It’s always a little sad when the supporting characters are more fascinating than the leads, and that’s exactly what’s happened on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Thanks to the colorful twits coming in and out of these people’s lives, we actually have something mildly entertaining to watch these days — starting with the two-headed Kim monster, which has quietly injected itself into the heart of this season’s drama. First we have Kim G., whose presence has gradually increased over the past month. She was first presented to us as a vaguely classy overlord of Franklin Lakes, but as time has gone by, we’ve realized that she’s just a bored old bitch who likes to stir the pot by playing all the girls against each other (thank God). Then we have Kim D., a true Jersey Girl if there ever was one. When she’s not talking out of both corners of her mouth, she’s getting wasted and making an ass out of herself (thank God for that too). Together, these Kims do much to inject some life into the suburban idyll we are normally subjected to.
Also making waves on last night’s episode was Elvira, the rumored replacement for Dina (whose departure from the show last week was met with a mournful lunch by Caroline, Jacqueline, and Teresa — all of whom acted as if the poor woman had been murdered by a roving gang of mercenaries). Elvira is an event planner, but she’s also a bitch, and she made her presence known by scoffing openly and repeatedly at Teresa’s life choices. To be fair, we all scoff openly and repeatedly at Teresa’s life choices, but then again, she’s also not our client. Elvira, however, didn’t seem to care that Teresa was in fact paying her big bucks (that she evidently doesn’t have) to organize a gaudy housewarming party. The lady just spoke her mind — so much so that I wondered if the interaction was genuine. Part of me strongly felt that these two women were friends and playing up the catty bitchiness. Who knows. All I can say for sure is that when it finally was time to partay, I couldn’t help but be amazed at the overwhelming tackiness of the place (and that excludes the giant wall mirror in Teresa’s bathroom, which came housed in a giant, gold disaster of a frame).
While much of the episode centered on us rolling our eyes at the Kims, Teresa, and Elvira, there was actually some surprisingly interesting and emotional stuff coming from the Manzos. Albie apparently had been suffering poor grades in law school, and now it looked like he was being kicked out. Watching him feel deflated, and then watching Caroline giving a rousing pep talk to her son was not only compelling, but sweet and moving. It’s funny how a show can be so much more interesting when the drama feels more urgent than just some carping about the town whore.
Speaking of the town (prostitution) whore, Danielle was fairly understated this episode. Bitch was finally getting her boobs re-did, which meant we had to see some barely blurred out mammaries flopping across the screen. This was cruel punishment for those of us who intentionally avoided her sex tape for fear that we’d see some cougar jiggling that might turn us to stone. Alas, that’s exactly what we saw, and with perhaps just her areolas — give or take a few millimeters – blurred out, it didn’t take much to imagine Danielle au naturel. (Fair warning, some pics of that are coming up — it’s like The Ring . I can only survive if I pass it on).
Nevertheless, Danielle survived her boob operation — which was meant to fix her ta-tas, not to improve her aesthetic appearance (despite the fact that she gushed about how pretty she would soon look). Soon she’ll be back in the real world, ready to get into it with the Manzos yet again. Next week looks like a doozy, especially compared to the alleged drama this week, which consisted of only Kim G. basically mentioning Danielle’s name — something that was strictly verboten at Teresa’s party. As awful as Danielle can be, I gotta say this whole ridiculousness about Teresa refusing to be associated with someone who’s friends with Danielle is immaturity at its best. Danielle is certifiably crazy. Teresa is just dumb. I don’t know what’s worse.
While I think about that, check out the photocap:
“Are you ready to see my boobs? Just to warn you, it’s like looking at two socks full of marbles.”
Teresa: “For this party, I wanna paint the whole room gold and fill it with zebra-skin couches and martini glasses with stems that look like lady legs.”
Elvira: “Why are you so awful?”
“Thank God that bitch is gone. Now I can get back to cleaning, starting with these giant, classy doors. I like to think that every time I open them up, I’m TEARING A WING OFF AN ANGEL.”
“My little girl. She’s doing something with her life. [sniff sniff] Maybe one days she’ll even work at Chateau. It’s THE ART OF BEAUTY!”
“Oh my gawd! Am I at Martha Stewart’s house? This is so classy!”
“The only thing I love more than this hat is my plastic margarita glass that says ‘Sexy Lips!'”
“Doctor… there are only two truths about this operation… my boobs look like deflated soccer balls… and they’re as hard as anvils…. pay attention to them… puhhhleazzzzzzzzzz….”
“I wonder if anyone knows that I’m masturbating RIGHT NOW.”
Caroline: “Hey bird brains, just remember you’re not related to me by blood.”
Kim G: “How about after this, you and I put on some thongs and awkwardly twirl around a stripper’s pole?”
“You got it, Toots.”
What did you think about the show?
