REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Introducing the Jill Zarin Scandalocity Monster!

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There’s something exhilarating and yet sad about The Real Housewives of New York City. On the one hand, we’re witnessing the rush and thrill of intense reality TV feuding — a crazy car wreck that seems to only get worse week after week; sort of like a pileup on a foggy highway. On the other hand though, it’s sad. So very sad. It’s sad that we sit here and eat it all up. And it’s sad that these women don’t know how to handle themselves like adults. This week’s episode saw the simmering volcano that is Alex erupt spectacularly, bowling over Jill Zarin with a pyroclastic flow of pent up rage. It was an epic showdown full of screaming and finger pointing. Bethenny and Kelly’s argument last year looked demure in comparison. Truth be told, in a season full of bickering and blowouts, this was certainly the most heated and venomous. It was amazing.

The animosity all stemmed from last week’s bizarro move by Alex, who famously “delivered a message” from Bethenny that the two yentas were now officially kaput. It was an admittedly poor decision on Alex’s part, and as such, Jill was furious with her. Just their luck that three days later, they were both stuck at Sonja and LuAnn’s garden party. Before Jill arrived, LuAnn pulled Alex aside and did her usual thing: haughty scolding. It wasn’t really her place to do so, but to her credit, I did understand what she was trying to do. However, LuAnn failed immensely as she’s truly incapable of being a mediator without being totally condescending. Alex muttered something to us about being annoyed that LuAnn was butting in, but although I like Alex, she perhaps failed to see the hypocrisy of accusing the Countess of meddling when she herself just committed the most flagrant meddling of all with Jill.

Well, Jill did ultimately show up at this party and engaged in frosty greetings with Alex. Then, while Kelly squealed greetings to the guests and the dogs and perhaps a doorknob or two, the rest of the group gabbed away, with Jill noticeably ignoring her new nemesis. This only served to anger Alex more, and when she finally pulled Jill aside in an attempt to apologize for her “delivery,” Jill shut her down. Alex then informed us that this was the pattern with the two of them: they have blowouts, and then whenever Alex wants to apologize, Jill doesn’t want to hear it. I could see her point, but at the same time, Alex was sort of in the wrong about Bethenny’s message, and although Jill has been a vicious beast all season, I think she’s entitled to still be mad. Of course, had she been a bigger person, she would have at least heard Alex out, but asking Jill to be the bigger person is like asking Sarah Palin to speak a coherent sentence (political ZING!).

If only Jill had the sensibility of Bobby, who approached Alex and asked her very kindly in so many words “WTF??” He seemed genuinely concerned, and it’s sad that Jill doesn’t seem to have the thoughtfulness of her husband. Of course, she would claim that she does, what with her sudden desire to make amends with Bethenny. Now that there was a baby on the way, Jill saw this as her chance to be a clucking Jewish aunt. She wanted nothing more than to apologize and talk with Bethenny. I suppose it’s good that she’s finally realized what an ass she’s been and how ridiculous the feud has become, but the damage has been done. We all think Jill is a monster now — even holdout fans like me — and it’s hard to imagine her ever falling back into our good graces. Then again, if Kelly can become likable (not to mention Vicki from Orange County), I suppose anything is possible.

Well, not long after Sonja’s party, all the women were again thrust into the same social space, this time at The Eldridge for a party in Kelly’s honor. Everyone gathered in the cramped space, and if you were expecting a fight, think again. Jill was suddenly lovey-dovey with Alex, greeting her with a warm hello and kisses on the cheek. It didn’t really make sense — either Jill was truly happy to see Alex (unlikely) or she was pretending to be the bigger woman (more likely). Either way, Alex detected phoniness and stalked out of the party with Simon (who seems less present but more goofy this season) by her side. Meanwhile, LuAnn cozied up to a goblin with wide lapels named Coerte, and despite the fact that he seems like the type who hires three manservants to dote on him every summer in Mykonos, she took quite a liking to this shifty character. Say what you will about LuAnn, but she’s actually quite a catch. Certainly she could do better than Golem with highlights. To be fair, Coerte introduced us to the term, “Scandalocity,” which I believe is the measurement of “Scandal” and “velocity,” thus revealing the speed at which someone becomes famous through said scandal. Or something dopey like that.

