BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Rachel Getting Harried

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Big Brother was totally crazy last night, but not for any reasons that advanced the game. That stuff — the Veto, the strategizing — all took a backseat to the pandemonium that was Pandora’s Box, The Sequel. Tempted by a daylong getaway in Malibu that he assumed he could share with Rachel, Brendon opened Pandora’s Box and was whisked away to a seaside mansion while his lover instead returned to the Big Brother house for a day of terror. And by terror, I mean trading playground insults with Ragan. The two said some fairly vile things to each other, and I can’t really say for sure whose side I was on, but definitely it seemed as though Ragan had won the battle. The PhD certainly proved that he had an advanced degree in communications because he ran circles around Rachel, who seemed at a loss to keep up. Most often, her retorts were generic rhetoric like “Excuse me?” and “So you’re just going to keep insulting me?” (which is amusing since she seemed to be the actual instigator).

It was actually sad watching Rachel’s blustery attacks because we could see that she was merely lashing out whereas Ragan was not only giving it back but taking the sort of vicious jabs that can rattle a person’s entire core. That’s not to say Rachel was above contempt. She caused dropped jaws all around when she asked Ragan if he was a bitch because he was gay. It was one of those “Ouch” moments that production happily highlights with a loud “BOOM” on the soundtrack. Ultimately though, Ragan earned the upperhand when he went on an amazing tirade in the backyard that was so well stated that I partially thought it had been lifted from an ’80s sitcom (that, of course, was when sitcoms featured the likes of Dixie Carter or Rue McClanahan often sassing some miscreant with a lengthy, climactic monologue, which naturally was followed by hearty applause from the live studio audience).

Even though Ragan so articulately destroyed Rachel, it was ultimately she who earned the notable quotable of the night when she uttered, “I LOVE GAY PEOPLE, and you SUCK at it!” Bravo, Rachel. And double bravo for leaving a message in pretzels for Brendon, if only to hear Brendon repeatedly mention that he’d been left a message in pretzels — as if that were the most romantic thing since chocolates and champagne. Also, bravo to whoever suggested The Saboteur keep the house guests up all night by summoning them repeatedly into the living room for no reason whatsoever. Highly entertaining. But alas, like Rachel’s return and the Saboteur’s pranks, these are just artificial adjustments to inject some drama into these people. I’m hoping that soon the fireworks will stem from the gameplay, not from contrived situations.

Photocap after the jump…

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“Ugh. If I get backdoored, I swear I’m going to put my head in the oven and sit there until it catches fire and I die.”

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“I’m going to take my time. Wouldn’t want the cancer to flare up again.”

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“The Meow Meow is no good at puzzles. Give me a ball of yarns, and I’ll beat all yous anyday with that.”

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“Meowbot 4000 needs a saucer of milk.”

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“Thank you, Zingbot. I appreciate that you are a robot conceived around the notion of derogatory communication. That was my dissertation, you know: ROBOT DISSING.”

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Ragan: “Now get me a drink, ZING-tress.”
“ZING! Wait, that was on me!”

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Brendon: “Aw, robot. Can I get a hug?”
“Er, no.”
“It’s too late. I’m coming in.”
“Does not compute.”

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“I love you Hugbot.”
“Um, I’m Zingbot.”
“Hug!”
“No. ZING!”
“Is a ‘zing’ the same as a robot hug?”
“No. A zing is a zing. Now get off me.”
“Just a little longer.”
“That’s what she said.”
“Hug!”
“GODDAMMIT IT’S ‘ZING!'”

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“You don’t even know, Britney. What they did to the Sex and the City franchise was a crime. I will never forgive that sequel. Never.

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“I’m sorry, Ragan. Sarah Jessica Parker will never look young again.”

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[sniff] “If I have to live in the house without you, Ragan, [sniff] I will literally GOUGE MY EYES OUT AND STUFF THE HOLES WITH THE VOMIT THAT I WILL SURELY BE SPEWING EVERYWHERE.”

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“I hope this envelope appreciates that I’m giving it a finger hug.”

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“Helllo??? Is there a Hugbot 2000 in here?”

