REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: The Most Vile Reunion Ever!

HW-16.jpg

I love me some Real Housewives of New York City, and I love me some Bravo reunion, but even I had to admit that last night’s ninety minute special was deplorable. Don’t get me wrong — I highly enjoyed it, but these women have all gone off the deep end. Any shreds of dignity they had going into the show (and trust me, there weren’t many) were long gone… and we’re only halfway through! It’s amazing Andy Cohen emerged alive. Heck, it’s amazing that anyone emerged alive.

For many viewers, there will be some attempt to take sides: Team Brunette vs. Team Blonde for example. But I think it’s safe to say that both teams were losers. All these women had blood on their hands. They all acted petty, they all acted immature, and most of them took some seriously low blows. It’s hard to say who came out on top. Maybe LuAnn, oddly enough, but that’s because she kept her mouth quiet most of the time. Then again, when she did open it, dumb things came out. Case in point: LuAnn still bemoaning Ramona’s pregnancy test on her “special night” with Natalie Cole.

On the flip side, LuAnn’s emotional defense of her daughter and her marriage against Ramona’s ruthless attacks was actually admirable. Almost made me overlook the fact that LuAnn and Jill had quietly taken a tit-for-tat swipe at Avery. Almost.

As for Jill, she took a nice moral stand against Ramona’s attacks on LuAnn’s kids at the end, but it was too little too late for the reigning yenta. She had already spent most of the reunion muttering passive-aggressive little remarks to her buddies, but perhaps most vile of all, she willingly spread the rumor that she’d heard that Mario had been cheating. There was no reason for her gossip about this, and she tried to act all innocent as if she were just the messenger, but to quote LuAnn’s favorite line, “We all know what happens to the messenger.” (Clearly the messenger gets attacked by Alex.)

Of course, Jill’s smearing of Mario’s reputation didn’t make Ramona an angel. Ramona happily clucked that LuAnn had been in an “open relationship,” an allegation I didn’t notice the Countess refuting. Whether it was true or not, it was still a nasty realm to go into, especially when Ramona then highlighted the fact that Victoria had been in four schools in four years. Stay classy, Ramona.

Perhaps faring a shade better was Sonja, who more or less came off as damaged goods. She had a hilarious fight with Cindy, whose disdain for everyone was much-welcomed, but just when we were all jumping on the Cindy bandwagon, she got all stubborn about Conference-Call-gate. Listen, Cindy definitely seems like she has a head on her shoulders, but she has to ultimately admit that she was rude and obnoxious at Sonja’s house.

Then again, Sonja was rude and obnoxious at her house too, what with all her talk of pecking orders and whatnot. Even when she tried to explain it to us last night, her logic made no sense. She was far more successful in debunking Kelly Bensimon, who proudly informed us that Cosmopolitan had ranked her as one of the nicest celebrities ever. Kelly may be nice, but as the video footage reminded us, she’s said some pretty mean things herself. Case in point: her random bashing of Sonja’s house, lifestyle, and financial situation. As usual, Kelly was unable to hold herself accountable for what she had said. She instead pretended like she hadn’t been passing judgment but was merely concerned about hygiene — a quality that she insisted her daughters grow up with an appreciation for.

Amusingly, Alex was quick to point out that Kelly had her dog in her dishwasher for a Christmas card shoot, but Kelly snapped back that the Christmas card was VERY clever, and thus in the age-old debate of cleverness vs. hygiene continues.

Kelly and Alex, meanwhile, had their fair share of bickering. I didn’t really expect it since they seemed to more or less get along. Kelly once again insisted that Alex wasn’t real or authentic, and when pressed, she suggested it was because of Alex’s tendency to turn red when stressed. And what was Kelly’s specific issue with Alex’s skin? Well, according to Kelly, she’s NICE, and thus she doesn’t turn red. It didn’t really make any sense, but it was pretty funny.

On the other hand, Alex accused Kelly of railroading over her, causing Jill and LuAnn to quietly smirk that Alex always says that. Come to think of it, Alex does always accuse everyone of railroading over her, which makes me think it’s less of a Kelly, Jill, and LuAnn problem, and more of an Alex issue. The problem with Alex, you see, is that she has terrible delivery, and she often attacks without nuance, causing others to feel defensive, and when people are defensive, they tend not to let their aggressors get a word in edgewise. This is especially the case if the people put on the defensive are alpha female super bitches.

Nevertheless, Alex was on super attack mode as usual, and of course that did her no favors. Also, claiming that her freakout during the gay rights march actually helped the cause was a bit tenuous. I think I knew what she was suggesting, but it still came off sounding a bit self-important.

In the end, the whole reunion devolved into name-calling. Andy Cohen had to jump in at one point and tell the ladies to “Shut up!” But what else was he expecting? He airs the dirty laundry of these lionesses for three months and then expects them to be demure? Ah, such is the beauty of this franchise. Can’t wait to see their fakery next season. Can’t wait to see their claws next week….

