BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The House Is Shaken, Not Stirred

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It’s a new week in the Big Brother house, and the power has gloriously shifted to the underdogs. Many readers don’t seem to care for Kalia based on her questionable eating practices (she apparently eats other people’s food), incessant gossiping, and infinite crying. However, all this stuff happens on the feeds, which I’m still woefully behind on, and as she’s presented to us by CBS, I don’t mind Big Kalia, as Jeff calls her. I’m not saying that I love her, but I am noting that I’m happy she’s in power. The best part of Big Brother is watching the pendulum of power swing to and fro, and after three weeks of pure Veteran dominance, it’s fun to see the likes of Daniele and Kalia take over the reins.

Of course, the Veterans aren’t happy about it. They’re all throwing hissy fits, accusing Daniele and Kalia of ignoring the real threat: the FLOATERS. According to them, the only real players are Jeff, Jordan, and Rachel — everyone else is just floating to wherever the power is. I still don’t know what exactly is wrong with that strategy. If Jeff and Jordan were so concerned about the veritable flotilla of players, they should have rooted out Kalia and Lawon back when they had the chance. Instead, they went after Dom and Adam (and then Cassie and Shelly) on the grounds that they were all their biggest threats.

Well, now here comes Kalia, who’s just come off two weeks of hostility from Rachel and Jeff, and suddenly she’s not obligated to go after her biggest threats? Apparently so.

To clarify, Kalia decided that this week she wanted to get Rachel out of the house. It was an obvious choice, and alongside her, Kalia wanted to place Jeff as something of a pawn. I’m sure Kalia truly didn’t want Jeff out of the house compared to Rachel, but the thought had to have crossed her mind that either nominee going home would be a win-win. Nevertheless, she informed Jeff of the plan, and he went ballistic, partially because Kalia wasn’t being honest about her motives. He had every right to be mad — I’d be mad too if I were being used as a pawn. However, Jeff then badgered Kalia endlessly, saying that he’d come after her big time if he wound up on the block instead of a floater. Not sure how this was a smart strategy. All it seemed to do was cement the notion that he was a major threat that needed to be eliminated.

In the end, Kalia remained unswayed by Jeff’s threats. She nominated Jeff and Rachel, the latter of whom then directed her wrath at Daniele, who she perceived to be the puppet master of the situation. Again, more flawed logic as the same could be said of Jordan’s perpetual deference to Jeff.

Aside from the scheming and screaming, last night’s episode provided us with the usual Sunday night silliness. There was a fun Have / Have-Not competition that had contestants whipping up strange cocktails. Some of them seemed nasty, but some of them seemed rather pleasant. Porsche, the brilliant woman that she is, put together yams, carrots, and onions. Also known as A CLASSIC THANKSGIVING COMBINATION. Luckily for her, Shelly totally failed to get beyond guessing just one ingredient. As for Shelly, she made a ridiculously easy drink too: beets, jalapeno, and pickles. That’s right: she chose one ingredient with a highly distinct color, one ingredient with a highly distinct spice sensation, and one ingredient with a highly distinct acidic flavor. Even Porsche, who had claimed to not know what an onion tastes like, was able to pinpoint the ingredients.

As for the rest of the cast, there aren’t too many updates. Adam finally shed his elf costume in a striptease that was met with polite but bored laughter (much as all his jokes are received), Lawon said some nonsense about being a shotman or whatever (I still don’t know if he’s most offensive to gay or black populations), and Daniele called Rachel an idiot, which was certainly welcomed.

I’m curious to see how this madcap week progresses…

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“You get an HOH key! And you get an HOH key! And YOU get an HOH key!”

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“I haven’t been this sad since I was turned down for a job at Applebees. Last year.”

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“Why did Brendon have to leave? And why did Kalia have to win? AND WHY ARE THERE NO GODDAMN BUSHES FOR ME TO CRY IN??”

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“I’M NOT READY FOR DOUBLE TROUBLE.”

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“Oh my gosh. It’s a picture of me with my good friend Mr. John TravOLLLLLLLLTTAAAAAA!!!”

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Rachel: “Yeah, you cry Kalia. You CRY HARD.”
Porsche: “I like paper.”

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“I just want to say that I really respect you so much as a competitor now. Like SO much. Have I convinced you that I’m your friend yet?”

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“Hey, Kalia. Tell me about discrimination, BRO.”

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“Shhh… I’m gonna sneak up on Kalia, BRO.”

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“NAPPERS GRAB A HAMMOCK!”

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“Oh my gosh. I want one of you to make me a cosmo. I am SUCH a Carrie!”

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“Whoa, did Sam Malone make this or somethin’?”

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“HOOOO-WEEEE! This cocktail is CAH-RAY-ZEEEE!!!!”

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“HOOOOO-WEEEEE!!! That cocktail continues to be CAH-RAY-ZEEEEE!!!!”

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“SHOTMAN SAY GOBLELTYA WOOPIE GOOBIE BEEEBEEE WOOOTTTY BANG BANG!!!!”

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“Whatchu mean there’s no tuna in that shake? HOOOOOO-WEEEE!!! This outcome is CAH-RAY-ZEEE!!!!”

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“Let’s drink this shit, BRO.”

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“Let me just clear this glass away. And for the record, I’m doing this because I admire cleanliness, not because I’m trained as a rather luxurious VIP Waitress, WHICH I’M NOT.”

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“Wow. I don’t know what was in that drink. All I know is that it’s white, and white makes me think of snow. And snow makes me think of Christmas. And Christmas makes me think of Jesus and the manger, and that’s like what animals eat out of, and that makes me think of horses and stuff, and… oh gosh. There’s horseradish in here, isn’t there?”

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“Oh, and also, it tastes like horseradish.”

