IDOL RECAP: Parental Edition


Today, I could sit back and recap last night’s American Idol — you know, discuss how awesome Allison was, continue to feel disappointed with Lil, deride Danny Gokey’s trainwreck of an arrangement, welcome Matt Giraud’s return to form, bash Scott MacIntyre’s worst performance to date (time to go home), gently applaud Anoop for a tender moment, cringe ever so slightly at the not totally awesome Kris Allen song, or respectfully appreciate Adam Lambert’s take on Tears for Fears (even though it wasn’t as wonderful as Simon made it out to be; although, I also realize that in person, it may have been totally riveting). Yes, I could do all that, but I thought of something better. You see, I’m at my parents’ house, and the Tivo is in their bedroom, which meant that I had to submit them to the torture (in their eyes, not mine) of American Idol. Needless to say, they had many choice quotes about the proceedings, and I decided it would be better to relay those as they were funnier than anything I could have written.

Here’s a full list of quotes from my parents, who were more or less asleep during the show (when the caterwauling wasn’t waking them up).
“GIVE HIM THE HOOK!” —my dad re: Gokey.
“He has no voice. He can’t sing.” —my dad re: Gokey again.
“He sounds like he’s taking a crap on the toilet, squeezing one out.” —my dad re: Anoop.
“Listen to his voice. Do you like the way that sounds?” —my dad re: Anoop.
“See? He loves his parents. He’s a good son.” —my mom re: Anoop.
“What’s Love Got To Do? Got to do with it?” —my mom singing along to Lil. (To be fair, it’s like my mom’s favorite song; so she’ll sing it whenever she can.)
“Oh, she is OBNOXIOUS!!!! Totally phony!” —my mom, randomly re: Kara while Kara was doling out praise on someone.
“I actually like her voice. It’s husky.” —my mom re: Allison. (I back that)
“How much longer is this?” —my mom after Scott. Oddly enough, no angry commentary during Scott’s awful performance. I think my parents may have fallen asleep — deservedly.
By the time Matt Giraud came on stage, they were completely out; so no commentary on him or Adam, which is too bad because they would have hated both.
So anyway, you heard it here first: Allison Iraheta gets the parental award of distinction. The rest: FEH!