I really do feel sorry for Albie and it’s ridiculous the school couldn’t give him another shot. Did we ever establish which school he was at? If it’s not a good school it’s probably best he cut his losses anyway.
I also have to wonder though did his filming schedule effect his schooling?
Why give him the boot?
Consider that what he is doing is of value and even has good social value?
If he can not determine the maximum diameter circle he can inscribe within an even hexagon with a side of 10″ does it really matter?
It goes to the idea that this “skill” or another “skill” has more value than others.
Personally, I am an engineer.. which is why I put my website that has nuttin’ to do with acting but I TOTALLY enjoy the “art” for sure.
Thanks,
Dave in CaliForNia…
US News & World Report (2010) ranks Seton Hall at #77 out of the top 100 law schools nationwide. Not exactly Ivy League – nor all that hard to gain admission to.
I have to question whether or not Albie documented his learning impairment for them prior to admission, and if he requested the necessary accomodations from them. There is no question that he would have been accomodated, by law, if he had.
On the other hand, there is no accomodation for anyone not meeting the minimum GPA requirements. All colleges/professional schools s**tcan students who don’t achieve the necessary GPA for 2 consecutive semesters. No good school lowers this bar. Who wants a lawyer with a 1.*anything* law school GPA?
Seriously. Most lawyers bill by the hour. If it takes Albie 3 times as long to read and understand material, does that mean his clients get billed three time as much? Or just that his firm makes 1/3 the income off of him? In either case, who’d hired him? Plus, lawyers don’t always get the chance to spend a lot of time researching an issue, and have to think and argue on their feet a lot. Someone who can’t digest information quickly is not suited for the profession, regardless of how much his mama loves him.
I have to agree with Jennifer, even though I like Albie. If he’s not up to snuff, he’s not up to snuff. End of story. Find another profession where you do not charge by the hour or actually have the lives of human beings entrusted in your hands….
There are law professions that don’t bill by the hour that Albie could pursue. He could be in-house counsel or work for the government. If he can get into another school he still has to get passing grades! He could probably pass the bar since they could set him up with no time limit due to his disability. That being said, I agree, who would hire him? Oh I know! A certain family with a family business! Can’t hurt to have a lawyer in the family and they probably wouldn’t care what he billed them. It could be handy for the family to have Albie send out his laboriously crafted letters on some scary attorney letterhead. You know, to get brides to get pay their venue invoices and things like that.
I did my own research. It’s dumpers he was at Seton Hall. Top 100 law school — not too shabby. Too bad.
“It’s dumpers he was at Seton Hall”.
I kinda liked it. I said it in my head in a Yoda voice.
Not Fordham?
OMG! Last comment I swear. My iPhone said dumpers and I mean turns out**
Is it the same Elvira from the NJ Jewish center featured on Bethenny Gets Married? Is there a Bravo cross promotion?
@Lope yes, it’s the same Elvira. Seems like she’s trying very hard to become a Bravo star in any way she can.
I don’t know what Albie’s learning disability is, but if he can’t hack it in law school, he can’t hack it as a lawyer. Better to know that now and choose a more suitable profession than invest time and money into a career that’s going nowhere.
I know someone who went to a crappy law school and had a learning disability, so the school gave him more time to take tests and a reader who would read the tests out loud and write down the guy’s verbal answers. Who is going to want that guy as his lawyer?
I think you are right about the 2 classless (Remember…MONEY can’t buy you claaasss) Kims. Without Danielle and these 2 and Elvira, another zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzfest.
Having lived in Hoboken Heights, NJ for 25 years, I can attest to Snarkmuffin’s observation. It is the land of Strip Malls off of crowded highways and most everything looks dirty and cheap. Kind of like in The Sopranos. A pork store and bagel shop on every corner. Cheap motels and toll booths every which way but loose.
I’m very curious about this part of Jersey. You have to get on the highway to get anywhere, and everything is in a strip mall (boutiques, sushi places, SURGERY CENTERS). ??
Yes! The doctor’s office looked like it could have been next door to a TCBY or a Dollar Tree. So bizarre.
Yeah, I’m going to get my boobs redone and then pick up a dollar bra in my new bigger size! And a mint chocolate chip cone (for the pain).
There are only 2 truths to you, SM:
1.LOL
2.LOL
How do you not have Danielle’s song up? I thought you’d be all over that. And, scarily enough, it’s not bad when compared to Kim and the Countess.
On Watch What Happens Danielle implied that she is no longer friends with either Kim. One turned out to be fake & the other set her up. Geez Danielle – have you ever accepted responsibility for anything? Ever?
And her “let me make this clear” about the boob job being necessary & not cosmetic — Oh please, at some point it was cosmetic coz the implants didn’t just get up and jump into your boobies by themselves.!
