Could I be more delinquent with my Survivor coverage this season? Probably not. Thanks to bad timing and some busy Fridays, I’ve totally neglected my photocapping duties for this series, which is a total injustice because Heroes vs. Villains has been incrrrrrrrredible. How could it be that a reality show in its twentieth season can still be so utterly fresh and exciting? Well, thanks to this all-star cast, the scheming has been through the roof, made even more complicated by the flood of hidden immunity idols that has deluged Samoa. In some ways, it does feel like the hidden immunity idols are a bit of a cheap ploy, but dammit if they don’t make things exciting. Last night’s Tribal Council was actually the final chance for Sandra to use her idol before it became void. The big question, however, was… would she?
Sandra, you see, thought she was safe, but then Russell got on her case after Rupert told him that she was gunning for him. This, of course, was classic Rupert stupidity. The guy has never been a master strategist, and even though he showed some glimmers of potential a few weeks ago (he WAS the only Hero who didn’t trust Russell), he has reverted to the silly idiocy that’s gotten him booted off the show twice before.
His first mistake was an amateur one: chopping firewood while everyone was trying to sleep. Such activities are a cardinal sin in camp, up there with hogging the bananas around camp. It’s the sort of thoughtless behavior that gets people weeded out in the early rounds of the game; so to see Rupert engaging in it this late felt remarkably myopic. Sure enough, Rupert made an enemy out of Jerri, who I think we can all agree has been doing a great job of keeping a lid on her bitchy tendencies this season. Well, no longer. The queen B of Survivor unleashed an angry tirade against Rupert in her interviews, and from that moment on, I could sense that his seconds would be numbered on the island.
Rupert’s second big mistake last night was that he basically shot himself in the foot. Sandra was his biggest ally on the Villains, and she had even come to him saying she wanted to get rid of Russell. But what did Rupert do? Well, I already told you: he went and blabbed to Russell. Why? Well, because while Sandra, Jerri, and Parvati were out on a reward challenge, Russell decided to make a pact with Colby and Rupe (or should I say, RUBE — zing!) to go to the final three. I was hoping the Heroes were just paying Russell lip service because quite honestly, I can’t stand Russell anymore. Last season, he was the wonderful, scheming antihero. This time around, he’s just too cocky. Time to get knocked off his pedestal.
Nevertheless, Rupert believe Russell, which is why he ultimately traded in Sandra for what he thought was a new ally in the Villains. Dumb move. After all, no one can ever trust Russell, and furthermore, Sandra had an immunity idol. If Rupert were smart, which he’s not, he would have taken up Sandra’s offer and then worked on Parvati (who would have been more than happy to flip on Russell after he had flipped on her and voted out Danielle). I mean, it was all right there for the taking.
But by betraying Sandra’s trust, Rupert lost her as an ally. The women all voted against him (even Jerri), and wouldn’t you know it? Russell didn’t keep his word! He too voted against the bearded one (or rather, the MORE bearded one), and thus a stupefied Rupert was sent packing. I should note that there was some definite suspense at Tribal Council as Mark Burnett & Co. did a very good job in making me believe that Sandra would not only be the target this week but also cocky enough to NOT use her hidden immunity idol. Thankfully though, she played it — not that it mattered. For a moment though, I was truly on the edge of my seat (same goes for the immunity challenge, which had my heart racing out of control).
Now we’re suddenly at the finale episode, and we’ve got a final five of players that all have experience in front of the jury. Well, everyone except Jerri, who would do well to join the other two gals and vote off the boys. After all, then she could play the “I haven’t won this game, and they have” card. I wouldn’t be sad to see Colby and Russell go. The latter has proven too cocky for his own good, and Colby, well, he just sort of loafs around. I don’t know what he really does. He’s just there. And his temper with his brother was TERRIBLY rude. I guess we’ll see how this all shakes out…
“Hey, nice vag!”
“Check it out. It’s a phone! And there’s a video of my brother, Reed. AW, COME ON, REED! WOULD IT KILL YOU TO USE BETTER LIGHTING?!?! WORK WITH ME HERE!!”
“I no like the look of this blow hole. This blow hole is a dummy.”
“Oh my God. I just want to have SEX with that blow hole!”
“Hey guys, check it out. It’s a topless photo of me!”
Jerri: “How did that get on THERE?”
“Oh, I just took it.”
“Just my wife is here? What about the rest of my family? You’re in trouble now, Jeff!”
“You can’t threaten me.”
“Oh sure I can. You’re in trouble now.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because you’re in trouble now!”
“Geez, Russell, you stink!”
“I been smearing feces in my armpits!”
Rupert: “Oh honey. I love you.”
“Yeah, um, do you have an Altoid or anything?”
“JESUS, Reed! Why can’t you catch the water I’m throwing haphazardly at you! And this weather! WHY THE HELL DID YOU MAKE IT SO SUNNY?!?! And could you at least TRY to solve world peace?? WORK WITH ME HERE!!!”
“I now proclaim this the Hobo Bum Alliance!”
“This stick is truly proving to be a VILLAIN. And VILLAINS always break. Unlike me. A HERO.”
“After this, I’m gonna bang some rocks together. Just ’cause.”
“I mean, Russell’s chopping wood and breaking sticks all night long! If I didn’t know better, I’d say he had some beef jerky with him too!”
“JESUS, pole! Why can’t you stay upright??? WORK WITH ME HERE!!!!”
“Oh you’re in trouble now, pole. REEEAL big trouble.”
Parvati: “So… you wanna make out?”
Nom nom nom…
“Ladies, you’re either with me or against me.”
“We’re withgainst you.”
“Damn. I think I left my alarm clock on in LA.”
“Huh. I wonder what that smell is. Sort of like sardines and compost. Oh wait. That’s me.”
“Okay, lemme just say somethin’. I don’t think Iron Man 2 is as good as the first one, okay? There. I said it.”
“Hmmmmmmmm… looks like I’ll be heading back to the homeless shelter.”
What did you think about the episode? Who will be final three? Who do you want in the final three? And who do you want to win? Who has the best shot?