HW-16.jpg
Andy: “Hi everyone!!! Welcome to the biggest shitshow of July!”

HW-07.jpg
“RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE wrong time, wrong place.”

HW-06.jpg
“You’re railroading over me!”

HW-17.jpg
“That’s because you’re an effin’ bitch.”

HW-06.jpg
“EXCUSE ME, but I’M NOT THE ONE CALLING SOMEONE A BITCH!”

HW-17.jpg
“What’s that supposed to mean?”

HW-06.jpg
“IT MEANS YOU’RE THE BITCH!”

HW-05.jpg
“That’s not a good line.”

HW-04.jpg
“What are you? Panting over there?”

HW-06.jpg
“I’m not PANTING. I’m BREATHING. It’s NORMAL! Stop RAILROADING OVER MY LUNGS!”

HW-05.jpg
“It’s weird. You’re red. That’s weird. I don’t teach my girls to be red.”

HW-06.jpg
“I’m SORRY, but I CANNOT contrOL my SKIN!”

HW-17.jpg
“You can control it. She can control it.”

HW-06.jpg
“And suddenly you’re a dermatologist, Jill?”

HW-15.jpg
LuAnn: “Jill has been NOTHING but friendly, kind, and GRACIOUS to your SKIN!”

HW-05.jpg
“It’s weird. Her skin is weird.”

HW-06.jpg
“Quite frankly, I don’t care what any of you think about my skin.”

HW-17.jpg
“This is not the time or the place to talk about your skin.”

HW-14.jpg
“Her skin is really bad though, amiright?”

HW-06.jpg
“Kelly, you’re being mean.”

HW-05.jpg
“Um, I am like the nicest person you’ll ever meet. Cosmopolitan ranked me as one of the five nicest celebrities EVAR.”

HW-06.jpg
“Well, you’re not nice to me.”

HW-05.jpg
“That’s because you’re weird, Alex. You’re not authentic.”

HW-08.jpg
“That’s not a NICE thing to say, Kelly!”

HW-02.jpg
“Hahaha, I knew her crazy would come out eventually.”

HW-04.jpg
“I would like to say something–”

HW-03.jpg
“That’s enough, Cindy.”

HW-04.jpg
“Are you serious?”

HW-09.jpg
“To think that on a special night for me, when it’s the four month and sixteenth day anniversary of my one year anniversary of dating Jacques, that Cindy would try to interrupt…”

HW-18.jpg
“I think it’s wonderful that you’ve been dating Jacques for so long. And it’s great that he doesn’t mind your rampant cheating.”

HW-15.jpg
“Excuse me, but I have NOT cheated. Except with Natalie Cole.”

HW-17.jpg
“I heard that Mario’s been cheating.”

HW-18.jpg
“Okay, Jill. That’s enough. You’re spreading gossip, much the way LuAnn spreads her legs.”

HW-09.jpg
“Why are you allowed to accuse me of cheating but then Jill can’t accuse Mario of cheating? That’s just about as rude as doing a pregnancy test on my special night. To think, Natalie Cole was there, and you were peeing on a stick. ON A STICK.”

HW-18.jpg
“I’m sorry, but I still get my period. I’m getting it right now. This dress was white at the beginning of the night.”

HW-02.jpg
“That’s funny.”

HW-05.jpg
“Ew. I don’t want to hear about your vagina.”

HW-06.jpg
“Kelly, we ALL have vaginas.”

HW-05.jpg
“It’s just gross. Vaginas are weird.”

HW-06.jpg
“Do NOT railroad over my vagina!”

HW-19.jpg
“Kelly, why are you afraid of vaginas?”

HW-05.jpg
“Because I’m a nice person. And nice people don’t talk about vaginas. Vaginas are rude.”

HW-02.jpg
“Sonja, was your vagina ever rude to Kelly?”

HW-03.jpg
“My vagina wasn’t rude, but it WAS offended that it hadn’t had lunch yet.”

HW-06.jpg
“I would like to note that without all our vaginas, gay marriage equality would never have been passed in New York State.”

HW-09.jpg
“And I would like to note that I’m wearing an oversized Cheerio on my finger.”

HW-11.jpg
Sonja: “I had to give back my Cheerio ring during the divorce.”

HW-14.jpg
“And apparently she lost all her cleaning products too. Messy house. It’s weird.”

HW-03.jpg
“Kelly, that was MEAN!”

HW-05.jpg
“Um. I’m nice. Dog Fancy magazine just ranked me as one of the nicest celebrities ever.”

HW-03.jpg
“You passed judgment on the cleanliness of my house! That is NOT nice!”

HW-05.jpg
“I never did that. I don’t judge. I was ranked as one of the top five least judgmental celebrities by Judgmental Magazine.”