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“I’m back, bitches!!! Ain’t no eviction and jury house gonna get between me and MY MAN!!!”

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“Great. The whore’s back.”

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“I would rather strangle myself with Rachel’s nasty-ass hair extensions than listen to her voice ANY longer.”

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“Oh my God. I’m going to literally throw up all over this floor, mop it up, and shove it in Rachel’s face just to get her to shut up.”

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“Why don’t you get me a drink, RA-tress?”

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“ZING!!!!”

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“EXCUSE ME, but I have a degree in chemistry. I am a RACHemist.”

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“No, she’s a Ra-tress. And a bad one at that.”

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“ZIIIIING!!!!”

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“Ain’t no slur about my day job getting between me and MY MAN!!!”

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“Ragan, are you just a bitch because you’re gay?”

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“He’s gay?”

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“Yeeeeeeah. I could get down with that. Meow meow indeed!”

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“Hey Ragan. You always said that you didn’t want to be in the Nerd Herd? Well guess what? You’re WORSE!”

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“Eh. I can’t really get behind that one.”

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“Hey RAGAN, want a cookie? Oh, that’s right. You can’t have any. GUESS THAT SUCKS FOR YOU!!! Haha. Get it? Because you’re a have not. And it sucks for you. Because you’re gay. And gay people SUCK DICK!!! Although, the only thing YOU suck at is being GAY!”

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“And you suck at washing your face. Have you noticed you have a pimple that is THIS big.”

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“This argument is ridiculous. I would rather gag myself with the rubber ducky and drown in the pool than listen to these two bicker.”

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“And did you even hear Xtina’s new song? BLECH!”

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“I bet you LIKED Sex and the City 2, didn’t you? That’s because you’re a whore who LIVES IN THE DESERT. It must have really spoken to you!”

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“Desert ZING!!!!”

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“Oh my God. This towel is about to fall off me. I would rather jump into a tank of hungry piranhas and let them eat my bloody carcass until nothing is left but my hair and fingernails instead of having this towel fall off of me.”

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“Furthermore, Lady Gaga is a queen among women, and for you to suggest otherwise shows that the only thing smart about you are the pimples on your face because that pus, Rachel, wants to get the hell out of you!”

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“Oh, so you’re just going to insult me?”

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“YOU were the one that started it!”

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“Did not!”

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“Oh, GREAT comeback. Did that take you long to think up? You’re a regular Zingbot 3000 over here.”

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“Hey. Hey. Let’s leave me out of it.”

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“Aw, it’s a message in pretzels. I love that! Although… I would have liked a hug from the pretzels instead.”

What did you think about the episode?

25 replies on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: Rachel Getting Harried”

  1. That’s because you’re a whore who LIVES IN THE DESERT.

    She’s Vegas, baby!

    Your recaps are amazing and considering this season sucks…excellent work!

  2. Loved this episode!!! This one will be staying on the DVR for a while. I love Ragan now. He killed it…

    Rachel came off as a complete idiot. She was clearly trying to intimidate, and Ragan wasn’t going for it. Enzo came off like such a wimp: “Hey, I’m friends with everyone”

  3. Who can pick between vile & disgusting or mean & putrid.
    And why do people always pull out the “I can’t wait till you see this later on video” as some kind of you’ll get yours .. someday .. in the future .. when I am not around. SO THERE.!

    I am looking forward to tonights fireworks. Oh yea.

    hb

    1. Something better happen tonight. I would hate for the second half of the season to suck as much as the first half.

  4. Highlight of my day… really enjoyed “Yeeeeeeah. I could get down with that. Meow meow indeed!”

    Ragan gave Rachel a good old fashion tongue lashin…. princess texas style… Favorite part is when Ragan informed her that she was the horrible thing unleashed by pandora’s box being opened…. PRICELESS

    1. “Favorite part is when Ragan informed her that she was the horrible thing unleashed by pandora’s box being opened…. ”

      I totally agree. And did you notice her face immediately afterwards? Her eyes looked upward as you could see her realizing what he had just said. It definitely rattled her.

