Survivor: One World changed things up on Wednesday. The tribes, finally even, were subjected to a random switcheroo, and as luck would have it, all the hot, strong people wound up on one team, and the scraps on another. Yes, while Salani became home to the likes of supermen Mike, Jay, Troyzan (as well as all those pretty, generic women), Manono took on the elderly (Tarzan), the weak (Colton), the small (Leif), the ineffective (Jonas), the useless (Christina), and the even more useless (Alicia). The only bright spot was Monica – a strong, likable lady who could possibly lead the underdog of all underdog teams to victory. Theoretically.
I have to say that a part of me hated the way this all shook out — the game now seems impossibly stacked against one tribe. But then at the same time, I do love me some underdogs. But I only like underdogs when underdogs are actually likable. Having Colton and Alicia on the same team, not to mention official mooch Jonas, sort of works against that whole “likable” thing. Still, I wound up rooting for the gang — fruitlessly of course.
It should come as no surprise that Manono swiftly lost both challenges this week; although, not without a fight. The physical immunity challenge had teams fighting to gain possession of a ball and toss it in a basket. Leif and even Colton (at least during his second attempt) put in a major effort, but they were no match against the “Greek Gods” of Salani. A towering Mike made short work of his opponents, literally knocking Leif and various women into the water with the sort of ease that comes with sweeping crumbs off a table.
In the end, Manono had to retreat to their beach, which brings up another point. The switcheroo not only brought about new tribes but also a new beach. Yes, One World was over, which was annoying because a) it was a great twist that still had plenty of life left in it, and b) the season is still subtitled “One World,” which now is totally redundant. And I hate redundancy. I really hate redundancy.
I suppose the producers feared that once the tribes were all mixed up, it would be hard to remember who was on what tribe if they were all on the same beach. Little did they realize that the teams would wind up so cleanly segregated once again.
Anyway, while the girls and guys on Manono pondered whether Colton was playing both sides (he was), Colton set in motion a plan to get rid of Monica. The way he saw it, she would be a real threat at the merge; so he conned stupid Alicia into joining him in ousting a member of her own alliance (while simultaneously blindsiding poor Christina, who’s been an outcast since day one for no other reason I suspect than the fact that she’s only average looking). Of course, this all brought to the fore a vexing question: if both the men and the women couldn’t trust Colton, why didn’t they just join forces and kick him out? Well, the women didn’t because they’re crazy. And then men didn’t because none of the men want to make waves. It was a perfect storm of personalities to send Monica — the only strong person on the tribe — home. And it did. But not before some decent Tribal Council highjinks that had Leif saying “Explanate,” Tarzan talking about neologisms, and Jeff staring incredulously at Tarzy’s inability to remember names.
All in all, the vote was rather predictable, but that’s okay. I’m still totally digging this season.
“So. Who wants me to sing some Belinda Carlisle?”
Colton: “Ugh. Jeff. I’m so sick of you passing out eggs. It’s like get a real job.”
“EW. I don’t associate with eggs.”
“Oh my God. This is disgusting. Where is my black housekeeper / paid member of my family to clean this up?”
“Oh my gawd. I just got paint all over my very classy bathing suit!”
Colton: “Ugh. I feel like we’re peasants. And NOT the hot kind! I hate us.”
“Hey guys, how about we strip down and be hot?”
“Ew, I am so over switcheroos. It’s like, if I wanted to mix with gross people, I would have kept Bill. omg.”
“Hey guys? I think I found the immunity idol. Oh wait… it’s just a pebble.”
“La la la. Just another blissful day of being a crab. Nothing could go wrong!”
“GAH!!! I knew I shouldn’t have molted this morning!!”
“Guys, we are SO hot. We need to stick together. Maybe have some sex. It’s what America wants.”
“Oh my God. You need to get out of my face. I can’t deal with your face today. It’s like a basketball with psoriasis.”
“Ew. Go away.”
“I can’t help but notice that no one has commented at all on my very classy bikini top. Kinda makes me sad.”
“So I’m just going to sit here, do nothing strategically, and agree with the majority at all times. Fun!”
“I found the immunity idol, and it’s in my crotch. Oh wait, that’s just my penis.”
“Ugh. I am so over you being only waist deep in the water. It’s like, get your shoulders wet. Oh my God. Over it.”
“Oh my God. I can’t believe he pushed me in the WATER. Draaaama!! Get into it.”
“Leif, this is neither the time nor the place.”
Leif: “Just because I’m short doesn’t mean you can toss me around!”
Leif: “Okay, never mind.”
And that was the last we ever saw of Leif.
“So this is fun.”
“When are we supposed to start playing the game?”
“I dunno. I think Jeff is supposed to tell us.”
“You can’t fool me, Tarzan. You were humping this barrel, and I know it!”
“Jeff, I am so over Tribal Council. I mean, torches? Voting? What IS that? Ugh. Like, get a real ceremony.”
Leif: “I think I’m in love with Tarzan…”
“Tarzan, is it true that you cannot remember names?”
“That is correct.”
“Do you remember my name?”
“Yes. It’s Rolando.”
“Ko… Koaaa… Koala. KOALA JONES!”
“Oh my God. It’s like, get a REAL memory.”
What did you think about this episode?