SURVIVOR PHOTOCAP: Vile.

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We have seen some awful, reprehensible behavior on Survivor — heck, reality TV in general — but the first half of Wednesday’s episode displayed some of the very worst in the history of the genre. I don’t think I’m overstating this. Watching Colton and Alicia gang up on outcast Christina was so hideous and vile that I almost couldn’t believe what I was watching.

We’ve seen bullying before, and we’ve certainly seen manipulative demoralizing, but the way these two hyenas attacked was so utterly loathsome that it seemed to stir something primal and angry inside of me. They were awful not just as people, but as examples of social psychology. Here were two idiots on a power trip, cloaking their miserable behavior as “strategy” (an attempt to beat down Christina’s morals), but really what they were doing was giving into their evil, malicious cores and feeling justified in doing so. I feel like I sound like a preacher. Hmm… Either way, the truth is that watching these assholes really made me mad. Their unchecked animosity towards Christina — who was already totally marginalized for no good reason — was reminiscent of schoolyard bullies. And what’s worse is that no one stopped them, leading them to believe that it was somehow okay to act that way, even in a game. This is how thousands of people became Nazis, people. And yes, I do believe this is my first time vaguely equating people from Survivor to Nazis. LOL, I think?

Truthfully, I don’t know what’s worse: Colton, the ringleader, or Alicia, the follower. On the one hand, Colton is a ball of hate and bitterness in a pastel polo shirt, and while in a twisted way he makes for great TV, one has to imagine that he’s a terrible human being (at least, as portrayed by this show). Then we have Alicia, who’s been a shrew the whole season, but now has reached new depths of awfulness. She happily joined in with the merciless taunting, which was vile on its own, but then when you look at her CBS bio and learn that she’s actually a special-ed teacher, the whole thing becomes revolting. You’d think she’d be somewhat sensitive to people who may have been outcast by their peers, but that would imply some level of higher thinking from a girl who told CBS.com that “People will underestimate me because of my good looks.” She also said she hoped to be an inspiration to someone someday; so we’ll see how that goes.

I give major props to Christina for not buckling under the pressure of these bullies, and of course, good things come to those who wait. Karma stepped in and dealt a massive blow to Colton in the form of appendicitis. The whiny brat had to be medivac’d off the island (a fate he wished on Christina, amusingly), and so ended his evil (albeit entertaining) game. Even better, he took his idol with him in his last ultimate act of selfishness, leaving a suddenly humbled Alicia vulnerable.

How will this affect her? Hard to say. There was no vote at the end of the episode, which was too bad because Jeff had both tribes merge at Tribal Council. I was really looking forward to seeing some sort of craziness, especially because no one knew who to be loyal to, but alas, the only excitement came from Kat, who revealed she had no idea what an appendix was.

And so after exactly 1.5 episodes, we’re back to One World, which is good because I think we all liked that. Will Alicia manage to move ahead, or are her days numbered?

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Colton: “Christina, you might as well jump in the fire because no one likes you.”
Alicia: “Yeah. Next time, why don’t you bring an ill-fitting, very sexy bathing suit, and then we’ll talk.”
“Buh-bye.”
“Buh-bye.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
“Okay, stop it. I’m the last one that’s supposed to say bye.”
“Bye.”
“NO. I SAY BYE LAST.”
“Okay.”
“Buh Bye.”
“Bye.”
“UGH I AM SO OVER YOU ALICIA.”

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“Like, if I were Christina, I would just KILL myself. What does she have to offer? Nothing. Just go drown yourself in the ocean. And then I’ll put on my very sexy bathing suit and fish out your stupid, fat body. Also, hi to all my students!!!!”

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Colton: “Like, when I look at Christina, I just see a stupid woman with stupid features who has a stupid job. I mean, career consultant? What IS that? Get a REAL job.”
Alicia: “I know. It’s like, write a resume and go find a job.”
Colton: “I know. Like, find a job, and if you can’t, then go to, I don’t know, a career consultant or something, and have one of them find you a job.”
Alicia: “Wait. Isn’t she a career consultant already?”
“Ugh. Whatever. I am so over talking about Christina.”
“Me too.”
“Ugh. Let’s talk about Christina some more.”

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“I’m right here.”

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“NO ONE IS TALKING TO YOU.”

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“But you’re talking about me.”

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“UH PUH-RIVATE CONVERSATION, AH-DUH!”

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“Fine. Hey Tarzan. Is it me or is Colton an asshole?”

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Colton: “UH EXCUSE YOU. WE ARE RIGHT HERE. HAVE SOME MANNERS.”
Alicia: “She’s so stupid. Where are her manners?”
Colton: “Seriously. Like, the blacks have more manners than her.”

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“Like, I am standing right here. Why is she so stupid to talk about me when I’m right here? Whatever. I hate her stupid Asian face and slanty eyes. Like, go back to the tea shop where you came from.”

