BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The Catty Fate of Clawed Monet

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Last night’s eviction episode of Big Brother 12 seemed like it would lead to an obvious outcome. Matt was the pawn and Monet the target. It was pretty cut-and-dry as to how things would all shake out. After all, Matt had an entire secret alliance behind him whereas Monet had… a crabby bestie who cries when the hot tub timer shuts off.

However, as last night’s show began, I noticed that Monet was decked out in athletic garb, presumably for the HoH competition whereas Matt was dressed nicely (or as nicely as one might expect from Matt). Did this mean that the houseguests had all talked? Was Matt going home in a surprising turn of events??

I started to believe that yes, this was what was going to happen, especially after the season’s first brouhaha led to Matt landing in the hot seat. It all started when Rachel decided to stir up trouble (bonus points to her). She fibbed a touch and told Kristen that Britney was saying Monet had her (Kristen’s) vote. This, of course, was not true, but Rachel didn’t know where Kristen’s allegiance lay; so she performed this little litmus test, to speak in chemistry terms.

Well, Rachel certainly got the answer she was looking for. The previously mute Kristen grew furious at the notion that Britney was spreading gossip, and soon there was a nifty catfight in the backyard. It’s amazing that no one deduced that Rachel was out and out lying (or maybe they did and we just didn’t see it), but in the end, tempers flared, culminating with Rachel announcing that she doesn’t use the word “bitch” (seems unlikely) and Monet proclaiming for the umpteenth time that so-and-so was lucky that she didn’t PUNCH HER IN THE FACE. Seriously, this girl has threatened violence in the diary room so many times, it’s become laughable. I’m still not totally convinced she even knows how to make a fist, let alone throw a punch.

In the wake of this dustup, Britney and Rachel then trotted upstairs to talk, at which point Rachel decided she didn’t really want an enemy in her blond rival. Her peace offering was to divulge a bit of secrecy on her part, and thus Rachel informed Britney about Matt volunteering to go on the block. Britney couldn’t believe it and happily told Rachel that Matt was going around the house acting as if he was totally blindsided and wanting revenge.

This pissed off Rachel to no end, and after she stopped crying (her go-to reaction to pretty much anything: tension, betrayal, dandelions), Rachel called a house meeting to get to the bottom of things. She singled out Matt for being duplicitous, and Matt utterly failed in this first Dr. Will test. He lied and denied volunteering to go on the block, even though there were witnesses in Rachel, Brendon, and Ragan. The guy definitely looked shady, and no doubt he has unnecessarily cast suspicion on himself this week.

The good news for Matt, however, was that the anti-Monet sentiment was still strong. He easily avoided eviction, and thus an emotional Monet was sent packing. It’s probably for the best as Monet was not terribly wonderful TV; however, watching her bring out the bitch in Britney was awesome. And let’s not overlook Britney’s goodbye message to her friend, which managed to amusingly eviscerate Rachel through sniffles and tears. It was kind of brilliant. Again, I don’t know whether to love or hate this bitch.

As for the new Head of Household, we’ll have to wait until Sunday’s show as we were treated to the first endurance competition of the season. This one involved the cast standing on wobbly surfboards, all while being blasted with water. This was a minor departure from the usual torture, which in the past involved some sort of white, splooge-like liquid (anyone remember the Big Brother spider?).

I already know who won, but out of respect for the non-feed watchers, don’t spoil it here. Instead, head to the forums and discuss there!

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“I hate everyone in this house. I hate Rachel. I hate Brendon. I hate Kristen. I hate Siobahn.”
“Who’s Siobahn?”
“Oh, that’s just what I named the coffee pot. I hate that bitch.”

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“So are you telling me that Matt’s been playing both sides of the house?”

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“I sure am, you DUMB WHORE BITCH. Maybe if you stopped being such an inbred COCK GUZZLER you’d notice these things.”

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“I knew this would happen! I told Brendon!!! Awwww, Brendon!!! I LOVE BRENDON!!!!! ISN’T HE THE BEST???”

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“Um, I didn’t volunteer to go up on the block. I was strong-armed. Sheeesh. This is like living in a house with secret doctors and PhDs, WHICH NONE OF YOU ARE, clearly.”

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“Strong-armed? Is that like hugging? Because I’d be totally down for that.”

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“Oh Julie. Getting tied up to a wall is just a typical Friday night for me in Weho! Bring on the butt plug cat o’ nine tails challenge next!!”

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“Hey y’all. This ain’t Lake Havasu, is it?”

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“Um, how are we not talking about Kathy’s tights? They look like the stockings Nanny wore on Muppet Babies.”

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“Wow. These girls are lucky I don’t PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE.”

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“I once went to McDonalds, and they forgot to give me ketchup with my fries. They were lucky I didn’t PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE!”

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“And this one time, I was driving and had to stop my car for this duck and her ducklings, who were all crossing the street. They were lucky I didn’t step out of my car and PUNCH THEM ALL IN THE FACE!”

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“Monet, for the record, I don’t use the word ‘bitch’ as I find it derogatory. But I guess you’d know that if you weren’t such a stupid bitch.”

