REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Chocolate and Silicone

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Sorry I’m a bit behind on my Real Housewives of Beverly Hills coverage. Fear not: it’s not a reflection of my feelings towards them because I can assure you that I love them dearly. This installment in the franchise has been nothing but hilarious so far, which is no real surprise: I mean, the show follows half a dozen women with faces so tight their skin probably squeezes their brains into tiny, crescent-shaped masses. No wonder they’re all a bit insane. For the record, I’m convinced that my brain is a tiny, crescent-shaped mass, and I haven’t even had cosmetic surgery. The good news is that several of these ladies are eminently likable (Lisa, e.g.) or at least affable (Taylor, e.g.). The Richards sisters, of course, are out of their minds, but that should be no shock to anyone who has a vague knowledge of how child actors turn out — especially when they have nieces who are considerably more famous than they are. And then we have Adrienne Maloof, who looks like she chews up and shits out ten men a day. That includes her simian husband who spent much of last week’s episode trailing around his wife like a lost puppy-dog (assuming that puppy-dog had undergone a face-lift or two. Male plastic surgery = not good).

Anyway, I must admit that I was drunk when I watched the latest episode; so my memory of it is vague: the sisters fought, Paul clung on to Adrienne, the sisters fought some more, Lisa bought a chocolate bunny, Taylor tried on clothes for some reason, the sisters fought some more, Camille met with a gay, Taylor met with Brody Jenner’s mom, Brody Jenner’s mom said something about Africa, Taylor smiled at Brody Jenner’s mom, and finally, the sisters fought. That pretty much covers it, right? Photocap after the jump…

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“To our original faces. May they rest in peace.”

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“Does this dress make my lips look strange?”

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“Do you see this, Kyle? Photographic evidence that I was once A STAR!!!!”

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“Darling, please take this bubbly. I only give it to poors.”

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“I’ll stab this bunny just the way Hollywood stabbed MEEEE in the back!”

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“I taught Paris this move.”

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“Hey look, I found a bag. Also, I used to be famous.”

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“No offense, Paul, but you kind of look exactly like a monkey.”

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“Quack quack.”

What did you think about the episode?

19 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Chocolate and Silicone”

  1. Although these women are kooky, so far none is truly awful. That may be the undoing of this series.

  2. I’m always drunk when I watch any of these. Good for you!

    “I taught Paris this move.” Awesome. Seriously, why are her eyes closed?

  3. This is my favorite franchise. Can I have Lisa’s life? She seems so happy and devoid of any stress and real life problems us mortals have. I also love Adrienne’s strong alpha female persona. And I love the dynamic of the Richards sisters…much better than the dancing in the meadows act the Manzo sisters have.

  4. “Does this dress make my lips look strange?” HA! Her lips are so incredibly distracting. Why, why, why??? Also, just watched her make out with the cotton candy on tonight’s epi. Went from distracting to disturbing!

    LOVE Lisa. Best housewife ever!

    1. Oh God, what Lisa finally did with the Cotton Candy just made me love her more– and I already love her.

      Taylor’s lips looked freakish in that scene, just all kinds of WRONG.

      Again, Lisa: L-O-V-E.

  5. I don’t even know where to start on this Taylor, too much lip, to much filler in the cheek bones, did the plastic surgeon intentionally make her mouth turn downward? Is her mouth really that big? She was super not hot while giving the cotton candy a bj.
    I love Lisa, she is my fav housewife evah!
    Camille is super yuck, writhing around and working your hair does not make you a dancer, maybe an exotic dancer (thank you very much Danielle) but not a dancer.
    Kyle is just gorg, but by this 3rd epi I’m already quite tired of her hair over the right shoulder thing. Notice how her head is constantly cocked (thank you mama manzo) to the side like her hair is pulling her down. I had a model friend who would flick her hair in between her fingers to flick it over her shoulder.
    Kim is crazy,pure and simple

  6. Has anyone broken the news to Camille that having to loudly declare that you are your “own woman” and then exclaiming that she is “the powerhouse behind Kelsey Grammer” actually highlights the fact that the only reason she secured a spot on the show was that very connection? In fact, the only flash of memory i have reguarding her existance prior to this was her husband speaking sympathetically about his wife’s irritable bowl syndrom. Why not just introduce herself as the new posterwife for IBS.

  7. WHY HASNT ANYONE COMMENTED ON THE NASILY VOICE OF KYLE’S HUSBAND? HE TALKS THROUGH HIS NOSE, AND ITS SO ANNOYING. SHE SAID THAT WAS HER REAL HAIR ON ANDY COHEN’S SHOW BUT IT CANT BE….ANYONE ELSE FELL ME HERE?

  8. Love the RHBH!! They are what this series is all about – true wealth, not “Big Poppa” money!!
    I think Camille is the blond, rich version of Danielle!!! Give me a break, dancing like a stripper purposely in front of the other men – gross! I too think Lisa is the greatest. I feel sorry for Kyle and for Taylor. Taylor is sooo submissive to her grumpy husband, so sad; and Kyle is sooo codependent on her kids and her past childhood gigs!?

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