The other benefit of this budding barfmance was that LuAnn revealed for the first time that she was working on a song. Why? We don’t know. But she promised us that she might be the female equivalent of Barry White. At first I thought she was making a self-depricating joke at the expense of her man voice, but then it became clear that she was actually equating herself to the late singer. I can only imagine what her poor children must be thinking. Actually, I can imagine it: “Why doesn’t mom ever come to taco night? Does she not love us?”

Anyway, we then sat through some forgettable filler (the ladies at a yoga studio, Bethenny crying about her ailing father, Ramona browsing for wedding dresses). And then came the party. Thrown by event planner and new (unofficial) Housewife Jennifer Gilbert, we knew shit was about to go down, thanks to the promos, but we didn’t have any idea of how much shit there would be.

It started unexpectedly when Ramona announced that Bethenny’s father had died. She then revealed she had received an email at 6 AM that morning about it, causing Jill to absolutely freak out. She immediately demanded to know why Ramona hadn’t let her know, totally flipping her lid in the process. It was one of Jill’s more horrendous moments of self-absoprtion. After all, since when is Ramona obligated to pass along information to Jill at the drop of the hat? The entire attack was somewhat pitiful. I suppose Jill felt sudden panic — like she should be there for her friend — followed by anger that she couldn’t be, followed by jealousy that Ramona knew first, followed by helplessness, followed by an inability to process all the aforementioned emotions, thus resulting in rage. Nevertheless, Jill totally freaked out, not listening as Ramona explained how even though the email came in at 6 AM, she hadn’t checked her email until much later and — oh who cares. Ramona shouldn’t have had to justify herself. Jill was being completely unreasonable, and next thing we knew, she had literally shut herself in the pantry with Kelly, leaving LuAnn to stand as a sentry outside the door. And yes, of course, LuAnn quietly declared to Ramona, “You should have said something.”

Well, Jill finally calmed down and emerged from Jennifer’s well-regarded pantry. Ramona tried to soothe things over, but it was hard to tell if Jill could hear anything beyond the sound of her own voice. It seemed like at last, the night was ready to return to normalcy. And then Alex showed up. All smiles and gawky posture, it seemed like this was the same Alex of yore, but no. She was on a mission. She marched right up to Jill, and in the most melodramatic way possible, seethed, “How COULD you?” Oh, okay. So apparently this fight is starting RIGHT NOW.

According to Alex, Jill had texted something to the effect of “Did you hear that Bethenny’s dad died?” and Alex was having none of it. This was not information to be used as gossip, said Alex (who had previously used it as gossip, kind of), and now the gloves were off. Alex came at Jill hard, and when Jill interrupted, Alex essentially told her to shut up. This pissed off Jill to no end, and she too got her finger in Alex’s face and said that no one could speak to her like that.

The following imbroglio was so fast and intense, I can hardly even remember what happened. Basically, Alex accused Jill of always talking and never listening. Then she accused her of being fake. And then she pulled out this line about “You are a MEAN girl! You are in high school! And while you are in high school, I am in Brooklyn!” The madness continued from there as Jill threatened to cut Alex from her social circle, and Alex more than happily accepted such a punishment. Ramona, meanwhile, moseyed on out of the apartment, and suddenly, Jill and Alex were raising a toast to their dead friendship. It was so bizarre and intense, I almost fainted. In many ways it was actually awesome to see Alex lay the smackdown on Jill. I’m not sure how effective it was, but I’m glad someone confronted her about her behavior (similarly, I must give Ramona kaDOOS for telling the Countess that had she not whisked Jill away, she and Bethenny might have made up that one afternoon). Of course, I think Alex would have been more effective had she not been acting like a raving lunatic, but hey, that’s just not good TV.

