And that's the thing: beyond just the blow-up, there was still so much more. Dan, the affable America's Player, was hilarious in his fifteen second hug with Jessie. And April was amazingly flighty as she first insisted that the nominations stay the same (thus spurring on the night's drama), and then when she had the chance to steal the veto, she passed it up for some cash. So all that fighting was essentially for nothing. Oh, what a sad commentary on humanity Big Brother makes.
Then there was Michelle. Oh Michelle. I did feel bad for her when she got screwed out of her Hawaii prize, but it was worth it to see her go all Montana Moorehead on the producers, bizarrely opting to show only her back to the camera as some strange protest of all things unitard. She claimed she didn't want to be made an ass out of on national television, but I wasn't sure how showing us her backside would resolve that concern. Nevertheless, her rant was worth price of admission alone — a glorious cherry on an already overflowing sundae of an episode.
So without further ado, here's the photocap...
"You want to see some drama in this house? Okay, I'll show you some motherfuckin' drama."
"Just because I'm handling jugs and pouring drinks does NOT mean that I'm a womanizer. OR A BARTENDER!!!"
"Let's see. It's been one hour since I last took off my shirt, but TWO hours since I've gotten any respect..."
"Dan, don't feel blue. You've got to stay committed to the game, from toe to head!"
"Dan, I'm not just a body. I'm a brain. And my body AND my brain are both telling me that you shouldn't do anything irrationalized."
"I just keep having these nightmares that Hillary Clinton is our president!"
"I got you, buddy. It's okay. Just hug my large, shredded, 100% natural back."
"Great! I got picked to play in the veto competition! But I wasn't picked first, and now my feelings are hurt."
"You know what? I'm gonna get mad over nothing at all and embroil the entire house in a night of fighting! And you know why? BECAUSE MY FEELINGS ARE HURT FOR NO REASON!!!"
"I'm not sure if I've mentioned this, but my feelings were hurt."
"What's that I hear? The sound of disrespect?"
"Hey guys, I just want to say that Libra and Keesha were screaming and firing guns at small animals downstairs."
"Listen, I don't think you understand something. I was woken up from a VERY LIGHT TO NO SLEEP!"
"Um, Jessie? Could you please leave? Ollie and I are about to DO IT."
"My name's April, and I know how to handle Ollie's trivia!"
"And let me tell you something else: my feelings were HURT!"
"April, here's the thing. Maybe I haven't articulated it yet, but MY FEELINGS WERE HURT!"
"But Libra, you're forgetting something: my name's April, and I know how to handle hurt feelings!"
You know what? I fuckin' hate this chair, always sitting there when I walk by. No, that's fucked up. FUCK YOU, CHAIR! You stupid fuckin' bitch!"
"MARY! ST. JOSEPH!!! I can't open the door. IT'S LOCKED!!!"
"Guys, seriously. Seriously. I just want to say something to maybe clear the air, okay? MY FEELINGS WERE GODDAMN HURT!"
"What am I doing? I'm using The Secret to make lasers come out of my eyeballs! C'mon, POSITIVE THOUGHTS!"
"Listen, I just overheard Memphis saying BEEP BEEP!!! HOOooonk!!
"Jerry, if you don't start speaking English, my feelings are gonna get hurt."
"Now, WHERE THE HELL IS MY O MAGAZINE?!?"
"I don't think you understand. I was awake with my eyes closed, and you made me open them."
"You're lying, Libra. You're so deviant, from toe to head."
"I actually really like this kitchen. It's my new favorite room in the house..."
"FUCK THIS KITCHEN! I fuckin' hate this fuckin' room, the fuckin' son of a bitch!"
"Listen, I'm sorry for being respectful and rationalized and 100% natural, but if that's a crime, well, then I guess I'm just guilty as charged. From toe to head."
"I really thought I'd get a bigger piece of the birthday cookie. Now my feelings are hurt."
"Effin' Jerry, callin' me a womanizer. I'm too BLAND to be a womanizer!"
"Hoooonnnk!!"
"MARY! ST. JOSEPH!! It's a uniform from Foot Locker! It's a LOCKER!!!"
"My name's April, and I know how to handle memories of The Mighty Ducks."
"Damn, I was really hoping for a v-neck, but all I got was this stupid veto."
"I did wicked awful. And here I thought I'd do bettah than all of yous."
"What is it? Pigs feet? Chowdah? New undahwears?"
"So I says, 'I won trip to Hawaii!?! Just think of all that beautiful blue wataah!' I sweah on Bawston, I nearly crapped my undahwears."
"MARY! ST. JOSEPH! You gotta stop talking over me when I read the instructions. IT'S INAPPROPRIATE!!!!"
"My name's April, and I know how to handle a slap shot."
"So after igniting a firestorm when I fretted that I wouldn't be able to preserve my nominations, I've decided to ignore the veto and just take this cash. This way Ollie can DO ME on a bed of gold bars!"
"I could punch Libra right in the kissah."
"When Michelle gave me the stink eye after I stole her prize, I'm not gonna lie. My feelings were hurt."
"Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean my feelings aren't hurt, CBS."
"A LEOTAAAHD? A LEOTAAAHD? I'd prefer a bowl of chowdah and a glass of wataah before a LEOTAAHD!!!"
"Don't talk to me, Jessie. I'm about to crap my undahwears."
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I liked how Jessie told Michelle that her ass looked nice in the leotard. As much as she's been throwing herself at him, the fact that he hasn't' tapped that is very telling.
That's a lot of f'bombs for one recap, B. I know a certain reader who isn't going to approve.
The funniest part to me was the thoroughly insincere and lifeless version of "Happy Birthday." Classic.
B-Side,
You are gonna get me fired. I was laughing so hard my assistant walked in here to see what was going on. I am pretty sure reading this blog in not a part of my job duties, but Dear God it is so funny. The Memphis/Michelle pic from the veto almost made me pee a little!! Your blog is one of the BEST!! Keep it up or I will not only have my feelings HURT!!! but I may also crap in my undahwears! I hope this comment was not too INAPPROPRIATE!!!
LOL....this was awesome...I'm definitely going to start using the phrase "It's INAPPROPRIATE!!"
"Let's see. It's been one hour since I last took off my shirt, but TWO hours since I've gotten any respect..."
"What's that I hear? The sound of disrespect?"
HAHAHA. And you captured Keesha so well. When April said she would deal with Keesha later, and Keesha totally flipped out....amazing
Oh how I love this show!
Libra is like a black Erica Kane..drama, drama, drama. I am really liking Renny more and more...especially after seeing some of her stuff on You Tube (Swim Club). She cracks me up.
Did anyone else think the "birthday cake" looked like someone smeared crap on a pie time and wrote "Happy Birthday Keesha" on it? Ew! Totally unappetizing.
And finally, poor Jesse...losing the challenge because his "back was too big". The cross that poor soul has to bear.
Oops...pie tin not pie time. :) Just call me Ed Hill.
And then Jerry 'neglected' to use the POV on Jessie.
hb
The whole time I was laughing my ass off watching this episode of episodes on Tuesday night I could NOT wait to see your photo recap B-Side. Is it just me, or does this group have many familial similarities that make them so endearing? We have Gramps sittin over in the corner with his hearing aid turned down, watching the younguns silently duke it out. We have Mom making a shitty lookin cookie cake and playing the martyr with her unappreciative beautiful daughter and screaming randomly at Gramps. We have the overly sensitive sister with the big mouth that's offended by everything and everyone -- making sure everyone's uncomfortable before and after the Happy Birthday chorus. We have the spoiled self-absorbed Generation Z nephew who doesn't know how good he has it and hell bent on screwing up his cushy status in the house.
Love love love BB10! I don't want any of them to go home ... ever. Let's just keep all of them in the house until September!
I agree Dallas_fan, I could watch these people forever.
The hug, the fight, the giant cookie, the leotahd... all in one hour.
Why do people think they won't be humiliated when they go on a reality show??? I liked Michelle until she said that... maybe she forgot how old Libra's kids are -- pretty sure it would be an amazing feat if they could write. Not that I'm defending Libra...well, I guess I just did. HONK!
I'm loving this season so much, and thankful that it is giving you so much to write about. They are there just begging to be made fun of!
Oh,how I am lovin this season.
After the crappy season 8 & 9 BB is back. even tho they havent made any big plays and I hate the whole " this is what the house wants" mentality ,this season is strangely compelling.
the players are so DIVIANT.
I discovered your blog from the Reality News Live BB10 boards and I gotta tell you, I LOVE IT !!
The Renny and Jerry montage was HILARIOUS…my husband and daughter both ran into the living room to see what I was laughing about !!
I can't wait to wade through your other subjects…you are off the hook man !!
Looks like a have a new "daily" now, and a really fun one at that !!
Thanks for always bringing a smile to my face !!
:o)
I discovered your blog from the Reality News Live BB10 boards and I gotta tell you, I LOVE IT !!
The Renny and Jerry montage was HILARIOUS…my husband and daughter both ran into the living room to see what I was laughing about !!
I can't wait to wade through your other subjects…you are off the hook man !!
Looks like a have a new "daily" now, and a really fun one at that !!
Thanks for always bringing a smile to my face !!
:o)
I discovered your blog from the Reality News Live BB10 boards and I gotta tell you, I LOVE IT !!
The Renny and Jerry montage was HILARIOUS…my husband and daughter both ran into the living room to see what I was laughing about !!
I can't wait to wade through your other subjects…you are off the hook man !!
Looks like a have a new "daily" now, and a really fun one at that !!
Thanks for always bringing a smile to my face !!
:o)
great ep.......wow. This one will go down in the record books as "Crappy Birthday" !
And Keesha's 30?!?! wow
(BTW i think that was a birthday cookie, not an actual cake, and Renny was putting the lettering on when the fight broke out)
Hands down I love renny more and more.
I loved when she told Memphis "How dayah he point his finger in my face, that's inappropriate....oh yeah, by the way, he's tawkin' about you in theyah" ha ha