For the first time in ages, I actually sat down and watched all of the Grammys last night. It wasn't intentional — I was gonna work on my screenplay. Buuuutttt... I started watching during dinner, and then I got sucked in, attracted by the energetic musical numbers and endless parade of insufferable celebrities. Overall, I thought it was a pretty good show. I did have some minor complaints though. First of all, during Neil Diamond's rousing performance of "Sweet Caroline," would it have hurt the director to have cut to the audience here and there? After all, it kind of is the ultimate singalong tune — why not show T.I. or Nicole Kidman belting it out too? And speaking of Nicole Kidman, she seemed royally bored throughout the show, often remaining seated while everyone else gave standing ovations. Granted, someone could drop a paperclip, and they'd get a standing ovation at the Grammys, but that's nearly here nor there. When Jennifer Hudson brought the audience to their feet, there was Nicky Kids, eager to sit back down after about two seconds of being on her feet.
In terms of other annoying elements, I'd have to nominate the brief "Bridge Over Troubled Water" duet of Al Green and Duffy for Outstanding Attempt To Make Me Go Deaf. They're both good singers, but together they sounded like two buzz saws going at it. Meanwhile, Duffy's British counterpart, Adele, was funny in her acceptance speech when she jokingly expressed love for the Jonas Brothers. I just wish she could have spit out her gum beforehand. Not very classy.
There were plenty of other noteworthy elements (MIA, in particular), but I think I get most of them in the photocap, which is conveniently after the jump!
"I'm insufferable!"
"I guess I'll just get up here and ramble for five minutes. We've got time to spare, right?"
"Whattup Frandizzle?"
"HAAAAPPPY Hanukkah!"
"You think Coldplay is insufferable? I'll show YOU insufferable! Hit it boys!"
"See, I'm not insufferable. I just suck."
"All I want to do is [bang bang bang bang] and [whoosh, cling!] and take your tablecloth-and-make-it-my-dress!"
"Allo! Prior to what Bono may have suggested, it is WE who are the most insufferable!"
"Good evening. My name is Gwyneth Paltrow, and I live in London. Contrary to what my husband's band says, it is I who is the most insufferable. Thank you."
"Is this thing on? Just kidding. Now, who am I?"
"I'd like say fanks to the Academy as well as my friends Nafan and Basil!"
"Boobs boobs a girl, and I boobsed it!"
Best outfit of the night, hands down.
"We're old and boring; so as you can see, we really weren't too surprised to sweep the Grammys."
"Slow your roll, Kanye."
"Who, me?"
"I've lost my voice but people still like me. Yaaaay!!!!"
Something tells me Stevie Wonder could have done without the Jonas brothers yelling "C'MON STEVIE!" every two seconds.
The second coming of Ike and Tina? Except more nasal!
Yay for Jennifer Hudson! However, someone should tell her there's a piece of paper being blown onto her chest.
"Let's sing a song that'll put everyone to sleep."
"Yeah!"
"You all don't mind if I simply speak the song, do you?"
Taylor: "I'd like to note that on my album, Miley does NOT sing with me; so it doesn't sound as bad. Listen, you'll see!"
"I think I'm going to take this opportunity to complain again. If my mother's death taught me anything, it's that life is too short to not complain more."
Oooh! Meta Mayer!
"Excuse me. Excuse me. I hate to interrupt, but contrary to what Gwyneth Paltrow suggested earlier, I'd like to clarify that it is I, Jamie Foxx, who is the MOST insufferable person here. I'm also the best."
"My mum always told me to never chew gum during an acceptance speech, but I say bollucks to that! I'm gonna chew it, even if it makes me look like a low class wanker searching for a scone!"
"I also want to say fanks to Wagamama's for providing me with countless noodle dishes whilst I recorded this album. I'll be sure to send the CEO a gift basket full of clotted cream and marmite!"
By the way, this was by far the best performance of the night.
Huh? Tia Carrere won a Grammy? Seriously, everyone gets one of these things. Who's next? BEAU BRIDGES???
Oh COME ON!
Who would have thought Natalie Cole would be the one to provide the evening's closest wardrobe malfunction? And by the way, I'm fairly convinced I saw some areola.
"And I'd like to say fanks to the entire cast of Fawlty Towers. Wivout you, I wouldn't be standing here wifv my Grammy!"
"Seriously, could someone help me get this piece of paper off my chest?"
Miley: "I did good, right?"
Taylor: "Never sing with me again."
"I wanted to wear a dress that made me look saggy AND wide!"