And so now we’re left with a totally dysfunctional cast, and guess what? It seems like a good chunk of them are all going off to the Virgin Islands to celebrate Ramona’s wedding vow renewals. The madness continues…

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“My love, you truly hurt Jill’s feelings. I think an apology is in order. Let’s face it, you handled yourself very poorly, and being that you’re from Brooklyn, you should be so lucky to have us as friends. Also, I find you occasionally repulsive, and your teeth remind me of Scrabble pieces without the letters. Oh look! Guests! Toodles!”

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“I don’t appreciate you butting into my beef with Jill. That’s not your place. That would be like ME butting into Jill’s beef with Bethenny! Oh wait…”

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LuAnn: “Jill, you’re going to walk into that party, smile, and enjoy yourself, my love. Don’t give Alex the satisfaction of knowing she got the best of you. I mean, are you a shrinking violet? JE CROIS PAS!”

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“I’m not happy about this party. So wrong that I should just go to a party without drama? FEH!”

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“HIIIEEEEE!!! I just opened a door! And now I’m walking inside! BYEEEEE, door!!”

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“HIIIEEEEEE!!! I don’t know where I am, but that’s okay! I’m having a blast!! Okay, BYEEEEEE!!!”

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“How could Alex say that? How could she say she doesn’t like Fiddler on the Roof? For that, I will never forgive her!”

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“Alex, I want to talk to you about Jill for a moment. Something’s been on my mind, and I want to share it with you. SAVE ME!!!!”

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“Alex, you have balls. I wouldn’t have been able to say what you said. And I’m RAMONA.”

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“But you know, I’m also renewed now, and I don’t know if you noticed, but I cut my hair, and it’s just, you know, a whole renewal process, and I think after my father died, I really felt like I should renew, and that’s why I keep my mouth shut. Because when I open my mouth, I get into trouble. Kind of like you [insert suddenly spastic open-jawed laugh with one eye squeezed shut]. But really, what you said was very mean. No, it wasn’t mean. It was déclassé. That’s what it was. Déclassé. Sorry! It was déclassé.”

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Jason: “Did somebody fart in here? Bethenny? Why won’t you look at me?”

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“I just love this dress. I love it. I feel like I’m wrapped up in vanilla soft-serve.”

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“Tell me, LuAnn, do you like men who look like Ellen DeGeneres?”

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LuAnn: “I really think I’ve found the perfect man. He always wants to shop with me, he loves interior design, and whenever we have sex, he does all sorts of kinky things like yelling out ‘Daddy!’ Although, I think he means ‘Who’s your daddy?’ I mean, why would he call me ‘Daddy?'” [insert haughty Countess laugh]

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Sonja: “I find it rather odd that they have these open-air toilets here.”
LuAnn: “These aren’t toilets, my love.”
“Well then. Looks like someone’s about to find a little surprise back here.”

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“Seriously, Ramoner? You want me to go away on a trip with YOU? I’d rather go to Auschwitz. Or worse: BROOKLYN.”

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“How DARE you! The nerve, telling me this is a naked party when everyone else is clothed!”

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“Look at them go! They’re like two rabid dogs. Well, Alex is more of a mangy raccoon [insert haughty Countess laugh]. Sigh…. Don’t we all just HATE Ramona?”

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“Parties are fun!”

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“Oh no! Parties are scary!”

