REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Dancing With The Divorcées

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After last week’s near Sherayay-free episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I’m proud to report that our favorite divorcée was back front and center on last night’s show. A local charity fundraiser had called upon Ms. Whitfield to perform in an event called “Dancing Stars of Atlanta,” which afforded the budding thespian a chance to expand her repertoire to beyond the proscenium and onto the ballroom floor. I’m can assuredly report that her footwork was just as expressive as her acting.

Yes, Shereé spent much of the episode plodding around the parquet like a tree-trunk that had suddenly been brought to life (and should there be any confusion as to the dancing skills of anthropomorphized tree-trunks, I imagine that their moves are not impressive — at least beyond the initial shock of seeing a tree-trunk busting a move). Anyway, Sherayay was not the most adept person on the dance floor. To say she had two left feet would be kind. It’s more like she had two left feet and a crutch and a little walker with tennis balls and perhaps a sandbag attached to her ankles. Don’t tell her that though. As far as Shereé was concerned, she was the second coming of Ginger Rogers. Or at least Cheryl Burke.

Not everyone was impressed with Sherayay’s hoofing. A loud, harping ballroom maestro who resembled a gay Gary Busey spent a good chunk of the episode berating Shereé for her lack of emotion. Sadly, his message never got through to Sherayay, who believed that she was every bit the sexy seductress that the rhumba demanded. Not so much. Again, I cite the tree-trunk.

Ultimately, Shereé managed to get through her performance without totally embarrassing herself. Sure it was stiff and dispassionate, but at least she didn’t fall over — an admittedly low standard, but a legitimate one nonetheless. More embarrassing was the paltry $20 that each of her guests (Nene, Kim, Kandi, Cynthia) forked over for the benefit. Seriously, it was tacky. But then again, we’ve never really looked for tasteful acts when it comes to The Real Housewives franchise.

For sure I expected Cynthia and Peter to donate more cash, but I suppose they’re a little cash-strapped now that Peter’s spent a small fortune on Cynthia’s engagement ring. That’s right, the two are finally officially engaged. It all happened in front of our eyes as Peter dropped to one knee and popped the question to his model girlfriend (who IS a model, lest she forgets to remind you in the next three minutes). We’ve seen many engagements on reality TV (including on The Amazing Race last night), but this had to be one of the coldest, least-affected reaction I’ve ever seen. Cynthia seemed more concerned about the state of her fake eyelashes than anything else. Later, she explained her emotions by saying she doesn’t like surprises, especially in front of a group of people (Nene and some other ladies were present for the question), but I wasn’t totally buying it. Okay, maybe Peter should have been more intimate about it, but still, you’d think Cynthia would be able to force out at least one crocodile tear. Or, you know, a smile.

Over in Phaedra land, the preggers lawyer was still mouthing off gibberish, with her choice nonsense this week pertaining to sticking a fifty cent piece on a child’s bellybutton to prevent an “outie” as opposed to an “innie.” I continue to have a hard time believing this woman is actually a lawyer, or more specifically, that she ever acquired a law degree from an accredited institution. I get the feeling she was once gabbing with her girlfriends one day and one of them said, “Oooh, Phaedra! Nothing gets by you! You should be a lawyer. We’re gonna call you lawyer from now on because you are the lawyer of our group!” And from that moment on, she decided she was a lawyer. Just a theory.

At the very least, Bravo owes it to us (and to her probably) to show her in action. With Kandi we get to see her at work, and it makes me respect her that much more. In fact, I kind of love the scenes of Kandi working in the studio. Bravo should do a spin-off that simply follows Kandi as she works with artists and makes songs. It’s totally fascinating. Of course, I’d want to see Kandi working with legitimate talent, not Kim, who’s weekly project took the form of renovating her daughter’s bedroom as well as her own office. That’s right: Kim has an office. What she does in it is a mystery, but what we do know is that the room is cluttered with photos of… Kim. Narcissistic excess would only be an understatement. I mean, it’s ridiculous enough that she has an office, but now it’s filled with gold leaf and self-aggrandizement. Seems a bit much for a room that’s probably only used for occasional bouts of Snood.