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“That’s highly racist.”

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“Ugh. Is she talking again? I wish she’d just throw herself in the fire. I hate her. UGH.”

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“There are so many things in this world that I don’t understand. Like, magnets. How do they work?”

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“Okay, everyone. This challenge has a little bit of a learning curve. You’ll need to figure it out.”

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[toss]

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“Nice try. Like I said. It’s a learning curve.”

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[toss]

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“ALICIA! PATHETIC!!!!”

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“Man. This is hard.”

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“You’ll get it.”

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“Yeah, it really is hard.”

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“ALICIA!! WORTHLESS!!!”

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Colton: “Christina, RUN!!! Thanks for WALKING back. And by ‘walking’ I mean going at the same pace, if not faster, than everyone else.”

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“Ugh. Staircases. I’m so over them. Like, I don’t associate with staircases in my normal life, and I’m not going to start here.”

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Jeff: “ALICIA!!! YOU THROW LIKE MY FOUR YEAR OLD NIECE. YOU HAVE THE UPPER BODY STRENGTH OF A JELLYFISH. I’VE SEEN MORE SKILL FROM AN OLD SWIFFER!!!”

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“Ugh. I’m so over my ears. Like, get a REAL function already.”

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Sabrina: “This ice cream is great. I can feel it filling up my stomach.”
Kat: “Stomach? What’s that? Where can I get one?”

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Christina: “Hey, do you guys want some rice?”
Alicia: “Here’s what I want: I want you to take the bowl of rice and stick your stupid face into it, and then maybe you’ll look attractive, and we’ll call you Rice Face from now on.”
Colton: “Yeah, and then as Rice Face, you might actually get asked on a date, but you’re so stupid you’ll probably mess it all up by being a bitch, which you are naturally.”
“Yeah, way to ruin the date we set up for you.”
“UGH, it’s like get a REAL love life.”

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“Do these people really exist? Is this happening?”

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Christina: “You guys, I think we should get Alicia out. She’s just going to go back to the girls at the merge.”
Alicia: “UM HELLO. I’M RIGHT HERE. ARE YOU TOO STUPID TO SEE THIS VERY SEXY BIKINI?”

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“Next time you want to scheme, be a woman and scheme in front of my face.”

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“That literally makes no sense.”

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“IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.”

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“I think being a woman means acting with integrity, class, and friendliness.”

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“HAVE I NOT BEEN ALL OF THAT AND MORE? AND BY MORE I MEAN ‘SEXY’ ON ACCOUNT OF MY BIKINI.”

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“Not really.”

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“OH MY GAD. I AM SERIOUSLY GOING TO PUNCH YOU. SO GLAD YOU’RE GONE IN TWO DAYS.”

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“Whatever. I may be gone, but you’ll always have cottage cheese on your ass. And all of America can see it.”

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“I HAVE NO REASONABLE COMEBACK FOR THAT SO I WILL JUST CONTINUE TO YELL.”

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“My head hurts. I wish that black lady who makes my bed were here to fix it.”

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“Nnnnngggggh I hate this. I am like so over my appendix. Just take it out already. Like, get a REAL purpose, appendix.”

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Medic: “Okay, so what’ve we got here?”
Jeff: “A twenty-one year old brat with vaguely racist tendencies and a beat-down coming his way probably in the next six to eight months.”
Medic: “I meant medically.”

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“I can’t believe Colton kept the immunity idol! I mean, who would’ve ever thought an asshole would be an asshole!!!”

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“I can’t help feeling like my soapbox racer should be going much faster.”

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“Look at that: no wheels. Huh.”

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“OOOH. I think I just sat on a hermit crab!”

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“Well, this is awkward.”

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“Jeff, I would like someone to explain to me what an appendix is.”

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“F’real, girl?”

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“Just kidding. I don’t really care. I mean, why start educating myself now?”

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“Hahahhaa she’s so stupid!”

What did you think about this episode?

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19 thoughts on “SURVIVOR PHOTOCAP: Vile.

  1. I was so happy to see Colton go, but then I was irritated almost instantaneously as i realized this will now be his excuse as to why he didn’t win since he was “running the game”, and was well on his way to the million. Fast forward to the reunion, it’s going to be just as gross. I don’t understand what Alicia and Colton have against Christina. I think Alicia was pissed initially because Christina negotiated the fire with the men while Alicia’s “feminine charms” in display in full glory in her sexy bikini didn’t have the men begging to light a fire for her.

    I also wished they would have stayed split for one more tribal so that Alicia could have been sent packing sooner rather than later. Christina needs to tell the women that Alicia voted out Monica and was all about falling in with the guys. Why am i so concerned about this???

