REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Smile Like You Mean It

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Sadness, people. We only have one episode left of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the freshest, most entertaining new installment to the franchise since New York City. Not every episode has huge drama (exhibit A: last night), but there’s plenty of pathos and subtle passive aggression to keep us happy for months. This penultimate edition focused on two milestone events: the decline of Camille’s marriage and the college graduation of Kyle’s daughter. In the case of the former, we got to watch as Camille struggled to put on a happy face despite the misery that was only just starting to take over her life (if it hadn’t already been). This all brought up mixed emotions. On the one hand, it was hard to sympathize with Camille, who has proven herself to be an instigator, a manipulator, a narcissist, and a perpetual victim both on and off the show. On the other hand, I must admit that I did feel a liiiiittle bad for her. Divorce is not fun or pleasant, and truth be told, it really DOES suck for her. She may not be an ideal citizen, but Kelsey’s no great shakes either.

Witness their awkward encounter at the end of the episode. With Camille and her friends gathered in a hotel suite just before the Tonys, Kelsey and his soon-to-be ex-wife shared a toast to, among other things, love. Kelsey smiled through gritted teeth and cheered (no pun intended) the notion, thus providing an enjoyably creepy moment of phoniness. I couldn’t help but think about all the manipulations he’s had to deal with and all the haughty fakery she’s had to put up with. Or so it would seem. Either way, there was a whole lot of dysfunction going on, and it was all RIVETING.

Less riveting was the continued saga of Lisa and Cedric. The issue continues to be that Cedric doesn’t want to leave the nest, and anytime Ken asks him to go, the Frenchman scurries back to Lisa and plays on her emotions. His main excuse is that he’s afraid of abandonment, which makes sense as he was indeed abandoned as a child. However, as tragic as his childhood seems to have been, there’s a nagging sense that he’s using it to be a permanent moocher. He appears to have no true ambition in life — note his jokey approach to a driver’s test. The guy needs to get his act together, and while he relationship with Lisa is endearing, it also feels terribly pathetic (a reflection on him, not her. Lisa can do no wrong).

As for Lisa, she littered this episode with a gazillion quips and one-liners, but most entertaining of all was her sudden DISDAIN for Taylor. Starting right in the opening scene, Lisa voiced an unhappiness with Taylor’s new friendship with Kyle. She then told Taylor point-blank to stop laughing so much and face her problems. Taylor’s response: more laughing. And you know when Taylor laughs, it’s like watching the whale in Pinocchio bracing to sneeze. Let it be known that I’m not calling Taylor a whale. Far from it. The woman is stick thin, and for the record, even though she does have crazy lips and significant plastic surgery, she still does look pretty great. But yeah, her lips are crazy.

Speaking of superficial facial follies (alliteration!), we had Adrienne and her husband Paul, who not only share the same face, but also a passion for bickering. I personally love their bickering and think it’s immensely healthy, but they seem to be a bit concerned. That’s why they cornered Mauricio’s mother at the graduation party for Kyle’s daughter. Turns out that Mama Mauricio (I can’t remember her name) is an accomplished psychologist and has two post-docs, one of which in sexual relations (mmmhmmm). She’s also stunning and looks perhaps a year or two younger than some of the cast members. That’s probably why I was scratching my head when Paul suggested that she get some nip/tuck work. The fact that he would even broach the subject is so gauche, I’m shocked Adrienne didn’t roll her eyes and jab him in the ribs (oh wait, she sort of did). But even worse was that the woman looked fantastic, and he was all ready to butcher her up. For that alone he deserved to have his Bruce Lee of a kid break his nose again.

Lastly, we had the Richards’ sisters, who happily congratulated Kyle’s daughter upon her graduation. Their speeches at the luncheon were lovely, and I found the emotional undercurrent of the story line to be quite touching. Almost made me forget Kyle’s bizarre personal trainer (who I feel like is hiding a porn star past. Further research must be done. At the very least, he goes to my gym, buuuuut I don’t think I’ll be asking him).

Anyway, here’s the photocap:

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“You know who’s great? Taylor.”
“Big Lips McGee?”
“Yeah, she’s the best.”
“You mean Mouthy O’LipsALot?”
“Yup!”
“MonsterChops McFaceHole?”
“That’s the one!”
“GapeyMouth von PlumpyLips?”
“Yes!”
“Huh. I don’t care for her.”

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“Taylor, stop laughing and face your problems.”

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Taylor: “Well, my only problem is that….”

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Taylor: “I can’t stop laughing!! HAHAHAHA!!!”

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“Taylor, do shut up.”

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“HEY. That wasn’t nice.”

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“But it was funny! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

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Lisa: “Stay away from my friend, BITCH.”

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“Excuse me? Are you bossing me around? Enough! ENOUGH!!!!”

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“Hahahahaha! I’m just kidding! Another vicodin please!”

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“Paul. PAUL. What do you think of this dress?”
Paul: “I don’t like it.”
“Eh, what do you know. You’re pretty much a talking ape in Ralph Lauren.”
“Huh?”
“Nothing. NOTHING. Ugh. He’s the worst.”

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Camille: “So… who here has a husband I can steal?”

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“This wine is bloody awful. It’s like that dreadful TAYLOR harvested the grapes herself!”

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Lisa: “Okay, Cedric. Let me off.”
“I can’t. I WAS ABANDONED.”
“I’m not going to abandon you. I just want to get off.”
“AND THEN YOU’LL RUN AWAY AND ABANDON ME.”
“You’re drunk. You were supposed to spit out the wine.”
“I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“BECAUSE I WAS ABANDONED BY WINE.”

