Oh those McCord-Vankempens can’t seem to stay out of trouble. After a week of peace and calm on The Real Housewives of New York City, all hell broke out once again when Simon, an alleged cyberbully, got into it with Jill and Kelly. The whole scenario was quite silly and totally avoidable. But what fun would that be?
It all started when Simon approached Jill at Cindy’s party and told her he still had some issues with her. He requested that they go have lunch and clear the air. Jill was rather surprised by this, but she decided to go along with it. Kelly, however, was horrified by it all. The moment Simon left Jill’s side, Kelly got right in her ear and expressed how strange the scenario was. I agreed — it was strange. Everything had been smoothed over between Jill and Alex; so why rock the boat now? That being said, I didn’t agree with Kelly’s suggestion that Jill just outright turn Simon away. Please remember that this is a woman who hates confrontation so much she probably gallops out of every DMV the moment someone tells her to stand in a different line. Getting sound advice from her is probably not the wisest decision (even though Kelly has been the unlikely voice of reason all season long).
Anyway, Jill decided Kelly was right, and so she marched over to Simon and told him she didn’t want to meet — if she and Alex were in a good place, then Simon should be in a good place too. Simon bristled at this rejection and bizarrely replied, “Watch out!”
It didn’t really make any sense, and I tend to think it was probably just some strange brain fart that came out of him, but either way, it was vaguely threatening, and considering he had a rep as a cyberbully that he was trying to dispel, this didn’t seem like the smartest thing to say. Of course, Jill ran back and told the other women what had happened, and they all buzzed about in shock and dismay, particularly LuAnn, who arrived just as this was all going down. She was only too happy to dismiss Simon’s behavior and indirectly remind everyone that THEY (Silex) were of a lower caste than everyone else.
Well, soon Kelly was in a total tizzy and asked Simon to come speak to the girls about the “mean tweeting,” but he refused and snapped at Kelly, telling her to back off. I really wasn’t sure who was in the wrong here. It wasn’t Kelly’s business, but Simon wasn’t earning any brownie points either. Ultimately, he and Alex left the party, and the issue ballooned into a dire Friends vs. Simon dilemma for Alex.
Of course, it wasn’t really a dilemma because clearly Alex would always side with her husband, but at this point, the whole central issue had become totally muddled. I didn’t think anyone was asking Alex to choose sides. I think the girls just wanted Alex to tell her husband to stop tweeting miserable things at them. I’m all for standing up for your spouse, but I think it’s not disloyal to tell your husband, “Hey, could you stop doing this? It’s making unnecessary drama in my life.”
Nevertheless, the brunettes then spent the rest of the episode murmuring about Simon and Alex while Silex reassured themselves that they were in the right. Is it safe to say that everyone was in the wrong? And is it safe to say that if Jill had just gone to lunch with Simon instead of listening to Kelly that this all could have been avoided?
You know, it wasn’t too long ago that Mario pissed off LuAnn by calling her Countless or the Discountess or something like that, and if I remember, LuAnn was RATHER unpleased by his unwillingness to apologize to her. It seems awfully unfair that a one-on-one with LuAnn and Mario is acceptable but not Simon and Jill.
Ultimately, Kelly summoned Alex to lunch, and we got to see some classic Bensimon arguing at last. She started off by asking if Alex was okay — almost as if Alex had been abused by big, bad Simon (who admittedly was very scary in what I like to call the black leather body condom that he wore to Ramona’s party). Kelly then delivered her usual grab bag of phrases — “weird” “creepy” “it’s just” — etc. The sad thing was that Kelly was actually sort of in the right. She was basically saying “Tell your husband to stop,” but Alex interpreted it as “It’s us or your husband.”
Of course, when Alex tried to get a word in edgewise, Kelly just bulldozed over her until finally, she decided the conversation was over. It was one of those frustrating moments where you just want to shake your fist and yell “Bensimoooooon!!!!” The highlight, though, was Kelly ordering Alex to stop turning red as if Alex had any control over the involuntary hues her skin turns when agitated. Needless to say, this discussion did not end well. But it was a teensy bit better than with LuAnn; so… progress?
