REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Mending Fences

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This week’s episode of Real Housewives of New York City was all about mending fences… and building new ones. Hmmm… mixed metaphor? Perhaps. The point is that we had some significant truces called, including between Alex and Jill. Yes, the mortal enemies who never seemed like they could ever co-exist in the same room without clawing at each other’s eyeballs found some peace and resolution. Even more impressive: it seemed like it was f’real. I actually believed these two had finally finally addressed their issues, and as much as I liked watching their feud, it was surprisingly cathartic to see them embracing each other. It’s amazing how stressful a reality TV fight can be!

Basically, Jill owned up to her terrible behavior of the last year, and while Alex was still hesitant to forgive, she kept herself open to it — an outlook Jill could have benefited from last year when she was fighting with Bethenny. Of course, there are thousands of viewers out there who insist that Jill’s apology tour is an insincere attempt to improve her own image, and while I believe part of that may be true, I also don’t fault her for seeing how horrific she was and wanting to fix it. I, for one, am eager to welcome Jill back into the fold. People forget that she was one of the most beloved housewives EVAH before last season.

Similarly, Sonja used to be the best of the best, but her cool cred has taken a plunge this season with one self-absorbed and haughty scene after another. Her only saving grace is that she simply can’t be BOTHERED to be concerned about how she’s being perceived. As terrible as she can be (and she’s been pretty damn terrible this season), you can’t help being totally amused by Sonja’s antics.

Plus, Sonja still does a lot of funny things. At the top of the episode, she did a spot-on Ramona impersonation that was so accurate, it nearly undid four episodes of bad Sonja behavior. Plus, she managed to get another dig at Quogue in before we were even three minutes into the show. How could we hate her?

Even better, Sonja lived up to her word and managed to broker a peace between Kelly and Ramona — a seemingly impossible task, but good ol’ Sonja can do anything.

Yes, she was wonderful.

And then the rest of the show happened.

As you may remember, Sonja had wanted to have Ramona and Kelly over at her house to observe some toaster oven cuisine, a strange new hobby which I fear may lead to an ill-advised cookbook:

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The good news for Sonja was that she still got to show off her prowess with the toaster oven to LuAnn. The bad news was that Cindy had destroyed Sonja’s initial plans by telling Kelly it was a setup to get her in a room with Ramona. Cindy swore Kelly to secrecy, but of course Kelly went and told Sonja, and then Sonja got mad at Cindy.

This week, Sonja had Cindy over to her house for tea and berating. First she employed the royal we by saying that what “we’ve learned” is that Sonja can’t tell Cindy things in confidence. Ouch. Sonja then took Cindy to town for not having supplied Ramona with Pinot Grigio at the party in Quogue the week prior. Oh the HORRORS. This was really where Sonja started to go down to the shitter again. I understand she was peeved at Cindy about her meddling (not to mention dancing with the help), but when Sonja announced that there was a pecking order that needed to be respected and followed, I think we all were Barshopping our jaws — as in, leaving them dangling for inordinate amounts of time.

The most extraordinary thing about all this was that Sonja then placed RAMONA at the top of the pecking order. Wha-whaaaa?? Love her or hate her, Sonja 2.0 is nothing short of surprising. Yes, because Ramona is at the top of the power list, it was imperative for Cindy to provide her with Pinot. Of course, anyone with any semblance of class would know that it’s DÉCLASSÉ to expect and demand drinks set out for you, even if the hostess of the event had texted you prior about said drinks being available.

Perhaps the only one who seemed to grasp this point was LuAnn, who happily chided Ramona for being such a needy guest. This, of course, after LuAnn grumbled to us about how Ramona’s jewelry party felt like a Mary Kay event. Clearly the takeaway is that one only complains BEHIND one’s back.

Amusingly, The Countess took great pleasure in quietly turning her nose up at Ramona’s jewelry while simultaneously wearing a necklace that may or may not have served as a Medieval chest plate in a past century. Someone should call The Cloisters and ask if they’re missing any inventory.

Of course, it wasn’t an Medieval chest plate — knights don’t wear golden-plated butterflies — but I’m not totally convinced LuAnn hasn’t merely repurposed an ashtray she found in a second-hand shop on her way back from Quogue. But you know what? I may make fun, but that necklace could save LuAnn’s life someday — much as DJ Tanner’s oversized tie clip saved her dad’s life in one episode of Full House (that happened, right?).

As for Cindy, she emerged from the meeting all disheveled, which would explain why she was so inarticulate when she tried to have a one-on-one with Ramona. I guess she wanted to clear the air about… something? I think it was related to Cigar-gate. Anyway, the two ladies sat down for lunch, but Cindy was so flustered that Ramona just up and left finally. That’s good communicatin’!

Jill and Alex may be on the up and up, but it looks like a whole lot of shit is going down!