HW-06.jpg
“You put the ‘mental’ in judgmental.”

HW-05.jpg
“Not a good line, Alex.”

HW-19.jpg
“Actually, it kinda was.”

HW-09.jpg
“Alls I know is that we’re sitting here bickering over Sonja’s house, and–”

HW-06.jpg
“It’s a lovely house!”

HW-15.jpg
“STAY OUT OF IT, YOU!”

HW-04.jpg
“Here’s what I have to say about Sonja’s house–”

HW-02.jpg
“Moving on, how are YOU doing, Sonja?”

HW-11.jpg
“It’s… it’s tough. I learned some hard lessons, the first of which being that you should never invest in a John Travolta movie if he doesn’t know anything about it.”

HW-17.jpg
“I heard from my social circle that John Travolta cheated.”

HW-18.jpg
“Sounds like he’s really LUANN-ing it.”

HW-09.jpg
“How DARE you infer that again. And on tonight, such a special night for me and Natalie Cole.”

HW-17.jpg
“Ramoner, you are the lowest of the low. You’re almost scarier than Bethenny. Almost.”

HW-18.jpg
“Why is it okay for you to spread gossip about infidelity, but I can’t?”

HW-17.jpg
“I nevah evah evah spread gossip. But I did hear that Mario is cheating. Maybe with John Travolta. I don’t know.”

HW-01.jpg
Ramona: “That is ENOUGH.”

HW-09.jpg
“Well, you know what happens to the messenger, right?”

HW-11.jpg
“I lost my messenger in the divorce.”

HW-20.jpg
“But I am a proud Tremont. I come from a resilient and strong genealogy. I have been to palaces, courted royalty, and danced with all manners of shahs and sultans.”

HW-02.jpg
“And what are you up to now?”

HW-20.jpg
“Makin’ a toaster-oven cookbook.”

HW-02.jpg
“I’ll be sure to post that on m’Facebook!”

HW-17.jpg
“Wrong time, wrong place.”

HW-19.jpg
“What’s the matter, Jill?”

HW-17.jpg
“Sorry. Just felt like saying it.”

HW-06.jpg
“WELL YOU SAY A LOT OF THINGS, DON’T YOU???”

HW-14.jpg
“She’s weird. And red. I’m too nice to look at that red skin.”

HW-04.jpg
“To Kelly’s point, I’d like to say that–”

HW-02.jpg
“Ramona and Sonja: you guys are just hilarious. When you guys were in Morocco, I don’t think anyone had as much fun as you two.”

HW-07.jpg
“We had fun.”
“We had a blast.”
“We did so many fun things.”
“It was like, wow, how were we able to do so many fun things!??!?!”

HW-19.jpg
“Really? What did you do?”

HW-15.jpg
“Well, Jill and I enjoyed some lovely jam by the pool.”

HW-19.jpg
“That’s not as fun.”

HW-01.jpg
“Andy, we also went dancing and were out until at least 8:15 PM.”

HW-06.jpg
“THAT IS NOT AS FUN!!”

HW-09.jpg
“Oh really, Alex. To think that you would try to one-up us on tonight, such a SPECIAL night for me. I’m supposed to sing with Natalie Cole again, you know.”

HW-17.jpg
“I heard that Natalie Cole is having an affair with Mario.”

HW-18.jpg
“Jill, you stop this right now. The only one with an open marriage is LuAnn.”

HW-09.jpg
“No, Ramona. YOU stop it.”

HW-18.jpg
“Maybe you should spend less time on your affairs and more on your daughter, who can’t seem to finish a single year in one school.”

HW-15.jpg
“RAMONA!”

HW-06.jpg
“SHE’S ALLOWED TO SPEAK HER MIND!”

HW-17.jpg
“Shut up, Alex. You’re an idiot.”

HW-06.jpg
“YOU’RE an idiot!”

HW-05.jpg
“I’m nice!”

HW-06.jpg
“I wasn’t talking to you! But yes, you’re an idiot too.”

HW-02.jpg
“Guys, guys. Shut up! SHUT UP!”

HW-04.jpg
“I mean… seriously?”

HW-20.jpg
“I am a TREMONT. We do NOT engage in such immature name-calling. It’s not like we’re from QUOGUE or something.”

HW-04.jpg
“Okay, you know what? Quogue is lovely, and there are horses there that everyone can ride, unless you’re a drunkard like Ramona.”

HW-18.jpg
“Well, I couldn’t ride the horse because LuAnn was humping it. I’m sorry!”

HW-15.jpg
“That is absurd.”

HW-06.jpg
“LUANN, YOU LIKE HORSE DONG. ADMIT IT!”

HW-11.jpg
“A sheik once gave me a dildo fashioned from a horse dong. I lost that too.”

HW-02.jpg
“Another casualty of the divorce?”

HW-11.jpg
“No. I just flushed it down the toilet by accident.”