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Alex: “Jill, you are a MEAN girl! You are in high school, and while you are in high school, I am in BROOKLYN!!!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I… I don’t know. I thought it sounded good. I was in the zone.”
“It didn’t make sense.”
“Well, I think what I was going for is that I’m a working mom, and I have things to deal with, and–“
“So wrong that I don’t work? I should be so lucky!”
“It’s not that. It’s just–“
“You’ve crossed the line.”
LuAnn: “I agree.”
Alex: “Excuse me, LuAnn, this is between me and Jill.”
Jill: “Don’t yell at her!”
LuAnn: “Thank you, Jill. Would you believe she called me a snake?”
Alex: “That was Bethenny!”
Jill: “Once again, bragging about how you’re such gooooood friends.”
LuAnn: “It’s just nasty. I mean, ME. A SNAKE!”
Alex: “Listen, we are off message, and I’ve told you countless times–“
LuAnn: “Well that was rude.”
Alex: “What?”
LuAnn: “You said countless.”
Jill: “She said countless. Can you believe this one?”
LuAnn: “I certainly cannot!”
Alex: “I didn’t say it in a pejorative way.”
LuAnn: “My love, I think you are wonderful, but you have SOME mouth on you.”
Jill: “You know what? We ARE through! I’m banning you from my social circle. No more ZAAAARIN FAAAABRICS for you!”
Alex: “Good. I like Calico Corners more!”
[GASPS]
Kelly: “HIIEEEEEEE!!!!”

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Me watching the Housewives.

What did you think about the episode? Did Alex do the right thing?

51 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Introducing the Jill Zarin Scandalocity Monster!”

  1. Jill’s a fucked-up person and immature, but….I hate Alex most of all. She’s above nothing, is unbelievably instrumentalist and has a flawed memory — in season 1, she was crawling up Jill and Bawwwby to get her arrogant brats (yes, they are children, but EVERYONE BUT JILL had something sharp, on-point and unfortunate to say about her offspring and their behavior in s. 1, and from the footage we saw, people weren’t wrong) into a sufficiently snob-worthy school – she wasn’t cheerleading Brooklyn. Ramona and Bethenny had – by FAR – the nastiest stuff to say about her and Simon, both on the show and in their blogs – in the first 2 seasons.

    Now, in lieu of actually going after Jill – because frankly there’s no apparent real basis, if the comments made earlier where B. called Simon ‘repulsive’ in a blog LAST SEASON, where Ramona insinuated emotional abuse in terms of Simon controlling Alex were hunky-dory – Alex, flush in the glow of being Bethenny’s BFF, goes after her. It’s pathetic.

    Alex fucked that party up, by herself. Jill needs massive amounts of therapy but Alex has decided it’s her time to shine. It’s pretty unbelievable.

  2. Boy oh boy… this show just keeps on giving!
    I disagree about RHOC Vickie being “likable” now. She is just on good behavior for the cameras because she was probably horrified by her previously aired behavior. I loathe that woman.
    Jill on the other hand, isn’t a monster (although I think Vickie is). She is just insecure and falling apart all over the place. It’s really uncool of her, though, to not hear people out when they are just trying to make sincere amends to her… not to mention all the other crap she is pulling this season. Her emotions are so surface that I actually feel sorry for her. My guess… menopause. That woman needs some hormones.

    ‘I suppose Jill felt sudden panic — like she should be there for her friend — followed by anger that she couldn’t be, followed by jealousy that Ramona knew first, followed by helplessness, followed by an inability to process all the aforementioned emotions, thus resulting in rage.”

    Brilliant Psycho-analysis!

    LuAnn’s boyfriend IS a goblin!! What a nerdy little guy he is. When she kisses him in the previews for next week – ech… gross.

    I loved this recap and photocap. Definitely one of your best!

  3. So “Guest”, Alex fucked the party up by herself? Hardly. Speaking of flawed memories…

    JILL is the one who caused a big stink with her temper tantrum and ensuing pantry pity party.

    Before Alex arrived.

    Frankly, I don’t even care anymore why Alex decided to call Jill on her shitty behavior. It’s just high time someone did.

  4. So Jill freaks out that Ramona didn’t tell her about Bethenny’s dad, but it turns out that she knew before she ever got to the party and had been texting people about it? She is just gross.

  5. You hit the nail on the head with the Jill psycho-analysis. She was pissed she couldn’t look like a good person. Alex did tell her about Bethenny’s dad and she didn’t even care.

