BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The Fall of Brenchel

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For weeks they annoyed us, and sadly for weeks they provided the only entertainment in the Big Brother house. Now, at last, the two-headed monster that was Brendon and Rachel has been broken up, but not without one final surge of drama. As promised, Brendon attempted to shift the target onto himself by attacking people in the Big Brother house — all so that his fair maiden could remain in the game instead of him, the knight. It was a noble, if idiotic plan. Clearly these two will break up a month after the game is over; so sacrificing a shot at the big prize for “love” is not the wisest choice Brendon could have made. However, he seems to be won over by the Kool-Aid hues of Rachel’s hair and her heaving, bouncing bosom. If giving up a half million dollars for love makes me an idiot, Brendon told us, I guess I’m an idiot.

Well said.

The bad news for Brendon was that he gave up his shot, AND he lost his love. You see, Brendon went around the house, bullying people like Ragan and Britney in an attempt to irk them the way Andrew had, except there was one major difference in their strategies. Andrew went after an alpha dog in Hayden. Brendon just kicked the floaters around. Who’s gonna care about that? If he wanted to truly ruffle feathers, he would have started up with the likes of Enzo or Lane, but as Britney noted, he was just too much of a pussy to do so.

And that’s Brendon’s problem. He’s just too nice of a guy to be the “bad boy.” All his attempts at stirring up trouble felt forced and strained. That’s why no one took him seriously. Britney and Ragan spent most of their time simply laughing at Brendon’s sad attacks, most notably a pedantic correction about the pronunciation of “Neanderthal.”

That’s not to say that Brendon didn’t annoy people. He certainly got under Britney’s skin, to hilarious effect. I like Britney, don’t get me wrong. However, she IS kind of spoiled. She’s received a free pass the last few weeks because she’s proven to be the only funny or vaguely interesting cast member this season, but let’s not forget her mopey week with Monet. She was truly awful, and as much as people may not want to hear it, the girl has total entitlement issues. That’s why she’s bristled so angrily against Brendon. Brit-Brit might be my favorite in the house currently, but she certainly needs to be knocked off her pedestal. Also, I don’t think she’s my favorite. I don’t know who my favorite is. Casting FAIL.

Anyway, when Brendon wasn’t raising wannabe hell, he was canoodling with Rachel. And when he wasn’t canoodling with Rachel, he was bickering with her. I personally enjoyed the glimpse of them fighting over where to move post-game: Los Angeles (him) or Las Vegas (her). The two were so whiney and idiotic that I couldn’t help letting out a guffaw every time Rachel intensely declared “I am Vegas” as if that were something to be proud of. That’s like proclaiming “I am an ASHTRAY” and expecting people to be impressed.

Certainly not impressed were Brendon’s ex-fiancé and her mother. The two totally railed on him, saying how manipulative and emotional the guy was. I definitely got a “not over it yet” vibe from the girl, but her bitterness was welcomed, and I believed every word she said. Gotta love scorned lovers and their equally angry cougar moms.

As for the rest of the episode, it went as expected. The house unanimously voted Rachel out, despite Brendon attempting to rattle everyone with his speech (again, take a note from Andrew. If you’re going to go down in flames, call people out, even if you’re going to lie about them). In the exit interview, Rachel was not the bundle of tears I expected her to be. Instead, she seemed fairly with-it; although, I didn’t appreciate her answering every question by saying that people were scared of her. Change it up, girlfriend.

Speaking of changing things up, the Chenbot added a touch of intrigue the evening by telling Rachel that this might not be the last of the Big Brother house she’d see. Will we have a returning cast member? PLEASE LET IT BE. If only to spice this cast up. Also, there are way too many lazy guys in the house and not enough catty bitches. We’re down to just Britney and Kathy. Where the hell is the testosterone. Why haven’t the male egos kicked in yet? Hopefully that’s to come.

As the episode ended, we watched as the house guests navigated through a rope course of sorts. This meant that yet again we’d be deprived of seeing who’d be the new Head of Household until Sunday. I, of course, could not wait and looked up the results. For now, my lips are sealed…

Here’s the photocap:

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C:\ Chenbot> run app: orgasm.exe

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“Damn that was good.”