HW-05.jpg
“That’s bad hygiene. Ew.”

HW-18.jpg
“You know what’s bad hygiene? Wearing a dead man’s suit to a wedding. Right, Cindy?”

HW-04.jpg
“Excuse me, no, Ramoa. Now you listen to what I have to say, and you listen good–”

HW-16.jpg
Andy: “Great! This seems like a perfect time to take a break. See you next Monday!”

What did you think about the reunion?

Share on TumblrEmail This Post Share

59 thoughts on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NYC PHOTOCAP: The Most Vile Reunion Ever!

  1. I had to turn it off……and I’ll watch anything.

    Kelly commented on someone else’s skin?? Good Lord.

  2. They were all just horrible last night, and you know that parts 2 and 3 will only be worse! On WWHL, Neil Patrick Harris said they needed to fire the bunch of them and start over. I couldn’t agree more!

    I loved when Cindy told LuAnn “don’t tell me what to do!” during her tirade when she was defending her conference call at Sonja’s house.

  3. This was really nasty, and while I’ve sided with the blondes all season, I don’t think anyone won in this debacle. Alex scored some decent points, but the rest was just painful. Ramona should have quit while she was ahead.

    LuAnn and Jill seemed like the real losers in this episode. First, LuAnn made barbs about Ramona’s marriage then acted like her own was sacrosanct. If you don’t want commentary on your personal life, then how about not appearing on a reality show? Then, Jill, who spent the first season mocking Alex’s very young children, is all of a suddenly apoplectic with LuAnn’s almost grown (and racist) daughter gets brought up? Both were inappropriate, but she is a total hypocrite for being offended when she did the same.

    LuAnn is just delusional. She thinks that her haughtiness is funny, but cannot see that nobody is laughing, and that nobody appreciates being corrected by someone with nothing more to recommend her than a courtesy title and an autotune machine. She dodged Andy’s questions about “class,” understandable given her lack of familiarity with the topic.

    Also, I wish someone had pointed out to LuAnn that since Natalie Cole’s appearance was a surprise, Ramona taking a pregnancy test BEFORE Natalie was revealed could not have been intended to undermine Natalie’s contractually obligated appearance. Thank GOD it didn’t happen at the Cancer Society. Taking the pregnancy test on a boat is weird, but so are many of the situations contrived to give that show entertainment value. It was also weird for Cindy and Sonja to have their final meeting in a flower shop, and weird that Kelly runs in traffic.

    I’m glad that Krazy Kelly resurfaced, and that Jill and LuAnn had to spend so much time shushing her. If she gets her feelings hurt when someone wears inappropriately revealing clothing, that reunion special must have been enough to put her in a straight jacket.

    I expend too much energy on these bitches. Deep breath.

    • Not only that Jennifer, but I wonder if her and Cindy think we viewers are that stupid that we did not notice Kelly and Cindy laughing at everything that was being said, like two immature teenagers trying to get attention?

  4. It seemed like the brunettes went after Alex big time. They obviously do not like her or her husband and want them gone. Kelly says Alex turning red upsets Kelly, kind of selfish of her don’t ya think? Jill is a gossip and that is a poison that will infect her friendships, who would want a gossip as a friend. None of them remember what they have said, yet all of them remember what everyone else has said. It’s weird.
    Love your recap!

  5. Wow, that recap was almost as long and all over the place as the actual reunion show. . . Well played, Bside, well played.

  6. Wow! What a mess that was. I’d have to agree with NPH and fire the whole lot of them.

    My favorite was when they showed how not nice Kelly was during the season. Ha!

    The bottom line is not one of them can admit to any wrong doing. They all talk over top each other. Nothing is ever accomplished. Alex tries, but you are right she has horrible delivery.

  7. Does Ramona accuse Jill of being in AA in Part 2? I couldn’t quite decipher what she was saying

    • She does!!! I couldn’t believe it!! How could anyone with any sense of decency take away someone else’s privacy? Jill handled the comment with dignity….Jill Zarin

  8. “A sheik once gave me a dildo fashioned from a horse dong. I lost that too” That killed me.

    I keep having mental flashbacks to Season 1, when Jill and Bethenny went apartment shopping and Jill was dressed in a head to toe suede outfit. Not remotely fashionable at the time or possibly ever. She an authentic materialistic Upper Eastside yenta. Yet likeable and relatable.

    Now she is a flatironed, liquid face lifted, Spanxed out maniac. The slightest bit of fame derailed her entire being.

    She should be a contestent in the worst fame makeover in some bizarro version of the Swan. They would have to transform back into semi-normal. Heidi Montag is another excellent candidate.

    • lope, I must take this opportunity to correct you. Jill is NOT a Spanxed out maniac. She is a Skweezed out maniac!

      • I forgot how the stupid way spelled Skweez.. It was an intentional omit. Worst product name ever.

