ADVENTURES IN HEROISM: Saving My Dear Friend From A Feral Beast


As is often the case, I had a sudden and intense craving for frozen yogurt last night, and when I asked my dearest friend Sly if she’d like to join me, she made a proposition: she would come with me if I went up to her apartment and fulfilled her deepest needs, and in this case, her deepest needs involved killing a spider. Being the gentleman that I am, I happily headed up the street to Sly’s dwelling where I found her cowering behind her door, her face full of dread and fear. I sincerely felt pity for this woman, and from my pity sprang a deep surge of manliness — the sort of manliness that made me want to save this trembling lass from the tormentor that, er, tormented her so.
But of course, I wasn’t about to do anything without being documented. Fuzzy pictures of the experience after the jump. Animal activists and PETA representatives be warned: you won’t be happy.

Here I am, having just arrived to save the day. The screwy face is part of my heroics.

Sly likes to keep her face off this blog, but I can assure you her expression was not unlike this one.

Time to get to work. We opted not to use a flash, lest it startle the spider back into hiding.

Very carefully, I peel off two paper towels from a roll. They shall be my tools of destruction.

The spider has been spotted. It looks like a mere dot in this photo, but I can assure you it is fairly large and scary.

Dramatic recreation.

With the spider located, I go in for the kill. Sly, meanwhile, has approved flash photography again. How convenient of her to aggravate the spider while I’m just striking distance away. I swear, if I get a spider bite…

Luckily, I easily overpower the spider. Here I am post-capture / squishing.

I win!

Here’s me taking a picture of my bounty.

The spider, having reached its untimely end.

I extend the paper-towel-wrapped spider towards Sly, but she seems resistant to view it. In fact, she throws up a hand in protest of me inching any closer to her than necessary. Note her guarded stance.

Of course, I do inch closer, causing Sly to dart into the safety of her bathroom like a frightened giraffe.

And now she’s sealed herself in.

The spider, meanwhile, finds a permanent resting place in Sly’s trash.

The frozen yogurt, I should note, was delicious.

8 replies on “ADVENTURES IN HEROISM: Saving My Dear Friend From A Feral Beast”

  1. Look! In that last picture on the far right in the shadow. It’s not dead and climbing out! “I’m free! I’m free! Now I’m going to get the rest of my gang and take over this place.”
    I’ve been in a somewhat dejected mood this morning. Thanks for the laughs and cheering me up.

  2. Ugh, I hate spiders. Just looking at the pictures gives me the creeps…especially the “dramatic recreation.” Reminds me of “Arachnaphobia.”

  3. Why didn’t you take the spider to the toilet, drop it in, and flush, thereby giving it a proper “burial at sea”?
    And please don’t tell me I’m wasting water. It’s not the mouse from the”Green Mile”

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