REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Wake Me Up When The Finale Is Over

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I have a theory that last week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was intended to be the season finale, but thanks to Russell hanging himself, the producers needed to cap the season off on an optimistic note that somehow addressed the terrible tragedy. Enter last night’s snoozefest of a finale, which focused entirely too much on Pandora’s beautiful but dull wedding. It’s not that the wedding itself was dull — I’m sure it was a blast (my oversized $125 invitation must have gotten lost in the mail [shaking fist]). It’s just that as an episode, this was a bit lackluster. I never really love wedding installments of The Real Housewives because let’s face it: we tune in for fighting and marital discord, not bliss and commitment. If not even a looming dinosaur skeleton could make a wedding on Atlanta interesting, why would we ever care for a civilised affair on the VanderPump-Todd tennis courts?

Of course, I also speak from the male perspective. While I watched the episode, next to me my friend Dessert Darling sat, eyes quietly misting over with memories of her own recent nuptials. Girls love dey weddings.

The downside to an hour devoted to PANDY’s wedding is that there’s very little for me to make fun of in this season finale photocap. I mean, I could rag on the flowers (“Hey Rose, why you so thorny???”), but that’s just not my style. Pretty much the only source of snark was the random cameo by LaToya Jackson, who popped up in a peppy dance segment for no apparent reason (except, of course, that she was clearly a guest — still figuring out that link).

Aside from the wedding, the episode did have a few vignettes to keep things upbeat. The episode began with a lively adventure for Paul as he underwent a colonoscopy on camera. Fun! I’m sure it was the poor guy’s dream to be presented on national TV splayed out like a dead walrus while a doctor shoves cameras up his ass. To add insult to injury, we then enjoyed a lengthy scene of him farting out excess air that had been pumped up his derriere during the process. I have no doubt that there was a certain level of gustiness around Paul’s nether regions, but I suspect Bravo amped up the sound effects.

Another vignette came from the Richards / Umansky household where we were meant to believe that Mauricio — realtor to the stars — had no black tie appropriate outfits. That’s right: he didn’t have a tux. This seemed rather shocking and perhaps entirely false — a silly argument for the cameras. Would this be the high point of the episode?

Regrettably, yes. Sure, we had a super cute bark from Giggy, and Pikachu and Lollipop got about two seconds to shine before they were shoved back into the doggy corner, but really, this was dullsville. We didn’t even have Brandi, Dana, or Kim around to keep things bitchy and boozy. At the very least, allow us a dose of tragic repression in the form of Taylor! Oddly enough though, Tay-Tay was absent from Pandora’s wedding, despite the fact that she and Lisa were presumably friends now. Still can’t figure that out.

Taylor did surface at the end of the episode when the women all gathered at Kyle’s house for a little season-ending capper. It was her first time shooting with the girls since Russell had died, and she did look noticeably defeated. Well, Taylor always looks defeated, but this time she was particularly muted, with good reason. Kim, sadly, was nowhere to be seen, and it appears as though we may not get a glimpse of her until next year as she’ll be skipping out on the reunion entirely. I do hope she cleans herself up in rehab, but please leave some of that battiness for us to enjoy…

Here are the scant few noteworthy images from the finale:

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Paul: “Hey, here’s my impersonation of Kim’s boyfriend.”
[brrrrrrrrrrr]
Adrienne: “It’s funny because it’s true.”

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[brrrrrrrrffpphhhh]
Adrienne: “That was a good one, Paul.”
“That was you, Adrienne, and we all know it.”

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“Kevin, everyone knows you’re wearing a hairpiece. GIVE IT UP ALREADY.”

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“Oh, Pandy. I’ve been dreaming for this moment. Do you mind that I’ve invited LaToya Jackson?”
“What?”
“Kisses!”

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“Oh, darling, I do.”
“Huh?”
“Yes, I will be your wife.”
“But I’m marrying your daughter.”
“Last time I checked, she wasn’t wearing a tiara. Now give us a kiss, luv.”
“Okay… I guess?”

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“Pandora, have you ever noticed how big this vase on my left is? It’s bloody HUGE!”

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“Darling, are you sure you don’t want to run off with Martin? It’s not too late!”

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“I would like to thank you all for coming to this wedding. And if anyone sees Taylor Armstrong, try not to mention it. Just tell her I was having a few people over for tea.”

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“Cheers to us! Next time, Taylor, please remember to put on some pants.”

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Lisa: “Would you look at these pictures?”
Taylor: “So THAT’S what happiness is…”

What did you think about the season finale?