  9. They came off as awful people. I felt like I needed to start using drugs while watching this drama fest unfold. They should all be ashamed of themselves.

  10. Wow. They were all horrible and I really don’t want to watch ever again. Not even out of curiosity with part 2 of the reunion.

  11. How did you get all of that out of he reunion is beyond me. All the yelling, talking over each other and the rambling started to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher to me. I love Andy’s flip out on WWHL where he tells them all to shut the f*#% up! I can’t believe this “classy” women made him lose his cool.
    Best part was when Kelly was asked how she feels about Bethanney being a multi-milloniare for “inventing” margaritas! Classic!

  12. It was all awful, but Jill was the worst. The looks and expressions she had were just awful. And, her revisionist history is maddening. NOW, she was SCARED of Bethenny? I mean we have heard hours of commentary and seen hours of footage of this fight with Bethenny, and, never, once did she claim scared. And, now she’s scared? She’s a horrible person. And, she is really going after Alex. When they did that clip scene with Sonja and Ramona, she says, well, I feel sorry for Alex, she wasn’t included. Really, you would think by now that she would do better passive aggressive than that!

    Funny: My husband was in the other room and of course couldn’t help hearing these ladies scream at the top of their lungs. When everyone was screaming “Living beyond your means” re Kelly’s comment about Sonya, my husband yells: “Are they saying she makes a living on her knees?” I think he was considering starting to watch with me if that was the case :)

  13. I loved every second of the reunion.

    I hate to admit it, but I am curious about LuAnn’s daughter’s school career. I know Ramona shouldn’t talk about kids, but it does put LuAnn and her snooty ‘I am the expert of all things.’ in her place. LuAnn is awful and she used to be my favorite in Season 1.

    • The daughter was caught on youtube using the “n” word. This after LuAnn admitted casually that her former husband was a racist and hated Jewish people. Of course that didn’t cause her to leave him.

  14. I have been a die-hard fan of the Real Housewives since the first season of OC. This is the first time I have ever been absolutely repulsed by the women.

  15. Wow, the best word I can use to describe last night was toxic. And some serious bullying
    going on from the queens of “No Bullying”. Alex did not deserve their meaness. They
    can really dish it out, but not take it. And points to Sonja for reminding them that she
    doesn’t hit below the belt. Ramona is lashing back at the Jill/LuAnn duo for intimating that her marriage is in trouble. She’s got the gloves off, her sleeves rolled up, and she’s ready for a brawl. I’m really tired of Cindy, she turns nasty very quickly when she’s in a group situation. I think they’ve reached the point of no return in their “relationships”. Time for a new cast…….

  16. Bside, I adore you. I just have to ask though..do you give Alex a break because she reads your blog? Maybe it’s my own character flaw of despising weakness, but she is like a sad dork trying to fit in and it really makes me hate her. Her husband is creepy and she is SO not a model. I know I’m supposed to hate Jill because Bethenny said so, but I don’t..there is something about her that makes me want to watch (I don’t dispute her flaws). And I know I’m not supposed to say this, but I don’t miss Frankel at all. Her constant “damaged” bullshit made me want to crack a bottle of skinny girl over her head.

    • I totally agree on all points! I don’t know what the deal with Alex is, but I do not like it. She is a social retard. She has no clue of what is appropriate or not, and now that she won’t STFU it’s even more glaring an issue. I have to say I was on the brunette’s side of this, even more so now that Bethenny is gone. Good riddance! Overall I only digested about half the reunion anyway since everyone was yelling over each other like The View.

    • What about Alex’s hair? Her hair is absolutely the worst I’ve ever seen on TV. In 3 years I can only attest to it looking good maybe 2 times. And that dark lipstick on her slash of a mouth? ITA about Simon. Do you remember Bethenny’s line about them crawling through air conditioning vents to attend a party?

      • Yea well, that cause she works and doesnt spend her day like Luann, Kelly and Jill at the salon, or really, those 3 probably started getting ready for the reunion a week before….All on their sugar daddies dime of course!!!

    • I would agree that she’s dorky and awkward, but that is not a reason to hate her. She is clumsy, but she is not malicious like the others and offers good insight when she can articulate it.

      • I prefer Alex’s awkwardness and social ineptitude to Jill’s intentional desire to inflict unnecessary pain so she can feel superior.

        hb

    • Um…let me get this straight. You guys are saying you prefer being around/watching malicious, lying, gossips who do not care who their next target is? Whose friendships aren’t real? Their friends aren’t “friends” but people to be used for their own agenda. Wow. And Alex being socially awkward, which, I don’t believe she is, deserves to be stomped on? If I had to recommend one of those brunettes for a job or Alex, I would pick Alex. I just know one of those brunette bitches would embarrass me. Alex is just not good at confrontations. She doesn’t have enough BITCH in her. She doesn’t lie so it’s even harder. Has anyone ever tried to defend yourself against a liar. Frustrating as hell!!