"I can't wait to see my very, VERY good friend, Justin Timberlake."
"Did you hear my duet with Al Green? Was that not the most horrifying noise you ever heard two people make? Fank you."
Chenbot!
"Bobby? Bobby, is that you? Bobby Brown?"
"Excuse me, hi, I'm back. I know there's been some debate tonight over who is the most insufferable person here, but I'd like to remind you that I am Gwyneth Paltrow. I rest my case."
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Ugh, that "duet" with Miley was horrible. Miley can't sing to save her life. She absolutely ruined Taylor's song.
I loved the bit with Radiohead and the USC marching band, too bad that uptight snob introduced them. I had to mute the TV while she spoke and she looked like a frigid disco ball.
I see you went with the Ike and Tina reference - I was leaning towards the Whitney and Bobby Brown mold. Chris better be careful. I would not fuck with Jay Z.
I would rather listen to Al Green than RiRi anyday.
Blink 182 is back together. The audience yawned. HA.
hb
You're all correct...Miley massacred that duet. Putting her with another singer only shows how AWFUL her voice really is.
Hmmm....the Jonas Brothers and Stevie. It appears the Grammy folks were trying to make the oddest couples perform together.
I do have to say, I'm a Justin Timerberlake fan. At least he seems to have a sense of humor in real life and doesn't take himself too seriously.
And both my kids (ages 14 and 16) thought Whitney was drunk.
I didn't watch but I think I got the gist of it from that laugh-out-loud photocap. Excellent as always, B-Side.
Whitney looked so pretty, until she opened her mouth! I muted the volume during the Miley Swift duet, and would have during the Jonas Brothers as well if not for the fact that Stevie was singing with them.
Jennifer Hudson is a strong woman. Kudos to her!
i thought katy perry's performance was awful. she just skipped around the stage.
and teaming up miley with taylor was just awful. taylor's voice is so natural and miley sound slike shes killing herself just to get the words out. lol.
im glad mayer won. hes good.
and i soo thought whitney was drunk. she was kinda slurring her words.
and the swagga performance will prolly go down in the grammy history books. performances like that always do . i cant tell you how many times ive seen the lady marmalade performance. lol. but christina pretty much outdoes them all. lol.
Loved the photocap, Bside... Fantastic as usual.
I can't say enough about Jennifer Hudson. I had to find it on Youtube and watch it again.
I also can't believe that Cracky, I mean Whitney, was drunk (allegedly) on tv and I missed it!!!!! Is that on youtube???????
the only thing WORSE than that swagga performance was mia's outfit. holla.
That was deeelightful. Photocap my life for me, please.
Funny, I never watch the Grammy's either but I did last night.
MIA's ensemble? Brilliant. Just brilliant, I couldn't take my eyes off if it. I wonder if it was meant to distract us just in case the baby popped out during the performance.
I noticed Whitney's slurring too, but I think it's from ill-fitting dentures or temporary dental fittings; Marcia Clark had the same problem in interviews after her OJ book came out, and it was from dental procedures while she was getting implants. I think Whitney lost a lot of teeth through crack addiction, and getting smacked around by B-Brown.
As for Katy Perry and Adele - FLATS with those dresses. No. No. No. It's just not done after age 14.
Gwyneth and Cold Play dude remind me of Philosophy grad students - a whole lotta pretentious assery. They are serious. Serious douche-bags.
Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers - meh, I don't get it. Those boys are so... bouncy.
I only checked out bits and pieces...I liked the photo recap much better than what I saw. And in an odd coincidence Lifetime was showing the Tina Turner movie with Angela Basset it over ran part of the Grammy Awards...planned or accident?
Can Miley Cyrus sing with her eyes open? Does she think it makes her a more serious singer to squish her face and close her eyes?
Whitney was definitely under the influence of something and what was with the boot comment and then flingy aside her dress to reveal her leg?
Can't say I liked the M.I.A. outfit - before OR after. I wonder if she had that baby yet.
Oh, and Katy Perry can't sing and dance at the same time.
Clearly, that is NOT a tablecloth, it is a SHOWER CURTAIN. Get your fashions right!!
My husband thought the Katy Perry song was hot... I kept saying, but she's wearing fake bananas!! He said, "I know!" Whatevah--but it was the only part of the show we caught.
Thank you for the recap. I am so appreciative of those who allow me to not watch shows I really don't want to and just hit the high and low lights. :)
Adele - the British version of Duffy?! You do realise that Duffy is British dont you? Well, Welsh, but that's still British. Well, if not, consider yourself informed buster!