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25 thoughts on “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: Wake Me Up When The Finale Is Over

  1. The scene with Paul all messed up from anesthesia reminded me of the way Kim acts all the time…..when he would conduct his farting like a man leading an orchestra…I.Died.Totally.

    I think the best thing about the whole wedding was Giggi’s tuxedo.
    WTF was Janet Jackson there for?

    The whole fake get together at Kyle’s made for the cameras was really awful…almost as awful as Taylor and her whole press tour about Russell’s death….she makes me sick.

    “Darling, are you sure you don’t want to run off with Martin? It’s not too late!” LMAO!!!

  2. I’m curious as to why Paul needed an enema right before the procedure. Didn’t he do the prep, which takes a full day??? And thanks to Adrian for being so supportive when he wanted help with it (even though I understand that it’s not pleasant) It’s what spouses do for each other!

    I thought the wedding was really pretty, except for Lisa’s dress. The decor was what most girls dream of.

    Did anyone watch WWHL after the show? Lisa saying that she and LaToya have been friends for a few years baffled me. I’m trying to figure out how that relationship benefits Lisa. Seeing LaToya at SUR wouldn’t make me rush back…

    • I love my husband…but…(no pun intended)……I am not helping him with that and I would never dream of asking him to do that for me.

      Some mystery please….it’s not like the guy was on his deathbed.

      And I agree….why did that happen anyway? They make you drink that stuff that is so awful I would think that would be enough.

  3. Inasmuch as the first scene in which we see Taylor and Kennedy was a mere two weeks (give or take) following Russell’s suicide, (remember, the title card said it was “three weeks” after Pandora’s wedding which was held August 27; Russell having committed suicide August 15), I found it appalling that Taylor was dragging Kennedy out into public gatherings let alone before the cameras.

    Someone let Taylor know her perfunctory, “Go play with Portia,” did not vindicate her for having brought the child there in the first place.

    Kennedy was clinging so hard to Taylor’s neck as Taylor came through Kyle’s front door, I thought Taylor had carried the child asleep in from the car. As for that, Kennedy is five years old. I have a granddaughter that age who, along with her three-year old sister, walk from the car into the premises of every place they go.
    So Kennedy’s clinging was another clear indication the child clearly would rather have been at home or at least not out for more public scrutiny. One wonders. Is Taylor oblivious to just what her child is absorbing just from the vibe of the people around her no matter how careful they are in what they talk about in front of her or is it that she, Taylor, can rationalize anything.

    It appeared as though Kennedy was being brought into Kyle’s house – hell, into that whole scene – wholly against her will. She clearly didn’t want to ‘see or be seen’ which, unfortunately for her, seems to be the driving force behind her mother’s very existence. It certainly doesn’t appear to be the welfare/well-being of her daughter. If Taylor’s behavior just two weeks after Kennedy’s father’s suicide is to be seen as any indication, that is.

    • 3 weeks after Pandora’s wedding = over a month, not 2 weeks, after Russell’s suicide. I believe that’s why Taylor wasn’t at the wedding, because it happened a week or two after Russell died.

      Also, I think that Taylor and Kennedy had been staying with Kyle, but maybe that was pre-Russell’s suicide.

      But I do agree, there is no need for Kennedy to be on camera.

      • Thank you for catching that. Math never was my strong suite.

        A month is still too soon and it appeared as though Taylor and Kennedy were “arriving” seeing as they were coming through the front door. I always re-watch an episode in order to catch the things that may have escaped my first notice. I will watch to see if Taylor rings the bell or knocks before she enters with Kennedy wrapped around her neck.

        We may never know for sure if Taylor and Kennedy ever bunked with Kyle and family at any time unless either Taylor or Kyle publicly discuss the issue. That, ‘Taylor-moved-in-with-Kyle;Kyle-better-keep-her-good-eye-on-Mauricio was a rumor speculated on one of the trashier housewife websites (“SH” anyone?).

  4. Although I’m not a big fart humor fan, Paul saying “oh no!” every time cracked me up. That last scene was beyond weird. I know they had to film something that addressed Russell’s suicide, but it looked it just felt in really bad taste.

    Taylor wasn’t at the wedding because Russell had died the same week. Apparently, they added a bunch of wedding footage to make up for the scenes they supposedly cut out.

    So fingers crossed everyone is back except for Taylor. I enjoy Dana just because she’s trying so desperately to fit in where she isn’t accepted. It’s like the freshman geek trying to sit at the cheerleaders’ table.

    Thanks for the photo recap. I always enjoy them. These and Flipit’s recaps really enhance my Real Housewives’ viewing experience!

