Over the past several months, Starbucks Coffee has been revamping its stores and practices, and among the many changes customers have seen, one of the most peevish has to be the new plastic lids used for cold beverages. At first glance, they look like all the other standard lids, but upon further inspection, these plastic disks prove to be nothing more than stubborn coffee cock-blocks. That's right, the plastic tops do little but impede thirsty drinkers on their quest for caffeinated goodness. They are horrendous, awful, and quite possibly forged in the depths of hell. I hate them, and I've decided to start a crusade to get Starbucks to shift manufacturers so that we the people can enjoy our iced lattes and frappucinos with ease once again.
A detailed, step-by-step photographic case against the lids after the jump...
Here's the lid. Everything looks normal, but don't let those slits in the center fool you. No straw is getting through there.
Chances are this is the first thing that'll happen when you try to penetrate the lid. You'll be lucky if your straw doesn't tear.
If you're fortunate enough to get the straw in, don't get too excited. Those slits are tight and will crush the straw like an unrelenting vice.
Good luck getting anything through that.
In case you haven't already thrown your tattered straw in the trash by now, you'll have to remove it and pry open a hole. This is unpleasant because a) who wants to stick their finger into their drink? and b) between removing the straw and pokin' around, there's bound to be a small mess.
See?
Of course, just because you fiddled with the slits doesn't mean you're guaranteed success. Look at the multi-pronged way the lid simply devours the straw, even after I'd pushed the slits down.
It's clear that pushing down won't work. The slits need to be aggressively folded back. Not so easy though. To effectively do this, you have to actually take off the lid and work with every slit individually.
Finally, you should wind up with some ridiculous fiasco like this. I suppose the tabs could be folded down too, but either way, you still need to take off the lid.
Meanwhile, you're already onto straw two or three, and you haven't even taken your first sip yet.
At last, success. Three hours later.
So as you can see, the new lids are both massively inconvenient and potentially wasteful. They're a total failure on all fronts, and it's about time that Starbucks knew about this. With your help, we can make a difference! Forward this to your friends, Digg it, share it on StumbleUpon or Buzz or Facebook or wherever else you want (use the share button below). Let's change these lids. Do it for yourself. Do it for the environment. DO IT FOR AMERICA!
Oh, and to pester Starbucks directly, fill out a comment form here.
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Never in my life did I think I'd hear a man complain that a hole was too small for his straw.
I know right!
I just experienced this today and thought it was just a faulty lid I had received! My experience resulted with frap on my shirt, not ok. How annoying to learn that this involves more than just that one annoying lid I ended up discarding this afternoon so that I could enjoy my drink topless! (my drink, not myself)
I will join the revolution to make these lids history!
"just because you fiddled with the slits doesn't mean you're guaranteed success"
This sounded rather sexual too... Who knew a trip to Starbucks would result in such slutty activities???
It's all very suggestive, and if anything, Starbucks is reaffirming the vagina dentata myth.
ss a regular morning "large iced americano old skool" i have to endure this lid EVERY GODDAMN MORNING and am already way ahead of you on that one, and have been emailing starbucks daily with a new complaint.
however, in talking with my fellow american baristas--they have informed me that starbucks will soon be introducing an equally heavy-duty straw.
i'm terrified of how damn thick that straw will have to be.
THANK YOU!
Words cannot describe the hatred I have for these lids. I went out of town this past weekend and the Starbucks inside my hotel had the old lids. It was fantastic.
Your pictures show exacty what I go through every morning. I looked at every picture and exclaimed "YES!" after each one. I started to get some odd looks in the office.
Forward it to your co-workers!
this happened to me, too! except i ended up getting a small knife and stabbing a hole.
...and that's why I take my caffeine the easy way...through a simple intravenous syringe and cooking spoon like any addict.
no fuss, no muss!
Why don't you save yourself the aggravation (and $20,000 a year) and make your own coffee?
b - did you not see the Chenbot's report on Starbucks and their water hoggery?
http://www.truveo.com/Eco-Groups-Boiling-Mad-Over-Starbucks-Water-Waste/id/2611454756
hb
Here's a suggestion: STOP GOING TO STARBUCKS AND PAYING 50 BUCKS FOR A FREAKIN CUP OF COFFEE!!!!! ok. climbing off soapbox now.
Here's a suggestion: STOP GOING TO STARBUCKS AND PAYING 50 BUCKS FOR A FREAKIN CUP OF COFFEE!!!!! ok. climbing off soapbox now.
feeling bad for you - nothing worse than getting cock blocked on your morning java
I so agree! I have started asking for a domed lid to just avoid the issue altogether.
I'm a daily Iced Coffee drinker too (Iced Grande Vanilla Non-Fat 2 Splenda Latte.) These new lids are the worst!! As a tip, the Starbucks long straws seem to be built tougher than the short ones, and they don't get mangled in the process.
"just because you fiddled with the slits doesn't mean you're guaranteed success"
fiddling with SLUTS though, often yields a guaranteed success
just an update that this morning when i got my usual iced americano, and did the typical jab-my-finger through the tight slit did the lid tear, and catch my finger.
so when i had to pull it back through, the lid CUT MY FUCKING FINGER! yes, these starbucks lids have literally DRAWN BLOOD
but its all in the name of being well balanced at 8am.
jash- I laugh at the fact that you'll bleed for your coffee. That's dedication!
Ok - my starbucks just got these lids this morning and I know can appreciate your struggle. I very loudly told the barista that the lids are ridiculous and asked for the number to make a complaint. Since I am at work with time on my hands I am calling them with different names from the twelve different lines we have! They are so going to hate me, but these lids must go away!