We couldn’t expect the latest installment of The Real Housewives of New York City to top the bonkers episode that preceded it, but that’s okay because these ladies are truly entertaining, even when they’re doing little more than getting their vajayjays waxed and lasered and generally attacked in the name of beauty. Everyone brings something to the table with perhaps the exception of Cindy, who has yet to make a notable impact on the show. So far she’s just sort of lingered around, offering up either lame neuroses (ie. issues with her nannies) or bland attitude (ie. her annoyance with Sonja during Ramona’s speech — off topic, drunk Sonja was hilarious). I get the sense that Cindy’s blasÃ© behavior and over-it candor is supposed to provide a grain of salt to the craziness around her, but Bethenny she ain’t. In fact, this week’s episode was the first time all season that I did truly miss Ms. Frankel. Whereas Bethenny would crack a hilarious joke about the zany ladies around her, Cindy just looks left to right and says something uninspired like “I… I didn’t get it.”
Of course, Cindy is new to this all, and sometimes it can take a while for a newbie to make a name for herself. Let’s not forget that during her first season, Kelly Bensimon was just a quiet, pretty face for half the season until her epic blowout with Bethenny made her a villain like none other. There’s hope for Cindy yet!
Nevertheless, not much happened this week. Alex and Sonja struck a tentative peace that made Israeli-Palestinian relations look like the paradigm of diplomacy. It won’t be long before these two are at each other’s necks again, what with their resolution to NEVER TALK ABOUT THIS AGAIN. Always a healthy move. It worked so well for Alex and Jill…
Jill, meanwhile, was off in Australia; so to the delight of her haters, she was nowhere to be found all episode. Maybe that’s why we got so much Cindy. The spa owner invited the gals over to get their lady hairs removed, a prospect that seemed to horrify LuAnn… until she went and got it all zapped off. Always a trooper, that one.
Ramona meanwhile attempted to walk a runway again, and this time she met with more success — only flaring her eyes for one fleeting moment. Later she received an award from… somewhere… and all the ladies came out to support her. Well, almost all the ladies. LuAnn suddenly had to tend to her kids (it must not have been Taco night), and Kelly just didn’t want to go — eliciting an angry text from Ramoner. We’ll see how that plays out (prediction: POORLY). Alex also showed up with a ridiculous hairstyle thanks to a photoshoot she’d had just minutes prior. This incurred the scorn of all the ladies, including Sonja — who really was in no place to talk given that she spent an entire meal with a furry hat the size of an airplane wheel on her head. And yet somehow it worked. Go figure.
Thankfully, Sonja was much better than she was the episode prior, but her phoniness is starting to shine through, and I’m afraid that Ms. Morgan just isn’t as wonderful as she was last year. It’s kind of destroying my world view. But then again, if beloved Jill can go to the dark side, so can Sonja. Isn’t reality TV wonderful?
“Darling, Jacques has taken down all my walls, particularly the ones in my vagina.”
Kelly: “LuAnn! I can’t believe you said that!”
LuAnn: “Darling, I can say whatever I want. It’s not like we’re at the Cancer Society. NEVER AT THE CANCER SOCIETY!”
“I want to find a man, LuAnn. A man who understands me. I don’t know who that might be. Maybe Al Sharpton? I’m just spitballin’.”
“Sonja, I hope you appreciate that I’m giving you my best empathetic face, even though your hat is ridiculous and you’ve become a total B.”
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. Did you say something about butterflies? Yes, I find them lovely too.”
“No, Sonja. I was talking about your hat and your attitude.”
“I guess we’ll agree to disagree.”
“I’m sorry, but who are you again?”
“Your hands are amazing. And not nearly as boring as your personality!”
“I’m having issues with my nannies. They’re just so mean. Whatever. I’ll figure it out. I don’t know why I’m such a pushover at home. I guess that’s the way it is. I don’t know. Why are you asleep, Kelly?”
“This red dress makes me look hot. No. You know how it makes me look? DÃ©classÃ©. Sorry, it’s dÃ©classÃ©.”
Sonja: “Ramona, this is crazy! You can’t model again! You’re totally gonna Alex it.”
“What does that mean?”
“You know, be all BROOKLYN LOWER CLASS about it.”
“Oh JACQUES, I am WASTED!!! What would you do if I shaved all the hair off my pussy? DID I JUST SAY THAT? MORE VINO PLEASE!!!!”
“I like this wine! It smells like wine!”
“So… let’s talk about me.”
“Hey, kid. Let’s talk about my nannies. So I have this one nanny who wants to work only three days, and now she wants to bring a friend, and — why are you sleeping?”
“Darling, look at Cindy making a love connection. Who would have thought she could do it with all that horrifying Joan Jett hair.”
“You go to school at Julie’s yard? Who’s Julie and where is her yard?”
“Hahahaha, I’m wasted, which is amazing because I ONLY DRINK BEER.”
“Yes, you’ve told me five times.”
Kelly: “OMG. Governor’s Island is so cold. It’s like Scary Island, but colder. I like to call it COLD SCARY ISLAND.”
“Mmmmm… this chocolate diamond makes me want to do one and only one thing: spill champagne on the kids!”
Alex: “Hi Sonja.”
Sonja: “Let me cut you off right there because you are making NO SENSE.”
Sonja: “My problem is that I don’t have a lot of hair down there. I used it all to make my giant hat.”
“I’m a tulip.”
“Gosh, that LuAnn is a real B-I, isn’t she?”
“Oh gosh. I’m really nervous. So many people here. Where to begin? My mother always said you should have your own speech written because you never want to be dependent on a man to write it for you. And when I finished my two year degree, I knew I wanted to write a speech. After all, I had just graduated and was feeling very renewed — I had cut my hair and was looking like a baby Cameron Diaz. Anyway, my father wanted me to go raise kids, but I said no. That was a mean thing for him to say. No, it wasn’t mean. You know what it was? DÃ©classÃ©. Sorry. That’s what it was. It was dÃ©classÃ©. And in conclusion: it’s Turtle Time.”
What did you think about the episode?