It’s always a special day when a cast member of The Real Housewives attempts to bust into the music scene. First we had Kim Zolciak, whose seminal punctuality anthem, “Tardy for the Party,” was a surprise mini hit. Then Countess LuAnn De Lesseps ravished us all with her treatise on manners, simply titled “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” which was followed by offerings from Danielle Staub and Simon Van Kempen and Kim Zolciak again (well, teasers from Kim, including “Google Me” and the greatest “Whoaa-oooo-woooaaa” song of our time, “The Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing”).
Now that most controversial of housewives, Michaele Salahi of the recently cancelled Real Housewives of DC, is getting into the game with a dance tune called “Bump It.” No, this is not an homage to the lovable hair booster system we’ve seen on late night informercials. The song is merely a request for someone to come dance with Michaele (Tareq is apparently held up at the vineyard with Mother). No word on whether or not Michaele was invited to the dance floor in the first place or if she merely crashed someone else’s Bar Mitzvah.
Nevertheless, as dance songs go, I actually don’t think this one is that bad. Michaele works within the limitations of her smoky, tranny voice, and to that end, “Bump It” is aiiiiiight. Well, at least until Michaele lets her voice sneak out from the highly processed “telephone sound” effect. On the one hand, we must commend her for being brave enough to eschew the auto-tune that all her other Housewives cohorts employ. But on the other hand, man, does she sound flat and gravelly.
Truth be told, in the hands of another artist, this would be a perfectly suitable “Like a G6” knockoff. But this is Michaele; so… it’s pretty bad. Still, I like it more than LuAnn’s musical catalog. So, congrats Michaele! You’re not as awful as everyone else!
To sample the song, check out the single on iTunes here.
(If you listen to the sample in iTunes, you get 90 seconds of Salahi bliss!)