      B Side, I love your recaps but Cindy is disturbed. She needs a good f**k! Her bf looks gay so maybe he’s not doing the job. Once she gets pissed she blacks out and weirds out. I would not let that psycho anywhere near my vagina with hot wax!

    • GO HOME KELLY AND JILL!!!!….Kelly you should be at group, and Jill, shouldnt you be trying to come up with some new aliases?

  17. I found out I was pregnant with my first child after taking a pregnancy test in a restroom at Barnes and Noble. I wish it had been on a yacht with Natalie Cole, but whatever.

  18. I agree with cak, vancouverdeb, and probably everyone else.

    Ben, I love your recaps – they are my favorite of all the RH websites I visit!

    I want to put in my two-cents about Alex and Simon. I appreciate the fact that they seem to be the most real (I really want to say authentic but KooKooKelly has ruined that word for me) people of this cast. I do not share their fashion or decorating esthectic (and sometimes they make me skeeve a little) but I think that they are interesting people. That’s more than I can say for a few of their castmates, some of which who, if they could be a little more accepting, may find Simon to be not a bully but a hoot.

    I live in a rural area not far from a major city and have friends of every description. No one should have to dress a certain way or decorate their home in a certain manner or even have to live in the right place to accepted; what they should have is a good heart and an honest way about themselves. There are a few castmembers who would describe themselves as such but we all know differently.

    That being said, I still feel they need a complete reboot in the casting department. We’ve seen and heard enough and I am ready for some new faces.

  19. “Love, love, love” the photo recap – I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.

    I think the reason Luann bothers me the most of the housewives is her passive agressive behavior (I didn’t do or say ANYTHING negative) coupled with her condescending attitude. Very hard to stomach. It obviously makes Ramona batshit crazy and that is a shame, because I think Ramona gets so *ramotional* with Luann that she doesn’t clearly get her feelings out and goes for the cheap shots.

    I, too, was repulsed by the behavior in the first part of the reunion – however I am not proud and will be watching part two. Oy.

    • Agreed!..and did you see how Luann gave Alex that Jack Nicholson in “The Shining” smiling face….YUK!, it gave me the shivers.

  20. I will not watch the show. I will not clap. I WILL read B-Sides recaps…..NOW are you happy Bravo?

  21. This is by FAR the most hilarious recap I have ever read about this franchise. I am marking it in my bookmarks. THANK YOU for the laughs! After watching this reuinion the other night I came away awarding Jill the biggest bully award (even though she tried to do it on the DL and via passive aggressive behavior) and Kelly is just a fool. I honestly think that Alex came away with the best behavior but the bar isn’t very high for this group.

  22. I truly loved the reunion show. Andy and Bravo sure know how to entertain us! Like a lot of other folks, I too feel Jill forgets the trashing she did to Alex’s two little boys on season one. She is quite the fool and she has put it out there for us all to see and comment on.
    Again, just want to say that I can’t wait for part two!
    Thanks Andy!

  23. Just found this site. Loves it.

    “I’m sorry, but I still get my period. I’m getting it right now. This dress was white at the beginning of the night.”

    Best line of the entire photo recap. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at my desk. My coworkers are still looking at me……

  24. Alex should have told Kelly that the massive vein that pops out in her forehead when she’s upset is offensive, and she should stop that vein from doing that. And while she’s at it, why does Kelly insist on her neck being so veinous and tense when she’s shouting? I mean, who does that?

    • Good point! If Kelly can insist that Alex stop turning red, can Alex insist that Kelly stop turning herself orange!

      • Kelly should also take a shower and comb her hair. Her skin not only looks orange it looks oily, and I bet she smells like “cat pee”.

    • I agree, Heather! Kelly’s veiny neck and forehead upset me so much. The other night I was practically inconsolable because I watched the show in HD. I mean, what is up with her? She is so rude!!!!! Soooo inauthentic with all those veins, I swear!

  25. Loved the recap.
    The reunion literally gave me a migraine. All the talking over each other and not hearing what each other is saying. Poor Andy lost control.
    I don’t think any of the ladies came out ahead. They are all a little delusional (some more than a little) and spin things to their favor.
    I was disgusted by it all.
    That said, I’ll still watch part 2.

  26. That was the funniest recap I have read anywhere. I have not watched the reunion show yet, but I know now there’s no way it can top this recap. Thanks for giving me my belly laughs of the day!

