It may be summer now, but we headed back to Thanksgiving on The Real Housewives of New Jersey last night. The Gorgas and the Giudices each made separate feasts with the former being for family and the latter for friends. There wasn’t much drama in the episode, but this latest installment proved to be highly entertaining in a rather wholesome way. First and foremost, the food looked amazing. Say what you will about these idiot women, but I get the sense they know how to cook — even Teresa and her inability to say “cumin.” Melissa put out a giant spread, and even more impressive was my favorite Kathy, who made a cannoli full of CANNOLIS. I know she’s a meddler, but how could you not love this woman? (especially when she began crying at the idea that her kids could ever be distant like Joe and Teresa).
While the Thanksgiving proceedings were generally benign, there was some light Gorga v. Giudice gossiping late in the episode. We learned about a rather tense family standoff that occurred recently. As you all might remember, Teresa and Joe had a giant housewarming party either last season or the year before, and afterwards, Melissa sent a passive-aggressive note (in bubble handwriting) congratulation her sister-in-law for her “redone” house. I’m not a Teresa fan, but I had to side with her that this was a dig. I mean, I didn’t really get it, but it was a dig.
So what did Teresa do? Well, when Melissa and Joe came over for Christmas, Melissa brought some sprinkle cookies that Teresa apparently hated. She happily told Melissa that no one liked the cookies and then threw them out. And we wonder why her children are such immature messes (well, Gia seems to be okay despite her parents). Clearly both these women are idiots and petty, but Teresa winds up in the loser category because for some reason, she somehow construed Cookiegate as taking the high road. I think we were all with Caroline, whose eyes filled with confusion upon hearing the story. Thankfully she told Teresa that she had been mean, but I’m not sure the Skinny Italian really understood why. Long story short: Teresa is a disaster.
Teresa also earned demerits for inexplicably thinking that Thanksgiving was a “European thing.” I don’t even know where to begin with that one.
Meanwhile, Melissa actually earned points in my book for a) pushing her husband to make amends with his sister, and b) telling a rather sweet and emotional story as to why she loves him so much (he reminds her of her late father, which can be taken in a perverted way, but I choose not to). Also, Melissa earned bonus points for having looked like Rhea Perlman in her youth.
Elsewhere in Jersey, we had Ashley, who was still whining about not having an apartment in the city. The commute was just too difficult for her, she claimed, but leave it to her cousin Christopher to remind her that about five million people commute from Jersey to New York City every morning. Poor Moonface just can’t get a sympathetic shoulder to cry on anywhere.
Lastly, we had the Manzos, who went up to Monroe, NY, to visit Lauren’s boyfriend’s parents. They seemed like a genial crew, and I certainly wanted to drop by their deli, but I couldn’t help thinking about what Albert soon articulated: Vito went to Fordham College just so he could slice meat at a deli? Seems a bit unambitious. But at least he and Lauren are cute together. Leave it to little Gia to try to stir shit up at the “Friendsgiving” table about their romance. TAKE A SEAT AND SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE BRAT! (I just keeeeding! Gia has been lovely this season. Same can’t be said for perpetual trainwreck Milania, who I suspect will be living out her Terrible Twos well into her thirties).
Anyway, all this Thanksgiving talk has made me hungry. Here’s the photocap:
Melissa: “Pineapples? Get outta here already with those things.”
Joe: “You don’t want pineapples? It breaks my heart that you don’t like pineapples. BREAKS MAH HEART!!”
“Everyone get out of the kitchen! I’m making a cannoli in the shape of a Na’vi elder.”
“Hey Joe. JOE! Go kill the turkey. JOE! KILL THE TURKEY!”
“I’m not killing the turkey, Tre.”
“Why not Joe? C’mon Joe. JOE!”
“Tre, I got on a beige jacket. I’ll get blood all over it.”
“Yeah? So? How you think I got my coat to look like this.”
“Ashley cleaned the kitchen? And her room? OUR Ashley? Someone call a neurologist. She’s clearly got a brain tumor.”
Melissa: “It’s times like these when I have to admit that I just LOVE chervil!”
“Look at us in our matching leopard! Hey, somebody’s gotta keep Kim D in business.”
“You know, it’s been a tough year, but that’s okay. We’re making due. For instance, tonight instead of wearing a fancy dress, I’m wearing a trash bag with glitter.”
“Do I see sprinkles? SPRINKLES?”
“YOU KNOW I HATE SPRINKLES, YOU PROSTITUTION-WHOO-AH!!!”
“But these are nice, I guess.”
“You guys are like my real friendses. I’m so glad I can celebrate this European holiday with alls you.”
“Hey Caroline. CAROLINE! Look at Juicy Joe carving the turkey. Isn’t he sexy? Hey Joe. JOE! You’re SEXY!”
“Dear Jesus, thank you for giving us this bountiful food and keeping us in good health. Also, thanks for the mechanical bull and keeping that whore Teresa out of my NEW — not redone — house.”
Rich: “I’m so hot for you. SIZZLIN’.”
“Let’s go to Pandora and live with the Na’vi.”
“Hey! HEY! Don’t smack your sister! You do NOT do that! Oh wait, you’re Melania. Never mind. You’re already a lost cause.”
“When the humans destroyed the hometree… I felt it in my soul. It’s not right, I tell you. It’s not right.”
“Hey Danielle, wherever you are, sleep with one eye open!”
“I will not clap.”
“UGH! Now I have the shits.”
What did you think about the Thanksgiving episode?
I found the whole scene at the store with Joe Gorga and the turkeys butt very disturbing but not as disturbing as his bull ride with his wife.
