REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Taking ‘Alex Class’ with the Countess

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This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City was ostensibly about Sonja Morgan’s dwindling empire (much like Teresa Giudice, she faces a multi-million dollar debt), but let’s be real: all that mattered was the wonderful fight between Alex and LuAnn at the end of the show. The rest of the stuff was just filler. Sure, it was entertaining filler — Ramona’s awkward date night with Mario, Alex’s more awkward date night with Simon, Jill pushing Ramona out of her shapewear focus group, Sonja pushing Cindy out of the Moroccan camel photos — but it was all about Countess vs. Brooklyn. Here’s the quick back story:

In the wake of their blowups in Morocco, Alex felt it important to sit down with LuAnn and explain why she had acted so bizarre at henna. LuAnn, however, was expecting an apology. That didn’t happen. Instead, Alex basically accused LuAnn of being haughty, a bad listener, and a meddler (pot, kettle, black, etc). This led to many fervent denials by all parties on all fronts, but more importantly, LuAnn leveled some wonderfully condescending remarks. There was the Herman Munster bit about Alex’s shoes, but I preferred the sarcastic and vicious line “I didn’t realize this was Alex class, and you were the teacher.” I think we rewound and watched that three times over? Maybe four?

It’s hard to say who’s right or wrong in this situation because quite frankly, both women acted egregiously. Alex was right in that LuAnn was reprimanding Ramona, but LuAnn was right in that Alex shouldn’t have gotten involved. But Alex was right in that LuAnn is haughty and doesn’t listen. But LuAnn was right in that Alex’s henna scene was totally mishandled. In the end, it doesn’t look like either women will ever be terribly close — not that they were, according to LuAnn (who managed to literally brush off her relationship with Alex with a casual flick of the hand during one wonderfully haughty interview).

Nevertheless, photocap after the jump…

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“Mario is late to our sexy time. That’s not very attractive. No. You know what that is? It’s déclassé. Sorry! It just is.”

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Simon: “Darling, spent the past thirteen hours suckling on couscous so that every kiss would reminded you of your wonderful Moroccan adventure.”
“I can taste it.”
“I want to be your man-tagine.”

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“I don’t know if this is the right time for this since we’re being all intimate and sexy, but I just want you to know that when I was in Morocco — gosh this is so hard, but I have to get it out — when I was in Morocco, I had the worst shits of my LIFE.”

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“Oh Simon, how did you know I’ve always wanted lingerie that looked like Tudor style Revivalist architecture?”

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Simon: “You make my mouth feel like it’s wearing red leather pants. That’s a good thing.”

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“Mario, is this relaxing? I learned a trick at the riad, okay, and I want to show it to you, okay? So what you do is you sit there, okay, and then you just breathe slowly, and then you just SHIT EVERYWHERE.”

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“Cindy cut me out of all the photos? I mean… seriously?”

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“Darling, I’m so glad to see you.”
“Me too, ma cherie. I wish to take you right now and make love to you in the corner.”
“Jacques, THIS IS NOT THE PLAZA HOTEL. THIS IS A FRENCH BISTRO!”

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“Wait, you’re $19 million in debt? No wonder you’re stealing my hangers. I mean… seriously?”

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“I’m sorry, who are you? Were you in Morocco with us? Because I don’t seem to see you in any of our PHOTOS.”

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“You are really something else. The attitude on you… forget it.”

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“If you must know, Cindy, I’m doing just fine financially. It’s not like I have to move to QUOGUE or anything.”
Jill: “Psh psh. Never say that.”

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“I don’t know why Jill wouldn’t want me at her showroom. It’s probably for the best though. I would have shown up and just shit on everything. Literally.”

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“Thank you LuAnn for agreeing to meet with me here.”

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“Well, it was the least I could do. My friend does own this place.”

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“Ah, so you’ve been many times?”

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“Never.”

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“Oh. I would think that if your friends open a restaurant that you might want to patronize it.”

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“Well, you think about a lot of things, don’t you?”

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“Yes. And chief among them was the way you reacted to me in Morocco.”

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“I was nothing but gracious and civil to you. So if you wish to apologize, I will hear it now.”

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“I’m not going to apologize.”

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“Frankly, my love, this is appalling.”

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“Your behavior was appalling.”

