REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Finding Love Isn’t Kim-possible

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I’m baaaack! Sorry everyone that I disappeared for a week. Two non-blogging projects wound up in my lap, and long story short, I really had no time for blogging (let alone several other vital aspects of my life like working out, three meals a deal, and on occasion hygiene). Luckily, my personal bottleneck of activity has passed, which means I can get back to doing what I do best: writing withering comments about people I don’t know. MEOW. Wait, did I just meow myself? Clearly I’m a little rusty.

Anyway, let’s hop in the time machine and go back seven days to the most recent Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which presented us with the creepy season debut of Russell Armstrong as well as the extravagant engagement party for Pandora held by gazillionaire Mohamed. It was all sort of crazy and over-the-top and… okay, let’s skip this all and get to the real buzzworthy part of the episode.

WHO IS HE?

I’m talking, of course, about Kim’s secret boyfriend Ken, who made a glamourous splash late in the episode. I don’t really like to rail on people’s physical qualities (especially those that can’t be changed), and I think it would be disingenuous of me to mock Ken based purely on his appearance when I’ve taken Kyle Richards to task for being similarly judgmental of people like Brandi… but… let’s just say that Ken is… well… his face has a lot of character. And by character, I’m specifically referencing the likes of Gargamel. Or perhaps an Angry Bird. Or maybe even some bastard love child spawned by Gargamel AND an Angry Bird. The point is that I’m sure Ken is a lovely guy, but when it comes to looks, I think we’ll just keep our eyes trained on Mauricio.

Speaking of Mauricio, he clearly gets a large chunk of his good looks from his mother, who not only is beautiful but seems to be aging quite gracefully. I remember being rather disgusted by Adrienne’s husband Paul when he recommended she get a little nip and tuck last season — why would he meddle with a woman who has a wonderfully natural beauty?

Well, unfortunately his words must have crept into Estella’s head because she now felt the allure of plastic surgery. Yes, Estella decided to get a face lift, which meant she could no longer be a beacon of sanity amongst all these youth-obsessed ladies. Thank goodness for Kyle, who expressed a certain level of disdain for this choice. At the end of the day, this is why we still like Kyle. Even when she acts like a heinous monster at Game Night, she still has flashes of striking sanity that keeps her grounded and relatable (her offhand comment about shopping at Target a few episodes ago is another example).

Nevertheless, Estella went through with the procedure, and the good news is that a quick browse through the Estella facelift gallery on Bravo.com reveals that it actually turned out quite well. Still, the principle. THE PRINCIPLE.

Anyway, there was other stuff this episode, but I was pretty much drunk from Halloween when I saw it; so… let’s just move on to the pics…

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Taylor: “This is the first food I’ve eaten since Game Night when I had that crumb.”
Dana: “This cake is AWESOME. Like, whatever cake you like best, Taylor, I’m going to support you. That’s what we’re all about. Always have been.”
“What are you talking about?”
“What I’m talking about is taking this cake and just GOING somewhere. Let’s… let’s go to Hawaii. Remember when we were little girls we were always like, ‘Let’s go to Hawaii?’ Let’s just DO it. That’s what we’re about. Always have been.”
“I just met you.”
“You’re so funny. I love that about you. Between you, me, and the fork, there’s a lot of fun going on here.”
“The fork?”
“Yeah. It’s Fendi. Don’t you love it?”
“A Fendi fork?”
“$25,000.”
“Wow, that’s–“
“$25,000. Fendi. Awesome.”

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“Oh my gosh. You’re growing old gracefully. How HIDEOUS.”

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Paul: “Okay, so what we’re going to do here is turn you into Pikachu.”

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“Mauricio, please stop. I told you I didn’t want you to regurgitate into my mouth anymore.”

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“Hullo. I’d like to order a lorry’s worth of scones and Yorkshire puds. Also, be sure to include a bushel of clotted cream. You know, the good stuff from Crudgington Telford Shropshire. Cheers.”

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“Why has no one commented on my see-thru shirt?”

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“Oh look! Danielle Staub came too!”

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“I feel like I’m really connecting here. Some sort of cosmic thing is happening. This is like the Allison Du Bois of camels.”

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Camel: “Did I tell you about this time some bitch named LuAnn tried to ride me in Morocco? I threw her nasty slut face off my back so quick, girl. Real talk.”