Anyway, here’s the photocap:

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Aston Martin by Aston Martineé.

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Kim: “Honey, you need to get out of mommy’s office. Mommy has things to do in here like… look at pictures of me and, you know, stuff. I’m a busy woman. Now where’s my wine. Brielle! BRIELLE!!! Bring momma her work wine! BRIEEEEELLLE!!!!!”

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Peter: “Will you marry me?”
Cynthia: “Um, I don’t even have my eyelashes in.”
“So is that a yes?”
“Hmmm… I think it’s more of an ‘I guess…'”

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Cynthia: “How wonderful. I’m totally excited. Not anxious or feelings doubts at all. Toooootally on board with this engagement…”

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Phaedra: “Y’all better get ready to see this baby pop out. He only three months old, but he fully developed. And totally conceived after we got married.”

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“Y’all need to get me some penis ointment and a fifty cent piece. This baby is ready to come out, and at only six weeks!”

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“Do you like this dress? I can’t wait to run from the altar in it!”

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Cynthia: “In honor of you Kim, I put on a wig!”
Kim: “That’s so sweet. And in honor of nothing in particular, I wore a whore dress!”

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“They all better get ready for some Dance by Dancereé.”

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Kim: “Oooh, Kandi! I just got an idea for my next song! ‘The Dance Didn’t Stand a Chance!'”

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Nene: “Somebody better get that star off this table before I shove it up Greg’s butt.”

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“Um, Sherayay, I know you like this pose, but you’ve been standing like that for thirty seconds. I can’t do all the work.”

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Sherayay: “I didn’t win? YOU’VE RUINED MY JOY!!!”

What did you think about the episode? Thoughts on Cynthia’s engagement? How about Kim’s office? Or Phaedra?

22 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES PHOTOCAP: Dancing With The Divorcées”

  1. So many things to say about this episode:

    1) The Aston Martin has already been repossessed by one of the law firms to which Sherayay owed money. Her reaction: “It’s just a car. I’ll get another one.” WTF does this woman feel the need to reward herself when she hasn’t accomplished squat?

    2) I’ve heard the coin/belly band thing before. Maybe it’s a southern thing. Phaedra is just awful, though.

    I have known of her by reputation for several years, and she has had some big clients and a quasi-high profile practice. But, I think that’s as much because she is into self-promotion as it is because she is a particularly skilled lawyer. Or, as she would say, “attorney.”

    3) Peter’s club is already out of business. Maybe that $20 donation was the final straw. I hope Cynthia makes enough modeling money to keep her in wigs.

    4) Kim is now dating, and rumored to be pregnant by, Kroy Bierman, the Falcons player she sexually harassed during Sherayay’s big moment.

    1. Oh, this “white collar” crime for which Apollo served 5 years in prison?? He was operating a car theft/chop shop ring! That’s a little different from Martha Stewart’s acting on an insider tip. He acted under a number of aliases.

    2. Thank you once again for the 411 on all these bitches.
      Sherayayray is still horrendous. She told the guy the reason she didn’t get shoes was because she is a busy person and an actress. Huh? When did she do that?

      Kim is serious about her singing and to prove it she made a phone call to the vocal coach. I am sure she smoked the entire time she was on the phone too. Serious. And I doubt that being pregnant has curbed her smoking or drinking.

      hb

  2. I think if Cynthia marries this guy she will regret it. She told him she hates surprises…and that she wanted it to be a special intimate thing between the two of them….and he goes and does it his way disregarding her wishes. She may seem cold, but personally I think she could do better.

    Kim….is a hopeless train wreck. Her 13yr old daughter already dresses like a whore.

    And, speaking of whores….. VH1 has given Daniell Staub a spin off!

    Love the recap as always!

  3. Yeah the ring Simon gave Cynthia, they both put it on the wrong hand? Whatsupwiththat?

    Phaedra and her baby, I feel sorry for the baby, this woman has zero maternal instincts

    Kim’s daughter Brielle lives in a 2,000 square foot bedroom? That takes up the top floor of the condo [or what ever she lives in] WTF that’s bigger than my house!