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Rachel: “I love you, Brendon.”
“I love you more.”
“Excuse me?”
“I love you more.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I love you.”
“So you want to love me MORE than I love you?”
“I didn’t mean it in a competitive way.”
“Then why did you say it? You’re just afraid of me, aren’t you.”
“Rach…”
“I can’t deal, Brendon.”
“I want to be your knight.”
“Well, if you loved me, you wouldn’t say you love me more than I love you.”
“I’m sorry, Rach.”
“I love you.”
“I love you just as much.”
“Excuse me?”
“What?”
“You’re my boyfriend. I expect you to love me more!”

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“The Meow Meow feels like he’s back at the Jersey Shore, gettin’ a tan and watching the grenades walk by. If I had a hair for all the ugly chicks I seen there, well, that would be nice.”

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“You know what would be awesome right now? A sister to BLOW ME.”

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“I hope the three of yous realize that the Brigade is strawng. We won’t be having a brush with danger anytime soon.”

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“What’s a brush?”

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“When will these people learn? It’s NeanderTAL, not NeanderTHAL. Although, in the case of Britney, I’d be prone to calling her NeanderSMALL. Get it? Anyone?”

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“You’re just a caveman, Brendon!”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“So… what are your thoughts on hugging a caveman?”

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“Meow Meow is feeling some Giggle Giggles.”

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Britney: “Ladies and gentleman, a class act.”
Brendon: “Please don’t interrupt me. The sliding door is giving me a hug.”

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“The things Brendon is saying?? Why I oughta!!!!!”

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Britney: “Excuse me, everyone, but who let the homeless guy into the house?”
Hayden: “Spare some change?”

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“The Saboteur definitely struck again. Who else would have zipped up my hoodie??”

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“Brendon, I’m going to tell you this once and never again. I AM VEGAS.”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know. But I just AM.”

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“Brendon, what goes on in me, STAYS in me.”
“Are you pregnant?”
“Yes. WITH VEGAS.”

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“Remember that Nicholas Cage movie where he was an alcoholic? I call it Leaving Rachel because guess what? I AM VEGAS.”

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“I can’t believe Brendon. Doesn’t he realize I AM VEGAS? Ain’t no man getting between me and MY CITY!”

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“Um, hi. I used to be engaged to Brendon, and all I can say is that he would cry before, during, and after sex. And every time we went to car wash, he wanted me to hold him until those swirly brushes passed.”

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Ex-Fiancé: “Oh man, how awful is Brendon?”
Mom: “The worst.”
“Can you believe I almost married that Neanderthal?”
Both: “Hahahhahahaha.”
Mom: “For the record though, it’s pronounced NeanderTAL.”

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Ex-Fiancé: “He was just so needy.”
Mom: “And emotional.”
“He wanted to change me.”
“So up and down that one.”
“I’m glad I moved on.”
“Me too.”
“He’s just the worst.”
“Yeah… Also, for the record, I may have slept with him once or twice. But anyway, more wine?”

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“I guess I’m out here because people were scared of me.”
Julie: “And why was that?”
“I don’t know. People were just scared of me.”
“What do you think your friends at home are saying?”
“They’re probably scared of me.”
“And what about your family?”
“They’re scared of me.”
“And tell me your favorite molecule.”
“It’s hard to say. They’re all scared of me.”

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“I kind of like this challenge. It’s like I’m in the middle of a giant rope HUG.”

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“The Meow Meow doesn’t like this challenge. I’m gonna call it the Tangle Tangle.”

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“Couldn’t we do somethin’ more fun? You know, like shootin’ turtles. Or possoms. Or anything with eyes?”

What did you think about the episode? Did the house guests make the right choice?

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28 thoughts on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The Fall of Brenchel

  1. I have waited all day for this recap! And you did not disappoint…….I actually guffawed at “I am an ashtray”!! An ashtray with way too much botox, perhaps. Has her forehead ever moved?

  2. I figured it out. My favorite houseguest is whoever decided they couldn’t join the cast this season and didn’t make it. That’s the only one I can get behind and support because I hate the rest of these people. I’m figuring that’s why the controversy about maybe bringing Rachel back. But probably, they’re going to put Evel Dick in the house to “create some drama”…

  3. In answer to your question: YES! Goodbye Mizz McTittie O’Bubbie. I don’t think I could have stood one more minute of her loud and obnoxious self. UGH. She should join forces with Teresa Giudice. They’d make a wonderful pair of horribelness. And then she could claim, “I am New Jersey.”. Which, btw, except for the accent, she’s definitely got all of the traits you need to be a Jersey HW: Fake boobs, a sense of entitlement, hystrionic personality and a decent liar.
    What was that backdrop behind Enzo? Anyone know? It looked like Moonlight Beach here in Encinitas!