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Lisa: “I think it’s time for you to get a job.”
“BUT I WAS ABANDONED.”
“So?”
“I don’t want to be forgotten by the unemployment office.”
“You don’t even collect unemployment.”
“I don’t?”
“No.”
“OMG. I’VE BEEN ABANDONED!!!”

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“A relationship between a father and a daughter is very special, and I want my daughter to know that I’ll always be there for her because Daddy WON’T BE.”

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Camille: “Hey sweetie! Are you excited to be used as a pawn against your father???”

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“What do you mean Kathy’s not coming? And Paris too? But I just bought all that hand sanitizer!”

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Adrienne: “So you’re Mauricio’s mother? You look absolutely stunning. You could be one of us.”
Paul: “You have a natural beauty. You know what you should do? HAVE TEN FACE LIFTS.”

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Adrienne: “Paul, you’re sitting in too much sun.”
“I don’t think I am.”
“Do you want to get cancer? Because that’s what you’ll get.”
“I’ll be okay. If I get any strange marks, I’ll go to the doctor.”
“Please. You wouldn’t know a melanoma even if it walked up to you and broke your nose, WHICH I believe will happen some day.”

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“I just want to say that I’m on the verge of saying something caaaaaaRAAAAAAAAYYYYYzzzzzzyyyyyy. And sad.”

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“I’m not crying. I’m just doing my own take on the ‘WhatEVER’ sign.”

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“I just want to say thank GOD that bitch Camille Grammer isn’t here right now.”

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Camille: “Hey Nick. Let’s pretend I’m Jessica Rabbit, and you’re Roger.”
“Okay.”
“That was my way of saying DO ME.”
“Hahahaha, I love our flirtations.”
“Yeah… uh… flirtations.”

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“Um, who invited Julie Cooper to my suite?”

What did you think about the episode? Thoughts on Camille vs. Kelsey?

18 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Smile Like You Mean It”

  1. This whole Cedric thing has gotten interesting. So is this guy just a con artist, or is he for real? Because if he is for real, then he needs to grow up. I have a hard time buying the whole “abandonment” thing at his age. He is totally taking advantage of those people by refusing to acknowledge that they want him to MOVE OUT, ALREADY!
    I have heard two different things- that he has lived with them for one year, and that he has lived with them for FIFTEEN YEARS! Do any of you happen to know the answer to this?

    And does anyone else think that Camille has definitely done Nick since they shot this show?

  2. Julie Cooper!!! hahahahahah…

    I felt slightly bad for Camille, but really her marriage was pretty fake to begin with and I think she’s doing that Nick guy. I really feel bad for their kids who will definitely be used as pawns.

    Cedric is a con artist. Even if his abandonment story is true he is taking advantage of Ken and Lisa. It’s time to move out, loser.

  3. I was waiting for Taylor to pull out a ‘Friendship Contract’ for Kyle to sign.

    I loved Jiggy’s little chair in Lisa’s room. Too bad Cedric isn’t a dog – I think he would love to be Lisa’s pet.

    The previews for next week looked like Kyle was going go all JWow on Kim in the limo. It doesn’t matter how much money then have … bitches all fight the same.

    hb

  4. Did anyone else hear Kelsey’s mention of being loved by British people during the pre-Tony’s toast???? That was some cold stuff right there.

    1. YES! Outrageous…. and hilarious! As much as I can’t stand Camille and completely understand why Kelsey is getting the hell out of that mess, he was being a total jerk and I do feel a wee bit bad for her.

  5. 1. I think Cedric did have some tragic past, however, there was just something so manipulative in that scene in Lisa’s bedroom. Can you say “Rasputin.” Lisa is obviously kind and compassionate and I HATE people who take advantage of someone like her.

    2. Kelsey was gritting his teeth trying not to say anything too fake and mushy at that toast At some point, he even jokingly said “Thank you on behalf of the British people.” Lol. Um, what about your wife and the mother of your children.

    3. Lisa is just the best. She totally called out Taylor about all the shit-stirring she did with the whole New York incident. It WAS Taylor who told Camille about the alleged insecurity comments.

    4. This cast definitely has the best dynamic (no over the top drama like other casts). They all do seem like they would be acquaintances and they just have parties in Bev Hills so they can be fakey fakey towards in other in a fun and competitive way for us to enjoy.

    1. “It WAS Taylor who told Camille about the alleged insecurity comments.”

      Not true. Kyle told Camille to her face that she shouldn’t be insecure.

          1. Taylor told Camille that all the women were discussing her at the airport and saying that she must feel insecure …. after Kyle had said to her “you don’t have to be insecure around us”….

            Taylor definitely stirred the pot. She knows she did it. And that’s why she went apeshit on Kim when she brought it up that they had said it at the airport.

  6. Okay, so I was watching a rerun today as I was folding laundry. It’s the one where Adrienne is karate boxing with her trainer and Liver lips.
    When a sudden thought occurred to me. I thought you Bside, could do a great mashup of it.
    What if Paul’s broken noses has nothing to do with the kid. What if he’s actually a victim of spousal abuse.
    Think about it…..

  7. I rarely watch this show but even I can tell that Cedric guy is pulling a total Kato.
    [1994 reference! ZING!]

  8. Please notice when Nick is at the little party and he gives Camille one of those Hollywood double cheek kisses and she says “and on the lips too?”… and after he gives her the kiss on the lips watch her face….. that is NOT someone who is “friends with my husband and I”…..

    Karma is a bitch.

  9. “The thing about wine-tasting is you don’t swallow, you spit. it kind of goes against everything I’ve been taught really.” …eyes dart around with a little smirk… I love Lisa! She is hilarious and so classy even when she is being silly. I had to rewind that and just kept laughing!

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