When Bethenny Frankel left The Real Housewives of New York City, it was certainly a loss to the show, but people acted like it could never recover. Well, they’re wrong. The season premiere of RHONYC proved that everything is just fine. We still have the crazy, we still have the drama, and quite frankly, after sitting through Miami and what has proven to be a rather dull season of Orange County, I could not be happier to have the varsity gals of NYC back on TV.Truth be told, when it comes to The Real Housewives, there’s New York, Beverly Hills, and everyone else. Sure Atlanta and New Jersey can bring the craziness, but it tends to come in streaks. Same with Orange County (which used to be upper echelon but has since fallen). As for Miami and DC, well, let’s just say they’re at the bottom of the ladder (poor DC just got officially cancelled this morning).
Why am I ranking the different installments of the franchise? I don’t really know. I think I’m just so excited to have the power players back. New York City has that special “it” quality that is hard to pinpoint. Maybe it’s that the show features smart women doing stupid things, as opposed to Orange County, which just has stupid women doing stupid things.
Nevertheless, not a whole lot happened in the season premiere, and yet I hung on every word. People sometimes forget that even without Bethenny, this cast is full of big personalities: polarizing Jill, outspoken Ramona (a gem unto herself), crazy Kelly, foxy Sonja, haughty LuAnn, and this season’s breakout problem child Alex 2.0.
Yes, Alex continues to be on a rampage, and it’s pretty hilarious / awkward. Every time she wafts into the group of women, I never know what she’s going to say or how she’s going to explode. Seeing her down champagne at an art gallery had me fearful that she was going to grab Jill by the hair and slam her face into a bucket of paint water.
Alex’s whole thing is that she’s not going to let Jill squirm her way in and out of situations. And when I say situations, I mean any and ALL situations. Alex started up a bickering match late in the episode where she questioned Jill on something or another pertaining logistics for a wedding they were attending. I couldn’t really follow it, and I also couldn’t help but think it was the most idiotic fight ever. Alex was definitely ready to throw down, but in Jill’s defense, she didn’t buy into it and managed to stay calm through it all.
This isn’t to say that Jill is innocent in anything. After having told us several times that she can’t help but being nice to people, we then watched her cut down Alex and Ramona from afar for wearing cream-colored dresses to a wedding. This also earned a big “Who cares?” from the audience, and perhaps fortified the notion that these women have just a bit too much time on their hands.
Stuck in between the two ladies was Ramona, who was just as batty as always. She did four remarkable things this episode.
1) She revealed her new wine, simply named “Ramona,” and yes I will be seeking out a bottle POSTHASTE.
2) She assented to having her hair blown-out like a palm tree for her interviews, thus making her look crazier than ever.
3) She conducted the most harrowing and ridiculous job interviews of all time. She needs to be on the next Celebrity Apprentice.
4) And lastly, she got caught talking about Cindy Barshop’s brother while he stood directly behind her. It was a classssssic Ramoner moment, and it made me ever so happy to have these ladies back in my life.
As for Cindy Barshop, she’s the new broad in town, and so far I like her. She seems pretty direct and fun, even if she is “downtown.” Still not sure that’s a “thing” in New York City, but hey, if it causes drama, I’m all for it.
Cindy’s whole thing is that she runs spas, and she has a set of twins thanks to a turkey baster (a.k.a. in vitro fertilization). I mention this only because I really dig the high chairs she plops her kids in.
The rest of the ladies were pretty tame last night. Kelly kept her crazy to herself, and LuAnn and Sonja went on a double date with their new men, an amiable scene that afforded us the pleasure of watching LuAnn bust out her French for a waiter. Gotta love / hate her. Mostly love.
Here’s the photocap:
Alex: “Wow! Your own wine! This looks fantastic! I can’t wait to BREAK THIS BOTTLE OVER JILL ZARIN’S HEAD!!!!”
Jill: “I don’t know why Alex doesn’t like me. All I can be is nice to her. I can’t help it. I’m a nice person. BUT IF THAT BITCH WEARS CREAM TO THE WEDDING THIS WEEKEND…”
“I’m not sad. My Spanks are just really hurting.”
“Al Sharpton over here has to really calm down.”
“Hullo. Tea is here.”
“Tea? TEA????? THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE HOME OFFICE BEHAVIOR!!”
Cindy: “So should I be scared to be entering your ranks?”
Sonja: “Let me ask you this: do you have a taste for luxury? And does luxury have a taste for you?”
“I don’t know what that means.”
Ramona: “Do you feel renewed?”
“No. Not really.”
Sonja: “You’re a goner.”
“The power of Christ compels you… to VAJAZZLE!”
“Great to meet you. Looking forward to being your frenemy.”
“Must get drunk. Then… must… puke… on… Jill…”
Ramona: “I don’t like this. We’re making a mess. I don’t like this.”
Alex: “But it’s an artistic mess. Not an ugly mess… like JILL ZARIN.”
LuAnn: “How time flies. Would you believe it’s been a year since Bethenny called me a snake? Me! A snake!!! How nasty!“
Kelly: “This gallery is full of so many satchels of gold. I just want to call over Al Sharpton and tell him to zip it. ZIP IT.”
Cindy: “Wow, you really are as crazy as you seem on TV!”
“Is it so hard to find an assistant with good skin? Or maybe one who’s been renewed? I just don’t know anymore.”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been renewed. I cut my hair — some people say I look like Cameron Diaz now. Wouldn’t you say?”
“Uh, I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? Excuse me, you need to be prepared with an answer. You’re not interviewing for some old, failing company like Kodak, okay?”
“Would you look at this one? No tie in a restaurant? Well I certainly would not call that classy.”
“So……. who wants to talk about sex???”
Mario: “I love you.”
Ramona: “I love you too.”
Alex: “IT’S TOO EARLY FOR THIS. GIVE ME MY BAGEL.”
“I’m exhausted. This is like the JILL ZARIN of mornings.”
“I have to get something off my chest. There’s this woman with this awful purple and yellow flower pattern dress on. I think it’s like a pansy dress? You know, like the flower. A pansy. Anyway, she just has the ugliest dress on, and– she’s behind me, isn’t she?”
“Ramona, I’m trying to explain quantum physics to you.”
“I- I just don’t care, Alex. I’m sorry, but I don’t care. I don’t care!”
“I can’t help but be nice, and that being said, those two bitches in their cream colored dresses should be run over by a train for what they wore to this wedding. Feh!”
“Jill, you said you didn’t know I was going to be at this wedding, but then you told Ramona a week ago that you knew.”
“Well, which is it? Did you know or did you not know?”
“I thought I knew but maybe I didn’t.”
“I keep hearing different things.”
“What are we arguing about again?”
“I’m not sure.”
“So does this make you happy?”
“Jill, you are a mean girl, and while YOU are in high school, I AM IN A CREAM COLORED DRESS — UNAPOLOGETICALLY – AT A WEDDING!!!”
“What is wrong with you?”
“What is wrong with YOU?”
“Do you feel better now?”
“YOU are a THUG in a COCKtail dress!”
“So wrong that a thug can wear a cocktail dress?”
“There’s been enough drama, Jill!”
Ramona: “I can’t even follow this anymore. This argument is crazy. No. You know what it is? It’s dÃ©classÃ©. Sorry. That’s what it is. DÃ©classÃ©.”
What did you think about the premiere? Is everyone as excited as I am to have these women back? And who else re-watched LuAnn getting thrashed about by the camel five times?