  4. Of course this is the most insufferable season since season one (note: I did not watch that winter season during the writer’s strike.)

    I think it’s absolutely hilarious that no one has even theorized about the Brigade. Hell, even Enzo was just laughing about that on the show y’day. It seems like they can do anything and it won’t matter. It’s so… So freaking odd.

    I actually now WANT those 4 idiots to end up as the final 4. And instead of turning, I think it would actually be funny if they don’t give a shit and just continue to lolligag for the final weeks and sort of ruin the entire game. I don’t know why, and I love BB, but that would be pretty funny to me.

    I’m just waiting for Ragan to sabotage things like, “OMG, i turned off the light on Enzo eating cereal!” At least America’s Player had to hug that person for 20 minutes or whatever. That was fun.

  5. Right now, I want to see Horizontal Kathy gone. She unnerves me.
    The cast stinks and they should fire whomever it was that did the casting.
    Yet, I still watch. (whats wrong with me?)

  6. I am sooo glad you were abloe to capture Brendan asking Britney “I don’t get a hug?” Didrrksomeone in here suggest that tag had jumped the shark? Well, when that stooge just keeps feeding it , the shark will NEVER get jumped…

  7. Soooooooooooooooooo funny that you got a screencap with Brendon actually saying “I don’t get a hug?

    bwaaaahaahaaa!

  8. When I watched the show last night, and saw Brendon with the “I don’t get a hug?”…I laughed out loud and knew it would be here today! Great job as usual 🙂

  9. I wish you guys played up more on the fact that Brendon’s ex was PSYCHO. Seriously. I don’t even like the guy but she was so pathetic. If she watches the show in private because he’s on it, fine, I’m sure a lot of people would.
    But to go on BB to make fun of him, WITH HER PARENTS? Oh my god. That girl has problems.

    My favourite cap is this
    “The Saboteur definitely struck again. Who else would have zipped up my hoodie??”
    I hate that he walks around with his hoodie unzipped! It’s so weird. And it’s usually not all the way unzipped, just to nipple-level.

  10. I think after a decade of Survivor, Big Brother and other shows of this type, all the contestants who go on these shows simply know that being a quiet, agreeable contestant who stays in the background is the best strategy. And that’s what they’re all doing.

    I have to hand it to the Brigade. With no snitches, they’ve been unstoppable without even doing much strategizing.

  11. Call me crazy, but I think it would be a beautiful day for drama if Andrew & Rachel both came back. I know it probably wouldn’t happen, but at least the game would be more fun to watch.

    See what you’ve done BB? You made me Team Rachel. Meh! I need a hug.

  12. I actually really like Britney and all of her bitchiness, but she is an idiot.
    She never should have said “tequila, vomit, and $100 bills” to Rachel in her goodbye message. Rachel thought that they were friends, but not anymore… and that is a potential jury vote that Britney just threw away. She would have had her vote if she had made it to the final two (along side of anyone other than Brendon), but she ratted herself out as being a two-faced Rachel-Hater. That was idiotic.

        • Mmmm, you are probably correct about that, J. But I do remember in her goodbye message her saying something to the effect of “I will miss putting your hair extensions on and making fun of you” (don’t remember exactly). Regardless, it had to have been made clear to Rachel that Britney was just greasing her and was actually only using her to stay in the house.

          • If you’re not interested in spoilers, don’t read much more of this post: Britney finds out about how CBS edited her goodbye message to make it look meaner than it was. She actually had much more to say, about how she’ll miss Rachel because she was the only entertainment in the house but they edited that out to piss Rachel off and make Britney look like a bigger bitch.

  13. The reason Britney “bristled so angrily against Brendon” is because he said how many girls do you think your fiance has banged while you’ve been in here during that fight in the garden, they left out all the worst things he said in that fight.

  14. Your photocaps are so funny. I just discovered your blog last week and have been reading back through the BB photocaps from this season. Just wanted to say I can’t wait to read them and they are quickly becoming the highlight of my day!

  15. This made my whole day. I cannot believe in all my years watching Big Brother I’ve never seen this blog before.

    Rachel disgusted me, Brendon is more of a woman than I am, Britney is a bitchy ball of pure joy and laughs, Matt thinks he’s smarter than he actually is, Ragan is smarter than he lets on… and everyone else can go the hell home. Kathy who?

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