I suppose the Real Housewives of Orange County will be wrapping up in the next few weeks because we’re already at the group trip that almost always signals the home stretch of every season. This year, the ladies headed down to Costa Rica for a five-day excursion — or rather, a two day jaunt in Alexis’s case. The poor girl probably thought Costa Rica was a spa in Laguna Hills, which perhaps explains why she volunteered to travel down there for a scant two days. Of course, there’s also the distinct possibility she merely confused Costa Rica with Costa Mesa (also in Orange County), but at the end of the day, one truth remains: she still thinks she’s in Mexico.
This first Costa Rican episode was noteworthy because pretty much all the girls ganged up on Alexis, who spent what appeared to be three hours crying before her first zipline experience. I should note that after all the hoopla about whether or not she’d take the plunge, I couldn’t help but notice she was about eight feet above a river. Grand heights these were not (at least on that first section).
But the fact that Alexis is an idiot is nothing new. Tamra and Heather happily took Alexis to town for being materialistic, citing her penchant for name-dropping every brand of vehicle, handbag, and vaginal cream she seems to acquire. In the end, Alexis was left tearing up, questioning why Tamra couldn’t be a nicer person. She did have a point: Tamra is a huge bitch, even to her friend Vicki who she called a hypocrite. I would have used the word “annoying” instead. I could get into the squabble (it involved an inane alphabet game and bawdy language), but is it really worth it? I think not.
Also, there were monkeys.
“You told Alexis that we think she’s phony? And she knew that wasn’t a reference to telephones? Wow.”
“I’m incredibly excited for Costa Rica. I really think my ’80s hair will play well there.”
“I’m pretending like I’m already down in Costa Rica, soaking up all that Mexican sun!”
“So, while I’m gone, are you going to look for a job?”
“I like to think being a deadbeat dad already IS a full-time job.”
Alexis: “Oh my gosh. I am so ready for Costa Rica. Panama, here we come!”
Vicki: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE INSURANCE???”
Alexis: “Cheers to this delicious Costa Rican meal. Who would have thought there’d be such wonderful food in the middle of Brazil?”
Vicki: “Excuse me while I pull a policy off this Insurance Tree!”
Alexis: “So many animals and sights! Who knew that Germany had jungles?”
Vicki: “Aw! You bought renters insurance, didn’t you?”
Vicki: “I canNOT believe no one wants to play the alphabet game!”
Tamra: “Fine. I’ll play it. My name is Tamra, and I’m bringing an anus to the picnic.”
Vicki: “Great! And I’m bringing BROOKS.”
Gretchen: “I have to admit that I’m a little nervous.”
Alexis: “Don’t be. And even if you get hurt, the Costa Rican hospitals are great. They know what they’re doing here in Africa.”
“Wait, I don’t want to do this anymore. What if my nose comes off? They had to surgically remove it. I’m not sure if the stitches are healed. Wait!!!!”
“I know such great sadness.”
“I think my love tank sprung a leak.”
“I’m gonna DO someone on a zipline.”
“Cheers to Alexis being a total idiot.”
“Really, Tamra? You’re going to insult me while we’re on this lovely trip to the country of Alaska?”
“WE’RE IN COSTA RICA.”
“Yes, I know. In the state of India. Blah blah blah.”
What did you think about this episode?