KELL ON EARTH PHOTOCAP: One Day You're In, and The Next, You're Out

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With the mania of fashion week (or rather, FUCKING FASHION WEEK) over at Kell On Earth, one would think things would calm down at the offices of People’s Revolution, but as last night’s episode showed us, there’s still plenty of wonderful chaos swirling about at any given time of the day. Yes, there were tears and heartache in spades as not one, but two people got fired over the course of the hour. Well, actually, three people got the axe. Although, one of them sort of quit amidst the firing. It’s hard to say. The point is, people lost their jobs, and there was much bitchery to go along with it.


The big news of course was that Stephanie Vorhees finally got canned. We could see this coming from a mile away, or at least since the first episode when she first displayed that lovely blend of incompetence and a lack of resourcefulness. For episodes on end, she would explain to us and her superiors and anyone else with at least one functioning eardrum that the source of her problems was that she had simply never been trained in the areas where she was faltering. I empathized at first, but when the mere concept of putting a stamp on an envelope seemed to stymie her, it became apparent that she had to go. Kelly seemed rather unimpressed with her efforts, but at least there was a surprisingly nurturing vibe she sent off to Vorhees. The same cannot be said for Robyn and Emily, who could barely mask their total disdain. To Vorhees’ credit, I will say that it’s difficult to work effectively under someone like Emily who never misses an opportunity to lash out at an underling. But of course, to Emily’s credit, it’s difficult to be friendly to someone who fumbles through even the most simple task. It’s a chicken-or-the-egg scenario, and either way, it’s safe to say that the two women together do not make a productive duo.
Seeing the writing on the wall, Vorhees attempted to salvage some dignity by nipping the firing in the bud. No, she didn’t quit. She instead walked up to Emily and said, “I know I’m getting fired so…” Dignity = lost. It was such a bizarre, unprofessional display. The smart thing would have been to have realized things weren’t working out and say, “You know, I think this just isn’t the right fit for me. I don’t want to quit, but I think I’m hindering things more for both of us by staying on board.” Or if she were even smarter, she would have just relaxed, let the axe fall, and then collect unemployment.
But going up to her boss and putting the words “You’re fired” into her mouth? Dumb. Perhaps even dumber was the exit-interview that Robyn and Emily conducted with Vorhees moments later. I suppose this is part of the hiring and firing process, but it seemed to only be a withering showdown resulting in nothing. Steph bitched about never having been trained in anything, and the other two women, when they weren’t looking bored or appalled, belittled their departing employee with passive-aggressive remarks about her experience. Eventually Vorhees slunk out of the office, leaving only the Andrews and Stephanie Skinner left to man the ship.
As for the rest of the episode, Kelly and the senior staff headed off to London to oversee a fashion show. Nothing too thrilling happened there beyond Kelly happily ejecting some Brits from a few choice seats. Also noteworthy was the introduction of an assistant named Elide, who lasted all of twenty minutes on the show. No sooner had we learned about her than she was cut for having partied too hard on a work weekend. At least she lasted longer than the idiot girl who was hired to replace her. Andrew (the longhaired one whose voice always sounds like he’s saying “BLAAAAAH”) found what seemed like an ideal assistant candidate, but just ten minutes after she had booked the job, Skinner found the girl’s Twitter page, and lo and behold, the newest member of People’s Revolution was sharing ALL with the Twitterverse. Dumb. Needless to say, her job offer was quickly “declined.” The kids these days.
Anyway, here’s the photocap:

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Emily: “Could you close the window? It’s freezing in here.”
Stephanie: “Yeah, well, okay I’ll make that my highest priority.”
“Why are you still standing here?”
“It’s just that, I don’t know. Okay. I’ll close the window.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s just that no one ever taught me how to close a window; so… okay, fine, I’ll just figure it out.”
“Please do.”
“It’s just… no one ever told me how to figure it out.”
“Are you serious?”
“Maybe. No one ever told me what serious meant.”

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“I think Andrew left his tanning outfit at the office.”

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“This is what you call multiculturalism in the power bitch world!”

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With little fanfare, Andrew finds his pod and returns to his home planet 360 years in the future.

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“It’th Brithney, Bithhhh.”

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Emily: “Vorhees, could you please put on a shirt?”
“Okay, yeah, I can do that, but, like, no one ever told me how.”
“Do you even know what a shirt IS?”
“Honestly, no. But I’ll make that my top priority to learn.”
“I’ll just tell you.”
“No, don’t do that. You already have so much on your plate. I don’t want to bother you with it. I’ll just… I don’t know. I’ll find out somehow…”

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“Mommy, when do I become a power bitch??”

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“I’m sorry for laughing. I totally just got this mental image of Vorhees falling into a vat of sulfuric acid and totally DYING. LOLOLOLOL!”

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“I’m so happy you’re here, Kelly!”
“How could I miss it? IT’S FUCKING FASHION WEEK!”

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“I’m not wearing bronzer. It’s actually just Atavin I’ve crushed into a powder, mixed with molasses, and slathered on my face.”

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“IT’S FUCKING HELICOPTER WEEK!”

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“This is called flying in the POWER BITCH WORLD!!”

What did you think about this episode? Did Vorhees deserve a more helpful boss? Or was Emily justified in her frustrated outbursts?

7 replies on “KELL ON EARTH PHOTOCAP: One Day You're In, and The Next, You're Out”

  1. “We bring staff members to service us. They are expected to hold their liquor, keep their dresses on, and make it through.”
    hb

  2. I am going to wait to read your recap until I’ve seen the episode, but I did want to point out the optical illusion in the photo. I think Kelly would look nice with a bouffant bun.

  3. Please tell me that Vorhees cannot be that incompetent. I thought she was a college grad and she is overwhelmed by simple task like giving out directions to interns on how to label gift bags or envelopes. Emily was more than justified and I’m surprised she lasted this long.
    B, where is a pic of Kelly’s baby daddy for your female readers? He is way past HOT!!

  4. They were completely justified in canning Vorhees. The skills that one needs for the job, as basic as making labels and stamping envelopes, is stuff people learn in middle school. This is a super-rich girl who had everything handed to her, who never had to figure out anything for herself. It made me crazy just watching her, I can only imagine what it would have been like to be in an office with her.
    She even said it herself… she’s never been fired from anything, because this is her first experience in the workplace. This is a grownup who has graduated college, got a highly sought-after internship at People’s Republic and somehow got hired as an assistant or whatever. Probably all because of mommy & daddy.
    It was infuriating, and the firing was great. I dont know that I would have been able to hold back as much as Emily & Robin did.

  5. jennifer30307 – I totally thought Kelly rocked an updo for a split second!
    “It’th Brithney, Bithhhh.” absolutely kiiiiilled me. Too funny!

  6. B-side, hilarious as usual. However, correct me if i am wrong, but Step-on-me V was screwed either way the axe fell. If you are fired from a job, or if you quit a job, you are ineligible to collect unemployment. And how have you not commented on stephanie skinners skeletor-like looks? perhaps you are more tactful and kinder than me 🙂

  7. Barbara Simmons – What a lovely video of a gorouges baby & two handsome parents!!!!I love the name Bethany; she is so adorable. Congratulations to you both. Enjoy every minute. They grow up so fast!Thanks so much for sharing.Barb

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