I didn’t really know what to write about this afternoon; so I thought I’d maybe whine for a little bit since I seem to do that well, and it’s been a while since I’d bitched about anything in particular. Back in the early days of this blog when I was under a non-compete with TVgasm, I wasn’t allowed to write about TV; so I spent a good amount of blog real estate telling tales of gross people at the gym or embarrassing gaffes whilst attempting to exit a parking garage.
I don’t really have any good stories on that front, but I did realize at some point this afternoon that I have a few things that have been annoying me today, and why not air them out in public? It is the blogger way, after all.1. Baby Updates On Facebook
This is sort of like a perennial issue for me. It’s almost silly to complain about it. Baby updates are just part of the Facebook fabric at this point, and I’ve grown largely numb to the various declarations of “12 weeks!” and “40 weeks!” and “40 and a half weeks!” that litter my feed. I appreciate the sheer joy that must come from being a parent, and so in my head I know I really can’t fault the enthusiastic shutterbugs who want to share a slice of their life with all of us.
That being said, these baby updates are out of control. A cute pic is one thing, but a pic just for the sake of posting a pic? Enough. I understand that we’ll never be able to fully eradicate baby updates — it’s like asking for rain to disappear forever. However, in my life I’ve moved to a generally rain-free region (full disclosure: it looks like it’s going to rain today), and so I have a perhaps unfounded belief that if I can minimize the precipitation in my life, I can somehow reduce the sheer amount of baby clutter in my Facebook feed.
*I’d also like to take this moment to applaud those good parents who keep it tasteful and only post baby stuff when it has a broader appeal than for just themselves.
2. Adam Levine
Why does Adam Levine annoy me so much? He just seems like a cocky bastard, that’s why. Admittedly, I base that on very little. So Adam, if you’re reading this, I am fully aware that I’m just being cranky. You are, however, the target of my wrath today, and I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way about you. So… just think about it.
3. Jason Sudeikis’s Growly Loud Voice
A lot of people love Jason Sudeikis. I don’t really get it. He’s perfectly fine as a straightman on SNL, but when he tries to be the funny one, he almost always fails in my book. Why? Because he inevitably resorts to his loud, growly voice, which is about as annoying as, well, any voice that Kenan Thompson does. No, it’s worse. He seems to equate volume with hilarity, and I can assure you that’s not a correlation that always works. I’m ready for him (and Kenan) to make their graceful exits off the show.
4. My Cold
WTF I have another cold. I just got one in September, and it left me with a residual cough that was finally all but gone. Just when I’m ready to put my life back together (it had been shattered, SHATTERED by the cold), in comes another one. Is that allowed? Don’t germs know there is like a four month minimum grace period that we should be afforded from cold to cold? And as for you, immune system. Don’t think you’re off the hook. Did you learn NOTHING from the last cold? I thought you’d be able to fend off all other colds for the season. Not fair. Not fair at all.
5. Episode Two of Revenge is only on Hulu Plus
I finally decided to check out Revenge this week while lying in bed with my aforementioned cold. I found the pilot episode on ABC.com, and I enjoyed it. Did it blow me away? No. Was I instantly addicted? No. But was I ready to take on episode 2? Most certainly. One problem: it’s only available at a premium. All the other episodes are free, but episode 2? NOPE. How the HELL am I supposed to get addicted? I guess I could buy the show off of iTunes, but then I’m stuck with an episode of a show I’m not even sure I like. The other option is to just download it illegally off of BitTorrent, but that will take a while, and HEAVENS, I would never do anything illegal. Then there is the third option: drop this wild goose chase and play around on Facebook. Oh, but those baby updates! UGH. You have ruined my wallowing, ABC!
6. Someone has got to change the Barefoot Contessa background music.
I meant to include this in my recent list of things that must change on Barefoot Contessa, but I forgot. Nevertheless, I still feel the need to harp on this issue. You see, among the other problems with BC these days (pretend I didn’t just call it BC) is that the producers have found some new public domain background music. Great. The only catch is that it’s the sort of background music that other shows play when they don’t want to pay for premium licensed content. You know what I’m talking about: let’s say a reality show wishes to play some sad song by Adele. Well, rather than pay for said sad Adele song, they might just use a bit of public domain music that sounds very similar to but is legally NOT a sad Adele song. I don’t know why I’m using Adele as an example, but that’s just how it is today.
Nevertheless, the producers on Barefoot Contessa have unwittingly begun using two rip-off tracks. One is a pseudo Florence and the Machine ditty that sounds just like “Dog Days Are Over.” It’s a little distracting but not a problem unto itself. The second track, however, is a bit concerning. Yes, the producers have recently taken a liking to playing a fake version of “Fuck You” by Cee Lo Green, which at once is pretty hilarious but also highly distracting. I mean, maybe it’s me, but I have a hard time focusing on a cheerful, smiling Ina Garten making a feta salad while “FUCK YOU” lingers in the background. Seems counter-intuitive.
7. Top Chef should just be Top Chef on the DVR
It’s rare that I would say this, but Bravo needs to take a page from MTV. Once or twice a year, the Real World/Road Rules Challenge returns to the airwaves, usually under a different name like The Duel or The Inferno or The STD Swap, but every season, MTV classifies the show as merely The Real World/Road Rules Challenge, which ensures that my DVR catches it every time.
Bravo, however, has gotten cute with Top Chef, listing it as Top Chef: Texas this season. Prior to that, it was Top Chef: All Stars and Top Chef: DC and Top Chef: Las Vegas. It’s understandable given that those were the names of all the respective seasons. However, I’ve had to manually set my DVR each time. That means I have to go in, find the show, sign up for a season pass, and then go to my program manager, re-sort it to place the new Top Chef where the old one was, then erase the old one, and then keep my fingers crossed that everything works out alright. Never mind that this usually happens directly after the season premiere every season, which I have undoubtedly missed because I’ve forgotten that just because I DVR Top Chef in general doesn’t mean that my DVR is set to record the NEW Top Chef. Jackhole of the week? Whoever is behind this cruel game.
Consider this rant over. What’s annoying you today?