I’m starting to feel a little sad about something. Out of nowhere, The Hills has become good again, but alas, it’s getting the ax. Such a sad fate for a once mighty show. To be fair, it’s downfall was its own doing. The show began to focus too much on the dolts and douchebags of Hollywood, rather than the girly girl crap that once made it so proud. Remember the days of Lauren and Heidi rifting as friends? Their arguments on the sofa? Their seething attacks? Their occasional negligence of Ashes the cat? Back then, the show was about girls bonding with girls and getting mad at each other (ie. Jen Bunney).
It seems as though The Hills has gotten back somewhat to its former place. Maybe the sudden disappearance of Speidi has something to do with it. Or maybe it’s that the “new cast” with Kristin at its helm has finally gelled. Stephanie has become oddly winsome lately, and her sweet romance with Max, who earns the title of first non-douchebag male suitor to appear on The Hills, has been shockingly charming. There’s something about her hangdog face and his smiley smile that makes me want these two to get together. Plus, he brought her Girl Scout Cookies. Bonus points there.
We also have McKaela Line, the sweet innocent girl who has sadly fallen in love with Brody Jenner, one of the more self-absorbed people on the show. Everything had been fine and wonderful until Kristin showed up as a cockblocker. But what a cockblocker she is. Kristin is the bitch this show needs, and her big dog to McKaela’s quivering bunny (am I mixing metaphors) is a great dynamic. Throw in this trashy new idiot Allie Lutz, and we suddenly have a dynamic worth watching (with The Brodester stuck in the middle). Their latest fight (at the Nylon Young Hollywood party that Whitney Port and Kelly Cutrone were at but never seen — sorry, no City crossover) was pure trash in the best kind of way.
Quite frankly, the only thing bogging down the show these days is Audrina. She ups the douchebag ratio tenfold, thanks to the hobos she lets into her vagina. Examples A & B: Ryan Cabrera and Justin Bobby. It’s not fun watching these tools, and yet here we are again, enduring another season of Audrina contemplating whether or not to go back to Justin Bobby. This thread is so beyond tired, it’s not even funny. We didn’t really love it the first time around, but now that we’re in the fifth iteration of this nonsense, I’m starting to feel insulted. It’s about high time Audrina lived up to her promise of leaving the show (but I suppose it’s all moot since MTV is pulling the plug anyway).
Oh well. On to the photocap.
“Do you like this shirt? I got it in Boca Raton. I was visiting Ye Olde Candy Cane shop.”
“I can bend my wrist thiiiiis far forward. Isn’t that cool?”
“Well, as long as we’re sharing, I should reveal that I am the bizarre love child of Jack Johnson and Taylor Lautner.”
“I’m actually sleeping with my eyes open right now.”
“Sometimes I like to nestle in with my pillows and pretend like they’re clouds and I’m a Care Bear.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t be here at Ryan’s concert. It’s making me cry.”
“Too many memories?”
“No. The music is just REALLY bad.”
“Ryan, not now.”
“High five, bro.”
“I’m not your ‘bro.'”
“Ugh, you’re the worst.”
“Hey, is that a pile of feces? Mind if I roll around in it?”
Audrina: “Isn’t it funny the way Justin Bobby keeps popping up unexpectedly? And after so many months of him NOT popping up, too!”
“It’s almost as if there are producers telling him to appear places.”
“That’s just crazy talk.”
“Really? Is this really all the producers can have me do? SHOPPING FOR PRODUCE? C’mon!”
Brody: “Um, none of my friends like your friend; so you should leave. I don’t want you in my laaaaahfe.”
McKaela: “Are we in high school?”
Kristin: “Kind of. Yeah.”
“Okaaayyyyyy, Kristinnnnn, you need to calm downnnnn.”
“No, you slut. Get out of here.”
“Okaaaayyyyy, Kristinnnnnn, I’m just trying to have a mature conversationnnnnnnn.”
“You look like a cougar.”
“Okaaaayyyy, Kristinnnnnnnn, that was uncalled forrrrrr.”
“You are trash.”
“Okayyyyyyy, Kristinnnnnn, I’m not trashhhhh. You’re trashhhhh. Okaaaayyyyy?”
“Why are my friends so crazy? I’m too pleasant for this.”
“I’m the only cougar around here.”
What did you think about the episode?