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“I have been nothing but nice to you! Well, as nice as anyone can be to a WHORE like you.”

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“I just want to say that I hope you keep me, and if you don’t, Rachel is a hooker. Also, Julie Chen better have some good questions for me otherwise I might just PUNCH HER IN THE FACE!”

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Rachel: “Monet, you tried to get between me and MY man, and that’s, like, totally not cool!”
Monet: “I’ll tell you what’s uncool. My fish PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE!”
Chenbot: “Okay, Monet. We get it.”

What did you think about the live show? Happy with the results?

22 replies on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The Catty Fate of Clawed Monet”

  1. Monet gone, thank god!! So sick of her bitchin and what was her game anyway?

    Who are the life long friends? Andrew and Brendon are they brothers? Kathy and Britney could they be mother and daughter, I read that maybe Hayden and Kristen are bro and sister, because they have the same birthmark and they don’t talk much……. Oy vey!

  2. Not meaning to insult Kristen ~ But in those sunglasses, she reminded me of Ke$ha.
    Eew, not someone you want to resemble!

  3. I didn’t understand the Natalie shout out by Matt either. Was that a reference to Natalie from A-Baller’s season? Or Natalie from Jeff and Jordo’s season?

  4. Matt is a terrible liar (he chuckles and giggles and makes this Rodney Dangerfield should shrug) so it is a good thing he has his bro-liance to count on. I loved when he was getting called out in the living room as working both sides of the house and he asked “Am I in an alliance with anyone” and the camera showed Hayden, Lane and Enzo acting all “nope – not me – no alliance here – nothing to see – move along.”

    Matt’s long winded speech that included a put down of Natalie & the Colonel combined with a Julie Baby and Chenbot was pandering and pathetic.

    Monet had to go – the girl had no game at all. Hopefully Britney will stop bitching and start really playing the game. The girl has the best one liners but she sucks at any competition or confrontation.

    Andrew is rocking my world these days. The “shoe salesman” has layers.

    hb

  5. So glad to see Monet gone. I would have liked her better if she would have made good one at least one of those “I want to punch them in the face”.

  6. this episode was heavily edited. i saw the house meeting on the feeds and that is not how it went down at all. matt completely owned them the whole time. at the end of it britney even apologized to him. i dont know why cbs edited that way. i hope they dont favor brendon and rachel because i cant take any more of them lol

  7. Oh man, I totally loved it when Rachel chewed Monet out. Monet is all talk and when confronted, she backed down and walked away.

    I’m getting sick of Matt. The rest of the Brigade seemed nervous and I think they’re feeling he might be a liability.

    I am hoping Kristen is manipulating Hayden. She’s very quiet which means she’s probably very calculating. Or she could be an idiot and totally falling for that moosehead.

    I’m pulling for Andrew. He totally knows Matt’s story is bullshit.

  8. I wonder why they always make the self-proclaimed smart people look so dumb. Especially with what Sarah said. I’m curious as to what all that was about with Rachel’s introduction while she was in her lab. Obviously, she must have been the cleaning lady because the way she talks and laughs are just awful.

  9. Sorry, i am one of the people that hated Rachel, liked, hated, then liked.I really appreciate Radon now. I also like Ragan , Kristen, and Britney. Ok Andrew and Kathy also. This might be the most liked houseguest season ever. It is kind of hard for fans, we like to take sides, have a team. My son likes the Brigade…but i see the Brigade falling apart, with both Matt’s and Haydens’s and Lane’s deception…they all have something on the side. whether it be sex or game. enzo is just there for laughs/guffaws

  10. I think you really don’t see the show or actually know what’s going on unless you watch the feeds. Sarah (a previous poster, for those of you asking.. read the other posts, if you want to know what’s going on in the conversation) was exactly right. That house meeting was heavily edited and Matt totally owned them.

    It’s obvious the author of this post did not watch the feeds that night (Though this article is funny and entertaining). Matt did not deny offering himself to go up on the block. He owned it and even owned saying he would put Brenden and Rachel up. Based on all the conversations I listened to after the house meeting, Matt came out of that fairly unscathed. If anything, Rachel looked like a complete idiot… which, if you’re watching the feeds instead of the show, you’d know that is her general MO.

    I hate the way CBS interferes with what’s actually going on in the house. They are trying to make Rachel seem like she’s so smart. If anyone has read her HOH blog, they could see total proof that Rachel is the furthest thing from smart. I’m surprised she graduated high school, much less pass any college courses. I challenge anyone to try and read more than a paragraph or two without getting a headache. This girl is not smart.

  11. Oh yeah.. btw, the fact that the vote was 7-2 in favor of Matt shows that he did not “utterly fail his first Dr Will test” If anything, it proves he passed with flying colors. Monet wasn’t really a threat to any of them. There wasn’t a big anti-Monet movement at all. In fact, they all liked Monet, with the exception of Rachel. Yet 7-2 they voted her out.. after the big house lynching of Matt.

    I’d say that is, without a doubt, a Matt win.

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