    Luann’s boyfriend is a dork. I can’t believe she was fawning all over him like an idiot. How “Countless” of her.

    You got to love Ramona when she told Luann that they probably would have made up if she hadn’t taken Jill away.

  6. My first comment on the new B-side! LOVE IT!

    Well, I have to agree with all of you. First of all, I am also surprised that Kelly has become likable now too. And, she is almost attractive (from the neck up). Also, I also cannot believe I am admitting that I like Alex for her sanity. But, I think that she totally screwed herself in this whole thing.
    I am the eternal cynic regarding the manufactured “reality” these shows provide, so I almost believe that the Jill and Bethenny think is fake. Not only did I read that the ladies had to bring the drama this season (or be replaced) but also I think Jill and Bethenny make up in the previews.
    So, I have invested all this for a fake fight? I guess I should enjoy it for the entertainment value until Bethenny’s new show premieres in June on Bravo….

  7. Is Guest actually Jill? We all know she’s been writing favorable reviews of her own book on amazon.com so it makes sense that she’d anonymously defend herself in the blogs as well.

  8. The thing that irks me about Jill this season is that her martyrdom has become insufferable.

    She is clearly one of those people who do something and expect something in return. All her previous “kindness” towards Bethenny meant that Bethenny owed her the world. And Bethenny (B) got suffocated, which is why B tried to distance herself from J.

    Jill, next time you take someone in as your friend, do it cuz you care about the person. And don’t feel resentful if good things start happening to her.

    B has tried to make sincere and heartfelt efforts to make things right, but Jill’s martyrdom is horrifying.

    And now, Jill has realized how awful she’s been and is trying to fix things with B. So fake and phony.

  9. Yes, Jennifer, I am Jill, just on break from my Amazon duties. Witty rejoinder, to decide anyone with a different POV is the red-headed yenta herself. I’m sure she’s going to blogs far and wide to call herself fucked-up and immature – I know I would. Wait, I *am* doing that, right?

    Alex came in poised to attack Jill — she whipped it out and urinated all over Jen’s cocktail party — and I contend she did it because she’s a nasty fake-ass person in her own right. The scene earlier this season where she did her uber-dramatic, drawn-out drawl of a “something’s-wrong-with-Bethenny-or-maybe-her-dad-can-you-guess-what-it-is-because-I-know-but-I-can’t-tell-you-because-Bethenny-loves-me-more-now-and-I-can’t-say-but-I’m-no-gossip-because-hinting-and-torturing-with-info-isn’t-gossiping” thing — to me that’s bullshit, and mean, and done obviously to further the wedge between Jill and Bethenny. And that’s fine – Alex certainly has no obligation to fix anyone else’s issues. But don’t step in it and pretend you’re speaking up because of your love for a friend. Bullshit.

    Jill’s been a maniac, but I think Ben’s guess at what’s animating her – a mix of lethal self-absorption and selfishness mixed with a desire to return to being friends with Bethenny, just as before, while knowing that’s probably not possible due in large part to her own behaviors – is probably close to the truth. Jill being way, way wrong with respect to Bethenny doesn’t make smug little SpongeBlonde SquareHead in the right for her hives-covered horseshit. I’m not celebrating Alex’s attempt to glom on to someone else’s conflict. Maybe the appearance of Sonja + Jennifer means both Bethenny and Alex are gone — I hope so.

  10. “…doesn’t make smug little SpongeBlonde SquareHead in the right for her hives-covered horseshit…”

    I think the “per sentence metaphor limit” has been exceeded.

    1. I’ll venture a guess here and say the RHONY board at TWOP must still be closed.

  11. I seriously don’t understand this dynamic – I didn’t come on here to attack posters or to be dissed for no reason in return, but rather to read a funny recap and share, just like the other anons who don’t call themselves anon, what I thought about the show. Disagreeing is one thing but it’s really unnecessary to be snide.

