I’m proud to report that so far, Jersey Shore seems to be surviving its second season surprisingly well. The fame that we thought would totally ruin the magic of the first go-around hasn’t actually spoiled things too much; although, the guys seem a bit more self-aware when it comes to conjuring up amusing acronyms. Nothing will beat GTL, but MVP (Mike, Vinny, Pauly) is pretty solid. That being said, GFF (Grenade Free Foundation) and IFF (I’m Fucked Foundation) are a bit forced, not to mention all too similar.
Nevertheless, despite these mooks being much more famous than ever before, it seems like they still must endure the usual ups and downs of their daily lives: creeping in the club, finding a good barber, and of course enjoying some casual snookering with Snooki. Just another day in the life.
Love was truly in the air on this third episode. And not just love, but romance — Jersey style. In one corner, we had Pauly and The Situation, who headed off to the club in search of tail but only found a pack of “grenades.” Any logical guy would have just moved on to a new venue, but these guys opted to stick around and make lemonade out of lemons (grenade-ale?). Next thing we knew, they had taken back a bunch of girls, who clearly were not representing Miami well. Methinks all the beautiful people were off doing each other. I suppose when you’re a model, there’s no need to waste time with the walking bottles of Axe Body Spray that are The Situation and Pauly D. Also, I’ve heard they’re quite short; so there’s that too.
Anyway, the guys brought their grenades back to the hot tub, and wouldn’t you know it, one of the girls’ fake titties popped out and floated up in the water. Now, I’m not talking about an implant. I’m talking about a little chicken cutlet-esque insert that apparently is worn to cover the nips (according to my friend Jenny, with whom I was watching). Of course, IndianJones (who was also present) and I nodded our heads politely because let’s face it, the girl was wearing the thing to make her boobs bigger. Nevertheless, the cutlet floated off and away before being intercepted by the guys and tossed around like a hot potato. MTV then gladly cut away to the embarrassed, breast-adjusting girl several times, almost as if to say “Hey, you idiot. It’s not our fault you signed the release to hang out with these mooks.” Courtship at its finest.
Meanwhile, my favorite cast member Vinny passed out on a giant beanbag and was soon joined by Snookers, who first proceeded to knock over an entire table before getting a little touchy-feely with her roommate. The two eventually retired to Vincenzo’s bed to supposedly sleep — that is, until Snooki so romantically asked “Wanna fuck?”
“Sure,” replied Vinny.
And so the deed was done. Who said romance was dead? I just wonder if Snooki’s poof survived the casual smoosh.
Elsewhere in the house were the gruesome twosome of Sammi and Ronnie. They’ve actually managed to get worse this season, mostly because they certainly should know better. In one corner we have Ronnie, who famously broke up with his girl on the reunion show after having seen how whipped he had been by her. This season, he was determined to be the single, fun guy — much as he promised last time around — but guess what? It’s been the same old, same old — but with a twist: less sweet romance (if it could ever have been called that) and more obnoxious behavior. You see, Ronnie goes out to the clubs, grinds — er, creeps — on women, gets trashed, and then comes home and crawls into Sammi’s bed where he ever so politely asks “Can I smoosh you, please?” A gentleman above all else!
Adding insult to injury is that recently, Ronnie has taken to calling Sammi his girlfriend, even thought he gets wasted at the club and then revises “girlfriend” to “fucking bitch.” What’s so deplorable about this (aside from the fact that Sammi is a total passive-aggressive, controlling wench, and he shouldn’t be wasting his time with her) is that despite how awfully Ronnie treats Sammi, she still lets him come crawling into her bed. The woman has no self-respect. Part of me thinks she likes having him come back to her, if only so that she can be mad at him the next day.
Whatever, these two are awful, and I think what makes them particularly deplorable is that every one of us knows a couple just like them. And those couples are the worst.
Oh yeah, and Angelina mended fences with J-WOWW and Snooki, but she’s still pretty terrible. Shocker.
Here’s the photocap!