REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Late to the Luau

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The Hawaiian holiday continued last night on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and while it was hardly the second coming of Scary Island, the vacation definitely saw its fair share of drama between the Richards’ sisters. The issue at hand was Kim’s chronic tardiness, something that has plagued her all season but seemed especially gauche on this weekend getaway. First Kim missed her flight from LA to Hawaii. Then she missed her island jumper connection. And then she was too late for a catamaran adventure. Sure it could all be chalked up to general, meth-y confusion, but I don’t particularly blame Kyle for feeling like it was all Kim’s passive aggressive way of showing that she didn’t want to hang out with the group. It’s no wonder then that Mauricio & co. were particularly cranky with Kim at every meal, especially when Kim made some bogus excuses about why they had been late.

You see, Kim told Mauricio that the reason they missed the first flight was because Ken had to work. Lying, however, is not Kim’s strong suit. She forgot that a) Ken is retired and b) the excuse she gave Kyle on the phone the day before was entirely different. When Mauricio cornered her on those points, Kim just swallowed hard and stood by the company line, much to Kyle’s chagrin.

The next day, after Ken and Kim literally missed the boat for the afternoon adventure, Lisa crowed that this would finally teach Kim a lesson, but nope, no lessons learned. Instead, Kim and Ken enjoyed a relaxing afternoon on their deck, which only served to validate their actions. Kyle was understandably annoyed when Kim then spent that evening cooing about how this was all proof that “Everything happens for a reason!” I think it was actually proof that “You snooze, you lose.” But if Kim didn’t feel like she lost out, then the message was lost.

And so Kyle unloaded on her sister at dinner (perhaps not the best place to do it), which led to tears and vile accusations (specifically, Kim accusing her sister of speaking on her cell phone without a hands-free device in the car. HORRORS). In the end, Kim and Ken left dinner early, and I’d normally say the evening was ruined, but we all know these ladies loved the drama.

As for Ken, he has done little to improve his Shrek-image. Not only did he totally enable Kim’s behavior, but he was outwardly hostile for no reason at times — specifically when he snapped at Paul, Kim, and Adrienne for literally no good reason. Methinks this shlurrry couple might not be all there in the sobriety department…

Here’s the photocap…

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“Let’s see… I think hear a talking lawn sprinkler and a wildebeest in heat. Must be Kim and Ken.”

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“You ever notice how girl ducks are prettier than boy ducks? Hahaha it’s like, everything happens for a reason, and I’m so relaxed right now, and I just want to–“
Ken: “My eye hurts.”
“–sit here and relax and think about ducks and the planes at the airport, which I LOVE, and… zzz…”

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“Kim, why were you so late, and why is your boyfriend not as handsome as me?”

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Ken: “Hey, buster, I’m very handsome. It just so happens that my eye is a little irritated, and–“
Kim: “Listen here, MAURICE. We were late because Ken had to work. End of story.”

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“I thought Ken was retired.”

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Kim: “He is.”

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“So why was he working?”

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“Because it’s that thing when you work one day a week.”

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“And so even though this has been planned for months, Ken suddenly had to work the day we were supposed to leave.”

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Kim: “I… I get nervous.”
Ken: “I think I have a scratched cornea. Does anyone want to look? No?”

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“Can we talk about Taylor for a second? Bitch is crazy, amiright? Up high, sister friends.”

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“PAUL, this is [nom nom] romantic.”
“Yes, it’s very [nom nom] romantic.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say VERY…”
“I would.”
“PAUL, stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop [nom nom] arguing with me.”
“I’m just saying this is [nom nom] romantic.”
“You know what? Never mind. [nom nom]”
“UGH GROSS.”
“What?”
“I think some of your collagen is leaking. Got a real acrid taste.”
“No, that’s just my anti-Paul kissing lip gloss. The flavor turns bad when I want to stop kissing.”

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“So anyway, back to you, Kim. Why were you late again?”

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“I’m not talking about this, MAURICE.”

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“You know that no one calls me Maurice, right? Like, literally no one.”

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“I… I don’t understand.”

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“You’ve been calling me Maurice.”

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“No, I haven’t, Maurice.”

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“You just did it. Literally. Like, 3 seconds ago.”

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“Let’s just have a good time. Everything happens for a reason, Maurice.”

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“Honestly, are you high?”

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“Maurice, you’re a GODDAMN BITCH.”

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“I take it that’s a yes.”

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“I… I get nervous.”

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“Why didn’t I get to go to Hawaii???”

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“WE COULD HAVE HAD SO MUCH FUN.”

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“Now what’ll I do with my new bathing suit?”

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“Oh? You bought a new–“

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“VALENTINO.”

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“[sniff sniff] I LOVE VALENTINO [sob sob].”

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“Yeah, he was just here doing a fitting for me.”

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“Valentino was here, and I missed him? [SOBBBBBB]”

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“No. Just the UPS guy. It was AWESOME.”

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“Dana, look at me. I’VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY [SOB SOB].”