  5. The only thing I wished is that CBS balanced the episode more to show Rachel’s real purpose in the house (to interview everyone) and to pinpoint the MAJOR crack in the brigade that started forming just because of Rachel’s presence and how Britney got caught in a lie and wormed her way out of it because Rachel is an idiot. I also wish they showed how Ragan and her made up and became “friends” again only to have Ragan bash her not even an hour later because that’s what he’s been doing for the last 2 weeks. Bashing her + Brendon (& their deformities, personalities, and familes), crying, bashing Kathy, whining, throwing Britney under the bus, crying, moaning, crying, crying, bashing, crying, whining. 24 hour party of negativity with Mr. Ragan.

    Don’t get me wrong, he schooled Rachel even though CBS cut out parts of both fights, but they also gave him such a great edit, and people went out of their way to complain about Rachel’s edits. These 2 are peas in a pod to me.

    1. Thank you! Well said. Ragan has nerve talking about being a good human being when he sits around all day bashing others.

  6. best part was ragan explaining to Racheal she was the horrible thing pandora’s box unleashed….

  7. awesome recap. but i am really nervous about my girl Britney. when Matt uses the stupid Diamond veto, she’ll likely go up right? and probably home, given that retarded alliance with the guys that i refuse to refer to by name.

    praying for a miracle.
    PDS

  8. I think…no I know I enjoy these photocap more then this season, this make my day the feeds and show are snoozers

  9. Apparently my last comment didn’t go through. I’ll paraphrase.

    I don’t think there were any clear winners in this fight because they’ve BOTH displayed horrible actions. Ragan and Britney have bashed Rachel and Brendon alot more than anyone else has. They’ve done 24 hour sessions for 2 weeks now. I just don’t think a professor who sits on his pedestal should sit around condemning people when he’s bashed Rachel and brendon’s family, looks, deformities, jobs, education, and etc. Rachel, Brendon, and Ragan are all peas in a pod to me. I expected more from Ragan though, which is why I’m ultimately more disappointed in him becoming Monet 2. Seriously, he bashed fat people a few days ago and Kathy. Kathy… who has never said anything mean against him and who constantly comforts him during all his cry fests that have happened everyday for a week. The people that complained about Rachel’s good CBS edits better realize she’s not the only one getting them.

    (sorry if this is a double post. I think my other post was eaten)

  10. You are so inventive with all the ways you work in hugs for Brendon. Finger hug and Hugbot-genius!

    I don’t love Rachel, but I felt a little sorry for her when Ragan went off-you could kind of see her face crumble a little. Poor desert whore.

    I agree with sassy-your recaps are definitely helping liven up this ho-hum season.

  11. I have a feeling Ragan was waiting to say those insults for a long time…Rachel is no good at being mean, she’s just too ditzy.

  12. Ragan was the clear winner- he completely schooled Rachel…I loved every minute of it. All she could say was “Why don’t you insult me more?” haha. His PhD in communications really came through (no sarcasm!). I really hope Britney doesn’t go home tonight… She was priceless making fun of Kathy for saying she was going to take her time in POV (“great, you do that…its not like its a race or anything”). haha.

  13. The picture with Ragan pointing his finger makes him look like Tom Bergeron’s gay brother. Who while teaching and having a degree in communications still communicates poorly. Although, he did diss Rachel pretty well. She makes grass look smart, so that isn’t much of a win.

  14. When Brendon gave the ZingBot a hug, I couldnt WAIT to see what you were gonna say. I mean, he gave a robot a hug in 120degree weather after one of his nom’s had just won veto, and all he can think about is giving a robot a hug. Seriously, what in Gods name happened to this guy?

    But Ragan’s zing about SATC2 really speaking to Rachel? GOLD, baby!

  15. “Hey. Hey. Let’s leave me out of it.”
    hahahaha, that cracked me up sooo bad.
    And I’m glad I’m not the only one noticing just HOW much Britney complains and crap. Good God. Your caps are genius!

  16. i thought rachel showed restraint. ragan was hitting it personal with her. i personally would have mentioned either ragan’s awful deep-cut V neck t-shirt, his awful t-shirts that he cut out the sides of, or his awful too-tight boy-sized t-shirts. And such a “good person” started off the game by lying about his job? and that voice. and dude looks like he’s pushing 50.

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