    Love the idea of a show starring Kandi. It was fun watching her create

  4. Thanks Jennifer30309 for the dirt. Love it!
    Kim: Train wreck is right. Shut the Door! Shut the Door! ??? What the hell is that??? And am I the only one who has noticed how often she touches her hair…er wig…so freakin’ annoying.
    I would love to see a caricature artist draw her. It would be so hilarious.
    Phaedra: Gah! Isn’t it a little unethical for a Lawyer to lie about things that can so easily be proven otherwise???? Oh wait…she’s a Lawyer. ‘ nuf said. (Sorry to the more ethical lawyers out there)
    Cynthia: One more time…what did you do for work Cynthia??? I haven’t quite heard it…not enough times anyway.
    Sherayayyyy…whatever: It’s not working (sung in a high falsetto)…who ever she is trying to be.
    Nene: Love her upfront attitude…even if some of it stems from insecurity. She’s just fun…or at least Bravo shows that part of her anyway.

  5. – Wow, the $20 dollar donation was just shocking. Don’t they make around $250,000-300,000 per season?

    – Phaedra treats this pregnancy like it’s the most annoying thing she’s had to deal with. Wait till the mothering starts.

    – Cynthia seemed horrified with the engagement. I feel for her though. Sometimes, the marriage isn’t needed.

    – The announcer kept saying Sheree’s name wrong, pronouncing it, “Sheriiii.” Lol.

    1. “Phaedra treats this pregnancy like it’s the most annoying thing she’s had to deal with. Wait till the mothering starts.”

      You say that like she’s actually going to be a mother – that’s what nannies are for!

  6. hee hee, I think Phaedra has our number. I was cracking up at the whole 50 cent piece on the belly button convo. I don’t know what to think of the weird baby birth date thing, but I think she has a little bit of Kim’s “wink, wink while I say something ridiculous”. The bit of her preparing for the baby was hysterical, now I’m sure she’ll prove me wrong and be totally truly whack-a-doodle next week but there was something that made me just giggle this week. She may be an odd attorney, but she is successful so there has to be something up in that bratz-doll noggin of hers.

  7. Just watched this… Totally accurate call on Sheray looking like a tree- trunk. She is a small woman, but her legs are really stocky and her back is very broad. She must lift weights a lot… Not a great look.
    I too, could not believe those women ponied up twenty bucks apiece. That is just embarassing. What a bunch of cheap-asses.
    I loved it when they cut to each woman’s reaction to her dance. These editors are awesome.
    I agree with Honey Bunny. Sheraye is absolutely awful. I know people are digging her this year, but she is still as self- absorbed as ever. Count me as a hater. Actually, I find the whole cast contemptible. Nene is funny, but vicious ( and an extremely sloppy drunk). Kandi, however, I love!

    1. I agree about the whole cast being contemptible. Even Kandi creeps me out with her Kandi Koated stuff. But she is the least offensive.

      I loved when Kristin Chenoweth did her Kim imitation on WWHL. “I’m having a yard sale.”

      hb

  8. ‘The Dance Didn’t Stand a Chance!’ HA! Love it. Cannot believe they only donated $20 a piece. Tacky.

  9. Thanks Jennifer30309. Great update.

    If someone doesn’t like surprises-why would you surprise propose to them in front of a bunch of people? Stupid.

    1. peter even admitted that he knew she didn’t like surprises but he wanted to do it “his way” so that she could have a great story to tell when people asked her about her engagement. Make no sense to me. I’m sure bravo would have provided him with whatever he wanted to make a fab private proposal.

  10. I guess Kim found her new money ticket, in that young football player. Poor guy, if she really is pregnant that is 18 years of child support right there. Now that Big Poppa is not so giving anymore, she had to find some new revenue, at least it explains how she can afford her lifestyle. 3 Rich Baby Daddies and 1 Mega Rich Sugar Daddy. SMH!!

  11. Am I wrong, or does Phaedra have a giant portrait of herself in her underwear hanging on her living room wall?? Klassy!

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