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“Are we not talking about Valentino anymore?”

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“WHO NEEDS HAWAII WHEN WE HAVE BURBANK?”

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“Yeah?”

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“I’M SO HAPPY!!!!”

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“Taylor… I have a confession to make.”

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“[sniff sniff] You can tell me. Nothing can destroy this PURE HAPPINESS [SOBBBBBBB].”

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“I got this tan in Hawaii.”

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“Eeeeeeeeeeee[SOBBBB].”

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“I went to Maui thinking I’d find them all and be like ‘Oh hey girlfriends! I didn’t know you were here too! Let’s, like, hang! That’s what besties do!!!!’ But I never found them.”

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“WHERE WERE THEY?? [SOB SOB SOB]”

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“Maybe on another island? I… I don’t know. And to think I spent all that money flying over there for nothing except a really AWESOME tan.”

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“I’M SORRY YOU SPENT ALL THAT MON–“

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“$10,000. I spent $10,000.”

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“I LOVE MONEY. NNNNNGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAA[SOB SOBSOBBBBB].”

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Kim: “You know, we just had a wonderful day today. Everything happens for a… for a…”
Adrienne: “A reason?”
“Yes. A reason. And we got to relax and sit by the… the… the thing with the water?”
“The pool?”
“Yes, the pool. Well, we didn’t sit by it. We were like above it but below the lobby.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Well, everything happens for a reason, and I just feel so relaxed. I needed to relax. I’m so busy writing to my Disney fans. I love them so much. I’m always like ‘Stop writing to me!’ but they’re like ‘You’re an icon though!’ and I’m like ‘Hear that Paris?’ and then the lights go out, and I’m like I need to do my hair, but my passport is missing and… I… I get nervous.”

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Paul: “Oh hey, we were just talking about you!”
Ken: “I don’t like it.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t like it. I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t like the sound of it.”
“We were saying nice things.”
“Just ’cause my arms are disproportionately skinny to my torso doesn’t mean I can’t pack a punch.”
“Whoa, easy tiger. No one was saying anything mean.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Oh… you know, I have this thing in my eye. I think it might be a fingernail. Do you want to look at it?”
“No.”

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Adrienne: “So, Ken, tell us about you.”
“Well… where to begin? I guess I can start with my eye. I think I have something in it.”

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“So what’s your story Kim? Why do you keep showing up late and avoiding the group?”

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“You have no right to start with me. You drive and talk on your cell phone at the same time!”

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“That has nothing to do with anything, and for the record, at least I don’t take both my hands off the steering wheel while on the highway!”

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“I AM NOT HIGH, YOU SLUT PIG!”

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“I didn’t say you were high, KIM.”

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“I don’t think Maurice would like hearing you talk with that mouth. It’s not pretty.”

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“Mauricio with an ‘O’ is sitting right here. And it’s not like I cursed or anything, KIM.”

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“You’re talking to me in that way though.”

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“What way, Kim?”

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“Huh?”

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“Kim. Focus.”

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“On what?”

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“On the conversation.”

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“We shouldn’t be having a conversation without a hands-free headset.”

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“That’s only when you drive, KIM.”

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“I can’t drive.”

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“Why not, KIM?”

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“I lost my keys.”

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“Is there anything you don’t lose, Kim?”

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“Now you watch your mouth.”

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“Kim…”

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“YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH.”

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“I’m not saying anything, Kim.”

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“I may have lost my keys, but everything happens for a reason.”

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“Yeah. And the REASON you lost your keys is because you’re a mess.”

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“Kyle, I want you to listen up and listen up good, okay? I’m going to tell you something for the last time.”

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“Fine. What is it, Kim?”

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“I… I get nervous.”

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“Hey. HEY. Kyle, we don’t care what you think.”

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“That’s great, Ken.”

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“Also, I think I might have something in my eye. It’s a little bloody, and when I squint I feel a sharp–“

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“Ken, can we not?”

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Kim: “Okkay welll we’rezz goinggs to go sees an opthamala-whatever-agist for Ken. Have a gnice nngddinners.”

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“You’re slurring your words again, Kim.”

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“Gnnvreything happns for a raisin. I lovve raisinss.”

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“So, are we agreed? Meth?”

What did you think about the episode?

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17 thoughts on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Late to the Luau

  1. Can I start by saying I AM SO BAD AT MATH (swear) I haven’t been leaving as many comments because “I..I get confused” (no joke) please change this captcha to a word! I BEG OF YOU

    Secondly, Kim and Ken were TRASSSSHED. GOOD RECAP

  2. What is up with Ken, a little psychotic? Maybe he hooked up w/Kim to protect her??? IDK he is weird. Mauricio trying to get the truth out of Kim, was like Andy Cohen trying to get answers during a reunion, nada
    I really like Brandi, shes so funny and honest
    Lanai is beautiful, I want to go there

  3. Ken seriously creeps me out more than seeing Russell. The guy is just about two seconds away from going off on someone. I would bet he does drugs with her…..