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“Alex, you know what they say about the messenger.”

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“Excuse me. I was having an honest reaction to what I thought was a problem.”

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“ALLS I know is that you don’t need to butt into Ramona and I’s business.”

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“If you think you’re speaking proper grammar, you’re delusional.”


“Excuse me?”

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“ALLS I know is that I don’t need a Brooklynite in Herman Munster shoes correcting my grammar.”

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“‘All’ is never pluralized.”

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“Alls I know is that irregardless of what you say, we all know what happens to the messenger.”

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“LuAnn, you do not listen to other people. I am trying to communicate with you.”

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“I didn’t realize this was the Alex class, and you were the teacher.”

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“WELL IT IS!”

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“I believe you intentionally interrupted henna to make a scene. HENNA!”

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“You made me stay!”

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“I wanted you to stay and be civil. And instead you called me a snake. WOULD YOU BELIEVE YOU CALLED ME A SNAKE? ME?? A SNAKE?? How NASTY! The mouth on that one.”

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“I was having a genuine reaction!”

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“And you did it at the riad. NOT the riad! NEVER THE RIAD!”

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“LuAnn, you were being awful to Ramona.”

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“Alex, please don’t take this literally, but remember what happens to the messenger.”

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“YES, LUANN, YOU’VE SAID THAT THREE TIMES ALREADY.”

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“Some might say I’m the messenger of the messenger metaphor.”

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“Well, I guess then you really DO know what happens to the messenger.”

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“Alex, this is NOT the Plaza Hotel. This is a coffee shop. Messenger rules don’t apply.”

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“So then why do you keep reminding me about the messenger.”

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“Alls I know is that you have horrifying manners. You need to learn some class, YOU HERMAN MUNSTER SHOE-WEARING BITCH.”

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“Wow, that was rude.”

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“Well, what else would you expect from an alleged ‘SNAKE?'”

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“LuAnn, I just want to clear the air.”

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“The air in which you farted?”

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“What?”

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“Darling, whoever smelt it, dealt it.”

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“Well… you smelt it.”

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“But you said the air needed to be cleared. So clearly you smelled your own Brooklyn-tinged fart.”

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“LuAnn, I did NOT fart. You are completely missing the point of all this.”

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“Darling, whoever denied it, supplied it.”

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“I didn’t… LuAnn please listen to me.”

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“Alex, if you wish to keep stinking up the room with your lie-farts, be my guest, but I will not stand for it.”

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“WHOEVER DID THE RHYME COMMITTED THE CRIME!”

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“How dare you accuse me of that! And here in my GOOD friend’s coffee shop! You have no manners, and I do not need to hear this.”

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“YOU are delusional! You really are!”


“Hmmmm????”

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“Go away, CAMILLE.”


“People say the cruelest things.”

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“Darling, I’ve had enough of this ridiculousness. I would rather do Taco Night with my CHILDREN than sit here and listen to you anymore.”

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“Fine.”

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“FINE.”

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“I mean… seriously?”

What did you think about the fight?

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22 thoughts on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Taking ‘Alex Class’ with the Countess

  1. Luann is just so over the top snooty it cracks me up….

    My fave though is the passive/aggressive Sonia leaving Cindy out of all the pictures!!
    Seriously?!! Love it.

  2. Luann is utterly VILE. Alex had a legitimate gripe in Morocco. Luann has a history of interfering when Jill has conflicts with other women, and she does nothing but fan the flames because she wants to be Jill’s only friend. Alex was, as usual, clumsy in trying to ask Luann not to antagonize Ramona, but Luann could not get past her own arrogance to simply talk about the issue with Alex, in Morocco or in NY. Luann is the one who insisted that Alex state her case DURING HENNA and in front of everyone else, and then proceeded to heckle her and mock her while she was trying to make her point. Her making fun of Alex’s shoes showed how totally classless she is. Class is being gracious and making people feel comfortable even when they are being uncouth, not ganging up on them and mocking them.

    • I totally agree with you on this one. She was outright mean and it was not entertaining to watch (and I am usually entertained by her haughtiness!).
      Sometimes I wonder why Alex subjects herself to being on the show. Have you noticed that anytime ANY of the women have a gripe with her they outright dismiss her like she is worthless? It’s not fun to watch someone be treated like that.