    1. First – Welcome Guest.
      Second – It is obvious that you have not been a long time reader of this blog because if you were you would know that sarcasm is rampant and commenting on others comments is de rigeur.
      Third – I think you fit right in .. “snide wise” that is.

      hb

      1. For real. I was just ribbing you and making fun of Jill’s Amazon adventures. Don’t take it seriously.

  12. Great photocap.
    Alex told Jill what I’ve been saying for weeks. Jill is the mean girl in high school. It’s about time someone told her.
    I hope Alex tells LuAnn how awful her singing is, as well. THAT will be a great episode.

  13. As always great captions, I think that maybe LuAnn is having a problem w/the guy, like maybe an etiquette problem w/dating and being on TV, he tries to kiss her and she sorta turns her cheek, maybe PDA’s are a breech of etiquette?? and did she pay for the spa day, I mean she invited the girls, so I was just wondering ……………….

    1. Good point! You should email Watch What Happens so Andy will ask that on his next show. My guess is that Luann did not pick up the check. What she did pick up was a date who makes Slade Smiley look like a Vanderbilt.

  14. HIIIEEEE, Jill– it’s MEEE, Kellleeee! Wow, wow, wasn’t that party something? You know, with the ranting and the crying, then you disappeared (gee, that was a PANTRY?!), then you were back and there was shrieking and yelling and you and Alex were right in my lap and I hadda lean WAAAY back, ’cause you were BOTH spitting and foaming like crazy and–

    Anyway, it’s good to see you over here on the BEST TV ‘BLOG goin’–See you later, girlfriend.

    P.S. You’re a GUEST? I never even got an invitation…I just crashed, and they take my comments, no prob.

  15. i love that when i googled “scandalocity,” because i had to find out what a joke luann’s new love interest was according to the interwebs, this was the first link that came up. oh how i needed a bside recap tonight. the line about luann liking men who look like ellen killed me, as do all the kelly captions. now do you agree with me about jill????

    1. Okay, okay. I must concede the point.

      (For those wondering, Anna and I had a fierce debate about Jill and Bethenny on our drive back from San Francisco last week. I claimed that while Jill is more in the wrong, Bethenny was wrong too. Anna felt Bethenny didn’t do much wrong)

      1. What Bethenny did “wrong” was to outshine Jill which is a “no no” in Zarin World.

        Jill felt that she would be the “break out” star and begin lining up her “guests” early in the game. Gay Husband Brad who would serve as her “sidekick”, Horrible Gloria who would assume the role of Wise Old Jewish Mother, sister Lisa who has access to a daily radio show thus placing Jill in the multi media category, and Ginger, the creepy little dog who would appear as both an accessory and a barrel of laughs. Zarin Fabrics would be the background piece and would benefit for an increase in sales as a result of her “stardom”.

        Instead, Bravo went with Bethenny and the claws came out. Jill had an agenda and that was to bury Bethenny with the audience by insisting that she was a “poor friend” who let her down in her time of need. However, history for that period has shown that not only was Jill partying all over the US the same summer Bobby was so ill, but that she had not even made mention of his condition on her own FaceBook page. So much of the angst over Bethenny was merely an excuse to “get even” with her for succeeding with her career just as Bethenny had indicated as the reason why she consented to do the show in the first place. Bethenny is a chef by trade and was building a brand.

        Jill considers Bethenny subservient in her role as the Best Friend. Someone Jill could push around, guide, mentor, and advise while looking like the older, wiser confidante. Unfortunately, Bethenny took the spotlight off Jill and dashed her plans for her own spin off series and Bethenny has paid the price.

        Much of this is supposition but I think it kind of answers why the all the vitriol that was issued against Bethenny by Jill. Bethenny made several attempts to discuss the situation but Jill refused her offer. But going back to the time that Jill went off on Bethenny for the signage at the charity event which donated the liquor due to Bethenny’s efforts, where Jill told Bethenny to “leave”, marks the beginning of the end for Bethenny. Instead of being grateful, Jill chose to condemn her. From that point forward Bethenny did not stand a chance.

