I’m very happy about something on Big Brother 12. We got the makings of an epic catfight in the near future. Between Britney, Monet, and Rachel, there’s certain to be some shrieking dustup sooner rather than later, and when that happens, it’s going to be magical. You see, Britney has happily taken on the role of resident Mean Girl, and I’m still undecided on whether or not I like it. On the one hand, I love her bitchy observations. On the other hand, she’s a bitch. She truly walks the line between sharp-tongued and obnoxious, and I fear she’s teetering over into the latter. That’s okay though because we need something spicy in the mix, and truth be told, Britney is hell of a lot more entertaining than her dullard sidekick Monet, who’s just a bitch in the most boring way possible.
Britney at least brings some attitude to her eye-rolling; although, sometimes that attitude is a bit self-entitled. Take, for example, her interaction with Andrew after the HOH competition. The little blonde chewed the guy out for excessively celebrating (which, admittedly, was idiotic — on par for Andrew), but I have to admit that her attempt to lay guilt on him for not rooting for her was a bit ridiculous. For the first time all season, Andrew did something I liked, which was to be very upfront and say essentially “I wasn’t rooting for you because I believed you would have put me up on the block.” Britney wasn’t having it, but Andrew wasn’t having it either, and so he just shut the bedroom door on her.
Wait a second… am I liking Andrew now?
If Andrew can drop the Jewish shtick and just be the direct and smart person that he displayed in that instance, I think I could actually really like him as a player. Maybe that’s why I actually was a bit annoyed at Britney and Monet for bashing his physique later on in the episode. Of course, the two girls bashed everyone in the house from their little perch in the backyard; so I suppose I shouldn’t single out Andrew for receiving harsh treatment. Again, their Mean Girls session summoned mixed feelings in me. It was so awful, and yet I took perverse joy in it. The jury’s out on this one (although, had they made fun of Enzo’s hair — which I’m sure they’ll do at some point — they would have earned some serious brownie points).
Meanwhile, with Brendon and Rachel in charge, it was time for everyone to come groveling to them. Hayden, who spent much of the episode chewing his fingers and wooing some mystery girl named Kristen, attempted to clear his name, and for the most part, it looked like it worked. He avoided the block, and instead, Rachel put up the two bitches of the house: Monet and Britney. So far it looks like The Brigade has gone unnoticed; although, Brendon and Rachel have sniffed out something fishy about Matt and Lane, and it wasn’t just the aroma of fish sticks wafting through the house. And yes, there were fish sticks about, a punishment for the losers of the graffiti-themed Have and Have Not competition, which amusingly had teams tape a player onto a wall and then try to take them down with water canisters. It was actually a pretty fun challenge to watch; although, there was a vaguely uncomfortable essence to it all as the competition was described as “hood” and employed the use of stereotypical hip-hop language.
Anyway, enough talk about that. Here are some pics:
“Hey guys. Just wanna say that I actually am a PhD student, but I really am a swim coach too. So… any hugs would be appreciated.”
Rachel: “Thanks for saving me.”
Britney: “Thanks for being a bitch.”
Brendon: “I’m so happy for you.”
“Now we can be together another week!”
Rachel: “You want a hug, don’t you?”
“Hey Britney, we Jews have a saying for people like you: SHUT THE HELL UP.”
“I got tequila! I got tequila!!!!!! CHEMISTRY IS THE BEST!!!!!”
“Wait, what is this ‘shampoo’ concept you speak of?”
“You know who I hate? Everyone.”
Britney: “You know what I hate? Grass.”
Monet: “Grass is the worst.”
“Like, are we supposed to be happy that it can grow so easily?”
“I bet I can grow faster.”
“For a plant that is everywhere, it certainly acts special.”
“Ugh. I’m so sick of it.”
Britney: “And what’s the deal with clouds? Did you notice how the other day, the clouds were puffy, but today they’re like small and thin.”
“Sounds like the clouds’ true colors are coming out.”
“I always knew I couldn’t trust them. It’s like ugh, SHUT UP.”
“I know. Could they just stop for once?”
“So Kristen, do you like men who can’t stop chewing on their fingers?”
“Because I love chewing my fingers. And my fingernails too.”
“I can chew my fingernails alllll day long.”
“Wait a second. I was supposed to do something just now. What was it?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. Chew on my finger.”
“Help! A giant bird just shat orange tape on me.”
“Um, as the resident PhD in communications here, I am communicating to my team that YOU SUCK.”
“I can’t breathe. And furthermore, why did you guys let my boob hang out?”
“Hayden, I want you to join our alliance. We’ll call ourselves the Super Hugs, and we’ll rule this house by being supportive and telling each other everything’s going to be okay.”
“I think if I just lie here in this hammock, no one will even know I’m in this house…”
“Well, houseguests, I’m the Saboteur. You figured it out! Hope to see you outside of the house. Oh, and one more thing: FUCK YOU ALL.”
What did you think about the episode?