As is often the case, I had a sudden and intense craving for frozen yogurt last night, and when I asked my dearest friend Sly if she’d like to join me, she made a proposition: she would come with me if I went up to her apartment and fulfilled her deepest needs, and in this case, her deepest needs involved killing a spider. Being the gentleman that I am, I happily headed up the street to Sly’s dwelling where I found her cowering behind her door, her face full of dread and fear. I sincerely felt pity for this woman, and from my pity sprang a deep surge of manliness — the sort of manliness that made me want to save this trembling lass from the tormentor that, er, tormented her so.
But of course, I wasn’t about to do anything without being documented. Fuzzy pictures of the experience after the jump. Animal activists and PETA representatives be warned: you won’t be happy.
Here I am, having just arrived to save the day. The screwy face is part of my heroics.
Sly likes to keep her face off this blog, but I can assure you her expression was not unlike this one.
Time to get to work. We opted not to use a flash, lest it startle the spider back into hiding.
Very carefully, I peel off two paper towels from a roll. They shall be my tools of destruction.
The spider has been spotted. It looks like a mere dot in this photo, but I can assure you it is fairly large and scary.
With the spider located, I go in for the kill. Sly, meanwhile, has approved flash photography again. How convenient of her to aggravate the spider while I’m just striking distance away. I swear, if I get a spider bite…
Luckily, I easily overpower the spider. Here I am post-capture / squishing.
Here’s me taking a picture of my bounty.
The spider, having reached its untimely end.
I extend the paper-towel-wrapped spider towards Sly, but she seems resistant to view it. In fact, she throws up a hand in protest of me inching any closer to her than necessary. Note her guarded stance.
Of course, I do inch closer, causing Sly to dart into the safety of her bathroom like a frightened giraffe.
And now she’s sealed herself in.
The spider, meanwhile, finds a permanent resting place in Sly’s trash.
The frozen yogurt, I should note, was delicious.