        1. How long do you think it will be before Jill tells Bobby to “leave?” That poor, dumb slob doesn’t know what’s coming his way—no wait, I bet he’s read “the book”—so he knows his shelf life is soon coming to an end.

  16. I for one am in total agreement with Guest.

    No matter what Jill’s wrongs, she wears her heart on her sleeve. Her errors came from being overbearing mother hen and then taking everything too personally. I believe that Ramona is actually a more extreme (intolerable) version of this, which is why her and Jill always bicker but never break their relationship. Because at the end of the day, you can’t stay mad at yourself. And Bethennay is the opposite in that she guards her heart too much and therefore does not speak the same “emotional language” as Jill and Ramona so there are misunderstandings galore. Though truly all 3 of them are very TRUE people.

    Kelly and Luann are just ridiculous sidekicks at this point and it’s the right places for them. They are much more sympathetic and entertaining when they aren’t vying for the spotlight. Their silliness is just the right amount of lemon zest to lighten up the heavy dish that is all the drama. They are pretentious eye candy that are past the expiration date and have to find their new place in society.

    Alex is the worst. She needs to take a lesson from Kelly and Luann. Initially, her and her gay husband tried to get camera time by acting like they were up and comers on the social scene. Having lost that fight and feeling the threat of being cut out of the show, they are now playing the underdog, exotic-brooklyn-repping, drama-bringing, only “sincere” people on the show card. In fact, Alex and Simon are the most disingenuous of all of them. They will do anything and be anyone to be noticed.

    (I am loving this whole mean girls development. I get a thrill everytime Kelly and Luann flank Jill to take down Alex. — Because I hate Alex. Guess what, in the end Bethanny and Jill will be fine whether they go their own ways or reunite. Alex is like the mole and they’re all playing wack-a-mole and I want them to just keep wacking her until she slithers back into her hole and come to terms with who she really is.)

    1. Awesome insight, I couldn’t agree more. I also think in the whole J vs. B fight that that BOTH women are in the wrong. Alex is the worst because she acts like she’s above being catty or petty, but who comes to a party and acts the way she did. I think Jill freaked out way too much about not knowing about Bethenny’s dad, but it was not a premeditated act, like Alex’s was. That overly dramatic “How COULD you?” made me sick. Even more important, why can’t any of these women wait until the appropriate time/place to bring up their issues with one another? Every single fight or argument is done in a very public place at a party.

    2. Well, we’ll just keep wacking you until you learn the rules of English syntax…good god, my eyes are bleeding after reading your pronoun usage—I guess you wouldn’t know a subjective pronoun if you fell over one. Jeez.

  17. What a funny, funny blog. Laughed myself sillly. One thing please, let’s not make political statements or insults in the column. It is strictly for the Jill haters, not the Dem or GOP haters.

  18. Yay, my first comment on the new website.

    “Tell me, LuAnn, do you like men who look like Ellen DeGeneres?””. I just burst out laughing at work. I love this blog. So So So much.

  19. Your recaps always crack me up. That Court guy looks like he’s stuck in the 80’s and is not coming out anytime soon. I threw up in my mouth a little during the preview of the smooch with the Countess. Can’t wait for next week’s episode for the big song reveal. Unfortunately every time I read about it I get Tardy For The Party stuck in my head for days.

    Was I the only one who didn’t know Bethenny is getting some sort of spinoff/wedding special?

    1. I saw a promo for Bethenny’s show, and I thought it was a series.
      This week’s watch what happens live, will have the Countess LuAnn singing her new song. I cannot wait.

  20. I’m confused, how is it that Jill sent a text to Alex in the afternoon over the news of Bethanny’s dad but goes hysterical when Ramona mentions it at the party?????

  21. Umm, where have you been all my life? OMG I love your recaps…especially the photo-recaps. Spot on with Jill’s psycho-analysis. You give Gawker.com a run for their money, Honey. Love it!