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Jill: “Look. I got you all gifts from Australia. It’s a Koala bear.”
Sonja: “Oh how AWFUL!”
“What’s wrong with a koala bear?”
“Oh, KOALA. I thought you said ‘QUOGUE-ALA’ bear.”

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“Jill, you missed so much. Sonja went on a power trip, Cindy had a party in Quogue of all places, this one on my right was doing sand angels, and Ramona called me a weekend mom. I mean, how awful can our group be! Oh I just kid, darlings.”

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Sonja: “Alright, these drinks have been fun, but when the HELL are we going to Ciprianis?”

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“Why is it so hard to find good help these days? The new boy I got to fold my pillowcases? He won’t even paint a portrait of me on his free time!”

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Alex: “So do you like your birthday present?”
Simon: “François? Did you hear mummy?”
François: “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to pretend it’s a remote control car, much like the one I had asked for un, deux, even TROIS times!”

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Sonja: “Ramona, we’re so glad you’re here.”
Kelly: “Yes. We want to give you an INVENTION!”
Sonja: “No, dear. An INTERvention.”
Kelly: “That’s what I said.”
“No, you said ‘invention.'”
“I know what I said.”
“You’re very sweet, Kelly, but not very bright. You know that.”
“And I also know that I said ‘intervention.'”
“Ugh. This is the QUOGUE of arguments.”

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“Do you guys like my outfit? It’s very downtown. See? It has a seam across my chest. VERY downtown. VERY renewed.”
Sonja: “Yes. Now sit down. You’ve been standing like that for thirty minutes.”
“Oh, that’s because I’m also showing off my new career as a mime. Look, I’m in a box. A very downtown box.”
“You can’t talk if you’re a mime.”
“You know, I want to be known as the first outspoken mime.”
Kelly: “Then you’re not a mime.”
“Kelly, you’re not making any sense. You’re being crazy.”

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“Look at you. A dancing butler. Are all butlers like this? It’s like… whatever.”
“Wow, you could have gone so many ways with that joke.”
“Yeah. I tend to lose steam after the setup.”

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“I’m sorry I didn’t have Pinot on hand for Ramona.”
“You don’t understand, Cindy. Ramona controls us all. She is our hive brain. If she doesn’t have her wine, I have a cramped uterus for three days. No lie.”

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“There’s a pecking order, Cindy. And it goes like this: Ramona, me, LuAnn, Ramona again, Jill, Kelly, Alex, Mario, Avery, my dog, QUOGUE, my spam filter, and then you.”

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“Darling, what is this horrific jewelry you’re wearing? Don’t you have anything a bit more brassy and oversized butterfly-ish?”

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Ramona: “She had no Pinot for me at the party, LuAnn.”
“Yessss, but you also have to consider the fact that she doesn’t OWE you the Pinot, especially since you’re objectively AWFUL. Oh, did I say that out loud?”

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Sonja: “I just hope we’re clear on something: I want each and every one one of you hunky firemen to save me if I’m ever caught in a blaze. That is, unless I’m in Quogue. Then I’d want to just GO DOWN IN FLAMES RATHER THAN STAY ALIVE ONE MINUTE MORE IN THAT HELL HOLE.”

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“Does anyone realize I’m still on this show?”

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“You ladies with your pecking order, it’s like… really? A pecking order?”

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“Yeah, that just wasn’t funny.”

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“Okay, how about this: I mean a pecking order? What are we? In kindergarten? I mean… really?”

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“No….”

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“I mean, the pecking order. I don’t know…”

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“I want you to think about the setups to your joke, and really try HARD to make a punchline. Something zippy.”

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“Okay: so I’m just staring at Sonja, and she’s staring at me, and it’s like… whatever. I don’t know. NAILED IT!”

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“I can’t help her.”

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“Jill, I know that we’re turning over a new leaf and all, but I’m not sure now is the time to write to Justin Bieber.”

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Jill: “This feels so good. It really does.”
“I can’t wait until our next fight.”

What did you think about the episode?

16 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Mending Fences”

  1. I disagree with you re: Alex and Jill. I think Jill is just trying to rehab her image (Bethenny is no longer an option) and Alex is the only choice. I believe Alex suffers from a touch (just a touch and she hides it well) of low self-esteem and so she is an easy one to fool into thinking that Jill is sincerely trying to change.

    It’s only matter of time for the wheels to come off this particular bus.

  2. I’m really not digging Cindy. She has NOOOOOO sense of humor at all…AT ALL!!! She did get a good dose of hazing this episode.

    The Countess is always hilarious. She absolutely loved correcting Ramona with her Italian pronounciation. Interestingly enough, for as crazy as Ramona is, she actually listens to Luann.