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“Holy crap. It’s Brandi. Oh wait. It’s just a camel. HAHAHAHAHA. Did I just call Brandi a camel? NO. I would NEVER say that. You guys are all delusional.”

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Adrienne: “This necklace is BEAUTIFUL. Can we put a hair tassel on it?”

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“Anyone want to get nasty with a mermaid? I’ve got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty. I’ve got whozits and whatzits galore. You want thingamabobs? I’ve got twenty!!”

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Camille: “Kelsey never got ME a mermaid.”
Mohamed’s Fiance: “I like kaleidescopes.”

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“Lisa, I’m great. Really. Wonderful. Everything is fine. No problems here. I HATE YOUR GUTS. Everything’s great!!”

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“I like to call my husband ‘Daddy.'”
Kyle: “UGH. People who are not me are THE WORST.”

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Taylor: “I’m pleasantly shutting down emotionally.”

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Taylor: “Good point, Adrienne! Hahahhahaa I’M SO HUNGRY.”

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“I really can’t wait for people to meet you. You make me feel so calm, especially when the power goes out, and I can’t do my hair, and it’s just… I want to see those planes because you know how I LOVE those planes, but whenever I go to my fridge, it’s like a cactus, you know. Or a piranha. And you know what they say about tulips: don’t get them near the oven! Haha… I… I get nervous.”

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“Kissing in public? You’re making me feel like that SLUT PIG Brandi. SHE’S A GODDAMN BITCH. Hahaha I.. I get nervous…”

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“Oh dear. Kyle’s doing splits on the table again. But yes, it’s Brandi who’s the inappropriate one.”

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“I do wish Kim were here. I love that batty drunkard.”

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“I wonder where Kim is anyway? Hopefully she’s found some strapping man to sweep her off her feet.”

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“Prince Charming, at your service!”

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“Do you ever have the compulsion to just HURL yourself at structures, especially ones that have little green pigs in them?”

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“We’re angry.”

What did you think about this episode? Thoughts on Kim’s new man?

20 replies on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Finding Love Isn’t Kim-possible”

  1. I think the shock with Kim’s new man (more than how he looks) is just the way they hid it. I thought it was someone famous or recognizable. Umm, no.

  2. I still like Kyle, but I agree with you that she can be gosh-awful (game night as an example). However, the way she was carrying on at the party was ridiculous on so many levels and in so many ways. It was not her party. It was not a party for her. It was not a party for any of her relatives. She was a guest. If she was witnessing another person behaving this way she would ahve gone CRAZY on that person. And some of those positions? Well, I guess we saw how she keeps Mario’s interest. Her sister might not agree with me and might go with the “slut pig” comment again. Definatley not appropriate behavior for a guest at an engagement party in Bev Hills. It’s different when it was the paid performers doing these stunts.

    And Kim’s man? Um, well, I hope he is nice to her. I think she is a harmless kook and seems to have had a few different baby daddies and all that, but to me she seems so naive and innocent.

  3. At first I was disturned that Estella would have a photo album of her surgery but, she does look amazing! Say what you will but, Paul did a great job!

    Also, I loved Failor’s necklace at the party.

    Best screen cap goes to: Kyle: “UGH. People who are not me are THE WORST.”

    Not gonna lie, seeing Russel on TV took me about 3 days to recover from. I hope that Bravo doesn’t do that to us too many more times.

  4. I love that screencap of Kyle and Mrs. Daddy! That is pretty much Kyle’s permanent expression.

  5. What’s wrong with Kim’s Ken’s chin? What are those bumps? He absolutely looked like a mug shot, other John!

  6. I died laughing over that Luann comment from the camel! That was such a hilarious scene from that season!

  7. LMAO!!! “We’re angry.”

    LMAO @ “Camel: “Did I tell you about this time some bitch named LuAnn tried to ride me in Morocco? I threw her nasty slut face off my back so quick, girl. Real talk.””

    Those were pretty funny. Kim’s new guy is gross! Rumor is it that he’s her pusher!

  8. And there WAS a striking resemblance between Danielle Staub and the camel. Very astute (AND OH SO FUNNY) of you to make the association AND the monologue about LuAnn that followed.

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