10 Reasons Why INA GARTEN IS NOT A MONSTER

The interwebs are abuzz over a story that beloved domestic goddess Ina Garten has refused adamantly to meet with a Make A Wish child named Enzo. The kid, who suffers from Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, reportedly wanted to cook with Ina, but his request was denied two years in a row, the second time with a firm “definite no.” As a result, all the wags and rags are basically calling Ina a monster, but being the faithful fan that I am, I am here to defend the Barefoot Contessa’s honor.

Here are ten reasons why Ina is totally justified in her actions.

10. Ina only visits people with GOOD cancer.

9. Maybe Ina already did visit the kid, but it all happened in a flashback THAT WAS TOO DAMN FAST TO PROCESS.

8. Maybe if idiots stopped flooding Ina’s inbox with stupid questions like “How do I peel garlic?” she could spend less time on Ask Ina, and more time with sick children.

7. Listen, the old Thomas Moran windmill in East Hampton isn’t going to tour ITSELF.

6. Word has it that Frank got drunk at a luncheon with the girls from Calypso. He’s now passed out in Michael’s flower shop and needs a ride home. To the Ina-mobile!

5. You know, I’m sure Ina would love to visit Enzo, but people just paid $100,000 to have lunch with her, okay? She has to get busy in the kitchen making COLD CUCUMBER SOUP. And a dessert that you have to put together YOURSELF. FOR $100,000.

4. Let’s be honest: Ina hates it when people have fun without her, and hanging with the cancer kid is certainly NOT going to help her fun-quest.

3. It’s not that Ina doesn’t want to visit the sick kid. It’s just that this year is dedicated to testing scones with her assistants. The good news: everyone loves the strawberry-walnut variety more than the basic walnut ones. The bad news: there is no bad news! Consider the volume TURNED UP!

2. Are we even sure that Ina got the invitation in the first place? I wouldn’t put it past that bitch Barbara Lieberman to run interference just to sabotage Ina’s impeccable reputation. She was probably like “Go, Ina! Go sing around the piano with Stroh and Rob Marshall. I’ll look after your home. I’LL CHECK YOUR MAIL AND MAKE SURE YOU GET ANY MAKE-A-WISH REQUESTS. Yes, I’ll do it all. I won’t do anything like intercept your vital missives and toss them over the side of my tugboat in Sag Harbor. NOT AT ALL. GO SING WITH STROH!!!!”

1. Ina can do no wrong.

If you support Ina, I encourage you all to share this post on your Facebook walls.

Read more here.

BTW it’s come to my attention that Food Network Humor also coincidentally posted a top ten list of why Ina couldn’t visit the kid; so in the spirit of sharing Ina love, please visit their post too!! They were first.

(And in all seriousness, I hope Enzo gets better. Check out Make-A-Wish here)

What do you think? Does Ina owe a visit to anyone (aside from me)?

25 replies on “10 Reasons Why INA GARTEN IS NOT A MONSTER”

  1. I was waiting for you to cover this! I knew you would have logical reasons why Ina couldn’t do it. The comments on the article I read were all fans saying they would never watch her show again.

  2. I’m not ready to burn my Barefoot Contessa cookbooks or anything, but it does look rather bad that Ina (or her publicist) turned down the request 2 years in a row.

    Children with ALL have a high survival rate. Chances are that Enzo will grow up and be able to tell the story for years about how mean Ina Garten wouldn’t grant his wish when he had cancer. That will make GOOD cocktail conversation when he’s older.

  3. poor little Enzo will never know the true beauty of the stamens of crocuses now. Damn you Ina!

  4. I LOVE Ina and will never stop watching, I just think that maybe they tried to schedule the visit for a Friday night, Ina is always home making Jeffery chicken on a fri night, so she really is busy

  5. Nice work. Now I wonder if a retraction for calling her vicious names on my blog is warranted. Sometimes I jump to cun-clusions…

    la-juice.com

  6. I think she needs to get her fat ass onto her private jet and go visit the kid for a day.

    There aren’t too many kids that even give a crap about her, let alone a ‘Make a Wish’ child.

  7. Maybe she just doesn’t have a good repore with children in general. Not all women in their 60’s know how to converse with kids.

    1. One of the times I was forced to watch her show (not a fan), she was helping a friend’s kids do some kind of cooking craft or something like that fun with the kiddos. She seemed to really enjoy that, so maybe she doesn’t like strange kids. (not that Enzo is strange by any means, just that he is a stranger to her)

  8. One of the things I like about Ina is that she doesn’t whore herself up to everything like Bobby Flay, Curtis Stone, and so many others. I think one time, Jennifer Garner (who’s always trying to be cute) appeared on a talk show and recanted how she wanted to appear on her show. She said Ina turned her down saying “I only have REAL friends on my show.” Bam!

    But still, for my own conscience, I probably would’ve visited Enzo. Or at least send TR.

  9. but why does the MAW foundation or anyone related to this (the kid’s family probably) have to make a big deal about it? so she said no. What’s really said is how they brought attention to it in a way to publicly burn and shame her.

  10. No one knows how many requests these people get all the time. No celebrity is under any obligation whatsoever to say ‘yes’ to any these requests.

    I think it’s too bad the (former) mega-fan Mom leaked all this to the gutter press.

    Ina, I still love you!

  11. this was far funnier than FNH’s attempt, IMO. I think it’s fair to say that Ina is no fan of children. After this and her disastrous attempt at a children’s birthday party (featuring a cake the kids had to decorate themselves, natch, with of all things, jordan almonds and gummy worms? WTF?) it’s pretty clear that the queen of the hamptons comes from the ‘seen and not heard’ school of child rearing.

  12. Really, who does this anyway? I wouldn’t want to catch cancer either.

    But in all seriousnes, she shouldv’e done it.

  13. I love each and every one of these 10 reasons but my favorites are 8, 5, and 2.
    8–Dear Ina, how can I cook chicken in a different way? HOW ABOUT YOU WATCH THE SHOW A COUPLE TIMES?????
    5–Cold cucumber soup, cold pasta salad, no appetizers…no cocktails???100k??? don’t get me started on making their own desserts—-do you like my fancy whipped cream serving bowl? it came with my KITCHEN AID.
    2—this is obviously what happened. DAMN YOU BABS!!!!!

  14. THANK YOU for causing me to discover Food Network Humor. I love your blog, but now I have two hilarious places to go when I need a chuckle. Thank you!

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