THE CITY PHOTOCAP: Whitney, You’re Not The Right Fit

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This week’s episode of The City was titled “Fashion with a Capital F,” but if I could give it a grade, it would be a capital A. That’s because this episode was off-the-charts awesome. It had everything we could want: Erin and Olivia fighting, Erin gossiping with her new cohort Seth, Roxy sabotaging SOMETHING, Kelly Cutrone getting exasperated, Joe Zee yelling at Olivia, Olivia being ridiculous, and best of all, ANNE SLOWEY. I’m not sure who else watched the ill-fated CW series Stylista, but it was a gem, I tell you, and at the center of it was Ms. Slowey herself (not to mention Joe Zee). Seeing her make her triumphant return to reality TV with an animated yet deliciously haughty assessment of Whitney’s clothes was a delight. In fact, I want more. And more Robbey too. Heck, let’s get rid of Whitney and Roxy and just focus on Elle (although, I suppose we’d miss out on Kelly; so that’s no good. Okay, never mind).

As you may have already gathered, the big news for Whitney this week was that she got to bring her collection into Elle, much to the chagrin of Olivia (who contained her jealous rage with a goofy, fake smile — the only kind she seems to have). Joe Zee and Anne Slowey agreed to take a look at what Whit-Whit had, and sadly for our young designer, the wave of positive momentum came to a screeching halt. Anne pretty much tore the Whitney Eve collection apart (with words, not her hands), saying that most of the looks she’d seen before. She also managed to belittle Whitney by implying she wasn’t a real designer, and then as quickly as she had entered our lives, Anne was gone, leaving Whitney to stare into space — which is nothing new, but this time she did it in a more dejected way.

Luckily, Whitney had Kelly to cheer her up. It was a sweet scene of mentor and protégé, but honestly, Kelly’s presence may have been best needed back at the People’s Revolution showroom where Roxy was presently discarding the rules — don’t talk about designers in front of other designers — by secretly informing a reporter from Paper that Whitney’s collection was da bomb when in fact she should have been plugging Fender & Fender. I was hoping we’d see some repercussions to this, but strangely enough, there were none. Thats right: no scenes of Kelly chewing out Roxy. And let’s face it, the only good part about having Roxy around is to see her get yelled at by Kelly. Maybe next week?

Meanwhile, the real fun of the episode was taking place over at Elle. Joe Zee was hosting a party with Guess? By Marciano, and as a courtesy, all the magazine staffers were supposed to wear that brand to the party. Olivia seemed resistant to the idea for whatever reason but still headed over to the Guess? showroom to try some looks with Erin. This proved to be an excellent battleground for some passive-aggressive swipes, which started when Erin questioned Olivia’s claim that she was a fashionable and eclectic child. Later, when Olivia asked where Guess? was popular, Erin chimed in with the perfectly cutting line, “I think Guess? is popular throughout the WORLD.” It was her way of saying, “SHUT UP YOU BITCH AND BE REVERENTIAL.” Or, alternately, it could have been her way of saying, “YOU IDIOT, IT’S A MAJOR BRAND.” Whatever the intention, it was clearly a wonderful remark, but Olivia had a trick up her sleeve. She pulled a white sweater off a rack and announced it was perfect for Erin. She then noted that it was big and “chunky.” The barb was so thinly-veiled, I couldn’t help but let out a giant guffaw. This show is brilliant.

After all this browsing, however, Olivia managed to show up at the Guess? party wearing… something else! Major faux-pas. The Guess? rep was not pleased, and neither was Joe Zee, who was both embarrassed by Olivia’s behavior and dismayed that instead of interviewing people for Elle.com, she was actually being interviewed herself.

The next day, Joe called the girls into his office and reprimanded Olivia for her missteps at the party, but she merely responded with a smile and a coquettish laugh, which infuriated Joe, Erin, and probably most of America. It was an astounding display of condescending entitlement — the kind that makes you wish Joe would slap her upside the face with a nearby binder.

Later, Erin gossiped with her new gal-pal SETH (who looks not unlike a male version of Olivia) and revealed that she was gonna start looking for a replacement for Olivia. Enter the glamorous Lousie Roe, a British fashion reporter with a killer smile and a slinky frame. She and Erin became fast friends over lunch, and if all goes according to plan, she might be taking over Olivia’s spot. But, of course, we know how this works. Erin never gets her way, and somehow, this Louise situation will end in disaster. How? I don’t know. But I can’t wait to find out!

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“So Olivia, remember to wear Guess? tonight for the Guess? party, mmkay?”

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“I will try my best.”

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“Well, no. You really HAVE to do this.”

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“I find your tone to be very unprofessional.”

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“I’m speaking in a normal voice.”

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“Well, your normal voice is HIGHLY unprofessional.”

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“I’m talking no differently than Joe Zee or a school teacher.”

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“Well, Joe Zee and school teachers are highly unprofessional.”