Elsewhere in the episode, we had more trials and tribulations with Sonja, whose latest drama seemed to stem from a clogged toilet. She called over a plumber but then volunteered to do the dirt work herself by sticking her hand in the toilet and pulling out… a Blackberry? What the? Even worse, there was no explanation for why there was a Blackberry in her toilet. From one kooky beat to another, Sonja then transitioned to a feng shui session wherein a heavily plastic surgeried woman hemmed and hawed about whether or not to align a bed on an axis of prosperity. Very serious stuff.
Later in the episode, Sonja received a big surprise when she learned that Ramona’s birthday party was actually a joint Ramona-Sonja birthday party. This resulted in tears, old photos (which were amazing), and general yammering. We also got to see strangely hilarious footage of Jill interrogating a waiter over a scallop hors d’oeuvre.
Lastly, we had Cindy, who did little but be ultra neurotic this episode. She oddly brought only ONE twin to lunch with her parents, and after a whole five minutes at the table, she called an employee to rid herself of the kid. I would not say she has a maternal touch. Plus, we delved deeper into Cindy’s neuroses as she struggled with travel arrangements for a future vacation she’d be taking. How would she travel with the twins? It would be so difficult! Ultimately she concluded that she’d just have to sit in first with the twins on her lap. Because that wouldn’t annoying ANYONE. I mean… seriously?
Guy: “Cindy Barshop just bejeweled ‘Seriously?’ onto my pubes. I mean… seriously?”
“Simon, you’re making my liquid face lift fall.”
“I don’t know what Simon is saying to Jill, but I’m sure it’s NOT classy, and I cannot WAIT to remind Jill of that.”
“This is my way of showing sexy disapproval.”
“You know what? I really don’t want to share my Olive Garden Groupon with you anymore.”
“Simon, you’re weird. It’s weird. You’re mean tweeting.”
“No, I’m not. But if I were, WATCH OUT.”
“What does that mean? That’s weird.”
“It means WATCH OUT.”
Brad: “Next time you ladies are in Paris, I invite you all to my home. It’s this wonderful old tower that looks over the whole city. It’s such an eyeful, so I call it the Eiffel Tower. But it’s really my place. Come!”
“THIS is why I don’t quit smoking. Because I get into fights with all your friends. Now, where’s my black leather body condom?”
“This Blackberry has the worst manners. OUT OF MY TOILET!”
“Okay, so great. What’s next? I give you a blow job or something? That’s what happens in those movies, right?”
“You don’t understand how hard it is being broke. My only income is holding Bethenny’s dog for ransom.”
“You know, now that we’ve moved my bed thirty degrees to the right, I think the money’s reeeeally gonna start coming in.”
Kelly: “Be honest, Jill: who does this pose better? Me or LuAnn?”
“I would like a croissant.”
“I was just going to say that!”
“I can’t believe you found all these people from my past! Are they… suing me?”
Hey lady behind Ramona, STOP STARING AT THE CAMERA.
“Oh gosh, I lost the other twin. Would you believe this? She’s probably back on the sidewalk somewhere.”
Cindy’s mom: “Maybe you should look for her?”
“Nah. My boyfriend will find her.”
“Your boyfriend! Who is this?”
“Oh you know him. He’s your son, Howie.”
“Alex, are you okay?”
“Of course, why?”
“You’re being weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your husband? He’s weird.”
“Simon and I are one unit. Anything you say about him, you’re saying about me.”
“I want him to stop mean tweeting.”
“Simon is his own person. If you have an issue with Simon, tell him.”
“But I thought you guys were the same unit.”
“We are. We’re like one joint body wrapped in a black leather body condom… with a zipper.”
“That’s weird. Stop turning red.”
“I can’t help it.”
“Stop it. Tell your body to stop.”
“Weird. Creepy. Reenter and be normal.”
“Kelly, here’s how I feel about this–“
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I said what I have to say. Let’s not dwell on the past. Ooh, pancakes! HIEEEE!!!!”
“Shhhh… shhhhhhhh… shhhhhhhhhhh… pancakes.”
“Close your eyes.”
“I have to speak.”
“Shhh. Close your eyes.”
“Okay. They’re closed. Now let me say–“
“Now open them.”
“Kelly, this is not productive.”
“Shhhhhh… shhhhhhhhh… PANCAKES!!!”
What did you think about this episode?