  27. I feel the New York Housewives have sealed their own fate with their behavior in the reunion show.With all the hostility and animosity they displayed towards each other they’ve really painted themselves into a corner as to how they would act toward each other if there were to be a Season 5 with the cast in its current form. The New York ladies used to flip flop with their allegiances but its quite clear its two very divided teams I can’t see how they can play nice at their various contrived events and overseas jaunts when they’re calling each other effing bitches to each other faces and quite frankly I don’t want to. I’m all for a bit of drama but they’ve devolved into really hating each other.
    Its been discussed for awhile now but I think its time to take a broom to this lot and find some filthy rich and fabulous New York women who have better things to do than squabble over the most stupid and trivial things or drum up P.R for their shonky enterprises.

  28. And here I thought I’d go to my grave confident in the fact that the Miami reunion would be the most repulsive Real Housewives reunion show ever.

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. These NY gals never cease to amaze me (unfortunately, for all the wrong reasons).

    Honestly, the only person who came out of this whole reunion fiasco smelling like a rose was you, with one of your best reunion recaps to date. If I was Andy I’d tell you to message me on m’Facebook wall with your request for hazzard pay.

  29. Bside, I was reading this on a bench in Greenwich Village, crying with laughter. Best.Recap.Ever. Thank you!!!!!

  30. Seriously people, I do not find it funny when it comes to KKB anymore. Kelly truly thinks that she is the axis that the world revolves on. Kelly thinks by using the advice of Russell Simmons, on “how to become famous” is working for her, in some ways it may be (DEF. NOT IN A GOOD WAY THOUGH), but this chick is over the top, and it is sooo obvious that she has major dirt on Luann and especially Jill Zarin, cause there is no way in hell that any adult in their right mind would befriend this women unless they were doing volunteer work for the mentally challenged, I truly, I am not trying to be funny when say this, but Kelly is dangerous, and mark my words she def. has the potential of hurting someone or herself and Bravo should stop pushing their luck and help this girl….I mean look, now that she has “friends”, she will DO ANYTHING TO KEEP THEM, look how she acts when she is with them, its down right freaky!!!!

  31. HATED the reunion! But I love your recap! These ladies are done – put a fork in it! There are no laughs anymore. I don’t find it fun to watch vile little b#tches.

  32. I could not watch it all the way through. Jill and her constant abusive negativity and Luanns hoity toity fake ways with her fake boyfriend (they belong together) and Kelly who lives off her husband and her place is in her husbands name–probably till the kids grow up then she is out and they need to get rid of these women and take the new on with them. I had the best laugh this year with Sonja and Ramona and I have gotten where I FF the others. They really need to replace those brunette’s

  33. Have to say that I’ve totally done a 180 on how these women come off…used to think Ramona and Sonja were kinda cool and free spirited and the brunettes were all major bitches, but when they go up against each other the brunettes actually seem to be more stable and self-assured. Ramona is simply an alcoholic. She’s mean when she’s not drunk (like the time she was interviewing for assistants and was just saying the rudest things to people) and simply looney when she’s wasted. I also thinks she and Sonja are on some other kind of drugs. Sonja is just not capable of dealing with reality. It seems like she only ever valued herself for her appearance and once she started aging and her rich husband dumped her she realized she had no value.

    Her fight with Cindy really brought out the worst in her and also made me change my opinion about CIndy. Up til then I thought she was a feminazi with no soul. Now I see that she’s really successful because she’s a hard worker, and she’s doing this stupid show to promote her brand, which is smart. She was right that it was kind of weird to be having a ‘breakfast’ at 11 am like it was some big social event, and even weirder for Sonja to act all offended that Cindy didn’t take it as seriously as she did. The woman gets up at 6 am everyday because she’s running a business to feed her kids. Sonja literally does shit for a living; she’s living off old money of the family of a man who dumped her. I was really proud of Cindy for not taking her shit and telling her off in that stupid flower shop. Sonja is just delusional and is constantly contradicting herself, trying to say she’s some grand lady Morgan when all she ever does is show her ass.

    I have a soft spot for Jill simply because i think she’s honest and that’s what makes her seem off-putting. Luann too I think doesn’t pretend to be who she’s not. She may not have been to the manor born but I think she does have good manners and is clearly a smart woman. Her music career is interesting considering she doesn’t have a great voice. Like Cindy she’s using the show to build her brand which is exactly what Bethenny did so well. I agree with Kelly that Bethenny deserves props for her success but it’s not something to envy her about. I’ve watched some of her new show and she’s simply just not a nice person. She’s an interesting character because she lacks a filter but she treats her husband like crap. He’s a nice guy but he seriously knocked her up too fast. That marriage is not going to last.

    Kelly, Luann, Jill, and CIndy all have one thing in common that the others lack and that’s the fact that they respect themselves. They definitely have their faults and flaws but that’s what makes them human and admirable at the same time. None of them are hypocrites and none of them beat around the bush or kiss ass. Kelly’s just misunderstood because she’s not trying to impress anyone and doesn’t have to build a brand (she IS on a different level of celebrity than all of them; I clearly remember her from way back in the day before this show in her ads in magazines and in Page 6 and constantly in Vogue’s society pages.)