      1. You are a star! Don’t stop blogging – I’m still laughing unbelieveably witty and smart. rock on ! I’ll be a fan forever

  22. This is a great blog! I loved your recap B-Side.

    I’m not a fan of Alex but she had enough of Jill. Those people who defended Jill to trash Alex must be part of the Susan Saunders squadron. Jill deserved it!

  23. The photo captions had me laughing out loud (literally) and making a fool of myself at work 🙂 Thanks for laughs !

  24. Ellen DeGeneres’s unwanted twin is not Court, but Coerte. As in Coerte Felske, hack author of supermarket checkout display novels. His latest is “Scandalocity”, which has to be the only reason he is on the show—to push it. Maybe it will be as “popular” as Jill’s book?

    1. FYI, Commoner – “Hack authors of supermarket checkout display novels” don’t get reviewed. Learn up

  25. Oh My Gosh I was hysterical laughing reading this blog – BRILLIANT. What really freaked me out was Kelly – I mean her analogy of making lemonade our of lemons as something BAD when she did not even know what she was talking about? Then she continues her horrible behavior, on a freaking Yacht in The Virgin Islands – I mean COME ON Bethany is PREGNANT – and you are calling her a whore? Someone who sleeps around. Can we say completely out of line? I was totally horrified by her inane comments and behavior. Jill Zarin IS a mean girl – Shame on you Jilly – you DO NEED to get a life. Bethany was right.

  26. I was clued into this website through the “I hate Jill Zarin” blog and I think your page is hilarious! Keep up the good work!

  27. Literal LOL: “How DARE you! The nerve, telling me this is a naked party when everyone else is clothed!”

    And Kelly’s comments about parties. Priceless. So glad I found about about your blog — through Alex’s twitter no less!

  28. i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again and again…

    “a spoon full of medicine helps the sugar go down…”

    gum gum berries and la lolly pops were around to keep kelly calmed down.

    she is all kinds of crazy…

    she was and is out of line the way she talks to the other castmates on real housewives of new york. she isn’t very smart and has a hard time keeping up on what is being said to her.

    she isn’t the brightest knife in the egg carton…

    sonja let the cat out of the bag whenever she noticed the strong, strange smell that was coming from kellys’ room on the yacht. at first i thought sonja was being rude talking about someone elses yacht smelling bad, but she was smelling kelly.

    kelly smelled like a junkie, meth head, tweeker, plain old cat pee.

    kelly needs all that candy to tweek out on while she uses her meth.

    crack may be wack but meth is best for kelly bensimon…

    she is sick, she is very very sick…

    bravo and her ex. needs to get her tested and off this show (rhny) for the sake of her kids and for her own sake as well…

    i’m just sayin’…(o.m.g.) i’ll just ‘zip it’ now…

  29. I think that JILL and Bethanny are way too much alike in their snarkiness and sharp tongues to get along at all for any length of time. So….if Bethanny does decide to take Jill back into her life (in my opin. a huge mistake)!! THey are both Jewish American Princesses who are cruel and nasty to others.

  30. I meant to say if they do decide to get back together , it will not last at all. I actually liked Ramona better this season, loved Sonja, can’t stand Countells classless, who by the way in person is the size of a pencil, Kelly belongs in L.A. being a free spirit on Venus Beach, Alex is a wannabee — don’t understand why they picked Alex and Simon for this show, they are sort of boring. Bravo probably warned Alex that she better participate in drama to stay on show and that is what she did. She is mild-mannered normally and I think that is why she can tolerate Bethanny’s bitchiness.

  31. Jill plays in the same pigpen along with teresa and lynn hudson.

    All these fruitcakes take themselves so seriously.

    So sad.

    All need to pay a little more attention to their families and stop being so damned obsessed.

  32. I think Jill is FABULOUS! She is a true New Yorker – why are we blaming her for this? Also, her circle of freinds
    is much better than Bethanny’s. I hope she and Bethanny make up so we can see more support for Bethanny. Come on, Alex and Romona are hardly friends — they would turn on Bethanny in a second!

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