Great recap as always!
P.S. I hate to admit this but I bought Theresa’s first cook book Skinny Italian…and I have to say that the recipes are healthy and easy and are pretty good. I will not be buying Fabuliscious though…just because of the title.
Nothing says Thanksgiving than a guido on a mechanical bull. Fist Pumping.!
hb
I’m thinking Joe Go must have a teeny peen with all his constant do-me, wife talk… he’s compensating… it’s the verbal equivalent to his vast hat collection to cover the bald spot.
“UGH! now I have the shits.”
awsomely random.
Has anyone ever actually verified that Therese can even *read* her own cookbook, let alone produce a dish from it? I’m not entirely convinced she was, you know, in the same zipcode when it was conceived and written.
They need to have a cook off to prove her involvement ala Desperate Housewives. But, instead of Bree Van Der Kimberley from Melrose Place having to make spun sugar lattice on live television, Theresa should have to boil an egg or something. Or prove that she can read at a Gia level or higher..
Of course she can’t. She just lists the ingredientses.
The table flipping Tre face among the Cookies covered with Sprinkles should go down as a Photoshop classic.
B-side – please trot that picture out frequently 🙂
^ I second that motion.
I also enjoyed the Caroline with Danielle photocap!
I have noticed an extremely disproportionate amount of Joe Gorga confessional interview vs the other male players. This further convinces me of his inherently womanly nature.
I did admire Melissa for trying to convince Joe to reunite with Teresa…wasn’t Teresa insisting Melissa was responsible for the rift?
Albert Manzo seems to really dislike everyone his family associates with. Not that I can blame him.
I want Kathy to cater my next holiday dinner!
Yeah, the Producers are lining up Joe Gorga to be the newest Housewife on the block next season. Which, in all fairness, he’s still be better than Jacqueline..
Can we have Dina back yet?
About the whole European thing — I *think* Teresa was saying that getting a FRESH turkey (instead of a frozen one) was the more “European thing” to do. Which still makes no sense because Turkeys are native to America, not Europe — but *maybe* she mean how Americans eat more frozen & Europeans eat more fresh, in general. Whatever. She’s still a moron.
I did love how Jackie brought sprinkle cookies & Teresa made a huge deal about “OH! I love sprinkle cookies!” Then later at dinner Teresa (obviously forgetting Jackie brought sprinkle cookies because really, does Teresa ever pay attention to anything other than herself) went on her rant about how much she hates sprinkle cookies & how she threw out Melissa’s sprinkle cookies. There were some pretty good shots of Jackie (and Caroline) with “WTF?” looks on their faces because, um, Jackie just brought you sprinkle cookies! As part of Teresa’s rant against those horrible sprinkle cookies she said the kind of cookies she likes (began with a “p” I think — have never heard of them) and Joe immediately says how he doesn’t like those cookies that Teresa does because they are too dry, etc. Christopher joins in saying he doesn’t like those dry cookies either. I’ve got to admit: Joe Guidice has given me very, very little to say nice about him, but I think he said that about not liking the cookies Teresa said she liked JUST because he realized how uncomfortable Teresa’s rant against sprinkle cookies was for Jackie, so I’ve got to say: Good on Joe Guidice (for once).
She said “pignoli” cookies…very Italian….made with almond paste and sugar and pignoli (pine) nuts and no flour. I agree Joe did that to try to make Jacqueline laugh.
Has anyone noticed in the picture Bside used as the intro that Jacqueline’s son…the older one…looks exactly like his father..only shorter?
Joe is more likeable this season, but maybe that’s because the other Joe (T’s bro) is soooo gross.
I think Chris (J’s husband) is a great guy.
I think Chris is great too. He consistently gives usable advice and tries to ground everyone. He seems like a good father and husband, a bit of a softy, but thats how I grew up so good for him!
They are called Pignolli or Butterfly’s, just and FYI. They are dry and taste like anisette and at least in my family are there more out of tradition then likeability. 🙂
RHNJ used to be my least favorite franchise, but they are so entertaining this season. They’ve hit their stride (it’s amazing how one woman’s departure really changes everything). Everyone seems more likable (except Ashley).
Teresa is very materialistic and she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I don’t think she feels better than anyone. Melissa (and Joe), however, have come off as though they feel like they’re better than other people.
And the “redone” house comment was not passive aggressive…it was just plain hostile. They didn’t need to rub it in Teresa’s face.
I apparently watch the same show as you because I agree! Also, Joe and Joe have known each other for years- that’s what’s been stated- so how exactly can Teresa go back to the person she was before marrying Joe Gui, seeing as that they’ve all known each other for years? It seems like Melissa is the newest entry to the crew, which gives some credence to her starting some of the shit between the families.
Is that a mink apron Melissa is wearing? Or some kind of furry creature? Really?!?!?
I know! the mink apron is beyond counter-intuitive!!!!!
I love all of the Kathy/Avatar photocaps, too funny! And Miliania is definitely going to give Juicy and Tree a run for their money, Yikes!!!!
Loving the cameos! (:
Did anyone notice Kim D was at Teresa’s thanksgiving party? I kept laughing because everytime Teresa would talk Kim D would try to add her two cents and it would come out so awkwardly. Someone get Kim G back, the women has no shame, but thats part of her charm Kim D isn’t cutting it.
Also, was anyone else really uncomfortable when Joe Gorga kept making all those sexual innuendos at the party, in front of other people and little kids, because I was cringing.
Tina…like brother, like sister. Joe is simply the newest Tre on the block. Not surprisingly, they both just happen to be from the same family tree.
Yes! Let’s get Kim G back!!!!
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