REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Mothers, Daughters, and Pasties

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Bravo did the old bait and switch on the latest episode of Real Housewives of New York City. The preview had shown all sorts of drama surrounding LuAnn and her music video, but what actually aired was none of that. Instead we were left with a pretty dull episode — perhaps the worst of the season — that featured Sonja prepping for a gratuitous burlesque party. It was all rather humdrum, and quite frankly, I don’t think many viewers really cared to see Sonja uttering meaningless, sassy remarks while writhing on a chair.

There were some noteworthy dollops of activity strewn throughout the hour. LuAnn attempted to teach her daughter Victoria how to drive, an endeavor that looked about as scary as diving head first into a gnarling combine. Ramona, meanwhile, was moved to tears by Avery’s sweet essay about her. However, Avery giveth and taketh away. Mere seconds after having praised her mother as a role model, she then complained that Ramona was never home. Oh the travails of a teen daughter.

As for Jill and Simon, they finally squashed their dumb beef, all while wearing pseudo-Belle Époque garb. It was bizarre.

Photocap after the jump…

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“I love this boa. I can’t wait to flush it down my toilet!”

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“These pasties have the worst manners. OFF OF MY BREASTS!”

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“Victoria, look behind you. Pretend Alex is standing there. Now RUN HER OVER.”

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“My love, you are all over the road! Have you been taking driving lessons in QUOGUE again?”

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“My mom is my biggest role model. She showed me that someday I can start my own business and then get drunk on TV and make a fool of myself and my family in front of the country. I hope that when I’m older, I too can embarrass my daughter by giving my husband an oil rub in a chair. The End.”

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“Ugh. Where is my necklace. Can someone check the toilet?”

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“I like this look. It makes me look desperate but not slutty with just a dash of sadness.”

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“This drink is weird. It’s weird. It’s weird. Close your eyes, LuAnn. Now open them. It’s a weird drink.”
LuAnn: “Well, I think it’s lovely.”
“It’s not lovely. It’s sad.”
“Yes… but mainly lovely.”
“It’s sad. And weird. Who’s going to get me a beer? Santa?”

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“I AM SO HORNY RIGHT NOW.”

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LuAnn: “I love the way this sounds. And that gentleman certainly has a sexy voice.”
“That’s not a gentleman. It’s you.”

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“Oy vey, LuAnn. Why did you make this song? And why am I kiiind of starting to like it??”

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“OH MY GAWD!! BAWWWBBY!!! LOOK AT ALL THE FAAAABRIC!!!”

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“Please, Jill. Tell me that at least YOU can see that I’ve styled my mustache.”
“I see nothing.”

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Sonja: “No one would be freaked out if I transformed into a swan on stage, right?”

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21 thoughts on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: Mothers, Daughters, and Pasties

  1. Ok, I just don’t get the …”After the jump” it’s not like your going to commercial break here.

    Other than that, this was brilliant:

    “It’s sad. And weird. Who’s going to get me a beer? Santa?”

    LMAO!

    • Bloggers often say “after the jump” because when people reach the content from the main page, they often have to click through to the full article, and that’s considered “the jump.” But if you reach the content from a direct link on twitter or facebook, then yes, the “after the jump” will seem bizarre.

  2. This episode made me think of the times my sister and I would bore our parents with our “acting” when we were children. It did not seem very New York fabulous, it was drabulous.

    • I hated that hat. I wanted to grab it & stretch it out to the limit of its elastic band & snap it back on her head. More than once.
      As to Simon’s mustache wax, it probably dissolved in alcohol on the way over in the limo. I just realized that he resembles a Shar Pei. I have a Shar Pei and I just apologized to her for comparing her to Simon VanKempen.

  3. It made me realise how much more complete my own life would be if I had a teeny tiny top hat that I could wear on the side of my head at all times. Even though it would probably just get stuck down Sonja’s toilet..

  4. Sonja and her routine was just plain weird, is that some sort of Broadway/ NYC type of entertainment?

    I don’t get that someone dropped their Blackberry into her toilet and then they forgot it? How much alcohol is served at her parties?

  5. Anyone else find it amusing that Sonja is friends with Chris March? On his season of Project Runway, he was known as the guy who could make anything out of anything – like haute couture ball gowns out of cabbage leaves and dryer lint. He must LOVE going to Sonja’s cabana. That place seems like an old lady cave just filled to rim with crazy treasures, just waiting to be sewn to something.

    • I doubt she and Chris March are really friends. He was just on there bc he has a show coming up on Bravo, and they needed to remind us that he’s still alive before the show starts.

    • They’re about as “burlesque”-ish as Cindy is “Real Housewife”-ish (seeing as she has that never been married thing going on and all).

  6. I’m so curious as to who this entourage of “royalty” and “very old French families” who Sonja claims follow her around and drop travel plans to St. Moritz to watch that mortifying burlesque performance consists of…

    • I’m hoping Andy asks her that at the reunion. Every time she goes out of her way to mention them I just keep assuming they’re figments of her imagination (much like her panties the night of her costume extravaganza).

  7. I thought it was kind of crazy that the Cuntass let her cuntling speed through a parking lot, that had cars in it! It was like she was getting ready for the Indy 500 or soemthing. Then the cuntling doesn’t even look when she backs out…me thinks that she is going to have her DL revoked pretty damn quickly!

    Sonja is just a hot mess right now! I really didn’t need to know about the east/west pointers that you have…either lift them bitches up, or wear a braher, as Jill would say….Also, I hope Allie does become a Sex writer! Then we all know she gave Jill the big ol FU!I Is Bawwby related to Allie? Cause I don’t think that Allie looks anything like Jill…but that is just me!

  8. I thought it was kind of crazy that the Cuntass let her cuntling speed through a parking lot, that had cars in it! It was like she was getting ready for the Indy 500 or soemthing. Then the cuntling doesn’t even look when she backs out…me thinks that she is going to have her DL revoked pretty damn quickly!

    Sonja is just a hot mess right now! I really didn’t need to know about the east/west pointers that you have…either lift them bitches up, or wear a braher, as Jill would say….Also, I hope Allie does become a Sex writer! Then we all know she gave Jill the big ol FU!I Is Bawwby related to Allie? Cause I don’t think that Allie looks anything like Jill…but that is just me!

  9. Ally used to go by Shapiro. She’s just recently started going by Ally Zarin. Maybe that’s Jill’s way of making sure she gets some of the fabric millions when Bawby kicks the bucket.

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