Miss J Demoted On 'Top Model'

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Breaking news! According to Reality Blurred, androgynous Top Model mainstay “Miss J”Alexander has been demoted from judge to mentor, thus meaning we’ll be deprived of some of the runway coach’s more thoughtful insights such as “She done better show that BOOTY!” or “TWEET TWEET TWEET LIKE A BIRD, GIRL!” or “That’s not a model face, that’s a model TRAIN face! Because that face is a TRAIN WRECK! TOOOT TOOOOOT TOOOOOOOT!!! She crashed into a cow on the train tracks with her face! And that cow was her body because she got a cow body! MoooOOOO!!!”
Taking over the vacant spot on the panel will be fashion personality André Leon Talley, who certainly is no less annoying than Miss J, but at least he has some clout in the industry to legitimize himself.
When asked to comment about his demotion, Miss J merely replied “OOOOooooooOOOOoooOOOOOO child!!!”, later adding “He done better get his booo-booo-BOOO on the mmmmHMMMMM, weeeeeOOOOOweeee.” He then fluttered his eye lashes, patted his hair, and said “This is a hot mess right here, that’s what it is.” At which point Tyra appeared out of nowhere to announce, “You so crazy, Miss J!” causing Miss J to respond, “Crazy like a fool! CUCKOOO! CUCKOO!! CUCKOO!!!” This in turn caused Tyra to repeatedly thrust herself forward like a fierce cuckoo bird, with Miss J shouting “WURK IT! WURK IT!” with each surge forward.
Actually, none of that happened, but to read more, check out the full story here.

2 replies on “Miss J Demoted On 'Top Model'”

  1. I definitely just played that out in my head like it really happened, like I’m talking full on head-bobbing, finger-shaking goodness. I’m not even going to click on “the full story” because your version is wayyyy better (& probably way more accurate!). Love it! ?

  2. I loved your version of the conversation, myself. I’ll miss his outrageous getups and his goofy method of counting down the models. Sleeves, bows, hairnets, the hole wackadoo method.

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