Everyone knows I love me some Real Housewives of New York City, and I love me some reunion too. But this madness has reached a new low. I thought last week’s ninety-minute bitchfest represented a new low for the franchise, but it was nothing compared to last night’s parade of squabbling, which managed to make every single woman on screen look more idiotic than ever before. I’d be embarrassed to be related to, work for, or associated with any of them… but of course, I’d be thrilled if I ran any one of them on the street. What can I say? It’s all very love / hate.
There was something horrific in watching the women go at it last night. I think it was the rampant lack of self-awareness. It all played out like the worst schoolyard fight of all time, and while I understand that many of them had things they wanted to get off their chest, surely they could have found more productive ways to do so — like… maybe using indoor voices?
The whole thing was just more of the same. Alex was bonkers with rage once again, but I gotta admit, the brunettes were so obnoxious with their snide comments and upfront mockery of the blondes, that I felt some sort of empathy for the blondes. Sonja wisely stayed out of the fray for the most part this week, but Ramona more than made up for it with her usual combination of staunch self-defense and vicious attacks. One that outed Jill as a former AA attendee (allegedly) was particularly below-the-belt.
Amusingly, with all the harsh words being sent back and forth, when the scrutiny finally landed on LuAnn, she brushed off all her condescending and obnoxious comments by saying she was just having a little bit of fun. For someone who seems ready to take umbrage at the slightest offense (ie. a pregnancy test on a boat), she seems pretty quick to take on the role of casual jokester. Even more curious was LuAnn’s refusal to admit that she makes little digs at people. Perhaps that’s because she seems to think digs are only digs when they’re said behind one’s back. Who knows? Nevertheless, props to LuAnn for her passive-aggressive praise for Bethenny, to whom she referred as finally catching up to the rest of the gang money-wise. Not to burst LuAnn’s bubble, but methinks Bethenny has caught up, run circles around, and left all the gals in the dust.
Anyhoo… this second ninety-minute reunion special gave me a headache, and I can barely even remember anything that happened during it. At attempt at a photocap after the jump…
Sonja: “I’m very sad. I just saw a video on the internet of a duck riding a ferris wheel, and it really touched me.”
Sonja: “[sniff sniff] I dropped a seven million dollar check from my ex-husband down the toilet.”
LuAnn: “Try not to stare, but Alex sort of looks like an angry carrot right now.”
Alex: “I see you staring, Jill. And I’m not an angry carrot.”
“Oh, I was just having some fun with you, Alex! Lighten up. Just having fun!”
“Well, if I’m a carrot, then you’re a turnip.”
LuAnn: “IT’S NOT YOUR TURN TO SPEAK, ALEX. AND IF YOU’RE GOING TO HURL INSULTS LIKE THAT, I WOULD HOPE THAT YOU’D NEVER SPEAK AT ALL.”
“But you just called me a carrot.”
“Oh, I was just having fun with you.”
“And I was having fun with you!”
LuAnn: “Oh please, Alex. You’re just rude.”
“Everyone stop ganging up on Alex! The more we bash her, the longer it’ll take to get to the bar afterwards.”
Kelly: “I’d like to say that I’m a nice person. I’m, like, REALLY nice. And in that spirit, you all should know that Alex is a bad actress.”
“Don’t you love that Kelly? Just having some fun!”
Alex: “KELLY IS OFFENSIVE! YOU’RE ALL OFFENSIVE!”
Jill: “I’m not offensive. I’m very nice. Everything I say comes from a good place, and sometimes things come out wrawwng.”
“That’s what I always say!”
LuAnn: “Don’t listen to her. She’s wasted.”
Andy: “LuAnn, do you give digs?”
LuAnn: “I do no such thing. I say what I feel exactly to someone’s face.”
“Yeah, but you can still give a dig to someone to their face.”
LuAnn: “Andy, I do no such thing, and if Ramona thinks I give little digs, that’s probably just a byproduct of her latent alcoholism.”
“You just gave a dig!”
“Who me? I was just having some fun!”
“Well, I think Jill’s an alcoholic also.”
LuAnn: “Ramona, have you no dignity? You have crossed the line. No class.”
“Don’t say that word.”
Jill: “I… I can’t deal.”
Cindy: “I would like to say something about Ramona and her alcoholism. When I had my party in Quogue–“
Sonja: “UGH. QUOGUE. DON’T REMIND ME.”
Cindy: “Can I get a word in here?”
Jill: “Anyway, I just want to say that Alex is garbage.”
LuAnn: “Herman Munster shoes. Great line by me.”
Kelly: “Um, I came up with the Herman Munster shoe line. Because I’m so nice.”
Alex: “I HATE YOU ALL!”
“WE HATE YOU!”
Wait… what? When did this happen?
Alex does an impersonation of America after three hours of this mess.
What did you think about the second part of the reunion? Did anyone else notice how quickly Andy Cohen wrapped it up, forgoing the usual champagne toast at the end?