Oh and her song (she sang on WWH) was boring and her performance was too desperate.
hb
Well – they were 10 years old. Believe it or not, that’s the longest time you can safely wait before replacing them. They only last for 3 – 10 years.
the best was when theresa made comment to her “beach house.” i think she expected elvira (and the viewers) to believe that she and that husband of hers somehow have some beautiful spread in the hamptons when in fact it’s probably some hovel soon to be graced by the likes of the missing link in The Situation’s family tree…
I also liked when Teresa said to her hairstylist “Ain’t I always been nice?”
Charm incarnate.
And youse a prostitution whore, B-side!
I bet you been engaged NINETEEN TIMES!!!!!!!!!
Actually Teresa’s beach house is in LBI, NJ. I go there every year and the houses are far from being “hovels.” Very weathly throughout the island. Look it up.
And, they forfeited the beach house when they filed for bankruptcy, which was around the time of this filming. So, they DON”T have a pool or a beachhouse!!
True lawyergal-but I’m sure they got a pretty penny for the beach house.
I believe they had 2 or 3 mortgages on it, which means THEY got less than nuttin, honey.
On WWHL Andy says to Danielle that they have a pic of her boobs before surgery that is not all blurry and when he showed it it was grandma wrinkles on her boobs very funny and of course Danielle turns it around that Dina will think she did that. and Andy [with one of his funny expressions] is like “No Dina and I go back in forth abut Grandma Wrinkle” [or something like that]
Danielle also says that she has jobs now so she can pay for a.n.y.t,h.i.n.g she w.a.n.t.s!!
Are going to lame openings of bars a job? or Beverly, are you stripping again?
I saw somewhere on Bravo’s website today that Gretchen also has a song, so that means Andy has fulfilled his duty and gotten each franchise a freaking song. I wonder who from DC and Beverly Hills will join them?
Jennifer, I agree that he shouldn’t be given special accommodations like you described. Maybe just another shot at a semester and if he’s still doing bad then give him the boot.
BonBon, he did undergard at Fordham I believe.
Thanks Chickadee….
I know they’re awful, but the 2 Kims bring much needed crazies to this show. I love Kim G. especially…for some reason, I really feel like I’m watching Cindy McCain.
I was just wondering too…who the heck is gonna spend millions to buy Theresa’s house? I mean are there really a lot of Theresas in Jersey who’s gonna think it’s a great house? I’m flummoxed.
If there were another “Teresa” to buy that house, she wouldn’t buy that house. Teresas don’t buy houses other people have lived in.
Ok.. I hate when people say this, but I really have read this blog forever and never posted. This RHNJ has me ENRAGED. To be fair, I hate Danielle and to paraphrase Caroline, “I just don’t want to talk about it”.
However, THERESA!!! $11M in debt is soooooooo awful- why is no one talking about it? In all of her interviews (which, yes, I am ashamed to have followed), she says she “just wants a clean start”, but after running up a tab of $11M, is that fair? I know I am being political mentioning this, but I am pretty sure that if someone declares bankruptcy, they should lose there $4M house (She has said it is not for sale). Right?
People can’t lose their domicile when filing for bankruptcy.
Actually, they can. In most states, the debtor is given the option to affirm the mortgage and resume payments. If you don’t make the mortgage payments, it is subject to foreclosure. You don’t get a free house just because you file bankruptcy.
That assumes they have little or no equity in the house. If they do have equity, they can get some amount of exemption, but that likely would not even cover one angel wing.
Maybe they should be forced to move into one of Slumlord Millionaire Joe’s apartments.
I was just referred to this site by a friend and I look so forward to these recaps. I am crying I am laughing so hard. The RHONY reunion recap with the shot glasses was brilliant.
I couldn’t help but notice, the surgery center that Danielle went to (and was operated on by the leading surgeon in this field! hahahahahaha, right) had many letter/lights out. That bugged me for some reason.
Teresa’s party was so over the top, and that planner killed me.
This was priceless: ““I wonder if anyone knows that I’m masturbating RIGHT NOW.—
The masterbating comment has to be one of b-side’s funniest moments on his incredible blog.
No mention of the girl at M.U.D with the afro wig and face paint?? Elvira would have been escorted back out the door as soon as she started telling me what I needed at my house if I was Teresa. Loving the recaps!
I went to law school at Wisconsin, a top 30 school. Someone in my first year group failed every single class but was allowed to return the next year and do it over. Many schools don’t kick students out, period. Most would put you on academic probation for a semester to get your grades up. I disagree that GPA correlates with success as a lawyer (and I graduated cum laude so it’s not that I had a bad one). It’s usually only useful to help rank students for jobs or for clerkships and I’d imagine that Albie will set up his own shop since he clearly doesn’t need the cash of working for a big firm. I think Albie should get another shot.