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“Really. All school teachers are unprofessional.”

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“I believe so, yes.”

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“And Joe Zee. He’s your boss. You think he’s unprofessional too?”

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“Highly.”

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“Okay. So who IS professional to you?”

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“Oh Erin. You’re so… so…”

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“What?”

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“I don’t know. I was just going to trail off. The fact that you are forcing me to finish my sentence is HIGHLY unprofessional.”

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“Hey Whitney, are you going to organize these envelopes or what? Don’t you realize IT’S FUCKING ENVELOPE FASHION WEEK???”

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“Why is it that salmon can become lox, but it can’t become keys?”

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“Oh Erin. I have something perfect for you. It’s an oversized MUMU with the words ‘Hot BITCH’ on it!”

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Joe Zee: “WHAT is Olivia doing?”
“Nothing, as usual.”
“That’s not CAYUUUTE! And I certainly don’t LOOOOVE IT!!!!”

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“No, I’m not wearing Guess? tonight.”
“And why is that?”
“Well, I don’t have to dignify that question. You can’t just ask an EDITOR a question at the last second like that and expect a response.”

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“For the record though, I do plan to vote for Marianne Jean-Baptiste to win American Idol
“You realize that American Idol already ended, right? And Marianne Jean-Baptiste isn’t even on the show. She’s an actress from Britain.”
“Well, I find that HIGHLY unprofessional to tell me that now at the last second. Furthermore, Marianne is a dear friend of mine; so I think I’d know if she were on American Idol. You’re sweet though.”

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“Whatchu talkin’ about, Roxy?”
“Too soon, Kelly.”
“It’s not too soon. That’s what you call biting humor in the POWER BITCH WORLD!”

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“Now remember, do NOT talk about designers in front of other designers.”

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“Got it. Talk about designers in front of other designers.”

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“Olivia, how you behaved at the Guess? event was unacceptable! This is my show with my name on it, and I can’t have that happen!”

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“Oh Joe. You poor thing. You must be mistaken. It was clearly MY show with MY name on it. That’s okay. You’ll learn.”

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“Huh?”

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“So are we done here? Or are we going to drag this out forever like two non-professionals, WHICH I AM NOT.”

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Roxy: “This Felder & Felder stuff is great! I mean, it’s great if you like CRAP. Have you seen Whitney Eve?”

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Whitney: “Thank you so much for looking at my line.”
Anne: “I already hate it.”

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Whitney: “Do you have any feedback?”
Anne: “I’m not seeing anything new here. You should look at some other designers. You know, REAL designers. Not saying you aren’t a REAL designer; you just don’t have the talent of one. YET! But probably never. Joe, shall we to Dean & Deluca?”

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“Where the FUCK is the check? I can’t sit here all day. IT’S FUCKING FASHION WEEK!!!!”

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“I really wish ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’ would play right now.”

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“‘Allo guv’nah! Don’t mind me. I had a bit too much Mummylumps this month.”

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“What’s that?”

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“Oh, sorry. That’s what we Brits call Botox.”

What did you think about the episode?

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7 thoughts on “THE CITY PHOTOCAP: Whitney, You’re Not The Right Fit

  1. “Olivia chimed in with the perfectly cutting line” should be “Erin chimed in with the perfectly cutting line”.

  2. I felt so bad for Whitney. But then I remembered that she is tall, blond, beautiful, likable, and on TV, so she will most likely survive.

    B-Side, I also really loved Olivia’s “chunky” dress comment. BURN.

  3. Olivia is a total asshole. But she’s the only reason to watch, as everybody else has zero personality. Except for Kelly of course, who is the most awesome woman everrrrr

  4. Dude! That was easily one of the laugh out loud funniest City recaps you’ve done to date. And I’m hungover as shit right now, so just the fact that I even managed to read all the way through to the end is a compliment in itself.. Between the Marianne Jean-Baptiste Idol part and the extended Olivia / Erin……..

    …Oh, sorry – I was going to let this reply just trail off. I find the fact that you expect me to finish it HIGHLY unprofessional.

  5. I am sucked in this season (I didn’t watch last season because I thought season one was lame). Anyway, what exactly is Olivia’s position there? Is she an intern? And is Erin her direct supervisor? This show has got to be fake, because there’s no doubt in my mind that Olivia would have gotten fired for insubordination for the crap she pulled at the Guess? party (not to mention the crap she seems to pull every week). I’d like to punch her in her snotty little face. I can’t wait to watch this bitch get what’s coming to her.

  6. I got sucked into The Hills Season 1 this weekend on Netflix. And during the episode where Lauren has to get two tickets for Lisa Love from Kelly made me laugh out loud. Kelly was dying a little inside because she wanted to scream, “IT’S FUCKING FASHION WEEK!!!!!” Ironically, it actually WAS fashion week.

    Your blog goes on in my personal life. I’m not sure if I’m pleased or scared you have such an impact.

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