JERSEY SHORE PHOTOCAP: No Use Crying Over Spilt Chicken

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Those crazy mooks from Jersey Shore are back, and over the course of the first two episodes, things have pretty much gone as expected. Sammi and Ronnie continue to be the dramatic yet boring couple of the household; Snooki continues to fall over, knock things over, or some divine combination of both; The Situation continues to talk a big game but come home empty-handed; and Angelina continues to be the annoying biatch we never liked and never wanted back. Amusingly enough, Angelina returned this season with the promise that we’d be able to see that she’s more than just a bitch — a vow that was immediately undermined by her umpteen proud reminders that she’s the biggest bitch any of us have ever seen. Her ploys for attention are just as desperate and unpleasant as they were the first time around, as best evidenced by a ridiculous fight she picked in the season premiere that had something to do with the girls not paying attention to her. I’m still kind of fuzzy on the details, but that’s because a) I’m not totally sure it made sense, and b) I was a little drunk when I watched it.

Nevertheless, things seem to be toodling along just fine so far; although, I do miss the New Jersey environs. Miami is cool and all, but we want to see these mooks on their home turf. What’s better than eight horned up grease heads? THOUSANDS OF THEM! For now though, the show offers pleasant enough entertainment.

Photocap after the jump…

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The Situation: “Damn, this morning beer tastes funky.”
Pauly D: “That’s because you jerked off in the bottle before going to sleep.”
“Aw, damn! That’s ridiculous! You gotta admit though, it’s a pretty hot bottle.”
Pauly D: “Situation, what are you doing?”
“I’m showing the bottle my abs. You like that, bottle? Yeah??”

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“Hey Ronnie?”
“Yeah?”
“Ronnie.”
“Yeah??”
“RONNIE.”
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT??”
“You smell nice.”
“Thanks.”

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“So what sort of cologne are you wearing, Ronnie?”
“It’s a mix of Axe Body Wash and a Shirley Temple some broad spilled on me.”

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“Hey, has anyone seen my tranny sunglasses? I think some jerkoff stole them from me…. Wait, what? They’re on my head? Fuck my life.”

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“Angelina, if you don’t leave, I’m going to suffocate you with my man chest.”
Snooki: “Oh my God. I reached the end of my drink. Fuck my life.”

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Pauly D: “Time for some GTL, my dude!”
Situation: “That’s right. GTL: Guggenheim, Tate Modern, and Louvre. What? I like fine art.”

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“Which one of you jerkoffs left the chicken on the edge like that? All of yous owe me new shoes now. Fuck my life.”

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“OH MY GAWD, RONNIE! How could you have your ex’s number in your notebook?”
“Listen, she said she’d hook me up with a step ladder so I can get into my truck. Relax!”

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Sammi: “Why you crying, Ronnie? Did it hurt that bad?”
“Nah. I’m just sad that I’m not allowed on roller coasters.”

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“I love you, Sammi. Of all the girls I’ve ever smushed with, you’re the only one who ever bought me a booster chair.”

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“Guys, guys, guys… I just want to say that I love you guys. GUYS. You are my boyz. I got two new warts today, and I’m naming them after yous.”

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8 thoughts on “JERSEY SHORE PHOTOCAP: No Use Crying Over Spilt Chicken

  1. I want to dislike the Situation, but I’ll be damned, he makes me laugh every episode. He and Pauly are great to listen to when they are just talking about everything and nothing. Angelina. Yuck. She is dumb and not entertaining at all.

  2. Why did they even bring that Angelina bitch back? Supposedly, she had relations with cast or crew…she went out with a bang the first time.. i was waiting to watch her crawl back.

  3. I can’t believe I didn’t start watching this show until recently. I was hooked as soon as I started watching the entire first season (in a weekend). Kind of sad, huh? It is truly addictive and a guilty pleasure.

    I, too, am always suprised how much I like The Situation…I died when Snook and Vinnie asked what to do about the chicken on the floor. He’s all “Hello? Pick it up”. He seems to actually have a brain.

    The other great moment was when Snookie told the caller that Angelina was dead. Too funny.

  4. I think that Angelina has her own phone sex business which is why she gets so many calls.
    I can’t be because she has friends. Yeah.

    hb

  5. Good news is they’ve already kicked Angelina off of season 3. I wish they’d do the same to Sammi and Ronnie. They’re all AWFUL. If I have to hear Sammi’s whiny voice bitching about one more inane thing I’m gonna throw a tube of bronzer. And are guys seriously as stupid as Ronnie? And he was coked out episode 1 at that bar with the grenades/land mines, right?

    And I think Vinny (I have to defend him, I can’t help myself) picked up the chicken immediately, but the two were asking what to do with it. As in, “Can we still eat it? Do we dump it?” And for the record, I probably would have grilled it up. So kudos to The Sitch for being more classy than me!

    When he ordered food, though, I died laughing when the guy on the other end said, “Whatever, man.”

  6. Looove it!
    Thanks for finally hitting us with a Jersey Shore photocap. I look forward to many more!!
    🙂

  7. I really thought that reality famewhore stardom would have gone to their heads, but it doesn’t seem to have just yet. Well except for Mike ordering food and giving the name Situation. It reminded me of the Luanne’s use of Countess when ordering a pizza and having to spell it out as well. After the person taking the order doesn’t understand the name after saying it five or six times; one would think that they would just use their normal name.

    I thought that the fame may, would at least, help Pauly D and the Situation get some girls, but so far it hasn’t seem to. I guess no amount of fame can over come the repugnant smell of Axe Body Spray and douche bag.

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