  4. Ken exfoliate and moisterize….ashy is not a good look, you need all the help you can get.

    Come on B-Side didn’t you think Kyle was a bit of an asshole for confronting Kim at the dinner table? Just because Kim is a mess doesn’t mean you have to humiliate her.

  5. As always you bring the laughs!
    RHBH has so much material to work with so maybe you should consider doing another one for this episode? That creepy lunch, the balcony scene, the katamaran….please?!

  6. Kim couldn’t even keep her eyes open at times. It was pretty sad. Plus that Ken guy puts out some seriously bad vibes. I know Kyle feels a motherly protection for Kim, but when it comes to addicts, you just need to cut your losses. She should see a counselor or join a support group.

  7. I get that Kim was wrong in not showing remorse for continually being late. What I don’t get is why the others made such a big deal out of it. It’s not like they had any reason to expect her to be on time. Even when she does show up at events her behavior is usually just sad and bizarre. Did they really expect her to suddenly behave appropriately and apologize? Or even have the ability to realize that she did something wrong that necessitated an apology? Wow. They are really giving her too much credit. She is broken and until she gets fixed it’s a lost cause. They should just have a good time and ignore her tardiness or absence. Now that would get her attention!

  8. I loved Lisa saying that she tried very hard to hate Brandi (since she was connected to the “c” word .. Cedric) but she just can’t.
    I loved that Brandi said she thinks Auds & Paul are freaky when it comes to sex.
    I loved Kyle & Lisa climbing over the balcony to get to Kim & The Beast and then Lisa’s ass got stuck.
    I loved Kim telling us that The Beast was shaking when Maurice was grilling him about the lies they were spewing.
    I loved not seeing Taylor.!!

    hb

  9. So glad to NOT see much of Taylor. I wish they would just kick her off.

    I knew Kim was a wreck, but she has really gone down hill since she met Ken. My co-workers and I think Ken is her drug dealer. He’s really awful and she is completely stoned. Who needs a wake up call in Hawaii? You are up at the crack of dawn because of the time difference.

  10. I LOVE, LOVE the way this was done on KIM.+.TAYLOR it was the FUNNIEST POST that I ever read, “It was so good because it was pin poited EXACTLY WHAT KIM R. WOULD SAID to a T. KIM has no Idea what’s going on in that mess up HEAD of hers. That Ken what the HELL is it? LoL I THINK KEN LOOKS JUST LIKE” SHREK “!!! “RIGHT! THEN WE HAVE TAYLOR????? WHATEVER! (:

  11. Awesome recap! Knowing someone who used to take a whole lot of painkillers, I must say Kim is looking that way. Those eyes, that speech. It all looks like the painkiller lover in my life. Aside from that, Kyle is awful. She is such a drama queen. Lisa kept telling her to let it go for now and just enjoy Hawaii but Kyle was like No, I need to keep crying and making a scene and make sure everyone else has a really awkward night! I loved Kyle so much last season but this year, I just can’t do it. She’s awful.

  12. Ken needs to lay off the drugs. That ashy druggie look is a ‘tell’ that he’s enabling Kim by doing some type of drugs with her. A LOT of drugs.

    Kim is really a piece of work. She reminds me of this loser boyfriend that I used to have that would make any type of excuse for whatever situation he created. (If he wasted his paycheck and needed money, it was everyone else’s fault. If everyone waited an hour for him for some limo event, it was my fault for letting him oversleep, etc.)

    Adrian and Paul, just eww, have they even met other than at dinners all over the world?

    Kyle should have just dropped the whole ‘badgering’ thing. She really takes ‘beating a dead horse’ to a whole new level.

    Mauricio – yum.

    Brandi is hilarious, a bit low class, but hilarious.

  13. One thing that really bugged me about Kim this episode (besides the usual weird mouth things that she does), is, somehow, she made this trip all about HER.

    Everyone was waiting for HER.
    She missed the boat and had an AMAZING lunch.
    Every time she talked, there was barely anything having to do with Mauricio, whom, she couldn’t even pronounce his name correctly.

    She’s kind of a douchebag.

  14. Seeing those Richard’s sister photos back to back over and over – I was riveted by their matching coral dresses and their mismatched boobage. Kyle may have been more blessed in the boob department but they both need more support. Having those straps hang down to their waists is completely unflattering.

  15. Okay Kim and Ken, while amusing at first, kind of make me sad now. Even in Kim’s sidebar interview she couldn’t get the details right about whatever alarm they missed. Not that it’s a court of law or anything but it just shows how scrambled things are for her. It’s as painful to watch now as scenes with Russell.

    I do think Kyle was tacky as hell for bringing up the drama at dinner- unless it was a ruse for on camera drama. Otherwise I see no reason for a ‘caring’ family member to drag something out that way and ruin such lovely dining!

    Brandi is more amusing and more likable but still completely classless to me. I know “that’s just her” and she “has no filter” but put her on RHWOC not BH, seems like a much better fit with Tamara and Gretchen and their bottomfeeding wannabe SATC convos.

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