Last night’s eviction episode of Big Brother 12 seemed like it would lead to an obvious outcome. Matt was the pawn and Monet the target. It was pretty cut-and-dry as to how things would all shake out. After all, Matt had an entire secret alliance behind him whereas Monet had… a crabby bestie who cries when the hot tub timer shuts off.
However, as last night’s show began, I noticed that Monet was decked out in athletic garb, presumably for the HoH competition whereas Matt was dressed nicely (or as nicely as one might expect from Matt). Did this mean that the houseguests had all talked? Was Matt going home in a surprising turn of events??
I started to believe that yes, this was what was going to happen, especially after the season’s first brouhaha led to Matt landing in the hot seat. It all started when Rachel decided to stir up trouble (bonus points to her). She fibbed a touch and told Kristen that Britney was saying Monet had her (Kristen’s) vote. This, of course, was not true, but Rachel didn’t know where Kristen’s allegiance lay; so she performed this little litmus test, to speak in chemistry terms.
Well, Rachel certainly got the answer she was looking for. The previously mute Kristen grew furious at the notion that Britney was spreading gossip, and soon there was a nifty catfight in the backyard. It’s amazing that no one deduced that Rachel was out and out lying (or maybe they did and we just didn’t see it), but in the end, tempers flared, culminating with Rachel announcing that she doesn’t use the word “bitch” (seems unlikely) and Monet proclaiming for the umpteenth time that so-and-so was lucky that she didn’t PUNCH HER IN THE FACE. Seriously, this girl has threatened violence in the diary room so many times, it’s become laughable. I’m still not totally convinced she even knows how to make a fist, let alone throw a punch.
In the wake of this dustup, Britney and Rachel then trotted upstairs to talk, at which point Rachel decided she didn’t really want an enemy in her blond rival. Her peace offering was to divulge a bit of secrecy on her part, and thus Rachel informed Britney about Matt volunteering to go on the block. Britney couldn’t believe it and happily told Rachel that Matt was going around the house acting as if he was totally blindsided and wanting revenge.
This pissed off Rachel to no end, and after she stopped crying (her go-to reaction to pretty much anything: tension, betrayal, dandelions), Rachel called a house meeting to get to the bottom of things. She singled out Matt for being duplicitous, and Matt utterly failed in this first Dr. Will test. He lied and denied volunteering to go on the block, even though there were witnesses in Rachel, Brendon, and Ragan. The guy definitely looked shady, and no doubt he has unnecessarily cast suspicion on himself this week.
The good news for Matt, however, was that the anti-Monet sentiment was still strong. He easily avoided eviction, and thus an emotional Monet was sent packing. It’s probably for the best as Monet was not terribly wonderful TV; however, watching her bring out the bitch in Britney was awesome. And let’s not overlook Britney’s goodbye message to her friend, which managed to amusingly eviscerate Rachel through sniffles and tears. It was kind of brilliant. Again, I don’t know whether to love or hate this bitch.
As for the new Head of Household, we’ll have to wait until Sunday’s show as we were treated to the first endurance competition of the season. This one involved the cast standing on wobbly surfboards, all while being blasted with water. This was a minor departure from the usual torture, which in the past involved some sort of white, splooge-like liquid (anyone remember the Big Brother spider?).
I already know who won, but out of respect for the non-feed watchers, don’t spoil it here. Instead, head to the forums and discuss there!
“I hate everyone in this house. I hate Rachel. I hate Brendon. I hate Kristen. I hate Siobahn.”
“Oh, that’s just what I named the coffee pot. I hate that bitch.”
“So are you telling me that Matt’s been playing both sides of the house?”
“I sure am, you DUMB WHORE BITCH. Maybe if you stopped being such an inbred COCK GUZZLER you’d notice these things.”
“I knew this would happen! I told Brendon!!! Awwww, Brendon!!! I LOVE BRENDON!!!!! ISN’T HE THE BEST???”
“Um, I didn’t volunteer to go up on the block. I was strong-armed. Sheeesh. This is like living in a house with secret doctors and PhDs, WHICH NONE OF YOU ARE, clearly.”
“Strong-armed? Is that like hugging? Because I’d be totally down for that.”
“Oh Julie. Getting tied up to a wall is just a typical Friday night for me in Weho! Bring on the butt plug cat o’ nine tails challenge next!!”
“Hey y’all. This ain’t Lake Havasu, is it?”
“Um, how are we not talking about Kathy’s tights? They look like the stockings Nanny wore on Muppet Babies.”
“Wow. These girls are lucky I don’t PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE.”
“I once went to McDonalds, and they forgot to give me ketchup with my fries. They were lucky I didn’t PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE!”
“And this one time, I was driving and had to stop my car for this duck and her ducklings, who were all crossing the street. They were lucky I didn’t step out of my car and PUNCH THEM ALL IN THE FACE!”
“Monet, for the record, I don’t use the word ‘bitch’ as I find it derogatory. But I guess you’d know that if you weren’t such a stupid bitch.”
“I have been nothing but nice to you! Well, as nice as anyone can be to a WHORE like you.”
“I just want to say that I hope you keep me, and if you don’t, Rachel is a hooker. Also, Julie Chen better have some good questions for me otherwise I might just PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!”
Rachel: “Monet, you tried to get between me and MY man, and that’s, like, totally not cool!”
Monet: “I’ll tell you what’s uncool. My fish PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE!”
Chenbot: “Okay, Monet. We get it.”
What did you think about the live show? Happy with the results?