  5. I thought the finale was boring. I was way past ready for this season to be over. In fact, I’m mostly over all the housewives’ shows; they’ve had their time in the sun..and now they all need to go away already.

  6. That is one HUGE vase, I wonder if it went with them when they moved.
    I’ve always thought Kennedy didn’t want to be around the cameras ever. She never is smiling or happy or chatty like little Portia for instance. Poor kid she is clearly not well adjusted even for an introvert.
    Maybe Taylor was never invited to Pandy’s wedding because Pandy didn’t want them there before the suicide or after. She probably wanted to invite her friends and family. I admit I got choked up while watching the wedding. It looked like a really good time was had by all.

  7. Because you say so? I really enjoy them thank you very much. Just don’t tune in if you are over them.

    • This was in response to Bella. I don’t know why it showed up down here. I hit reply on her post.

  8. I think any finale would have been kind of anti-climatctic considering what we know actually happened off camera (Russell’s suicide, Kim’s decision to check into rehab). While 52 minutes of Pandora’s wedding was kind of tedious to sit through, it was nice to see the end result of all of those endless wedding planner scenes. I thought the tacked on ending at Kim’s house was pretty tacky and useless and didn’t accomplish much of anything outside of being completely awkward.

  9. Well, jl, if you were 5 years old and had heard your father and mother arguing since you were 4 and your father yelling “This show is killing our marriage” and then once you turned 5 hearing your father yelling “This show is killing me” and “Bravo and Andy Cohen are planning on hanging me out to dry” and then……. well, lets just say, you might be scared of the cameras too.

    • I have always thought Kennedy was shy since the 60 thousand dollar birthday party last season.
      I try not to assume what is being said or yelled in someone else’s household since I am not there.
      You have to agree that if there is yelling or screaming about having the camera’s around then smiling and acting differently when they are would cause any child to be maladjusted.
      I don’t think there is anything wrong with being an introvert since I am one. And if Kennedy is an introvert and her mother keeps hauling her out infront of the cameras then shame on her.

  10. Where was Martin.? I didn’t see him or Mohammed @ the wedding.

    It was so strange to see the pastor with a blurred head. I am surprised he didn’t ask to have his voice altered too.

    I love Lisa and can totally see her wearing her knickers on her head. While I have not .. my Fella did once. It was hilarious.

    hb

    • I could have sworn I saw Mohammed. Maybe I’m crazy.

      Paul needing an enema was weird. I hate to say it, but I’ve had quite a few colonoscopies, and I’ve never needed something else the day of.

      The wedding was okay, but I don’t think it was finale material.

      Lisa did say on WWHL, that she’s a long time friend of LaToya. Strange connection.

      • Don’t worry. Martin was sitting next to Lisa at the reception.

        Pandora looked as pretty as Pandora is ever going to look. She seems like a nice, if ditzy, gal, but I just do not see the connection between her and Jason. When a girl is with a guy who is that much more attractive than she is, he is either gay or a gold digger. Or she has a brilliant personality – and there’s no evidence of that here.

        Lisa’s dress was ridiculous. She still dresses like it’s the 80’s – shiny pink satin?!? It was too tight on her and she moved like a mannequin. And, yes, I know Pandora asked her to wear the tiara, but who is to blame for the earrings?

        • Pandora coming down the stairs bracing herself on each step like she was going to tumble down into a big ball of pink tulle was hilarious.
          Lisa’s outfit was awful – the housekeeper looked better.

          I did like the sparkler salute.

          hb

  11. This episode was boring, Pandora’s wedding was overdone and nauseating, and her husband is most definitely gay. The end.

    • Thank you! I definitely think something else is going on with the husband. Pandora might be a delightful girl, and maybe she just isn’t photogenic, but her husband is suspiciously WAY more attractive than her. The wedding was tacky but on that end I sort of thought…. it’s that girl’s big day. If her taste is of that level it is well within her right to have it done how she wants. Not one element featured is one I would choose but it’s her big day not mine 🙂

  12. LaToya has been friends with the Richards sisters since they were all much younger. Maybe Lisa took advantage of that and made a new entertainment-industry friend?

  13. I think the Jacksons live right down the street from the Vanderpumps and Adrienne. Well, before the VDPs moved.
    Pandy is a cute girl I think. She just doesn’t look like a typical Beverly Hills barbie. And her husband isn’t that great looking. He’s nice looking, but nothing too special.
    But yes, most boring episode ever.

  14. Sadly I know why Paul needed the enema the morning of his colonoscopy, he called into WWHL and told Andy, he was unable to finish his prep the night before so they asked him to do the enema that morning. I’m too invested in this awful show.

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