America Gets It Almost Right... and Almost Very Wrong

Based on his facial expression, I'd say he was pretty shocked too. He looked like absolute death up there on the stage, all the color draining from his face (not to mention his stress pimple on the forehead). I thought he might pass out. He certainly wasn't as mentally prepared as Michael Sarver, his less lucky companion in the bottom. The Sarve was all smiles as he rightly predicted this would be the end of the road for him. Sure enough, America sent him packing, and after an utterly forced encore of "Ain't Too Proud to Beg," the judges opted not to save him. No surprise there. The only shocking thing was that after his reprisal, the judges admitted they still hadn't made a decision. C'mon now. All you had to do was listen to that first note to know that he was not worthy of sticking around.

To Michael's credit, his personality had gone from bland to winsome recently, and I did feel slightly sad to see him go — only because he seems like such a nice guy. I guess I really didn't give Middle America enough credit when I said they'd keep him around for another week or two.

Of course, Middle America is not off the hook just yet (and do you like how I blame all of Idol's ills on Middle America? Kind of snobby of me. Sorry.) I think we all know where my hostility is about to be directed. I'm talking about the elephant in the room. The blind elephant, as it were. That's right: Scott MacIntyre — the Sanjaya of season eight.

People, he's horrific.

I was so pleased when he wound up in the bottom three, but then equally dismayed when Ryan sent him back to the couch seconds later. How could he be safe? The guy can't hit a note. He literally can't hit a note. There's no reason for him to be around. I was happy that Sarver went home, but really, Scott should have been first.

As for the rest of the show, it was fairly benign. Stevie Wonder got on stage and sang for about forty-five minutes, which was cool, but I was kind of over it after the third song of his medley. I know he's a superstar and whatnot, but I wanted to move ahead to the results. Kara DioGuardi, however, looked to be having the time of her life. She was about two Skinny Girl Margaritas away from getting on top of the judge's table and shaking her thang.

What else.. what else...

Oh. Kris Allen. The poor kid is so gullible. He totally fell for Ryan's trickiness and thought he was in the bottom three. Someone should just get him a t-shirt that says "Awww shucks" already. You know, a real superstar would be more confident, KRIS. Hopefully Ryan will be able to fool him next week too. My suggestion: "Kris, you are in the bottom three... of people that America would like to see in the bottom three. Congrats! You're safe!!!" (Get it? Because America's bottom three of people they'd like to see in the bottom three would actually be the three people they'd least like to see go home. Hello? Is this thing on??)

Anyway, I can't really remember much else terribly noteworthy in the show. Smokey Robinson sang with Joss Stone (also boring), the Idols lip synched through a Motown medley (lame), and Terrence Howard appeared behind Kara for a good chunk of the show (intriguing). Oh, Ruben Studdard showed up to sing yet another forgettable song — and also to remind us that Anoop's upper lip sweat really ain't that bad. As for Adam Lambert, he hammed it up again by squealing through his portion of the group song, thus reminding us that the awful, showboating monster is indeed back. Oh well.

That's basically it. I know I'm forgetting something, but I have no patience to remember what it could be.

What did you think about the show? What about the results?