  2. After reading that Colton interview, it occurred to me… I think they should do a season called “Suvivor: Assholes”. Bring them all back, Colton, Alicia, Russell, Brandon, Na Nonka, and all the other bullies and jerk-offs that I have forgotten about. Let them all shred the hell out of each other for our viewing pleasure. I’d love to see Colton go up against Na Nonka. She would destroy that little bigot.

    • I believe I would BUY the dvd/bluray of Survivor: Assholes Season.
      C’mon, CBS, that would be brilliant. There are a LOADof us out here who’d like to see some righteous comeuppance.

  3. Survivor karma is the best kind, and Colton got his! It was making me uncomfortable watching the bullying that Christina was going through as well. Why I did appreciate her taking her plan to the guys and trying to save herself, I don’t understand why she didn’t stand up to Colton and Alicia more. It’s not like they can actually hit her, or they’d be off the show. Someone needs to put Alicia in her place now that bacteria has taken out the Bacteria named Colton. Great recap B!

  4. I don’t understand why everybody gave Colton so much power anyway. He had an immunity idol, so what? Make him use it, and then vote his ass out the next TC. While I’m glad he’s out of the game, I hated to see him go like this. I wanted everyone to wise up and kick his ass out.

  5. As much as I couldn’t stand Colton and have wanted him gone since day one, I wish he could’ve lasted one more episode and been the first one voted off after the merge (which seems to have have happened pretty early in the season, unless it’s just me). It would have been a heck of a lot more satisfying to see him blindsided at tribal council than his leaving due to a medical emergency with his ego intact.

    You read my mind with regards to Alicia. Week after week I find myself thinking, “This bitch is a special ed teacher? Seriously?” I’ve watched every season of this show and have never felt more uneasy as I did watching Colton and Alicia in all their mean girls glory towards Christina. I’d have some serious reservations about Alicia teaching my child. I’d love to find out at the reunion that she’s lost her job. I don’t typically wish for bad things to happen to people, but it’s not like a producer is holding a gun to her head and demanding she act like a disgusting pig. I believe she’s truly a what you see is what you get kind of person and I don’t see anything redeeming in the true colors on display.

    It was typical of Colton to depart from the game with his immunity idol still around his neck, but since his doing so basically fucked Alicia’s game, I was just fine with it, especially considering I wouldn’t have expected anything less from him.

    Yeah, that last episoide was more scary than it was entertaining. The only real highlights for me were Kat’s continuing to be too stupid to live, and Jeff’s continued disdain of Alicia (I can’t remember any other season where he’s totally dropped his objectivity as a host and has made his feelings towards a player so obvious.).

  6. Alicia is a Special Ed teaher. I worked as an aide in Special Ed for a few years. The students are people who are marginalized by society. The very idea that she would go out of her way to treat someone like she (and Colton – he’s his own brand of evil) did was deeply upsetting We have two family members with disabilities: one major, one mild. If I was to ever see her in person, especially in a setting where she is responsible for anyone who is even slightly different, I would make sure she walked away knowing what my opinion is of her.

    Disgusting.

      • I have to agree with you. I have two kids who are special needs and thinking that Alicia is the kind of person who is there in the school for them just makes me speechless. They need kindness and tolerance and patience. I have yet to see these qualities in Alicia.

  7. Good Call on the Probst comments – my 11 year old mentioned, “Hey, Probst really hates the crabby woman dosen’t he? He’s capping on her when he encourages everyone else” If an 11 year old can see it…..

  8. There probably was no infection and Colin was just having a case of dramatic gas.
    And I have no doubt that Mark Burnett will get Colin back for Survivor Putrid.

    Alicia’s got some ‘splaining to do back home.

    hb

  9. I’m trying to remember another season where there was a woman who was horrible. Colleen? What was her name? She was vile and nasty with no redeeming qualities whatsoever and she paired up with this equally nasty guy who was tall and maybe blond, but that was all he had going for him because he had no personality.

    But watching Alicia and Colton reminds me of them. Getting together and spewing nastiness. I’m glad Colton got yanked out of the game so we don’t have to listen to his stupidity anymore. I’m glad he’s gotten a little more self-aware and now realizes his behavior and comments weren’t the best, but still, the behavior was on TV. It’s there forever to be rewound and played over and over. People need to realize this before they go on TV and become these horrible caricatures of themselves.

  10. Vile is right. I told my adult son who is watching Survivor for the first time that Colton is the most horrible person to ever play the game. And all those surrounding players who never speak up have disgusted me beyond reason. I feel violent thinking about them.

  11. I found your Nazi reference interesting and agree that it is not a necessary strategy and find it fascinating that no one would at least say “c’mon lightening up on her”. Christine’s gameplay went up a few notches for me on how well handled it and her strategic response…she never matched there negative energy that was amazing.
    There is so much bad behavior on reality TV right now that I fear that society is getting desensitized. Cringeworthy actions are the norm: Colton and Alicia’s bullying is just one more recent example.

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