Big news! Bethenny Frankel got engaged! All those who actually care, raise your hands. Okay, that’s about three of you. Nevertheless, this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City centered around Bethenny’s engagement, which consisted of her explaining how she’s simply not the type to make a big fuss about the news before going on national TV and making a big fuss about the news. First stop on the celebration tour was Alex’s humble abode in Brooklyn where within two seconds after exchanging pleasantries, Bethenny dropped the bomb. She did it in a casual way, as if to say “Hey, no big deal,” but clearly it was a big deal because Bethenny then reiterated over and over again how nice it was to have someone be happy for her with no strings attached (although, I personally believe there were strings attached, but only because Alex sort of reminds me of a gangly marionette).
Nevertheless, Alex was sincerely happy for her self-absorbed friend, and her reaction was certainly sweeter and kinder than the rest of the wolf pack’s later in the episode when Bethenny broke the big news at an event hosted by Kelly. Once again displaying faux-modesty, Bethenny casually shared the news with Ramona, who flipped her lid in true Ramona style. Of course, Bethenny could have announced that stockings were on sale at Macy’s, and Ramona would have reacted just the same, but that’s neither here nor there.
Ramona soon shared the news with Mario and Sonja and Kelly, but not LuAnn and Jill, who had already zipped out of the area so as to avoid any interaction with The Skinny Girl herself. Truth be told, it was a heinously immature move. It’s shocking that these women couldn’t just put on a smiley face and pretend to be nice to Bethenny (after all, that’s what the rest of their Hamptons friends do to them), but I suppose interpersonal relations have never been a strong suit for the Housewives.
Well, while Bethenny brooded over Jill’s rudeness (ie. moped that someone had ruined her happy night, even though she supposedly wasn’t making a big deal about this engagement), Jill and LuAnn snickered to themselves in the corner like two mean girls. Kelly, who may or may not have been searching for some spare fabric to cover her cootch, ambled by and instantly made things more awkward by hailing over Jason, the lucky fiancÃ© of the evening. The women were polite to him; although, Jill’s discomfort could not have been more thinly veiled. It was unpleasant.
Eventually LuAnn sauntered up to Bethenny to do the “polite” thing, which in this case meant congratulating her and then immediately attacking her for calling her a snake. Oy. To be fair, Bethenny totally apologized, and it felt sincere, and LuAnn looked like she believed it too. So there we go: small progress in Bitchville.
Jill, meanwhile, lingered around by herself, coming up with excuses not to talk to Bethenny, saying she was looking for Bobby. Well, she did eventually find her hubby, and then it occurred to her that hmmm, maybe she should be the bigger person and say congrats. And so just as Bethenny was leaving, Jill attempted to extend a small olive branch by congratulating her on the street before ooohing and ahhhing over the ring in a stunning display of phoniness. Sadly, even though it felt like a remarkably materialistic moment, I think we know this was Jill’s strange way of connecting. Bethenny wasn’t having any of it though, later complaining that Jill cared more about the rock than the relationship. Another setback for this crumbling friendship.
As for the rest of the episode, we mostly dealt with slice-of-life shenanigans. Ramona once again clucked on and on about renewal and renewing her vows (this time to her daughter who is growing up right before our eyes. Aww). LuAnn meanwhile went on a fruitless apartment search, the highlight of which was her gasping “Darling, it’s a BRICK WALL!” Needless to say, she did not find what she was looking for.
We also learned a bit more about Sonja, who may or may not be a bit bonkers herself. She’s certainly self-possessed and slutty like Samantha on Sex and the City, but I detect a lovely undercurrent of neurosis and narcissism there too, which always makes for fun times. She spent most of the episode sipping down booze and fixating on this Max guy. So far so good.
Anyway, on to the photocap:
“GINGE-AH! You gonna poop? You gonna poop all over mommy’s floor? That’s a good dawg. Poop wherever you want. Now lick me in the nose.”
“BAWWWBY!! GINGE-AH went CAAAAAH-CAAAAAH on the ZAAAAARIN FAAAAABRICS!”
“Hi Alex! How are you?”
Alex: “I’m grea–“
“Well look at me pouring water into a glass. I’d like to see THAT BITCH Jill Zarin do that.”
“Okay Bethenny. Let’s do a water duel. On the count of three, we each fling our glasses of water at each other. One… two… THREE!”
Waiter: “May I tell you ladies about today’s specials?”
Sonja: “I already know what I want: you. IN MY VAGINA!”
“MOM! What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to help with the pancakes. Here are some eggs!”
“Those aren’t eggs. That’s your shampoo.”
“Oopsies! I’ll go get the conditioner! BYEEEEEE!!!”
“Do you like my top? It’s supposed to look like a lily pad. You know, I’m very into nature and spring because, well, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’ve been going through a RENEWAL, and as part of this RENEWAL, I’m wearing a lot of natural spring looks. I think you should compliment me now. The fact that you haven’t said something nice about my renewal is a little rude. No, you know what it is? It’s dÃ©classÃ©. That’s what it is: dÃ©classÃ©. Sorry! It’s dÃ©classÃ©.””
Realtor: “I want you to consider something: an apartment that only has two floors.”
“No, no, no, no, no my love.”
LuAnn: “Just so you know, it’s not essential for me to have a doorbell as I carry one around my neck at all times.”
“It’s so nice to be back on the Upper East Side, away from all those hippies and poors. Now if only I could find a nice Polynesian man to bang the gong on my chest and start the luau. They do that, right?”
Jill: “GINGE-AH, say hi to Aunt Lisa. Say hi to Aunt Lisa! So wrong to say hi to Aunt Lisa?”
“Awwww, Ginge-ah. She’s a regular Joy Behar that one.”
Gloria: “This one, she smiles when everyone else is sad.”
Lisa: “Mommy, she’s allowed to smile.”
Jill: “So wrong she smiles?”
Gloria: “It’s a shiva!”
Jill: “God forbid you smile at a shiva call.”
Gloria: “Fine, let her smile. It’s a free country. Of course, leave it to my slut daughter to want to smile at a shiva.”
Jill: “First of all, I never said I was going to the shiva, and second of all, I’m not a slut.”
“Some of the things you wear out of the house: FEH!”
Lisa: “Mommy, be nice.”
Gloria: “I’ll be nice when I’m dead, and I’ll never die; so get used to it.”
“I had the most horrific experience at Whole Foods. The man working by the rutabagas simply would NOT move out of my way. So I blew him and finally found the Arctic Char I’d been searching for.”
Sonja: “Well, as we all know, every man cheats.”
LuAnn: “No, no, no, no, no my love. That certainly didn’t happen with me.”
“But what about the Nigerian Princess?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t recognize countries outside of France; therefore, she doesn’t exist.”
“Oh hello there, Mario. Care to DO me?”
Jill: “Let me tell you something, Kelly. Sometimes you’re a huge idiot.”
“I can’t believe she didn’t congratulate me on my engagement, a concept that I invented!”
“I hope GINGE-AH poops all over your ring. Um, I mean, congrats!!”
What did you think about the episode? Thoughts on the current state of the Jill and Bethenny feud?