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“I can’t believe I didn’t get sauerkraut. I mean, when I drank that shot, I felt like throwing up, and that reminded me of when I got real dizzy one time playing Ring around the Rosie, and that made me think of roses, and every rose has a thorn, and that makes me think of Poison. And, like, poison is real bad for you. And so is old food. And, like, when milk gets old, it becomes sour. So, like, DUH, of course sauerkraut was in there!!!”

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A rare glimpse of Rachel in the morning.

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“I want to work with you, Kalia. BROS ’til the end.”

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Jeff: “Way to sell me out, Larry Appleton!”

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“Hey Daniele, mind if I sit closer to you?”
“Really?”
“RIVALS GRAB YOUR OWN PRIVATE BENCH!”

What did you think about the episode? Happy with the nominations?

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19 thoughts on “BIG BROTHER PHOTOCAP: The House Is Shaken, Not Stirred

  1. I hope Rachel continues to follow Dani around, I love seeing a pissed off Danielle.
    Kalia was way too emotional at the HOH reveal. Carrie wouldn’t act that way.
    I love the Jordan photocaps so much.
    Jeff was right in thinking that this isn’t a week were you want to be HOH.

    • Me too–I love annoyed Danielle. You can hear her thinking, “Production, can she be this close to me??? It’s Soooooooo haaaaarrrrd with her next to me.”

  2. Daniele is so proud of Kalia – her little protégé and Satan is proud of Daniele – his little protégé.

    hb

  3. Hilarious! :) Love your Jordan caps! I would have thought after the Amazing Race she would never forget sauerkraut…didn’t she and Jeff have to scoff a bunch down for a clue at one point?

  4. I don’t think your gonna be very happy, very soon =) And Kalia looks way more like a heavy Janet Jackson than Oprah.

    Long live Jeff & Jordo! =)

    RobinPickles

  5. Kalia is a big floater! She doesn’t know how to play the game, and is a real idiot! The fact that she put Jeff up against Rachel on the block is really stupid, especially since one evicted house guest gets to return this week.

    If Rachel goes, I hope Brendan is the one America chooses to play to get back in, then he will just let her win, and screw the rest of them. If Jeff goes, he will most likely come back, and get Kalia, who thinks Danielle is her friend, what an idiot!

  6. I usually agree with you, but this time we’re going to have to agree to disagree. I hate seeing Danielle get her way. So much more fun when things even slightly don’t go her way and she turns into the biggest, crybaby brat the world has ever seen. Kalia is weird. Sorry, Kalia. Just sayin’. No one else really worth cheering for, so I’ll have to stick with Jeff and Jordan.

  7. In Jeff’s defense, he isn’t knocking Kalia’s weight. There is an ongoing joke in the house where they all call each other “Big ____.” I don’t know how it started. They’ve aired Jeff referring to himself as “Big Jeff.” He seems to be getting more mileage out of the joke than the others, but it’s not a slur on Kalia.

    Kalia is a dumbass for nominating two strong players, knowing that one is likely coming back into the game. The smart strategic move for her would be to eliminate someone who wasn’t a threat to come back, or who wasn’t a threat to win HOH if they did come back. Instead, she’s gone after Rachel, who wins everything.

    Now that Rachel has stopped crying and Brendon is gone, she’s tolerable, and I’m enjoying her persecution of Dani.

    • BIg Jeff and Big Brendon started the whole “Big” gag.
      Jeff has also called Shelly, Adam and Daniele Big at some point.

      hb

  8. Maybe I’m the only one on the planet who hates Jeff and Jurdan, but Sunday was super-delicious watching their fake-ass “We’re good people” masks drop. Jurdan accusing others of floating? Has there ever been a more useless BB winner who floated on the coattails of a dude who’s kind of the Tim Tebow (minus the thank-Jesus moments) of BB? I can’t tell you how fun it was watching both of them get all diva on Kalia–without the safety net of being protected and in charge. The floaters are “nothing,” Jurdan? Uh, why don’t you go study the big-hand, little-hand thing on the clock a bit more and get back to us about understanding and respecting player strategy–even floating. And Jeff–wow, how the dude likes to use the threatening-male posture against females he can’t control. How many more “I will win POV, and I will come back and bury you” moments do we get from this a-hole? Also, I love it that he thought it was “weird” that Kalia was crying about seeing photos of her family. This dude has some serious venom that regurgitates to the surface occasionally.

    If I were Kalia–especially after that tag-team outburst–and the bounce is right on POV, I’d dream large: I’d pull Rachel off the block (or hope she pulls herself off) and put Jurdan up. That way, one-half of the America-Darlings Dream Team is sent packing. It would not only be a nice slice of humble pie, but with the risky path Kalia has chosen, kicking one of them to the curb would weaken the veterans even more than a Rachel-dump would. Oh, and I’d let all the newbies know about J&J’s feelings and respect for them.

    And you Danielle-haters: suck it this week. It’s a game, and she and Kalia are playing. Sorry your dream of a frictionless path to the finals for Jeff and Jurdan has experienced a little bump this week.

    • Chow, everyone in the house, who honestly know each other better than any of us just watching, everyone has said how nice and sweet Jordan is. Your comments about her are pretty off. And it’s Jordan, not Jurdan.

  9. The screen shots of Lawon are absolutely hilarious! Nothing he has said yet makes any sense at all…possibly the most annoying HG in BB history, IMO.

    • Sally you haven’t been watching many seasons of BB have you? Lawon does not even make the top 25 most annoying HG’s of all time list.

      • I’ve watched all but 2! You are correct–BB has given us many, many annoying characters. I just cannot understand for the life of me how Lawon got cast. He does nothing, and I don’t understand a word he says! :)

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