    Alex, if she really does read this, is simply an asshole and so is her husband. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s gay and married her to stay in this country because she’s stupid enough to believe he’s straight (and desperate enough to buy it.) There is something very wrong with their kids; they are too busy social climbing to raise them and it shows in how dead in the eyes those poor boys are. All that drama in Morocco with Luann was clearly a ploy to get screentime and I’m glad the brunettes shut her down. Ramona didn’t even care when Alex told her what happened, probs because she was so coked up. The fact that Alex thinks she’s attractive, let alone model worthy, is proof enough how far her head is up her ass. Like I said it’s her kids that are suffering because of it. She’s a vile human being and it’s just a shame that those children are the price being paid for her shortcomings.

  34. Mrs D- Couldn’t agree with you more, though our viewpoint seems to be the minority around here- For the life of me I can’t understand how viewers can be so protective of the (bottle) blonds! I am very familiar with the patterns of alcoholics, and “i look so young because I still get my period” (huh?) Ramona definitely needs to address her obvious drinking problem. When she gets bombed her inability to hold her tongue gets even worse, which I didn’t think possible. When she demands Pinot Grichio the moment she arrives anywhere/everywhere, it makes me literally cringe! Sonja is insufferable, with her “I’ve cooked for royalty in this” toaster oven which I would like to see “implanted”in her “parts” which she so often thrusts upon the unsuspecting viewers’ line of vision- YUCK! And Alex? Poor, poor delusional soul! Maybe her sham of a marriage works both ways? Perhaps Simon is as much of a “beard” for her as she is for him? Just a thought…OK, haters, have a go at me- I can take it!

  35. I think Kelly is the saddest of all the housewives.

    Kelly loves to call everyone inauthentic and I find this so ironic because i really think Kelly is the absolute MOST inunauthenitc of the entire cast and supporting cast combined. I think she came into the RHONYC with this made-up personality … HIeee, BYEeee, the way she skip/runs into parties, the gummie bears, the glasses she puts on to take pictures, the fact that she takes pictures like it’s her studied hobby with crazy sophisticated camaras, the way she utilizes phrases that I would swear she hears others use in conversation but has not idea what they mean “I don’t eat processed foods”, “You’r a cook, not a chef”.

    I really think that Kelly thought she would come into this as the person who she wishes she was this ultra chic; breezy girl who twirls and everyone thinks is so cute and aloof and above-it and the problem is oh man… did she underestimate the rest of the cast; who let’s face it are these snarky, seasoned (cough older), pseudo business women who are not teens and who look at Kelly and think she is a moron. Kelly is like I’m looking for the batman to my robin he he he and Luanne is AUTHENTICALLY looking at her like she is insane. That is a cute statement but Kelly is telling it to a group of women who are just not in touch with that kind of banter. And, therefore, Kelly’s persona is a big fail which just leads to defensiveness, jealousy and confusion.

    I think the real Kelly is this scared woman, who has these two kids with a man who probably doesn’t participate, except finacially. Who has (even if she would never admit it) tied her celebrity to the fact that she was once married to the x of a famous model who now appears on a Tyra show. Now, he’s gone and all she has is this big apartment, heremes bags and a big horse that she bought at an opra auction – a genre of music she knows nothing about. She is scared to death that she is in reality a nobody – like the rest of us.

    Then, she looks at Bethenny who is the same age as Kelly but nobody is questioning B’s intelligence, B is dating, then engaged then married to an age appropriate guy who by all appearances is this totally involved father, husband, B’s got her own identiy – she’s cooking, she’s selling her products and Kelly in her heart of hearts knows all she has got is that dumb plastic horse.

    And… to close it out, that’s the problem. She is so furious about her situation

  36. I read this BEFORE I watched the Reunion and I really thought both the “Cosmopolitan Magazine ranked me as one of their Top 5 Nicest Celebrities” and “Sonja – Was your vagina ever rude to Kelly?” were two of the funniest quips you have ever made (which is a pretty prestigious call in itself. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined they were word for word quotes. In the immortal words of Andy Torres – Bitches be LOCO.

    This was actually not even fun watching. The amount of underhanded vile and vitriol being spewed was just uncomfortable. And without having someone with either the conversational deftness or a nimble way with quips like Bethenny to cut through all the drama, it just became toxic viewing. All these women are just either awful or awful at arguing points. Luann actually handles herself very well in the Reunion specials which always makes me forget I can’t stand her during each season, but she lacks the self-awareness of how she handles herself and comes off hideously sanctimonious. Alex is great and I’m going to miss her as she seems like the only genuinely nice one of the bunch. I actually really liked Jill in the reunion (Mario-Gate aside) and really wish she was coming back too. Hopefully Sonja doesn’t lose her Delorean in the divorce settlement because she needs to jump in that baby, set it for Season 3 and head back there, stat.

Comments are closed.