Apparently it’s becoming the norm that at least one cast member from a Real Housewives franchise releases a hideous song at some point. Kim Zolciak blazed the way with her so-awful-you-gotta-love-it classic “Tardy for the Party” and was soon followed by Countess LuAnn De Lesseps, who gave us the bizarro drag-anthem “Elegance Is Learned.” Now we have Danielle Staub, who eschewed the campy disco beats of her predecessors for a more heartfelt, if somewhat bland tune called “Real Close.” The surprise is that Danielle has a decent (not great) voice — good enough that she doesn’t need to rely on auto-tune to get through it. The bigger surprise is that her debut tune isn’t a raunchy sex paean but rather a murky cousin of the Cotton: The Fabric Of Our Lives theme song. I don’t know whether to commend her for her sincere effort or to reject the song wholly for taking itself too seriously.
Either way, we can agree on a few things about the above clip:
1) Andy Cohen’s smile has reached new levels of goofiness previously not thought to be achievable by man alone.
2) No matter how many times the director pans away from that purple, plastic chandelier, this does not feel like a glamorous concert performance.
3) The simmering lesbianism is off the charts.
4) The abundance of fake roses and ivy on the keyboard feels less romantic and more like a Tim Burton sideshow.
5) This song is really boring.
What do you think?