      • Absolutely. I know that she’s an easy target because she becomes apoplectic at the thought of conflict, but that’s no reason to dismiss Alex’s concerns. Kelly can’t articulate a sentence either, and they treat her like she’s a shaman. Open your eyes. Now close your eyes. Be authentic. Santa Claus. Satchels of gold. Al Sharpton.

    • Luann is a pig. she knows absolutely nothing about class, because if she did; (1) she’d never be on this show and; (2) she’d do more to make the people around her COMFORTABLE rather than TALKING about them all the time.

      alex actually makes good points, but she fails at trying to get them out. The first thing she needs to realize is that luann is never going to like her and she’ll never get her approval, so stop trying so hard. she should just act like luann doesn’t exist and do her own thing.

  3. Luann is bile-inducing. B-side, these photocaps crack my shit up. I wish I had something more clever to say, but I don’t. It’s like…seriously!

  4. I’ve noticed of late the habit of all the Housewives using the expression “you know what?” throughout their conversations. Ramona is the biggest culprit during her conversation with Sonja however both Alex and LuAnn both said it during their contractually obligated argument.

  5. Too bad Susan Lucci is headed to Desperate Housewives instead of Real Housewives.

    hb

  6. I don’t know why Alex even tries with some of these woman. I don’t believe any of them truly like her. LuAnn is the worst of all. She is an awful person and I hope she gets a little karma some day.

    • Knmom…..If John Lennon was right, it’s heading her way any day now. And alot of it, too. She borders on being a psychopath. No real emotion to this woman and absolutely no humility. I would just love to hate her, but it’s not in my nature to hold onto hate for any longer than an hour or 2.
      She’s disgusting. The camel was right in his thinking that she was stinking up his back. At least she got what she deserved from him. People will soon dole it out, too, you Big Meanie!

  7. Ick, The countess comes off so badly – do you think she has any idea how awful she is? Poor Alex, not always right, but tries to be the reasonable one, but doesn’t have the chops to keep her cool. Still, karma can be a bitch. Bitch… meet LuAnn!

  8. Times like these I miss Bethenny – LuAnne can’t pull that crap with her, she’s too quick for her. Alex’s intentions are usually somewhat reasonable but her delivery and in-articulation makes me want to shake her. Really frustrating, I need LuAnne to get her comeuppance stat!

  9. The whole “romance” between the Singers and then Silex, was disturbing ….Tamra and Eddie that was nice, these 2 gross sorry

    While Ramona was waiting for Mario, I had visions of him out shooting pool with some random girl I still think that there is something going on with those two time will tell

    Luann preaches class, and manners how to act like a lady and all that bullshit, but she was awful to Alex, rude, mean, and again with these housewives wanting “apology’s” I mean enough already, they want insincere apologies???? Why? They clearly are not friends when they aren’t filming, so an apology from someone who is not your “dear” friend?

    Andy Cohen should replace the whole cast with new rich fun people, because these women are getting a little old and routine we need new blood

  10. Alex is no match for the Countess! why she even bothered to try shows just how out of her element she is on this show. I think Alex looks ridiculous since she has started to let people “know her opinion”. She should stop now. Long Live the Countess! (sorry, luann just cracks me up!)

  11. Oh MY EYES!!!! Alex close your robe! I literally looked away from my computer when that picture came up.
    What idiot over at Bravo came up with the bright idea to put these women in lingerie??? On top of it they can’t act for shit and Alex is so awkward in her appearance with clothes on…she’s just a train wreck without them. I can hear the director now behind camera…okay just sit there Ramona….try to look sexy and pensive while you wait for your meal ticket, I mean husband.
    But I keep watching…waiting for the self-destruction to begin with at least one of those crazies credit loafing fame whores.

  12. In past seasons LuAnn’s haughtiness came off as fun and things she said were said with a wink. Now it looks like her self-esteem took a nose dive and she is really starting to believe her bullshit. Her little jabs aren’t little jabs anymore. They’re more like out and out bitch-fests about what bugs HER and she tries to pass it off as “class” or “manners”. Bitch, please. When people are in love and happy in life the last thing they do is look to shit on everyone. UNLESS, they’re on a reality show and need to be relevant. A check is a check. Alex isn’t the only one looking to get paid and those kids are gonna be 18 in no time.

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