  3. Alex and Simon’s kids look like the children of the damned.

    I don’t think Cindy is as dull and awful as her edit makes her out to be. I think it’s more a case that she’s so stunned by how petty, shallow, and ridiculous these women can be that it renders her speechless. There was nothing she could have said to Sonja in response to her lecture about the pecking order of the group because, as we’ve already seen this season, when Sonja is challenged she turns a deaf ear and plays it as if the person putting her in her place is making absolutely no sense. It’s a lot easier for her to be haughty than it is for her to be rational. Same thing with Cindy’s failed conversation with Ramona. If Ramona actually kept her mouth shut for a second and a half and allowed Cindy to finish a sentence without being all “I’m confused, I don’t understand where this is coming from, I don’t get what you’re trying to say, etc., etc., etc.”, maybe Cindy could have made her point. I don’t think Cindy’s as useless as her edits make her out to be. I think she intends on saying what the viewers are thinking, but none of the women are able to keep their mouths shut long enough for her to get around to it, which may be their intention all along.

    Now I understand why Bettheny was so unpopular with the ladies. She was sharp enough to be able to get her point across to them all before they had the chance to shut her down. The confrontations between Cindy and Sonja and Cindy and Ramona would have gone a lot differently had Bethenny been in Cindy’s shoes (or, rather, her downtown stiletto boots).

    1. I agree with you, but I don’t understand how Cindy can be so stunned by their behavior. The show has been on for three seasons and has gotten progressively more ridiculous … didn’t she watch it before signing up for it?

      I want to like Cindy because she is successful in a real-world sense and seems like she could be interesting, but she hasn’t given us much to work with so far.

  4. I hate BRAVO for Sonja’s ass shots. Sonja has a taste for disgusting and disgusting as a taste for Sonja.

    Cindy is an idiot: If she had no idea what this show is about then she is an idiot for not watching before signing the contract. If she did watch the show then she is an idiot for thinking that she could get away with lying when the evidence is on tape (Telling Kelly about Sonja’s Ramona setup).

    Ugh Jill is back. Her ‘new leaf’ is such a shallow facade. The only thing she changed is her target.

    hb

    1. Totally agree with you. Sonja needs to cover her ass up. You know what that is? It’s declasse Sonja! Declasse!

  5. I think it’s my new glasses, but when I first saw the title, I thought it said MAULING Fences. I think that is WAY more appropriate… 😉

  6. That “tea” that Sonja held for Cindy was a thing of beauty! Great TV! Yes my jaw dropped, I couldn’t believe what was happening it was horrifying and flat funny. Cindy’s reaction was very real, she probably never thought THAT was going to happen in a million years. It was like something out of a gothic novel. She was shocked! Ramona’s behavior at the wedding might have prompted Cindy to “forget” the wine in Quogue. The shit hit the fan for that? I understand her reaction and have faith she won’t be a door mat for long.

  7. It was actually *Stephanie* Tanner’s tie clip that blocked a punch Danny Tanner received from a boxer after telling him his wife was going to leave him. It’s okay, I hate me too.

  8. I still don’t know what Cindy was trying to say to Ramona because of her constant interruptions. I doubt watching it again will help, but I will try.

  9. Hahahaha…. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to pretend it’s a remote control car, much like the one I had asked for un, deux, even TROIS times!” So hilarious. Those poor kids. They really don’t stand a chance do they? And, I was also mesmerized by that weird butterfly necklace the Countess was wearing…. wtf?

    Still over Jill and getting more and more disappointed in Sonja. Ramona is awful but for some reason, I just can’t hate. Cindy, meh and with Kelly, I can’t decide if I am glad or sad that she has the crazy somewhat under control?

  10. Simon and Alex’s sons are so…weird looking, Francois looks like he hasn’t slept in days!

    1. Miss Priss:Take away Simon’s glasses and you will see it’s a case of like father, like son.
      And it is so declasse for us to talk about the children, even though the parents practically are begging us to do so.
      I actually thought Sonja looked fabulous with the firemen….until the ass shot. What I think we saw at her “unveiling of the portrait” party was Sonja having a mini breakdown, not unlike her sand – angeled friend, Kelly. Ergo, all the demeaning arse shots and strange behaviors. Perhaps by the end of the season, they will have her properly medicated.

  11. I thought it was funny that the Countess was saying that Ramona’s jewelry was not for her while wearing that fugly GIANT butterfly around her neck. It looked like something that would hang from the wind chime in her garden. Maybe it was a wall hanging from Pier 1? And at the jewelry party, she was wearing some strange earrings, too. They looked like she knocked over some bike messengers on the way to the party and stole their chains to make earrings. I guess Ramona’s jewelry is just not avant garde enough for the artsy Countess.

    1. I had forgotten about that butterfly chestplate she was wearing. She has been sporting some largely unattractive jewelry this go round. But at least it detracts from the brown football helmet hairdo she stole from M’Lynn Eatenton.

      hb

  12. Gawd, I hate all these women. I’m not sure why so many of you let Luann off the hook. She’s almost as bad as Jill. She talks behind EVERYONE’s back and for someone that boasts about her manners, she really has none. She a sanctimonious, condescending bitch.

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